Not enough Warrior humor fics out there. Legends change over time. After a while, they become so twisted, they are barely recognizable. Welcome to a rewrite of extrordianry proportions. Welcome to a Prophecy that's been mutilated over all those years. Welcome to Fire Alone Can save Our Clan: Just Make Sure the Kits Don't Touch it!

Fire Alone Can Save Our Clan:

Just Make Sure the Kits Don't Touch it!

Prologue: Storyteller

Turtlekit, a young she-cat, yawned as she walked into the clearing. She was hoping to get a story from the elders today. Three other kits toppled over her instead.

"Ger'off!" Turtlekit screeched. "I wanna go to the elder's and hear a story!"

"That's a good idea!" another ThunderClan kit, Rosekit, mewed.

"Let's go!" agreed Bluekit.

"But I want to stay and beat everyone up!" wailed Saberkit. But everyone had already left the ThunderClan clearing and was heading to the elders' den. "Why don't they listen to me?" Inner Saberkit asked. "I have good ideas… Ach, those foxdungs are already there. Might as well go." He followed along scornfully.

"Mudpelt, tell us a story!" Turtlekit whined to the grumpy roused elder.

"Yeah!" all of the other kits demanded.

"I'm becoming too old to be an elder," Mudpelt, a tortoiseshell tom, growled. "How about the story of Firepaw?"

"Okay!" Turtlekit meowed excitedly.

"Very well," he began. "This is ThunderClan's story…

Moonlight lit the rocks of the RiverClan border with a somewhat eerie glow. The smooth washed rocks gleamed, unaware of the madness that would occur so soon. Ah. Here it comes now.

Tigerclaw brought himself up close to another cat on the RiverClan side; a bracken colored tom. "Oakheart!" he barked in sharp demand. "You know you're not allowed to be in ThunderClan territory!"

"Tigerclaw, you know very well I dropped the key to Atlantis here last Thursday!" he growled back. "It's always at Sunningrocks! It's so slippery here."

"Well… I don't care. ThunderClan, attack!" Tigerclaw bowled over Oakheart easily.

Suddenly, a screech erupted from the clearing. "Oh, dear little ol' me!" Mousefur cried as a RiverClan cat rather embarrassedly bit at her tail. "Someone save me! I'm just a young little warrior! Oh, don't turn and pay attention everyone. My tail is fine!"

Tigerclaw scoffed and muttered something about "drama queens" and "squirrels taste best in leaf-bare." As every cat stopped and watched, he picked up the attacker in his jaws and threw him into the river.

"Now you can start attacking again," he informed the watching crowd before going off to Oakheart. They did some sissy fighting moves not of any real mention, and Redtail was becoming increasingly bored from his perch.

"Guys, this is just lame to open the story," he yawned. "Who wants to go back to ThunderClan and gossip about how cats keep believing in a Whitestorm/Bluestar pairing?"

The RiverClan cats stopped again, a little annoyed as the other cats looked nervously at each other, most nodding and raising their paws and tails. Well, except for Tigerclaw.

"I've already told you Whitestorm and Bluestar don't like each other," he growled, exasperated.

"Atlantis may not be lost!" Oakheart suddenly excitedly whispered, with many other RiverClanners brightening.

"Well, Tigey, majority wins," Redtail said with a flick of the tail. "Let's get going gossiping then.

Furiously, Tigerclaw looked at the RiverClanners as they undug the sacred key to Atlantis. Darn them. He so wanted to get to Atlantis next week and buy some cupcakes. "Now my sugar cravings will never cease," he muttered. Looking up to Redtail, he added, "And I am NOT planning to murder you!"

"Hey Bluey! What's up with my Home dawg?" A pretty tortoiseshell leapt out of the bushes to her grayish leader, Bluestar, who was staring up at the sky in the clearing of ThunderClan camp. "Waiting on StarGang again?"

"Times like these we need StarClan's guidance," 'Bluey' sniffed. "How're the others, Spottedleaf?"

"Chillin'. Maybe StarGang's gonna give us a good rap for once."

"I hope so," Bluestar murmured. "I can't believe my warriors returned to talk about weird pairings involving their own leader! What have I done wrong?"

Spottedleaf suddenly produced an accordion from her den as she sang:

You fell in love with a RiverClan cat,

Gave your kits; your greed was fat,

You didn't listen to Fireheart,

We could always put this on a chart!

You jumped into a gorge with dogs,

Weren't there as Twolegs gathered logs,

You let Tigerclaw become deputy,

You handled everything stupidly!

And then you died,

Then you died,

And no one cared!

Because your death was fared!

And Mistyfoot and Stonefur,

Hate their real mother!

Kind of like Star Wars in a way!

And no one cares your dying day!

"I get the point!" Blustar snarled before she got to verse five. "But I still want a message from StarClan."

"Wait," Spottedleaf said suddenly as a shooting star flashed across the sky. Her fur bristled and she looked up in awe. Bluestar sat by but said nothing.

"StarGang has spoken," she gasped. "Fire alone can save our clan…"

"What does it-'' Bluestar began but didn't finish as Spottedleaf bopped her on the muzzle.

"I'm not finished yet! Fire alone can save our clan, just make sure the kits don't touch it!"

Bluestar's expression fell into a scowl. "Uh, no one likes fire."

"StarClan is better than you," Spottedleaf pointed out in a not so lightly way.

"Fine," Bluestar relented reluctantly. "You've only been wrong four times before, Spottedleaf. Fire will save the clan, as long as the kits don't touch it."

Hope ya like it Next chapter's gonna come up soon, with random mice, ownage, stalking and Nobel Peace Prizes!