Part One: Substandardized Testing
"Champion Revali of the Rito of Hyrule. Heed our call."
Revali was awakened by a booming female voice. Looking around, he was perplexed at how the other champions managed to still be asleep.
"Wake them not, Revali." the voice commanded, "This message is for you and you alone. Fly to the small clearing to the north. Enter the door waiting for you there."
Revali obeyed the voice, somewhat unaware of his own actions. Entering the door, he found himself in a strange looking world. He was shocked to find his normal clothes replaced with a green tunic, green hat, pants, and boots.
"Welcome, Champion Revali of the Rito of Hyrule." the voice told him, waking him from his trance, "You have heeded the call of the goddesses of Hyrule. We have heard your great ingratitude, but we acknowledge you have a point. You have worked harder than the others to achieve less than what they were given. We present you with an opportunity to earn what you deserve. Succeed in our challenge and you will be made the Hero. You will be able to wield the Master Sword and it will be you who will slay Ganon... if you succeed here."
"What challenge?" Revali asked, "What if I fail?"
"In this blocky, primitive world, there are nine dungeons." the voice told him, "Find and explore the first eight to find useful tools and weapons. Defeat the boss in each dungeon for a piece of the Triforce. Once all eight pieces are acquired, you may enter the ninth dungeon. In there, you will find and face Ganon. Defeat him and you will be the new Hero. Be warned, champion. You will start with only your clothes and your shield. There are no swords and you will have but one heart of health with no opportunities to increase that number. Good luck."
Revali sighed. He had an opportunity to earn a position better than the positions of those who didn't need to work as hard. But what if he failed?
The adventure was fairly difficult. Revali struggled to avoid the swarms of enemies. Eventually, he had obtained enough money from underground moblins to buy a red candle. The weapon left much to be desired, but it allowed him to slay weaker enemies for rupees. It wasn't long before he had enough for an arrow too.
Eventually, Revali found the first dungeon. It took him awhile to get used to the layout, but he eventually found the bow and the boss. Arrows took care of the boss fairly quickly. After acquiring the first triforce piece, he was back in the overworld.
After some exploration and rupee collecting, Revali managed to find a shop selling a magical defense ring. It cost him every rupee in his pocket, but it was worth it for improved survivability.
To his shock, the ring magically replaced his tunic with a blue dress and heels. He tried to remove them, but a powerful magic prevented him.
"What kind of test is this?" he demanded, "How will this protect me better."
Angered by the silence, Revali continued. The next seven dungeons proved to be fairly difficult. Eventually, it was time for the final dungeon.
"One more dungeon and I am out of this stupid dress." he told himself as he ran inside. This dungeon proved to be the biggest and hardest. The place was packed with like-likes and wizzrobes. Eventually, he found the red ring. Wanting to get the adventure over with as fast as possible, he put it on.
His blue shoes grew taller and pinker. His dress grew longer, heavier, poofier, and pink. His movement was severely limited by the dress's size and weight. Grabbing the red ring may have been a mistake.
Still, he continued on. The dress made it harder to evade foes, but he eventually made it to Ganon. The two fought, but Revali was unable to deliver the final blow. His weapons weakened the pig demon, but none could finish it off. Eventually, Ganon managed to get in a lucky shot that sent Revali flying into the wall.
"You have failed, little birdy." the voice told him mockingly.
"None of my weapons worked." Revali countered, "I needed a sword, didn't I?"
"Correct."
"But there were no swords!" Revali shouted, "Why would you make this test impossible? I made it so far too!"
"Such a spoiled princess." A different booming female voice, "Unfit to bear the title of Champion, much less Hero. But you did make it all the way to Ganon and your archery skills are unparalleled thanks to your years of unmatched dedication. We have a role much better suited to your skills and temperment. But first, you need a hero."
"What I need is either a sword or an exit." Revali rebutted, only to be greeted with silence from the voices. Instead, he was transported to a cramped cell blocked off by flames.
"I guess all that there's left to do is wait." Revali sighed. Fortunately, his heavy dress was replaced by a lighter dress, similar to those worn by Hylian princesses of old, as well as a matching hooded cape.
And Revali waited. Seconds slowly turned to minutes and inutes turned to hours.
"Where is this hero?" Revali inquired.
"Do not worry, princess." one of the booming voices answered, "Your hero will come one day."
One day. Revali waited many days. He waited as the weeks turned to months and the years became a full century. Revali's only company were the flames, Ganon's roars, and the occassional booming voice.
After a full century, Revali finally heard the sound of Ganon dying. He watched as Link entered the room and extinguished the flames with his sword.
"Figures." Revali sighed as a new doorway appeared.
"Take his hand, princess." the voices commanded. Revali grabbed Link's outstretched hand and was led through the doorway.