Trollbane: The Bane of my Sword
Troll's, the word in Warcraft known all too well. Be it the Class, Annoying False information given out, or the weapon you wield, it's a name used continuously. This is the story of my life on the Server known as Trollbane.
I started off simple In a lush area known as Elwyn Forest, with a Sword and Shield in hands (rolled a human war), my adventures had begun. Perhaps I could tell everyone of my trek from 1-60, detailing the adventures, giving out the people I met, even telling of the great times I had V.S. the bad times. But, I think it would take too long (and who wants to read a book about another's char anyway). My life truly began at level 60. The trek into Outlands, as I had only come in After BC, my time as one of one Million players had been coming closer to my grasp. I had trained as Prot from level 55, and was nearly learning the new mechanics that had come into being. More and more had I seen the game's thrilling details, and nothing excited me more than Dungeons. Granted, I was a total noob, so I rarely got into groups. But over time, I had met beginners, taken into new tactics. Yet there was still so much to learn.
My first guild at level 32 had been Mystic Illusion, a raiding guild that had dedication toward Kharazan (at the time it was important). At level 48 however it had become apparent that I had no place in it (and the guild leader was a bitch). I left, and as soon did many others. It's common to see failing guilds on this server, but none more common than those with failing guild leaders. Now, as for my time on Trollbane, many guilds had I hoped from one to another. "Mesa Grasa", "Adiaphora", "Will Quest for Food". All one disappointment after another.
At level 70, the Maximum level obtained in game, I had gotten into my First True dungeon experience of Raiding. Yes, something I hadn't even Thought about between everything happening so fast. I had much to learn interacting with 10 people over the common 5, but who knew that Pugging with "The New Jedi Order" would change my view in game forever. The Challenge and Excitement were amazing, nothing had given me such a rush than planning through a life and death situation (granted we only did 2 bosses). I got something more important than Loot, Enlightenment. I Knew what I wanted to do from there on, be a Core Raider.
At the time BC was far too advanced for me to even have a chance of Touching end game (especially since i was still learning). However, I still played too as far as I could get. Granted, it wasn't the best experience. Guild after guild had failed on me and there promises of ever actually getting far in raiding. At some point, I just stopped with them completely. Perhaps it was around Sunwell, with all the announcements i had heard of WOTLK, I decided Then would be my time. Slowly waiting, Heroic after Heroic, leveling professions, alts, etc.... The time had finally come for my trek into Northrend. alone.
I was dedicated to prove myself and get into a top ranking guild on the server so that my true desires would finally come to realization. However, at some point of level 77, it happened again. a Guild wanted me. They made the same promises as I heard in BC "we will get to end game and farther" as it goes. As I said I would normally decline, but I alone was guildless, and had nowhere to go once 80 (other than heroics). So, I decided to go along with them. If they failed to meet my expectations, then so be it. I would just as easily /gquit toward any failed guild as I had in BC in Wrath. Then, the final Ding came, and I was 80. Working on my profession and with the help of several BC epics, ready for Raid starters and Heroics. They never happened there.
Several in guild members had but 1 goal, to raid. Instead of trying themselves, they had transfered to a Different guild known as Virtus. Supposedly one of the third ranking guilds on the server, but with them accepting failed guild members so fast, I was skeptical. Nevertheless, I took to my original thoughts and /gquit once more, and had Finally gotten into my Wrath Raiding existence.
My first raid was an unexpected one, Sartharion. Supposedly the simplest boss to start with, though the new announcement of Naxx had people more excited and wanting to get it over with. Thusly, it went by painlessly and easily. It was off too Naxx soon after. We had expected bumps in the roads along the way, that was natural in raiding (and so was death). Upon killing the first boss, things had begun to show through as Fun again, and things had become interesting toward each member. I don't remember where or how but at some point, I never typed or said anything in raiding that wasn't asked directly at me. I had learned in past guild experiences that guild members 2 cents don't mean anything when it comes to the guild leaders sense of pride. So naturally, when we had come to a boss that had a simple solution, no one, including me, spoke up.
In raiding, I began to wonder if the word MMO played any part. At most of the times it seems more like a Single player game where one leader would be commanding a squad of forces to do his work. If he failed, he'd stubbornly try again until somehow it had worked out. This was constant in many failed guilds I had been in. I had expectations for Higher ends guilds, being open minded and letting each player place an opinion before blame. But I suppose, blame is where the leader (and no one else) doesn't like to stand.
We had downed our first wing and left for the night. Yes we were all starters so this was natural. And so, it had soon begun. The guild started expanding in Members and activity, and 25's were just around the corner. Maybe it was the excitement of the guild, but at some point I had opened up inside. I had more of a presence in guild and more power in raiding, which is something I had desired for a long time. I thought perhaps this was a place I could stick with and call home once and for all. I was, all too wrong. The guild had soon begun to show it's true colors. At the end of Naxx, Maly was the final end game. Something we so desired, but never accomplished. We had no hope of downing them with more and more inactive members happening each day. People had started to show there true colors. Dedicated members had been stuck to 22, 18 and 10 man raids. Dwindling more and more each day. The truth had come out of yet another failing guild.
Apparently, something had happened in BC that had knocked this once mighty guild down to it's lower rankings. People had even asked me what happened, but since I had only come in on wrath I never found out. Nor did I care for that matter. If a guild serves it's purpose that I had searched for, then I would have been happy. But they had shown to be uncaring, and so I did as well. It was time to make my move.
My gear was showing and I had known how to play my char inside and out. The time had come for me to get my hopes in action. There were only 2 guilds that had the highest rate of succession on the server I had known. II and the Fallen. While the fallen were the top ranking, in BC I had tried for them, and at the time, I had never truly gotten a solid response as to why they didn't want me. So I didn't think they'd be open for second chances if that was the case. Irrefutably Insane was my last hope. I had known several people in the guild who had been in there for a long time, So for once I had known what I was getting into. I bared my grounds, gave an app, got accepted, and my life went nuts.
Virtus members had been flocking away for awhile now, for some reason I was a target for there GL and I had but not known why exactly anything had turned out the way it did. I was harassed for Several days for abandoning a dieing guild. Perhaps it was stress from the matter or the fact that two of his officers had left the server, but it was possibly the most insane thing I had ever seen. Surprisingly my new guild stuck to me, and for that atleast I appreciated them. For the time being, I prepared myself to show what exactly I could do, b but naturally that took a bit. Patiences was a virtue, and I had plenty of it. Ya see, I never really Wanted a guild where I would e the focus of attention or get a boat load of loot, or be dragged through because I wasn't geared/knowledgeable etc.... I wanted a guild that I Knew could succeed. As long as I Knew they were progressing and members were Active and happy, I didn't mind waiting on the sides for Months. So, after 2 weeks of patiences, my time had come. I had shown everyone what I was made of. Dedicated, I came to any raid 100% prepared (and giving in alot of cases). I had played 100% to my best, and in the end, what was a matter of Days of work in virtus which I had assumed were natural, had become a 2-3 day grind of raids, soon to just be 2 days. Things were looking up, I was becoming Exactly what I had wanted for so long. a Powerful end game raider that couldn't be stopped. For awhile I was happy. Guild based heroics over Pug's, achievements being knocked down one after another. People being Rewarded for showing up on time and being active, it was possibly my best experience to date. But, as my life had shown me, it was all too unforgiving.
Soon after, the time had come to face one of the toughest challenges in game S3D, what was considered the True end game, something they had never attempted. It was hard, and my only experience had been S1D. It was there that, perhaps realization toward the guild had shown through. I had been accepted as one of the tanks to attempt the strat. We had gone over it over and over. We had much expectations of death's (who wouldn't) and for the first few attempts, even through deaths, it was somewhat fun. However, the stress of such a high end raid can bring out the true nature in anyone. People were getting upset, finger's were secretly pointed, and the first week of S3D had ended with an S2D. 2 days of work, however it had shown through. People knew the strat's and the attempt was flawless on S2D. It had shown progress, and how by simply changing 1 simple thing in Any raid can drastically alter a fight.
Around that time, I dunno when my voice had started to show up again, but the guild was so active at times, I had ideas that I wanted to express (and things to say since people love to talk on vent). Valid ideas and ones that like most people are opinions based and debatable. My ideas, while true to the fact that they are tough ones, were excepted. In Naxx, when something went wrong, it seemed so simple for anyone to point it out, granted they weren't always accepted but they were given none the less. With the stress of things such as achievements and such, people began to question more and more when it came to strategy's. Simple matters that could be handled, but the later they came, the hared it was for them to be accepted. Maybe it was the fear of not wanting to lose my spot in a guild anymore, but when people simply tell me not to talk anymore I listen. But at some points, I think my experiences in the past conflict to much with my current standings.
S3D had come once again, and I was chosen. 1 Night that would possibly be do or die now (it was die alt though). It was the time of patch day and I had missed the first night of there attempts due to an issues earlier on that day, but I didn't figure too much had changed. I was wrong. A New strategy to learn that, unfortunately no one had bothered to tell anyone new to the raid about. So naturally, the first few attempts were unexpected. I was learning how to control/adjust to the whole experience to begin with, so the stress of having this many attempts so far were getting to people. Naturally the ""your at fault" game came to those who were new, and things got hectic. I was getting tired of it myself tbh. Not to say, I'm not a patient person, but when getting things together, and after so many attempts, I had seen the flaws. I could have spoken up, I should have, I didn't. Why? Well I and a few others were the new guys surrounded by Veterans officers and friends/family, just trying to keep our spots in guild. We were under enough stress of having to wonder how exactly everyone saw us to begin with, and what exactly was going on behind our backs. But, nevertheless, the conflict continued. In the end, replacements were had, the kill was made and everyone was happy. Well, most of everyone.
To say the least, I have been in guilds that work you hard for a reason, but things being said and happening were similar to events I had in a guild not too long ago. Yes, I speak of Virtus. Weather it was no one accepting a new strat or the GL yelling his head off hoping it would get everyone to work better, it all seemed just too, similar. Yet, the guild was progressing. This got e wondering What exactly in the guild was different? Was it more members who gave more dedication, or just having more members? Was the ranking of a guild only as good as those who decide too work hard or be hard? If people spoke up more often would it make a difference? Was it still one person playing or were there more connections? How can you really measure a guild? What I'm saying, in the end is what is the measure of a player who has dedication, ideas and hope of reaching his goals in the end? Is it truly just like IRL where even if you give 100% at something you won't get it? But isn't that the point of a game? To escape that fact?
Is Wow really just a reflection of what is to come in your own future? Try hard, die hard and obtain everything or nothing? Or is it really just, people who you know/been longer have the upper hand over everything?
Well, I'm getting heavy now. I'll get back to my experience's. Soon after, raiding had picked up again, and achievements had, well, come up once more. Maybe it was a stress or just feeling tires, but I didn't feel like I was making much of an impact anymore. My life on 10 mans had become, wanting more often. Sure, I wanted to see S3D and show off my skills once and for all, toss out my ideas now that Everyone had gotten the stress of the first kill off them, and tell the Truth about how peoples opinions Matter and how just because your New doesn't mean you should be ignored or left out. Believe me I wasn't the only one in guild who thought this. But, that time never came. When S3D came up the veterans ran again and we were left to the sidelines.
Now I'm never one to hold onto anything unnecessary in or after time, but when Naxx had once again showed up, 20 man achievements were expected after the hardest kill in game. Now, I'm all for progress. But when things turn into, well, hectic, it gets to ya. It was only on the last boss, considered one of the toughest for a 20 man, but it wasn't our best night. Wipe after wipe, yet after several attempts things were starting to build up. Comments, remarks of death, and lack of sleep were getting to people. My strategy's were simple enough, yet people pressed on them for change only half way through (which at this point wasn't the smartest idea). I don't know if it was lack of sleep or something uncontrollable, but it was Not one of my better nights, dieing atleast 3 times to pointless things which had never happened before. Yet in the end we succeeded. I didn't think of it being too much of an impact being 1 bad night of trying something new, but I guess people don't always see it that way.
In the end of it all I was denied from the guild with no appeal, reasons being the same conflicts that had happened in the past (not speaking up or at the wrong time). It seems like the phrase "when one door closes and other opens", would be appropriate, but not in this case. It seems like I'd been slamming those doors for the past year and a half myself, now I get one slammed in my face. Where do you go when you have no where left on a server? No where. It's over and time to try anew.
This is the reason Trollbane had been considered the bane of my existence for so long. There was no place for someone like me in the end of each of my hopes, and those that had tried failed. It gets me to question just where exactly my Next step will take me. will it all just be down the same path, or can there be something different in the end of it all? Is there a reason for not wanting to see something is so bad or impossible? Has my personality been so distorted thanks to so many bad guilds that I have no hope of becoming what I want?
Well it comes down to it, I'll probably never know. Makes me wish I hadn't been suggested to this place in the first place. Maybe if things were different, but the question is, would I be?
In Conclusion: (or tldr for most people)
My reasons are as stands for each and every experience that I've had on this server. You can take this ass QQ if you'd like, I just felt the need to state the fact's before I try again in another server, though that won't be for awhile as I still need much to do here. Perhaps there's alot I'm still leaving behind, but I can only regret what I lose and hope things turn out better in the end. There's nothing more most people in my position can really do like that either. I hope things turn out better in the future for me and maybe even for this server. But, I just hope, there is actually a place for my hopes in game as well.