I wanna be sure
That your hearts on fire
And you're gonna be pure
And that your love is all mine...
"There we go; the mini fridge is finally installed!" Caroline says proudly as she plugs in the appliance for our new dorm room.
We just started freshman year at NYU two weeks ago.
I honestly can't believe I'm already in college and in New York no less! It feels like just yesterday I was eleven years old, deciding what to wear to my last day of elementary school. Now I'm eighteen years old and actually starting my freshman year at my dream college.
I guess you could say that I grew up in a little town in West Virginia called Mystic Falls, however when I was sixteen and at the start of sophomore year, my family moved to Seattle which is where I really got to grow up and become the person I am today. I met Caroline in Seattle, where we went to high school together and became best of friends. I have always dreamt of going to New York for college. Being able to do it with my best friend and to meet an amazing new friend who both me and Caroline are already so close to, is like the icing on top. It honestly feels like all three of us have been friends for years, which is a huge relief.
Being so close to both Caroline and Bonnie, makes me so excited to see where our college experience takes us, especially in our freshmen year.
"Elena? Earth to Elena!?" Bonnie says bringing me out of my deeply consuming thoughts as she waves her hands in front of my face.
"Yeah, um sorry, what? I ask confused while trying to return to the conversation between Bonnie and Caroline.
"Well, I was just saying that we should properly unpack into the wardrobes, we are still living out of our suitcases after two whole weeks" Bonnie points out.
She's right; none of us have even started to unpack our suitcases yet which is a little bit ridiculous.
"Okay, let's all do it now." Caroline starts "The first one completely unpacked gets to choose the party we go to tonight!" Caroline says, purposely making it into a competition.
We were invited to three parties over the week for the same night and we haven't been able to agree on which one to go to. Maybe this will settle it once and for all. We all start quickly unpacking, going through our bags which are pretty much packed with our whole lives.
When I am almost finished unpacking, I start to go through the last pocket in my suitcase. It holds my hair curler, my hair straightener and another little box. I put away the hair appliances before I pick up the small box and wonder what it is. My Mom and Dad must have left it in there for me as a going away present.
I open the box carefully and as I catch the first glimpse of what the box conceals, I gasp. I haven't seen it for years. I thought I had seen the last of it. Caroline and Bonnie quickly come over to my bed to see what I am so shocked about.
"Oh wow, that's beautiful" Caroline says and Bonnie agrees as they see the necklace sitting in the felt covered box. "Is it new?" Caroline asks.
"Oh my God I haven't seen this since I was sixteen…" I trail off, answering Caroline's question.
Before I know it both Bonnie and Caroline jump onto my bed and make themselves comfortable while looking up at me with querying eyes. "I sense a story coming, that you haven't even told me yet." Caroline says in a slightly offended tone, but I know she's joking.
She's right. There is something, or rather someone, that I haven't told her about. I haven't thought about him since I first moved to Seattle, or at least I've tried my hardest to try and forget about those years. All of the memories of my childhood start flooding back as I rack my brain trying to uncover what actually happened. I'm kidding myself if I think that it was easy to try and erase him out of my memory, because it certainly wasn't. I cried almost every night over him when I first moved, but one day I decided that I couldn't live like this anymore, and decided to bottle up all of my feelings and pretend that he never existed.
"His name was Damon…" I trail off as I begin explaining a large portion of my childhood to both Caroline and Bonnie, their faces looking at me with pure concentration and compassion as they notice me already starting to tear up.
~ 3 years earlier ~
Mystic Falls
"Oh my god. Damon! Stop!" I scream as I walk into my bedroom and see him casually sitting on my bed holding my diary. He flashes his familiar smirk when he realizes that I've entered the room and quickly tries to make it look like he wasn't reading the book that holds all of my deepest darkest secrets. Damon knows nearly everything about me; we've been friends since we were born. I can't remember a time when we weren't best friends. My parents, Grayson and Miranda and Damon's Parents, Giuseppe and Maria met at birthing classes 16 years ago when they were pregnant with both of us. Our birthdays are a month apart, of course he is older and he brags about it with every chance he gets, trust me.
Honestly, I don't know what I would do if Damon wasn't my best friend. I would be a completely different person. He keeps things fun and alive and I feel like I can tell him anything at any time and he would be there for me. He knows things about me that I would never tell anybody else, I know everything about him as well. It's like we have our own bubble of trust that nobody can penetrate, and I love it.
Our families are as close as I imagine two separate families could ever be. Maria and Giuseppe are Italian so they are amazing at cooking and we have dinners together pretty much every weekend, alternating between our houses.
We both go to Mystic Falls High School and we just started sophomore year two weeks ago.
I walk up to my wardrobe and pull out my favourite grey hoodie and put it on; I turn around expecting to see Damon trying to hide the fact that he is still flipping through my diary but instead I am met with him softly watching me. I freeze. He has started doing that more lately, paying a little more attention to me then he used to. Our eyes meet for a second and he quickly looks down.
"So, we should probably go downstairs…" he suddenly says getting up from my bed and pushing past me as he makes his way out of my room. Both of our families are already down there setting up for dinner, as we make our way down the stairs.
"Ahh you two are finally down, dinner is just about ready." My dad says as he notices Damon walking into the kitchen and me trailing slowly behind him.
"Hey Elena, can you call Jeremy and Stefan down for dinner please?" My mom asks as she enters the house from the back yard with some of the food that is ready from the barbeque.
"Jeremy! Stefan! I yell as I walk to the bottom of the stairs. They are probably playing Xbox or something. That's all they ever do at 14 years old. Suddenly, Stefan and Jeremy start tumbling down the stairs shoving each other as they go. "You totally killed me with that last shot, dude." Stefan says sarcastically while laughing as he and Jeremy nudge each other down the stairs. "Oh my god! Stef, I was so close to getting you, stop bringing it up!" he states while laughing. Stefan and Jeremy are just as close as me and Damon are, which isn't a surprise considering the amount of time both of our families spend together.
As soon as Jeremy and Stefan pass me making their way to the kitchen I get startled when I feel hands on my hips. I start screaming and giggling because I know what's coming next as Damon starts to tickle me up and down the sides of my body. I fling myself back against Damon's chest; I can never control myself when he starts to tickle me like this.
We quickly travel towards the couch, as we continue squirming. Suddenly we lean back against the couch in the living room. He suddenly tickles a spot under my arm which makes me jump backwards and we both fall over the couch cushions and into the couch on top of each other laughing.
"Oh my god, Lena" Damon laughs as we try to get off the couch. I finally find my balance and stand up. I turn around to see Damon still lying on the couch, I offer a hand out to him and he lifts his hand up for me to take. I begin to pull him up but suddenly with exceptional force he pulls me down and I land on top of him on the couch once again.
Our lips are inches apart as we both look into each other's eyes, his beautiful bright blue ones which remind me of the ocean and summer time. Every time I look into his eyes I tend to lose touch of my surroundings, I forget where I am and what I'm doing. As we lie there I can see the hesitation in his eyes as I slowly inch closer to his lips. It doesn't even occur to me that we aren't alone when we hear a cough from behind the couch. We both jump and climb off each other as my dad looks down at us with a questioning look.
"What's going on with you two?" he asks.
"Nothing!" I say quickly as I push myself off of Damon and speed walk towards the kitchen. I turn back to see Damon walking past my dad and towards me. Before Damon reaches me I look at my dad who is behind us both and he subtly smiles at the ground and then looks in our direction.
"Hey, are you okay?" Damon whispers as he passes me on his way to the dining room.
"Yeah, I'm fine" I say as I breathe out heavily and give him a reassuring smile.
He gives me a small nod while looking at me with a look in his eyes that I don't think I've seen before. He gives me a slight smirk before he walks past me to go and sit down at the dining table.
What is happening with us? I've never felt like this towards Damon before. But the thing is I can't quite pin point what my feelings actually are.
Still questioning myself, I get torn away from my thoughts as Maria calls for me to sit down at the table. As we are all seated in our usuals spots on the table, Grayson conducts a toast like he does every time we have our dinner parties.
"Thanks so much to everyone for turning up tonight." he says before everyone starts laughing.
"It's not like we had a choice" Jeremy states while smiling.
"Anyway, I hope we all enjoy the food and cherish this dinner together like we do every week," Grayson continues. "All right, dig in everyone!"
As we start the meal, everyone leading different conversations, my dad realizes there is no ranch on the table. As he starts standing up to dig it out of the pantry, Damon intrudes by saying "Don't worry Gray, I'll get It". He stands up and disappears into the walk-in pantry within our kitchen.
Soon after he comes out again with a confused look on his face, "the ranch isn't in its usual spot, I can't find it" he states.
"I'll help you" I say while getting up from my chair and making my way to the pantry. The small space barely holds the two of us comfortably and we are pushed up against each other as we both search the shelfs in front of us.
"Here it is!" I say as I turn around quickly to face him. I inhale a breath quickly as I come face to face with Damon, the next thing I know our lips are inches apart just like they were on the couch not too long ago.
How are we in this situation again? Two times in one night, it has to be a major record for us.
"What are we doing?" Damon suddenly asks. I feel his warm breath against my lips as he asks the question that I am trying to answer myself within my own churning thoughts. His very blue eyes distract me as they give off an extremely confused look, mirroring with what I suppose mine to look like in this moment.
"I…I..." I trail off stuttering as I try to look for words to describe what's happening.
Suddenly, we are pulled out of this little world we have created between the two of us inside the Gilbert pantry, by Giuseppe suddenly asking "Are you two okay in there?"
Being the klutz that I am, I quickly fling backwards away from Damon and wack my head on one of the shelves behind me.
Out of nowhere, Damon begins laughing hysterically and the moment we were both sharing five seconds ago is completely forgotten.
He falls forward out of the pantry and onto the floor of my kitchen as he struggles to control his laughter.
"Shut up Damon!" I whine at him, rubbing the bump that I can already feel forming on the back of my head.
When everyone finally understands what happened to cause Damon to lose control like that, they all start laughing along with him. Being the only one not laughing, I push past Damon on the floor kicking him in the leg softly while passing, as I make my way back to my seat at the table, put down the ranch that I am still holding and endure the laughter that is directed at me from everyone in the room.
A few moments later I feel Damon's hands on my shoulders as he brings his head forward near my head and says "I think that was just about the funniest and stupidest thing I have ever seen anyone do." Damon jokes before he takes his hand off my shoulders and sits down in the seat to my right.
"And on that note, everyone continue eating, the ranch has finally been found!" My dad says while still laughing at the antics that go on between our two families.
As everyone is finishing their dinner, I look over to my parents when I see a subtle nod from my mom to my dad. Before I can question what this is about both my mom and dad are standing up at the head of the table in front of our two families.
"We have some news we would like to share with you all" My dad says suddenly as everyone's attention is focused on them.
"This is something that we have been putting off telling everyone because we couldn't quite make up our minds on what to do…" My dad starts. "About one month ago I was offered a job at the very prestigious Seattle Grace Hospital in Washington State as head of general surgery. Miranda and I have been thinking about this opportunity in great detail since I was given the offer and we have decided to take it. I know this might come as a shock but we are moving to Seattle!"
Everyone goes silent for a few seconds, just taking the sudden news in. Suddenly, Maria and Giuseppe gasp and stand up to congratulate my dad.
My whole world goes quiet as I try to let the information sink in. I'm moving to Seattle, literally across the country from Mystic Falls.
Suddenly, everyone is shocked when Damon stands up abruptly and walks out of the dining room without a word. Seconds later we hear the front door slam shut.
I look at everyone around the table shocked at what we just witnessed. I then take the initiative to follow him and find out if my best friend is okay.
I walk out hesitantly onto my front porch, and see him from the back leaning on one of the beams that hold up my house. His body is against the ledge like he is having trouble keeping his balance.
"Hey…" I say quietly as I approach him slowly. He doesn't move or say anything so I walk up to him and place my hand on his upper arm softly. He quickly pulls his arm away which causes my hand to fall off of his.
He tries to turn away from me but before he can turn around, I reach out my hand again and attempt to stop him from setting himself free from my grip. As I slowly turn him around to face me, our eyes meet and I know exactly what he needs from me. Suddenly, I give him the most comforting hug I have ever given in my life. We get lost in the moment and lose track of time as we stand in the same spot of the porch for what feels like hours, just holding each other.
Finally we pull away from each other, still holding each other's arms. He looks at me with the most broken look in his eyes and it breaks my heart into one million tiny little pieces.
"You can't go…" he says in a whisper as his voice breaks.
I reach my hands up to palm his cheeks. "Trust me, I don't want to." I say in a broken voice that I tried to avoid using.
"Then stay." He says suddenly, with hope in his bright blue eyes. "Stay with me."
"Are you crazy? I can't do that!" I say quickly trying not to consider the idea because I could never even think about leaving my mom and dad. But I'm afraid that if I don't answer straight away I might actually start to consider it.
"I'm serious, why not?" he says with conviction. "My mom loves you like her own daughter! Hell, you practically are her daughter. We grew up together, Elena. How could you say no to this?"
I pause trying to look for the right words to use.
"Damon…" I say slowly. "I can't leave my mom and dad… I'm sorry." I can feel tears threatening to break through the barriers. I don't want him to see me cry.
"Do I not mean anything to you?" he asks suddenly, surprising me.
"Oh my god, Damon" I say shocked "Don't ever think that! You're my best friend; no one could ever replace you. I've told you things that I've never told anyone else!"
"Then why can't you even think about staying with me?" he asks.
"It's not that I don't want to stay with you, it's just that I can't imagine ever being away from my parents or my brother. If they are going then I have no choice, I can't stay here in Mystic Falls without them…" I trail off.
"Who am I going to joke around with and most importantly, whose diary am I going to read secretly?" He says while laughing.
I smile. I can't imagine a life without Damon either. It feels like I could never get as close to someone as I am with him.
"And what about Josh?" He says suddenly referencing a name from my diary.
What he doesn't know is that Josh was never anyone important merely a cover up.
"Damon, I don't care about Josh…" I say quickly while looking up at him with a serious look.
Suddenly, his face becomes serious as well as he looks deep into my eyes and tries to find what I'm trying to say with them. I see a quick flash of understanding cross his features, he knows. It was never Josh, it was always him.
We've been heading in the same direction for a few months now. As much as I've tried to deny it, I can't help what I've started to feel for Damon, and what I think he is starting to feel as well. Our connection is electric, whether as friends or even more, that will never change.
I bring myself back to reality as we are both look each other in the eyes trying to look for answers.
Suddenly he runs his hand though my hair and I can feel an electric pull towards him. I cannot bare the space between us anymore, clearly neither can he, because the next thing I know we are both moving towards each other. With great force our lips finally crash against one another's. My hands travel to the back of his neck as we both automatically tilt our heads, mine to the right and his to the left. His lips are the softest things I think I have ever felt in my entire life. As both of our eyes are closed, I can't see what he is thinking but I can sense it in the way his lips move with mine. They fit so perfectly together, it's unbelievable. I never want this feeling to end.
Suddenly, he moves his body closer to mine as our kiss becomes more assertive and fluent. The world washes away as I forget that there is anybody else but me and Damon in the universe. I have to remind myself to breathe, as I begin to lose my breath. Damon's hands move across my back and my knees start to buckle as he lights up every nerve in my body.
All of a sudden our moment is ruined when the door opens and we pull apart as quickly as we can. As we both turn to the door, still holding each other, we see Jeremy and Stefan standing at the door with shocked faces, our parents trailing behind them.
We both turn back to one another and quickly realize that we are still holding each other and let go while only stepping back one step, trying to make sure we are not too distanced.
Suddenly, I hear a chuckling noise. I look up to find who the culprit is and surprisingly it's my dad.
"What are you laughing at?" I ask with a harsh tone.
"I just... knew this was going to happen one day, I didn't think it would be tonight though, I wasn't quite prepared" He says smiling.
"Well don't worry" I start suddenly, "It won't be happening again thanks to you." I say roughly before I push past them all and run up the stairs towards my bedroom, tears beginning to fall down my face.
As soon as I crash down onto my bed, I start crying hysterically, not being able to control myself. I don't want to leave. I can leave after what just happened with Damon, but I have to.
Not long after I feel a dip in my bed and a hand on my shoulder. Still crying, I turn around to see who it is. My dad looks back at me with a concerned and loving look on his face.
"Honey…" he starts "I'm so sorry that this move is affecting you so much, I truly am. I care so so much about your happiness and I really don't want this to affect our relationship."
"Daddy, I just wish you told me and Jeremy before you broke the news out to everyone!" I say in a loud voice. "I guess I just wish I could have been prepared when Damon found out. I wish I could have told him myself." I think aloud.
"I know sweetie, and I'm so sorry that we rushed it! Me and your mom just got excited and we couldn't control ourselves from telling everyone, it just seemed like the perfect time."
"It's okay I guess, I just don't know where Damon and I stand anymore…" I trail off.
"I'm sure you two will figure it out before we leave. We will make sure to catch up with the Salvatore's every single chance we get once we move, I promise." my dad says as he pulls me in for a hug.
I am at a loss for words. How can I actually be leaving Damon? My best friend. There is no way I can do this I say to myself as I play with the pendant hanging from my neck, reminding me of what I will be leaving behind.
~1 month later~
As I lie in my bed and stare up at the celling, I try to forget that today is the day that my whole life will change. It's Moving Day. For the last month, I have tried to ignore the fact that this day was coming and now that it is finally here there is no way I am remotely prepared.
Mine and Damon's relationship hasn't been the same since the night that the move was revealed. We haven't spoken once about the kiss and the few times that our parents made us see each other we completely forgot about everything and went back to the friendship that we have always had, completely ignoring the fact that it may have advanced into something else if I was actually staying.
I can't bring myself to get out of bed and face the real world knowing that today will be a day of lasts. The last time I will live in the same town as Damon, the last time I will ever sleep in this room, the last time I will see my house, and the list goes on.
About half an hour passes while I continue to ignore this day to the best of my abilities. But it's becoming harder to pretend like it's not happening. I hear people moving furniture downstairs into the truck that is clearly out the front of my house. When I look around my room all there is to see are the many boxes that contain my entire life.
All of a sudden my mom rushes into my room and notices that I am still lying awake in bed.
"Elena! You're still in bed? We're leaving in only a few hours! You need to get up and help move all of your boxes into the trucks. Good thing your room is almost done." she says while rushing around the room trying to organise which boxes need to go in which moving truck. It is a long way from Mystic Falls to Seattle so we won't see our furniture or boxes for a few days, maybe even a week. I start to get ready to leave, trying not to remember that there is someone that I will have to say goodbye to today.
This is it. This is the moment that I say goodbye to my second family. I don't know how I am going to deal with them not being around, how am I going to get through this? I ask myself as I hug Stefan and Giuseppe.
We are all outside my childhood home, standing on the lawn, wishing that this isn't the last time we will ever live here and get to reminisce about all of the amazing childhood memories I have with my second family and especially my best friend.
Once I get to Maria, I almost breakdown when I look at her and see tears in her eyes. Maria has literally been a second mother to me over the years and I have been her only daughter seeing as she has two boys.
"I'll miss you so, so, so much sweetie." she says as she begins to cry after releasing me from our long hug.
"I'll miss you too, Maria" I say as I start to tear up as well. Once me and Maria are finished with our goodbyes, my parents begin to say goodbye to their best friends as I make my way over to Damon, who is standing alone looking at the grass under his feet.
I start to fiddle with the necklace that was given to me by Damon on my 13th Birthday as I make my way over to him. It is the most beautiful piece of jewellery I have ever seen and ever since he gave it to me, I haven't taken it off.
As soon as I reach him there is nothing that we can say to each other that will make this moment okay, so we hug. We hug for what feels like hours, which in reality was probably only about five minutes. Not wanting to let each other go, he continues stroking the hair on the back of my head as we embrace each other in complete silence.
Suddenly, Damon speaks. "Please…stay with me" he says in the same broken whisper I heard on the night I found out that I was moving.
"I wish I could, Damon…" I say as tears begin to stream down my face.
He slowly pulls away from our embrace and looks at me with his bright blue eyes which I can see are begging for me to stay here in Mystic Falls with him.
Suddenly, he starts to move in closer to my lips, obviously looking for a goodbye kiss. Without realizing it, I turn away and begin to look at him with fury in my eyes.
"How could you do that to me right before I leave?" I ask, as I raise my voice. He looks at me shocked as I react in a way that he clearly wasn't expecting.
How can he expect that I can kiss him when I am this close to leaving? I can't kiss him and then just magically get into the car with my parents and leave my childhood home. If I kiss him then there is no leaving him.
"How could you leave me like this!" he asks with the most crushed and shattered look on his beautifully sculpted face. His jaw quivers and his lips are perched as he stares at me.
"ME!? This isn't my choice! I didn't decide to move my entire family all the way to Seattle" I begin to raise my voice.
"Well you chose to go!" Damon retaliates.
"Damon, what am I supposed to do? Leave my family behind because you ask me to." I sigh with utter despair.
"I'm your family too!" he practically screams. I notice that we are right back where we started. I can't go through this anymore, I think as I begin to feel myself braking down inside.
"I just… I can't" I whisper as the emotions become too overwhelming and I step away from him and begin running towards the car that will take me away from everything I have ever known.
As I run I rip the necklace from my neck so that I am not crippled every time I see it in the mirror. It's the reminder of everything I am leaving behind. As it falls into the grass I remind myself not to look back because I know I will disintegrate.
I quickly make my way to the car. Staring at my reflection in the car window I see my bare neck and start to silently cry. I curl myself into a ball on the backseat of the quiet car. I know that after today, I will never see Damon Salvatore again. I grew up with this person and I know that my life is never going to be the same after today.
A/N: Thankyou all SO SO much for reading the first chapter of Wondering Hearts! This is literally the first fanfic i have ever written and it would mean the world to me if you could review and let me know what you think! Just leave a comment telling me what you would like to see happen in future chapters.
Firstly, i would like to thank Jocey (elenasempathy) so so so much because she gave me the confidence to even think about writing a fanfic! I have always had ideas for Damon & Elena storys that i would love to read, but i have never had any confidence to actually think that it could be me writing it! She really helped me believe in myself and she is my twinflame and i love her too the moon and back xoxox
I would also like to thank Ellie for reading the story over and giving me feels to write more and more of the chapter!
Last but definetly not least, i would like to thank my beta, Anna (iwantyoudamon). Anna is literally the most paitient friend ever because with the amount of questions i have been asking her about the story and the chapter itself, i was even starting to get annoyed with myself! So, anyway thankyou soooo so much Anna for sticking by me and the chapter and making it perfect! ILY! xo
Anyway, i really really hope you enjoyed the first chapter and that you are looking forward to the rest of the story! All i can say is that it's going to get steamy and intense! Follow/Fav to make sure you don't miss a chapter! xoxo
BTW if you have any questions that you want answered message my tumblr: damonspain
P.S - the song lyrics at the top of the story is from my favorite song called Wanna Be Sure by Aidan Hawken