AN: I had to do it. This crack pairing has been bothering me since she's shown up. Emphasis on CRACK. Seriously you shouldn't even read this. Go back.
NEW: some edits done
In one of his brief moments of wondering what was going on in his spinney little brain, Naruto decided that the responsible thing to do would be to contact another ninja and subdue the Team Hebi.
Of course, Sasuke merely bribed Naruto with a bowl or two of ramen from the nearest village. By some miracle Tsunade had allowed Naruto to go with Jiraiya to collect information on the remaining Akatsuki members, specifically Itachi Uchiha. They had found each other to be across the hallway, Rooms E12 and E15 much like the begining of their 'adventure' a little more then four years before. Juugo and Suigetsu cared little about the two Konoha ninjas, far more concerned with getting some food before their 'leader' made them go another three cities without stop. When it came to Sasuke it was Itachi or bust- more often then not a bust.
Jiraiya took one good look around, grinned at Naruto and Sasuke, and was off! Almost as if he never truely intended on doing- what, that sounded about right. The red head behind Sasuke looked a bit disturbed at the Ero-sennin's disappearance and looked at the two boys for clarity. Sasuke merely shook his head- he'd heard stories about Jiraiya from both Naruto and Orochimaru.
"Damn Ero-sennin! He was just using this as a peeping trip wasn't he?!" Naruto's eyes bulged out while he started screaming obscenities about how he was going to castrate that teacher of his. –Dattebayo!
"Dobe. You haven't changed in the least bit have you?" Karin saw Sasuke smile took a good look at the "Dobe" in front of her. He was covered in orange clothing, spiky hair, and a real stupid look on his face. From his temper and chakra she expected him to start fussing and screaming at her Sasuke. His eyes slanted like a foxes and he grinned.
"Hehe. Not a chance Teme. So, killed your brother yet?" Now it was her turn for bulging eyes. Not even Suigetsu had come out and say it so bluntly.
"Who do you think you are?! How dare you say something like that to Sasuke. You stupid jerk!" Karin went to punch the idiot blonde when Sasuke's hand stopped her fist from connecting to the face. The dobe hadn't even moved and inch, but started giggling some more.
"Wha?" Sasuke let go of her arm and smirked appeared again only slightly more subdued.
"Karin, This is Naruto Uzumaki, Konoha's Number One Most Surprising Ninja. Dobe, this is Karin. She's helping us track him down." Naruto hugged her and let go before she even realized what was going on.
"Teme's got a girlfriend! And you'd better kill him soon. They've got Gaara already. He's alive but the Ichibi was taken out of him." Karin leaned against the wall for a minute. It was obvious that this ninja wasn't the brightest lightbulb in the building, but he knew about Sasuke's brother, the Akatsuki, and about the jinchuriki! She took off her glasses and massaged the bridge of her nose wondering what to do about the well informed ninja. They were gone when she looked up but just followed their trail to a ramen stand.
Karin took the seat next to Sasuke and watched as Naruto swallowed bowls of the soup. He and Sasuke made ideal chit chatter about things she had never heard of and others that she had, which only confused her some more.
Why would he know about the battle at the Bridge with one of Suigetsu's idols?
The three Sannin and their vices and lack of virtues?
The Mangekyou Sharingan?! It took her a month of research and Class A access from Orochimaru to fond out about that and it still wasn't complete data.
"Karin, I'm going to find Suigetsu and Juugo. Why don't you stay here with the Dobe for now." It wasn't a question, Sasuke Uchiha never questions. She nodded and slid over into his seat next to Naruto. After she felt his chakra leave hearing range, she turned onto Naruto.
"Who are you and how do you know all that stuff about Sasuke!" And again that dobe giggled at her.
"I'm his best friend and his teammate. For everything that we've been talking about I've been with him for." He paused in the noodle slurping and looked directly at her. It was kind of overwhelming to just be stared at by someone so freakishly out of the ordinary. Sometimes when Sasuke stared at her it felt liek she was being taken apart piece by piece, but it made sense given his doujutsu and all. Not from this technicolor nightmare.
"But how do you know about all the Akatsuki and jinchuriki? The only reason he knows is because of his brother." Karin sniffed and looked at him like prey. That looked spazzed out when the idiot started laughing again! Pulling back her arm to slug him he stopped laughing and looked at her again.
"C'mon your smart. Sasuke wouldn't leave himself with stupid girls. Can't you figure it out?" He grazed the whisker scars on his cheek. Oh. Right. He was from Konoha after all and it would make sense.
"Kyuubi? But..but you're such an idiot!" Karin couldn't believe that the nine-tailed fox was inside of this dobe. How did Konoha last for as long as it did? The dobe scowled at her and she realized just how damn peaceful he was. She, who didn;t even know him, him called him an idiot several times, had tried to punch him, and just insulted his pride and he still hadn't taken a single swipe at her.
"I'm not that stupid you know! Besides I'm not the one hanging off of Teme's arm and still get treated like nothing." was good at lows blows too it seemed. He went back to eating his ramen while the glass in Karin's glasses started to crack with the mounting pressure. A loud crack could be heard from the stand and all hell broke loose. A small child who played witness before his mother covered his ears from the obscenities said that a bowl of ramen attacked the orange boy.
Sasuke had no intents or purpose in finding Juugo or Suigetsu yet. The fight between Karin and Naruto could be heard from even where he was standing alone. Or at least assumed was. In the tree beside him Jiraiya dropped down while closing his telescope.
"So...So… How feisty is she? I mean you know that Naruto likes girls that can punch but looks like she's been around the snake's base a little too long, eh?" Sasuke paid no attention to Jiraiya's rambling- he wasn't Naruto.
Because he knew that Jiraiya knew, who knew that he knew, but he did just to annoy him. Oh Yeah, Sasuke got it. Both ninja stopped their jabbing and staring at Karin's scream.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SASUKE'S GAY?" Jiraiya winced at the crack made by his apprentice hitting the sidewalk.
---
Juugo had unfortunately disappeared after Sasuke had killed Itachi two years ago. Surveillance last spotted him on some isolated island in a reasonably decent mood. Suigetsu returned to the land of the Mist with Zabuza and Kisame's swords. The Eldest of the swordsmen was more then happy with this.
Sasuke returned to Konoha under strict regulations for the first few months. Sakura proceeded to try again with Sasuke only to find that her competition had gotten a bit more widespread. Ino laughed at the "Welcome Back Sasuke-Kun" letter piles in front of the Uchiha district. Neji wouldn't laugh in public but the gossip queen claimed he started tearing and choking from laughter.
"Na-ru-to! Why won't Sasuke give me a chance? Stop laughing Ino-pig!" Sakura, Ino, and Naruto were eating a quick lunch at Ichiraku's when the familiar, on the dot, never late, whine of Sakura began.
"Sakura-chan…he's gay. I'm serious. Plus you deserve way better then him." Naruto gave a less obvious TADA! pose then he had when he had been younger. Still didn't work. At least he didn't feel the need to get squirrels to partake in a Sakura Blossom show like Lee.
"What Naruto is trying to say is go for somebody better, more reliable, like a stuffed teddy bear." Ino too tilted her eyebrow to Naruto but Sakura would have none of it. Her hair left its reasonable state with the mounting pressure towards the two blondes. It seemed like their lives were dedicated to annoying her personally.
Somewhere in the Chunin Exam rooms, Shikamaru sneezed.
"I WILL NOT DATE –" The scream and punch to Naruto was cut off when a red haired girl launched herself onto Naruto and started sobbing on him.
"NARUTO! Who the hell is Sai?!" Ino and Sakura just stared at Naruto comforting the girl who somehow knew about Sai. He purple clothes looked a little ragged and they had ink stains on them, indicating a probable fight with Sai. Ino was the first to speak (Why wouldn't the gossip queen want to know the new girl?).
"Hey uhh, who are you?" The red head slid into Sakura's abandoned seat and pulled Naruto's ramen with her. Sakura stood like a statue still trying to make sense of what was going on. Karin sniffled while eating her ramen and ignored Ino and Sakura completely.
"Dobe…Dobe you were right." Naruto somehow wormed the chopsticks out of her hand and into his own, but what startled the other was that he was feeding them both.
"Told you so Karin." If Ino had one trait in common with the Legendary Jiraiya, it would be their ability to dash off at a moments notice and gossip at the same time. Unfortunately, there was another even less desirable trait between them; a certain lack of personal privacy. Really, that might have been the entire basis of Naruto and Ino's tentative friendship. That and she was a willing model for Jiraiya.
Sakura woke up to Hinata prodding her pressure points. The shy girl looked at her and with a hand raised. Instead of the normally calm look on her face there was extreme displeasure.
"Sakura-chan…did you see Naruto and a foreigner named Karin here?" After Sakura nodded Hinata continued.
"Did you do anything to get her off his lap?" No, I just woke up duh Hinata! Inner Sakura was fuming at the stupid question. Unfortunately for her Hinata could read minds (Or she was mumbling out loud.) Hinata's eye twitched for a minute before a hand came and knock her out again.
Hinata's eyes shadowed over thinking about how Neji-kun had tried to kill her during exams. She'd have to have a conversation with him about a certain Karin.
She considered herself a peaceful person, but this meant war.
Karin was living in the Uchiha complex- she may have not been "with" Sasuke but he sort of dragged her to Konoha. She sneezed away from the tea she was sharing with Sasuke. He for once started the conversation head on, probably as sort of apology for not telling her about Sai.
"You and the Dobe? Congratulations those poor kids won't know what happened to them."
And it will be said for that night marked a new landmark in Sasuke's book. Being kicked in the face by one of his (former) fangirls.
A/N2: I told you this was pointless crack. But it's been bothering me something fierce. I personally hate it but maybe somebody'll get a laugh out of it.