Disclaimer: I don't own POTC. . . but I can dream can't I?
A/N This is Jack Sparrow's guide to life, travel with him as he leads you through his life (and helps you in yours!!) and so you can take in everything you are taught, there is a remember section at the end of each chapter!! Starts with introduction, leads on to ships. . .
Inspired by Bart Simpson's Guide To Life.
JACK SPARROW'S GUIDE TO LIFE
Introduction.
Now everybody out there knows exactly who I am (and if you don't maybe you shouldn't be reading this!! You should be at the cinema, buying a ticket to see me ^_^ ). I am Captain Jack Sparrow, the Captain being just as important as the Jack, or the Sparrow! And this is my guide to life on the seven seas.
Name: CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow (maybe it's even more important then Jack or Sparrow!!)
Age: *cough* twenty *cough* and a few years.
Occupation: A law-abiding merchant sailor *cough*
Location: The Black Pearl.
Appearance: Beads, dreadlocks, hat, irresistible, believe me if you see me, you'll know about it!
Personality: I can be whoever you want me to be *wink wink*
Likes: Rum.*what's that? I have to put more then one for likes?* Er.okay then rum.and strumpets *what?* Er.okay rum and young ladies! *sacks publisher*
Dislikes: Betraying, mutinous bastards that steal my ship, apples, monkeys, blacksmiths, oh and the guard of the Port Royal cell, in other words that stupid dog!!
Hobbies: Hobbies? Hobbies! Fighting, plundering, stealing, briganding, impersonating people (I recommend members of the church here!) *Hey wait a sec, doesn't hobbies and likes mean the same bloody thing!?*
So now you know about me (I still recommend my latest film!) this is my guide to life. I do not accept any blame for injury, loss of money, family, or life that may result when reading my guide. Your on your onsies mate!
Ships
Now a ship is the most important thing to a pirate. It also acts as warning to merchant ships and other pirates. You fly your own, personal flag and the other know not to mess with you. I mean who in their right mind would mess with CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow.
As I was saying, about three lines ago, a ship is very important. It symbolises (I learnt that word of Liz *grins proudly*) freedom. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails that's what a ship needs but what a ship is.what the Black Pearl really is.is freedom. Remember that!
Now my ship is called The Black Pearl (if you didn't already know that then I'm very disappointed!). It was the seventh ship I commandeered, something very magical about the seventh ship you steal. Now we call it commandeering because it sounds better then 'stealing', and the dimwits around us don't know what we're talking about. *NB when I saw we, I mean pirates, remember that!*
So to start with you have to commandeer a ship. Choose a good one, it'll have to last you whilst you're on the run. First scout the harbour, check out the navy guards, *not in that way, you filthy minded people!* Once you have selected the ship you want, find out as much about it as you can. Remember women know less, but are easier to get information out of. Aim for the sailors wives!
When you have found out the number of people on the ship, and when it is to set sail, you are ready to go. (Commandeering is a lot easier if you have a crew!!) Once you have taken your ship, you have to leave the port as quickly as possible, preferably that second! Ensure your crew know who is captain, and set them to work straight away. It's important that they fear you from an early stage.
And as you commandeer more and more ships it will get easier, look forward to the seventh ship you take! It is necessary to develop a name for yourself, a name at which good, brave men tremble with fear. I mean people hear CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow and they faint (with fear hopefully!!).
A ship can be a wonderful tool, aiding you in your call to piracy. Respect her, and she'll respect you back. Work together with your ship, and in return she'll give many happy years of piracy.
If you are successful you may have several ships to your name at once. If this is the case, we very careful, and I mean CAREFUL, who you select to captain your ships. Once you have selected your captains you can sit back and enjoy being known as commodore. And whether you are captain, or commodore, make sure no one forgets it! That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow's two cents. *I don't know what that is, but it sounds good!*
What we have learnt today: -
WE = PIRATE
SHIP = FREEDOM
WOMEN = THICK, BUT EASY (FOR INFORMATION!!)
SEVENTH SHIP = BETTER THEN SIX BEFORE
ME = CAPTAIN
Coming next time we have my guide to Tortuga, the land of opportunity. . .
A/N This is Jack Sparrow's guide to life, travel with him as he leads you through his life (and helps you in yours!!) and so you can take in everything you are taught, there is a remember section at the end of each chapter!! Starts with introduction, leads on to ships. . .
Inspired by Bart Simpson's Guide To Life.
JACK SPARROW'S GUIDE TO LIFE
Introduction.
Now everybody out there knows exactly who I am (and if you don't maybe you shouldn't be reading this!! You should be at the cinema, buying a ticket to see me ^_^ ). I am Captain Jack Sparrow, the Captain being just as important as the Jack, or the Sparrow! And this is my guide to life on the seven seas.
Name: CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow (maybe it's even more important then Jack or Sparrow!!)
Age: *cough* twenty *cough* and a few years.
Occupation: A law-abiding merchant sailor *cough*
Location: The Black Pearl.
Appearance: Beads, dreadlocks, hat, irresistible, believe me if you see me, you'll know about it!
Personality: I can be whoever you want me to be *wink wink*
Likes: Rum.*what's that? I have to put more then one for likes?* Er.okay then rum.and strumpets *what?* Er.okay rum and young ladies! *sacks publisher*
Dislikes: Betraying, mutinous bastards that steal my ship, apples, monkeys, blacksmiths, oh and the guard of the Port Royal cell, in other words that stupid dog!!
Hobbies: Hobbies? Hobbies! Fighting, plundering, stealing, briganding, impersonating people (I recommend members of the church here!) *Hey wait a sec, doesn't hobbies and likes mean the same bloody thing!?*
So now you know about me (I still recommend my latest film!) this is my guide to life. I do not accept any blame for injury, loss of money, family, or life that may result when reading my guide. Your on your onsies mate!
Ships
Now a ship is the most important thing to a pirate. It also acts as warning to merchant ships and other pirates. You fly your own, personal flag and the other know not to mess with you. I mean who in their right mind would mess with CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow.
As I was saying, about three lines ago, a ship is very important. It symbolises (I learnt that word of Liz *grins proudly*) freedom. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails that's what a ship needs but what a ship is.what the Black Pearl really is.is freedom. Remember that!
Now my ship is called The Black Pearl (if you didn't already know that then I'm very disappointed!). It was the seventh ship I commandeered, something very magical about the seventh ship you steal. Now we call it commandeering because it sounds better then 'stealing', and the dimwits around us don't know what we're talking about. *NB when I saw we, I mean pirates, remember that!*
So to start with you have to commandeer a ship. Choose a good one, it'll have to last you whilst you're on the run. First scout the harbour, check out the navy guards, *not in that way, you filthy minded people!* Once you have selected the ship you want, find out as much about it as you can. Remember women know less, but are easier to get information out of. Aim for the sailors wives!
When you have found out the number of people on the ship, and when it is to set sail, you are ready to go. (Commandeering is a lot easier if you have a crew!!) Once you have taken your ship, you have to leave the port as quickly as possible, preferably that second! Ensure your crew know who is captain, and set them to work straight away. It's important that they fear you from an early stage.
And as you commandeer more and more ships it will get easier, look forward to the seventh ship you take! It is necessary to develop a name for yourself, a name at which good, brave men tremble with fear. I mean people hear CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow and they faint (with fear hopefully!!).
A ship can be a wonderful tool, aiding you in your call to piracy. Respect her, and she'll respect you back. Work together with your ship, and in return she'll give many happy years of piracy.
If you are successful you may have several ships to your name at once. If this is the case, we very careful, and I mean CAREFUL, who you select to captain your ships. Once you have selected your captains you can sit back and enjoy being known as commodore. And whether you are captain, or commodore, make sure no one forgets it! That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow's two cents. *I don't know what that is, but it sounds good!*
What we have learnt today: -
WE = PIRATE
SHIP = FREEDOM
WOMEN = THICK, BUT EASY (FOR INFORMATION!!)
SEVENTH SHIP = BETTER THEN SIX BEFORE
ME = CAPTAIN
Coming next time we have my guide to Tortuga, the land of opportunity. . .