Harry watched absentminded as the giant squid broke the ice covered surface of the great lake. Soon it would dive back into the dark depths of the cold water. He knew exactly what it felt like. Snow covered the lawns around the great castle, which was always full of noisy students to distract his mind from thinking clearly. Sometimes he just needed to be alone. Even though he had to sit here, in the middle of the freezing snow while twilight became dusk. The Christmas holidays were just over and nearly everyone had been home to celebrate Christmas with their parents and siblings.
But not Harry, he thought bitterly and made a circle in the snow with his finger. He really liked the Weasleys. He did. But it was not the same. No matter how much Mrs. Weasley would love Harry, she would always love Ron more. He felt… alone.
He put his hand flat in the snow and felt it sink in, as the snow burned painfully against his bare skin. No pain he hadn't tried before. Pain was always worse when it came from inside. He, Harry, should be the one to know. He had experienced quite a few different pains during his life, he thought as he squeezed a handful of snow.
Everything felt so complicated. It would be so much easier just to give up and become a majonet to the ministry. A little dog being dragged around blindly. No responsibility.
But no. He couldn't do that. He would never give in to the Ministry precisely like he would never give in to Voldemort. He threw the snow far away. He saw it fly higher and higher and then… dive… Fall and fall and then hit the lake and break.
He watched as the squid once again broke the icy surface and dived back. That was how it felt. Surrounded by black and cold water of trouble and complications far bigger than what his brains were able to sort out. He could see the light of solutions when he looked up, but every time he tried to swim against it, he was dragged further back until darkness surrounded him completely.
- "Harry!" The call brought him back to the darkened snow sparkling reality. Beautiful but cold and complicated.
Though the callers silhouette were about 10 meters away he knew the voice immediately. Hermione fought her way determinedly towards him through the snow. Harry didn't answer, but just watched as she came closer.
- Harry, she said again, how long time have you been sitting here? I was worried about you! It's freezing out here, you're gonna be sick you know! I couldn't find you in the castle or at Hagrid's…
- 'Mione calm down will you! I'm fine, I just needed a moment of peace!
But he felt cold. Cold and tired. So tired he could hardly manage to stand up again. His body was stiff and achy after the long time in the snow.
Hermione sat down beside him. They sat for a moment in silence while the darkness crept further in on them. The sky was clear and the first stars had begun twinkling.
Normally a silence like this would be feeling awkward, but it felt comfortable. You say that it takes long time for people to be able to speak together, but even longer to be able to be quiet together.
Suddenly Hermione grabbed his hand. Though her hand was as cold as his he felt warmth spread inside his body. It felt like drinking butter beer or a hot potion. It was not the feeling he had had with Cho. This was different. It felt… comfortable and secure. Made him forget all his troubles for a moment.
- You know that if any spell in the world could put me into your shoes, I would take your place Harry.
And Harry knew. He knew without even thinking. And even though that spell did not exist, those words were enough to him. They worked better than any spell he could think of.
Hermione gave his hand a little squeeze and then stood up.
- I'm going back in. She said. Are you coming?
Harry cleared his throat.– Yeah, just give me a second. You go. I'll be there in a minute.
Hermione nodded and began going back against the castle.
As Harry listened to the squeaky noise of Hermione's footsteps in the snow fait away he took a deep, teeth chattering breath. He looked at the moon. How come he had not been able to see? Because, what is the definition of a family? Strong bands. That is the only thing that counts in the end. And they were right here in the safe and familiar surroundings. The cold hardness around him suddenly felt much more friendly.
Harry stood up on stiff legs and began walking back towards the castle. Towards his home.