Present Time

"Crushes, they hurt. I found that out the hard way. It wasn't the same old story: girl likes guy, guy flirts with girl, and guy's girlfriend comes up and kisses him. If only it was like that, then things wouldn't be so messed up. I wouldn't be broken and damaged."

Four Years Ago

"Izzie wake-up or your going to be late for your first day of school" My mom yelled outside my bedroom door. My response to her 'wake-up call' was turning my radio on and blasting whatever CD was in there, the sound of Fall Out Boy came out. Senior year, wasn't suppose to feel different? I mean it's my last year of high school, I don't have a lot of classes, and the year should be easy. So why don't I fell something?

It could be that I'm starting a new school, or that I don't have any friends yet. For all I know, everyone at the school can be snobs and jerks. I don't want to deal with those kinds of people again. I guess I'm worried. Putting on a pair of new jeans and an old rock tee I leave my 'safe spot', my room. My mom greeted me at the front door.

"I know your starting a new school; I also know that it's your senior year. But could you please give this a try. This job is not only important me, but for you. I'll have enough money to send you to a good collage and have enough so you don't have to worry about anything."

"Thanks mom, but it's going to be hard. I was happy at my old school, and in the old house." With that I walked out the door and to my car, my other 'safe spot'. The song that came on when I started my car was "Rooftops" by Lost Profits. That song matched my mood perfectly; all I wanted to do was scream.

Present Time

"If I only knew that day was going to change my life forever, in both a good way and in a bad way.

Four Years Ago

I got my schedule and school map from the office and tried to find my way to my first class. I must not have been looking where I was going because I ran into someone's back, knocking all my stuff on the ground, along with myself.

"Oh, sorry wasn't looking." I said picking my stuff up, I saw a hand helping me and when I looked up I saw the most magical blue eyes ever.

"It's ok. I shouldn't have stopped in the middle of the hall," He said helping me up. "My name's Derek. And you are…"

"Isabel, but everyone calls me Izzie."

"Nice to meet you Izzie. I'm going to guess that you're new since you have a map and you look lost."

"You could say that, it's my first day and I don't know where anything is. All that the office did was give me my schedule and this map," holding up the map "and said good luck. Then sent me on my way."

"Yeah, that sounds like something that they would do. What's you're first class?"

"Um, Economics with Mr. O'Malley, room 120. Do you know where that is?"

"Yeah, I can take you there." We walked in silence for a minute or two. "So what school did you go to?"

"I went to Ransom High in Akron, Ohio."

"That's a long was, why did you move all the way to Spring City, Utah?"

"My mom's job transferred her here." We stopped walking when we came to a door that read 120.

"Here we are Mr. O'Malley's room." He said opening the door and walking in.

"What took you so long Derek? You had a pass to the restroom, not the moon." Said who I guessed was Mr. O'Malley. 'I guess that I'm going to be seeing Derek more then I thought I would.' I thought hearing the teacher say this.

"Well I did that. But I found Izzie here," pointing to me "who was looking for your class."

"I completely forgot that we had a new student starting today," he said talking to himself, then he turned and looked at Derek and said "Derek, go back to your seat please." He went to his seat in the back corner. Mr. O'Malley looked at me and motioned for me to come to his desk. "Class," he said trying to get everyone's attention, they all looked up from their work and looked at him. "We have a new student in the class, her name is…" he said looking for the paper on his desk that said my name.

"Isabel but everyone calls me Izzie." I said saving him the trouble of looking though all the papers that were scattered all over the desk.

Present Time

"That day I met Derek, the guy that I thought was perfect in every way. We became great friends; we did almost everything, and even dated for a while. That's when my life changed in a bad way."

Dating Derek

Dear Diary,

It's been two months today that Derek and me have been together and everything has been great. Tonight we are going to go to dinner, and then to the movies to celebrate. I can't wait. 

~~~Love,

Izzie.

I put my diary under my mattress and started getting ready for my date. I was excited, because this was my first serious relationship and I wanted everything to be perfect. I put on a new top that Meredith helped me pick out at the mall yesterday. It was a black glittery tank top that had the words 'Un-Dieing Love' written on it, and the new jean skirt that I also bought yesterday, and started on my make-up. I didn't put on a lot just a little blush, light eye shadow, and some lip-gloss.

Just as I was putting the finishing touches on my hair, I heard Derek knock on the door. When I opened the door to let him in, he looked different, like a lesser version of himself. His hair wasn't in its perfect place like he normally had it, and his clothes were all winkled. The magical blue eyes that I have grown to love were dark and distant.

"Derek, what's wrong?" he didn't say anything, just walked in, and sat down on the couch.

Present Time

"That is a night that I want to forget forever. After I got Derek to tell me what was wrong, and got him cleaned up, we went to a club instead of going to dinner.

We were having fun, enjoying out time together. After ordering some drinks, I went out on the dance floor with Meredith, who had shown up with her boyfriend Alex. She and I danced for twenty minutes or so then we went back to the table where the boys were.

They were talking about cars, I grabbed my drink and sat down next to Derek, listening to their conversation and drinking my drink. When they got to a point in the conversation where it could be picked up later I grabbed Derek's arm and pulled him on to the dance floor. We were dancing when I started to feel dizzy and started to fall down.

At that point I don't remember what had happened. I just remember waking up the next morning with bruises on my arms, and a cut on my lip. I had called Meredith to ask her if she knew what happened. She told me that the last time that she saw me was when I fell down on the dance floor, and when Derek and helped me into the car to take me home. I had tried to get a hold of him all that day, I finally saw him when he showed up at my house that afternoon. He had cuts all over his hands, and scratches on his face. His eyes were dark and scary; he didn't even ask me about my lip or about my arms."

Day After

Moving to touch his face, he moved backwards and grabbed my wrist.

"OW! That hurts Derek!" I said trying to get him to let go of me. "Let me go, your hurting me!" All he did was just look me with hate in his eyes. He pulled me close to him; and I smelled his breath, it reeked. "Have you been drinking?" Instead of answering me, he just slapped me.

"Why do I have to tell you?" he yelled in my face and pushed me to the ground. I started crying, he's never acted like this. "Stop crying, or I will give you a reason to cry." He yelled as he kicked me in the stomach.

"Why….are….you....doing.... this?" I asked in between cries mixed with pain.

"Why? Why not?" He said getting in my face again. "You are worthless." He whispered in my ear. The next thing I know he is pulling my hair and dragging me into the living room.

Present Time

"He beat me until I was unconscious that night. And then again the next night."

"Did your mother know what happened?" Asked Dr. Finn.

"No she didn't. She didn't know anything was going on until she got called to the school. By that point the beating had been going on for a couple of months. She got called to the school because I had collapsed in one of my classes. The nurse had told her

to take me to the hospital to see if my head was fine because I had hit it really hard"

"What happened at the hospital?"

"They did a CT and a MRI. The CT showed that my brain was fin, but the MRI showed that a few of my ribs were cracked, and that both my liver and stomach were bruised."

"What happened after the result came back?"

"Well, since I wasn't 18 yet they called Child Services because they thought my mom did this to me. When they talked to me I broke down and told them that my mom had never laid a hand on me. I was basically forced to tell what was happening for the first time."

"You mean that you never told your friends what was going on?'

"Nope. I never had the nerve to tell them what was going on."

"So what did your mother do when she found out?"

"First she got a restraining order against Derek, and asked her boos for a transfer to Portland, Maine. Then got me into counseling."

"How long were in counseling?"

"Oh… I would say a good two or three years"

"What made you come to my office? To me you seem to be doing fine."

"I was doing great, that was until I met Mark."

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing. He's just a guy that I like and work with. And I don't know if I can trust him."

"Because of what Derek did?"

"Yeah. Derek was my first and last boyfriend." Turning to look at the clock on his wall Dr. Finn made a note in his notebook.

"Well it looks like our time is up. But I have an opening next Thursday at nine, if you want to talk again?"

"That would be great. Thank you Dr. Finn."

"No problem. I'll see you next week."

"Yeah next week." I said walking out of his office and into the fresh air of Seattle. 'This is going to be a good fresh start.'