For SS2.
Inspired by Crawl (Carry Me Through) by Superchick and a quote from Firefly "When you can't run, you crawl, and when you can't crawl - when you can't do that...you find someone to carry you."
"Daddy...why weren't you there?" The angry face of Kelly stands in front of him, hands resting on her childish hips, hips which would never grow into the hips of an adult. Her face, her small face, frowning at him, becoming more menacing by the second as she advances on him.
"Why weren't you there?" She asks again, this time more angry, her voice rising to just below a shout.
"Kelly..."He begins, holding his hands out to his daughter who no longer looks like his daughter. Her face contorted with anger that no child should no how to feel.
"WHY?" She shouts. He tried to take a step backwards but his back finds a wall he doesn't remember being there. Kelly still advances. Blood now covering her face, her white nightdress replaced by simple clothes, bloody and torn.
"Didn't you love us anymore Daddy?" She asks, in a voice that is no longer angry but heartbreaking.
"Jethro..." He looks around, expecting to see Shannon, accusing, anger rolling off her in waves at his inability to protect them, but finds no one, just Kelly, looking at him with her head cocked to the side.
"You can't even pay attention to me now, can you? You left us to die...to DIE." She shouts the last word, her anger permeating between every atom in the space between him and her. He takes a step backwards again, forgetting that his back is firmly against a wall and she advances, takes another step towards him, her hands, bloody, held out in front of her as she implores now. Anger gone, replaced by childish attention seeking.
"Daddy...look at me." She implores. He huts his eyes.
"I'm sorry."
"Jethro..." The voice again and he feels something on his shoulder. He looks at Kelly and begins to cry.
"Oh God Kelly, I'm sorry." He repeats over and over again and Kelly's hand reaches out and takes his, covering his skin with his little girl's blood.
"Jethro!" His eyes flew open and she nearly took a step backwards at the emotion she saw in them.
She didn't speak as she crawled into the bed next to him and pulled him to her. Her fingers searching out the scar on his shoulder, running through his hair as she whispered against his neck. His fingers digging into her skin and his heartbeat pounding against her chest.
"Shhhhh, its ok, I've got you." She whispered, wanting with everything to ask him what it was about, wanting to take the pain away, but she knew the minute she opened her mouth, he would clam up, push away from her and tell her to carry on watching, do her job like she was supposed to.
His body was still shaking, breath still coming in ragged gasps, and a name on his lips, a name that was always on his lips when he woke, wordless, noiseless screams stuck in his throat, sheets tangled around his waist.
Her fingers always managed to be finger light and worshipful as they skimmed over skin, soothing out the ragged edges.
"Shhhh." She soothed again.
He eventually managed to still his body although his fingers still dug into her skin. He wished that he could disengage himself, not wanting to take anymore strength from her. But her hands were stroking, coaxing the final shaky breath out of his body before his breathing became normal, drawing arcane symbols between his shoulder blades and her breath was hot against his ear, whispering words that had no meaning.
This hadn't been the first time his daughters face had contorted with anger, her hands reaching imploringly, her body and face broken and covered in blood. He shivered involuntarily at the thought and she just tightened her grip slightly. Jen was always there, with hands that soothed and words that lulled to sleep, lost in the feeling of her wrapped around him like a blanket.
He wished briefly he couldn't feel anything. He wished he felt numb, because only then would he be able to sleep without the faces of lost loved ones haunting him. But he knew that he wouldn't be able to feel her lips against his neck, her tongue hot against his skin, the words she was saying mingling with her breath till he wasn't sure of she was speaking.
"Its ok Jethro." She whispered. "I've got you." She whispered it over and over again and her fingers dipped between his skin and his boxers, curling around him, making him feel.
She held on through it all, through the fingers tightening into her delicate skin, her name spilling from his lips.
"I've got you."
And though it pained his pride, he knew that she really did.
Here are the words for Crawl (Carry Me Through) if you get a chance, give it a listen, its really lovely song.
How long will this take?
How much can I go through?
My heart, my soul aches
I don't know what to do
I bend, but don't break
Somehow I'll get through
Cause I have youWell you crawl too
I stumble and I fall
Carry me through
The wonder of if all
Is you see me through
When everything I was is lost
I have forgot
But you have not
When I am lost
You have not lost me
And if I had to crawl
Well You'd crawl too
I stumble and I fall
Carry me through
The wonder of it all
Is you see me through
O Lord, where are you?
Do not forget me here
I cry in silence
Can you not see my tears
When all have left me
And hope has disappeared
You'll find me here
And when I have to crawl
V!
xox