Operation Get Mike Laid!

Author's Note: This is for TheOnlyPancake as her prize for winning my Secret Lovers Contest with her Carlisle/Jasper submission. It's called "The Substitute". Check. It. Out... Seriously. I love me some slash, and hers is great. Both my favourite blondes, and one is on his knees, literally. Anywho, she got to tell me what one-shot to write her for a prize, and this is it. It's quirky, it's unusual, but just try it. I LOVE it. Non-Canon lemon, so if you can't handle that, don't read, lovies!

Also very OOC, but in a fun way, naturally. Human/Vamp pairing. And so commences Operation Get Mike Laid!

It was another day in Forks, Washington.

Like any other day, things were normal, too normal. Nothing ever changed in the small, rather inconsequential town housed on the Olympic Peninsula. Sure, it was surrounded by beautiful flora and fauna, but other than that, what else was there? What was there to do?

One boy in spite of all this found ways of idling away the time before he could ship off to college and really make his mark.

Michael Newton, or Mike as he was more commonly known, was this boy. He was of a goodly height with a babyface, blonde spiky hair, and true blue eyes. In essence, he was the light in this permanently green-and-grey cage called the Northwest. He had decided to not succumb to the misery of the weather and place combined, but was a very jovial person indeed. Mike was originally from California, and so he was rather well-versed in the duties of a sun.

Forks' personal sun, that is.

However, there had been some good things about moving. For one, the old knowledge that he'd had, that not all jocks were popular, vanished. He was the jock-type at Forks, and well, Mike was popular. At his old school in Cali, there had been so many jocks that only the real talents were on the school's A-list, and people like Mike were merely complements, just along for the four-year ride. Not anymore.

His parents had moved them out to Forks in Mike's freshman year so they could open their own store. It had always been a dream of theirs, and Mike was fairly supportive of the store, just not its location. However, he made do with what he had, acquired friends and a niche in the small high school, and somehow survived that first year of high school.

The beginning Sophomore year is when it started to get juicy. That year, she came to Forks. Oh well her and her family, but still... she came. All Mike had ever wanted in a woman, she was it. She was gorgeous, had an infectious personality, and he really wanted to know her, in both the literal and Biblical sense. Who wouldn't, honestly?

Yep, Alice Cullen was one stunning gal, that Mike was sure of. He could remember quite clearly the first time he'd sighted her, because believe him, that was a memorable sort of day.

Beginning of Sophomore Year: The Cafeteria!

The caf had always been the centre-stage of Forks High School. Everything seemed to go down there, or at least was talked about. Many times it would be both, thanks to the drama queens and hot-topic gossipers that seemed to comprise ninety-nine-point-nine percent of the female student body; or something to that effect. So when five new students showed up at lunch practically unannounced, heads turned, chairs squeaked, and oh boy was some gossiping done that day!

The new kids were by far the most interesting thing to happen to the dreary town in Forks since Mike had been the new kid last year, and so they were bound to be talked about, and how the kids played their entrance would determine their social success or failure here, as Mike knew only too well. He'd been lucky himself, getting in with the popular crowd.

The first two strutted in the doors, and as soon as people got a clear sight on them, the chattering commenced. Mike heard more than a few theories swirling from the people around him at the lunch tables, and each seemed more crazy than the next, but who was he to judge? He'd just have to wait and find out.

"Damn, the girl's hot," was courtesy of Mike's pal Austin. "I dig a blonde... wonder if she's au naturel," he continued, sounding out the foreign phrase so that it ended up being said as "aww gnat-tur-all." Mike guffawed at the ridiculous pronounciation, but before he could even comment on it, Katie was speaking, completely cutting him off.

"I wonder if the guy's on steroids; those are some huge muscles he has."

The better to strangle you with? Mike thought sourly in his mind.

"Must be," Austin added emphatically.

"Well, even if he does look a little bulky, I still dig him," Katie remarked.

Blondie and Muscles paused slightly in their step, almost as if they'd heard the student's remarks, but of course Mike knew that wasn't possible. Not even if they had really good hearing, unaffected by MP3's. His mom had heard the news report about them, and made Mike listen to his iPod on a lower volume from then on, so he knew all about it.

Muscles then proceeded to wrap an arm around the blonde, pulling them together tight, almost like a couple. They were now walking so close to one another that he doubted that you could fit a piece of paper between the two. Of course this caused a new uproar of rumours in the cafeteria, and none were too kind.

"Oh my god!" Lauren scoffed. "Did you see that? That's just nasty, they're siblings, aren't they?"

"Gross," Jessica chimed in eagerly, her mud-brown eyes suddenly twinkling in her excitement. "I can't believe they'd date within their own family when there are plenty of way better, unrelated people to go out with. It's disgusting, really."

Lauren scowled and flipped her white-blonde hair pridefully, as if she considered herself one of those supposed better people. Mike raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Girls trashing on people was not usually something you wanted to interrupt in his experience, because usually if you interrupted, they turned on you like feral animals. Of course they'd do it behind your back, but still, they'd be real nasty about what they said. And Mike wasn't about to chance his newfound popularity that he'd somehow held onto for a full year. He just kept chanting to himself: Better than California, better than California. They like you here, okay? Don't mess it up.

The "siblings" then found a seat at the empty table in the back of the caf, away from everyone else, and after a while, people gave up on watching them. Mike wondered what people expected them to do, make out in the middle of lunch? If they really were siblings, and together, they probably wouldn't air out their dirty laundry here of all places. They'd wait till they got home, like any other sane, respecting person. Or at least that was Mike's personal opinion.

"Weren't there five?" Angela decided to contribute a minute or so later.

"Maybe Tyler got it wrong." Lauren shrugged as if it was of no consequence, but Mike knew she must be dying to see the other three, if the rumour was true. Tyler Crowley had supposedly seen the five new kids coming out from the main office just a little while ago. Tyler had been late to school, having overslept, and so as soon as he had showed up to English class, everyone had heard about his "discovery," and he was suddenly back in the loop for the day.

Three people strolled in next, once again catching the fickle student body's attention. Two were boys, both tall and thin, one with funny-looking bronze-coloured hair. The other was blonde, and looked very similar to the girl who'd already came in with Muscles. The two were on either side of a tiny, delicate-appearing girl---Goddess, Mike's thoughts interjected---with spiky dark hair and a spring in her step. She was locking arms with both boys, signifying their close relationship.

"Oh please don't tell me those three are together too! What, are they sharing the short girl?" Lauren said, clearly fussed, which interrupted Mike's pleasant train of thoughts about the girl in question. He had been fantasizing about that delightfully short skirt she was wearing, and how he wouldn't very much mind having his way with her in the back of his car. Drool. Or her car, if she preferred that instead. He wasn't going to be too picky about where. More drool. But then that cockblocker Lauren had to just go and say something. Sometimes Mike swore she only did it because she liked the sound of her voice. He however, thought it much too nasally. And frickin' annoying as well.

"Eww... at least she's not with that big guy though. That would be even weirder, because he would like... crush her and stuff," Jessica replied intelligently.

"But still, are they all doing each other? I wonder if their parents know..." Lauren said in a fake-pitying tone. "Someone should find out."

"They're not related though, so there's really nothing wrong with it," Angela piped up, defending the newcomers. Why she did so, Mike didn't know. Ange was right, but you wouldn't see him risking his spot at the table to back her statement up. He'd think it, but that was about it. He did hope the girl was single though. She was a total babe, and could anyone blame him from wanting a piece of that action? Oh how she tempted him with her little violet skirt... he wondered what kind of panties she had on; matching or something adventurous?

He wanted to know so badly....

From that day on, Alice Cullen with her devilish little outfits and lithe dancer's steps haunted Mike. And from that day on, they never spoke, much to his dismay. He just wished he had the guts to ask her out, but sadly that day never seemed to dawn.

Second Semester of Sophomore Year: The Hallway!

Mike loathed Mondays like any other school-aged person. It meant an end to the weekend, and a beginning to the drudgery that was the schoolweek. Literally his only ray of sunshine was the beautiful temptress with her strange, golden-coloured eyes. He had only one class with her, Spanish, but unfortunately that dastardly brother of hers always sat with her! Mike could see them talking to each other constantly, their lips barely moving, and occasionally the bronze-headed boy would tilt his head to the side, glancing at Mike as if he had been spoken to.

Of course Mike had never said anything, so he found that behaviour rather odd.

Currently he was heading to his locker to grab his gym bag for next period. He never understood the people who carried theirs around all day; why carry it if you could fit it in your locker until you needed it? Surely that made more sense....

Anyway, it was as he came closer to his locker amongst the rows of them that he noticed a lone slip of notebook paper on the floor nearby. Curious, he bent to pick it up, unfolded it, and read the note, which was written in a fancy manner, but it was definitely a girl's handwriting.

I'll be with you on Prom night.

Oh how the note had excited him, even though he couldn't say for sure who it was from!

It couldn't be from Jessica or Lauren, that much he was sure of. Neither of those girls were real handy with a pen, nor did they have the inclination to flirt other than through talking and groping. Angela was also out, too shy for such things though the note part was possible... and quite honestly past those three, it could have been anyone to write the note. Hell, it could even be meant for someone else, and he'd chanced upon it!

Though of course, Mike liked to fantasize as much as the next teenage boy, and his dream was that the note was for him, and that a certain little raven-haired minx had written it to him. Mike's overall consensus? That dreams were very, very fun. And so he held onto that particular one.

Prom Night, Sophomore Year: Mike's House.

Prom night so far had been disappointing for Mike.

She hadn't even been at the dance; none of her family had. Lauren and the rest had marked them as snobs for not choosing to go, but sadly, he could see why they wouldn't want to. This whole year, the Cullens had been outcasts for the most part. They stayed in their own little group, and spoke to no one outside of it if they could help it at all. They just hadn't found a niche in this school, and so while it was disappointing not to see her, Mike couldn't blame any of them.

Lauren had also speculated that they were probably just having a big orgy at their house or something, which of course was the most ridiculous thing Mike had ever heard. All this time, and people still hadn't let go of those rumours. They were the juiciest gossip in the worst possible way. This was Forks; there was nothing better to talk about anyway.

And so it had been a dismal night, dancing with Jessica most of the time; that girl was practically all up on him the whole time and that was disconcerting. According to his friends, Mike had been out of it for the most part, quiet and weird, in their words.

He had been so excited about that note... maybe it wasn't for him after all.

So now he was home, it was late at night, and he couldn't seem to fall asleep, much as he tried. He couldn't even sort out his feelings; it was that bad. He supposed he was sad, but then he figured he was a fool for thinking that the note was for him. It's not like he found it in his locker; it was on the floor. It could have been addressed to anyone, and whoever it was was probably having a really great night about now.

He closed his eyes, sighing desolately. What a bum night.

Mike tried as best as he could just to drift off to sleep, but it wasn't working. He knew he was still awake when he felt the bed shift, as if someone had climbed on. Maybe it was his Golden Retriever, Max. If so, he'd have to shoo the dog off; Mom said the dog couldn't sleep on his bed because his hair clung to the blankets or some nonsense like that. So Mike opened his eyes, semi-annoyed and ready to have to get up to put the dog out in the hall. However, when he sat up, he felt the need to rub at his eyes some, because he just had to be hallucinating. He'd already established that his imagination was crap, but now it gave him... her?

Somehow, his fantasy had conjured up the ever-gorgeous minx Alice, sitting Indian-style at the end of his bed, wearing nothing but a tiny little violet skirt and a black lace bra. The same skirt that she'd worn that first day he saw her. Damn, it looks even shorter up close. Fuck... Mike thought distractedly, drinking her sinful curves and pouty pink lips.

She smiled knowingly and spoke.

"See something you like?"

Mike nodded his head dumbly, and almost jumped in his seat when she crawled up the bed, pushing him onto his back and looking down at him like he was some sort of tasty treat. He gulped under her penetrating stare, and barely just caught what she said next.

"I always keep my promises, Mike. You should think better of me than to break them," she reprimanded him in a silky tone of voice, sending chills down his spine. Damn... it was her... the note... me... damn! Mike continued in his thoughts, just barely coherent to himself.

She then bent her head to press her lips against his, and he reciprocated the kiss eagerly. How many times had he dreamed about this? Many. Was it as good as he had imagined? No, it was better. His imagination hardly did it justice. She was amazing, and it felt like heaven being with her. Sly little temptress she was, but now she'd no longer haunt him if he had anything to say about it. So he started by kissing her some more.

He was left breathless afterwards, and she looked vaguely concerned, as if she hadn't thought that they needed to breathe at all. This of course, was fine with Mike, but he had noticed something very odd about his bedmate, and felt the need to comment on it.

"You're so cold," he mumbled observantly.

"Don't mind it, I'm always that way. Besides, we really should be quiet, your parents will wake up if we make any more noise," she replied, laying a finger against his lips in warning. He eyed her for a second, and then nodded. Best not to take chances especially when he was getting lucky. She was in his bed, and damn, Mike was pretty sure he was going to get laid!

"Okay."

"You can start by undressing me," she instructed him.

Yep! Definitely gettin' some tonight! Mike cheered inwardly. His hands reached around her waist tentatively, moving up her back until he found the clasp of her brassiere, and unhooked it. Check. She held out her arms so that he could slide it off, and he was greeted with the pleasant sight of two beautiful, pale breasts and two matching, mulberry-coloured nipples. He grazed his hand over them, and they immediately became taut, about the time he felt an only slightly uncomfortable tightening in the confines of his pyjama pants. It wouldn't be the first time he'd gotten a hard-on thinking about these breasts, or her naked in general.

She grinded slightly against his erection and he let out a low groan. Gotta get her out of that skirt, A.S.A.P.!

He settled for toying with her breast with one hand, while the other made its way down and tugged at the hem of her skirt, slowly sliding it off. Once it was down around her knees, she pulled away from him for a second to take it off. It landed, discarded somewhere on his dark bedroom floor after she tossed it, and he hoped it would be there for a while. He then hurried to shimmy out of his pants, thankful for going commando underneath.

"How should we...?"

She smiled nonthreateningly and pulled him on top of her as a response. His hands found purchase in the mattress above her shoulders, and he eased between her legs. Her hand found its way south and she helped guide him until suddenly, he entered her in one swift motion.

Fuck... was the entirety of his thoughts at that particular moment of joining.

He looked down, and she was still grinning, mouthing for him to go on. He still couldn't believe his blind luck, but he began thrusting, trying clumsily at first to build up a rhythym. Soon though he found his pace, and every so often he chanced another glance at her, nervous that he was screwing this up for some reason.

Her soft groans indicated the opposite, and Mike could almost swore her eyes had gone darker...nearly black as her hair if he looked closely enough. It was all very surreal to him.

Her breaths grew more and more ragged, and as she drew closer to to climax, she flipped them in a quick second, and he nearly came right then when he found her on top of him, riding him hard, her hands raking down the slight musculature of his chest. As she brought herself down on him, she leaned forward, licking at his neck and downward, laving at his nipples which earned her a moan on his part.

Fuckgood....

When she came, her walls tightened around him, and she threw her head back and moaned. He thought it the most beatiful thing he'd ever seen, her on top of him, breasts bouncing and moaning like a banshee. He bucked his hips upward a few more times, and came after her, breathing harshly but freakin' satisified all in the same moment.

Soon she climbed off of him, and he shut his eyes, thinking on what they might do now, or what he could even say to her. This was all like a dream come true for him; never had he thought he'd get laid by her! One thing was sure; he'd do her again in a heartbeat!

He opened his eyes, breathing hard and breaking out in a sweat. She wasn't beside him. Was it all a dream? He didn't think his imagination was that great but --- wow. He blinked once or twice, and was trying to riddle it out when he heard the hoot of an owl, which caused him to snap his head to the side. His baby-blue eyes drunk in the sight of the open window, from which he could see a few stars peeking out between the gently swaying evergreen trees.

And the thing was, Mike was pretty sure he hadn't left the window open....

Note: Well, do we have any newfound Alice/Mike shippers on board? I know I am. ;) Review!

Either way, you're welcome Mike Newton. :) -takes bow-

Hope you like it, Pancake. I know I said 3,000 words, but I got a little carried away and wrote more. xD

Additional Notes:

-A hoot of an owl is often taken to signal that whoever hears it has had/is going to have a visitor.

-Myself and TheOnlyPancake are starting a movement. It's the Team Mike movement. We both agree that fics these days totally ruin his image. They either make him a creepy stalker, a rapist, or a too-annoying and childish character. Mike was a very sweet and loyal person, and we feel he deserves some effort on the part of us writers to clean his image up a bit.

As an author yourself, I ask if you'd be interested in writing a pro-Mike one-shot for the movement? You'd have creative freedom, of course. It could be a crack pairing lemon, it could be a drabble, or it could be a chapter/section of the books you'd like to see in his POV. Whatever floats your boat.

What do y'all think?