The End of Hedgehog's Dilemma, Part I: Evolutionary Angel
NGE characters belong to their respective owners.
Note: Starts near the end of TV Episode 24, before going into EoE territories.
'For you, I must.'
To say that Ikari Shinji was floored would be a gross understatement.
"What . . . what are you talking about?" he asked, holding the surrendered Angel in Unit 01's . . . in his tenuous grasp.
Said Angel - who approached the boy under the guise of a friend, prior to revealing his true nature –- merely gave the EVA Pilot that smile.
"Kaworu-kun!" Shinji tried again, voice desperate and pleading "I don't understand what you're talking about! Please, at least tell me why . . . "
"It is just as I've said: to be or not to be, it makes no difference to me." Nagisa Kaworu's voice was as tender as his words were merciless. "What Lilins call death is for me an absolute liberty." His gaze, intense with expectancy, drilled at the fragile boy behind the man-made beast. "Now, do what you must, Shinji-kun."
"K-Kaworu-kun . . .!" Shinji stuttered from the now uncontrollable clanking of his teeth; his hand, feeling every delicate muscle of the Angel's slight frame via his EVA's synchronization mechanism, felt like it was about to convulse.
"Erase me while you still can, Shinji-kun," urged the Angel, whose smiling face now rivaled the crucified giant behind him in icy pallor. "Otherwise, I will join with Lilith, and be the one to erase you and all Lilin lives from this Earth. Only one of our bloodlines can escape annihilation, and obtain . . ."
Even as the Angel spoke on, his words fell largely upon deaf ears; Shinji missed much of what was being said, so overwhelmed was he by the tumultuous thoughts currently droning in his head.
". . . thank you. I'm happy to have met you."
Afterwards, after the Angel had long since been crushed (and decapitated) under his Eva's grip, Shinji would have realized that those were the very words that prompted him to go for the (painfully difficult) kill.
"What do you mean . . . thank you?" Alone in the plug, with his head hung low and his fists clenched, the boy spoke on; knowing - without caring - that it was the staff in the Command Center now privy to his ragged, sob-wrecked voice. "What do you mean you're happy to have met me? You . . .why'd you have to say you love me? Why'd you have to make me kill you? I don't understand . . . I don't understand . . . KAWORU-KUN!"
'It's because . . . of love.'
"A survivor only needs the will to survive. He wanted to die. He abandoned the will to live, and depended on whatever false hope he had. You were not wrong to have killed the Angel."
The cold statement - completely devoid of the warmth Shinji had once thought was characteristic of this woman he thought he knew –- confirmed the grating fear that had been eating at the boy, alongside his mad grief.
Katsuragi Misato was, in the end, simply an Angel-hating militant who used him for her own revenge. Ayanami Rei was a human-engineered monstrosity sharing in his mother's features. Asuka Langley Soryu was too far gone within her own personal hell to even sense his existence. What friends he had made at Tokyo-3 High all had evacuated from the city with their families. What NERV personnel he knew were just . . . that.
After the long, painful series of battles against the many Angels, after being drained of usefulness by an organization that treated him like cannon fodder, EVA Pilot Ikari Shinj was left with no one to turn to.
He, who suffered unspeakable pains to save the world from destruction, had no one to help him in his time of need.
Not one single person.
None.
And that, was the moment when the boy's heart was to close completely against everyone; closed, such that other people – be they approving or derisive or genuine or betraying – shall no longer matter to him . . .
. . . such that absolutely no one could ever hurt him again.
'If the hedgehogs in winter fear the sting of contact, they will freeze without ever sharing warmth.
'Lilins are the hedgehogs, and self-preservation their spines.
'If people in solitude fear the pain of contact, they will die without ever knowing love.
'I love you, Shinji-kun.
'That's why, even knowing this will hurt you and your world . . . I must let it happen.'
Within the colossal space of NERV's Commander's Office, a number of huge holographic monoliths had since materialized around the diminutive -by-comparison office desk, walling in the Commander and his right hand man with their ominous presence.
/"As per our scenario, the last Angel has since met his fate."/
/"Even Adam's salvaged soul is not invulnerable to the trickery of men."/
/"All is proceeding as we've planned."/
As the SEELE members gloated on about their supposed one-upping of the divine entity, little did they realize that said entity was really present in their midst, undetected by their limited human means.
No longer tied down by a physical form, the Angel who lived for fifteen human years under SEELE's rigid monitoring now was free to monitor them back with zero difficulty.
One species' death is another species' absolute liberty.
/"The promised time has come!"/ SEELE Chairman Keel Lorenz's voice boomed from where he hid behind the hologram (though the angelic spirit had no trouble 'seeing' his wizened features already strained with the effort of merely speaking). "With the Lance of Longinus lost, complementation using Lilith is impossible. Our only hope is to proceed with Lilith's only true offspring, EVA-01."
"This differs from SEELE's original scenario," said NERV Commander Ikari Gendo. The Angel noted how the man's heartbeat had sped in spite of his flawlessly impassive expression.
"Humans have reached their pinnacle to create the Evangelion," added Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki Kozo, who stood firmly by the Commander's side.
"Humans must evolve into a new world. That is what the EVA series was created for," Gendo reminded everyone, still maintaining his act of being only true to the plans made long ago.
"We have no intention of giving up our human form to use the EVA as our Ark," stated a SEELE member daring to show his true face behind his holographic mask; some others agreed with him.
"It's merely a part of the process to rebirth those who are imprisoned."
"The fate of destruction is also the joy of rebirth."
"A sacrament of death to unite God, humans and all other life forms."
'Hypocrites,', thought the Angel. That was all these Lilins were. Talking about bringing the greater good for all mankind, when they were all planned on sacrificing mankind for their own personal gains.
Then again, this Angel also had his reasons for submitting himself to the Lilins' monstrous plans –- even going so far as to traumatize the designated Messiah via his 'death act' . . . .
"Death creates nothing," stated Commander Ikari with audible defiance; not surprising, considering how SEELE's current plan was one would sacrifice even the man's beloved wife, fused into EVA Unit 01 since years ago.
That man had been running away from his young son for all these years since.
"Then we will bring you death!" Keel's voice announced before the monoliths all faded off view, leaving the large office almost desolate-seeming in its excessive spaciousness.
"Humans exist because they have the will to live," murmured Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki, seemingly only to himself. "That is the reason she remained within Eva." Beside him, the Commander of NERV remained resolutely tight-lipped about his plans for the immediate future.
Not that the Angel had any trouble guessing just what –- or rather, whom -– the Commander's plan for the immediate future entailed, judging by what the man had implanted into his gloved right hand.
All-seeing, all-hearing, and thus all-knowing, the Angel was certain he could secure his own plan for that same immediate future; all he needed was someone with power enough to act on his behalf.
And he had already got just the right person for this task
Red eyes opening in fans of pale lashes, Ayanami Rei sat up from her bed, and looked out the window to see the full moon hanging pale against the night sky; pale; much like how a certain gigantic being appeared against the Teminal Dogma's dark backdrop.
She was about to become one with that pale giant as per the Commander's order.
Yet . . . something strange deep inside of her was crying out; something that told her she could never find the affection she sought from the man, no matter how obedient a doll she remained to him.
Something . . . no; someone was urging her to break free from the Commander, at all cost, while she still had a chance to do so. That someone - speaking without words – had somehow managed to open up some channel directly into her mind, into her deepest psyche, persistently signaling for her to do what she had never considered before.
'You think I should . . . rebel?'
No voice, real or imagined, answered her question.
'Are you . . . the Fifth?
Still, nothing.
'But what am I, if I can't be his?'
Heart full of doubt, Rei nonetheless resolved to proceed with what she had originally planned to do at this time –- leave for the HQ, descend to the Terminal Dogma, and await what was to come.
And the pallid girl walked out of the unkempt apartment for one last time, leaving a pair of broken glasses carelessly littered on the dirty floor.
To be continued . . .?