Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade or any of its characters.

A/N: I started this a long time ago and had all the pieces together but never got around to typing it up, so here goes nothing! It is a (predominately one sided) Ray/Kai romance with a weird plot but I tried to keep it light and humorous but I tend to get off track sometimes. Haha, anyway, off I go!

Chapter One: Spring Fever

"If you died this second would there be anything you'd regret not saying?" Tyson mused, seemingly to nobody in particular. We (Tyson, Max, Kenny, Hilary, and I) had been watching late night TV in Max's living room. I had been ignoring most of everything to fiddle around with a camera that Mariah and Lee had sent me for my birthday. I had just gotten it in the mail today and had spent all hours afterwards trying to figure out how to turn it on. Hey, come on, un-advanced Neko-jin here. I have no electronical (is that even a word?) skills whatsoever. It was strange that they would even send it to begin with since Lee has trouble operating a toaster…so, I couldn't even imagine how they figured this thing out. Especially since (not to brag) I have a better ability at picking up new things quickly and I am still struggling with it. I suppose they could have asked Kevin who has a bit more experience in this sort of thing. Although last I checked, he still kinda hated me. Maybe he was the one who actually sent it, knowing that it would drive me crazy. It had been addressed from Mariah though. I'm not quite sure if that hatred had spread to the rest of them again but there had to be some reason they sent me such a torturous device.

"Who's dying?" I ask, not actually giving him my attention, or catching Max's blank stare and Hilary's 'you're so stupid' look. Although she is always pretty good for those. Especially when Tyson is involved. It saved us from having to say it. Not that we haven't on occasion but even we get tired of pointing out the obvious sometimes. Thanks Hilary.

"Nobody is dying! Hypothetically…like, what kinds of things would your friends and family find out about you after your death that they never knew? Like secrets!" Tyson went on, ignoring the looks. Hypothetically? I didn't even know Tyson knew such a big word… And why does this feel like it is leading towards a game of Truth or Dare? What happened to playing in the park and rough housing? Have we grown too old for that now? I'm not sure TV is an appropriate substitute. It seems kind of boring to me in comparison…

Max shakes his head and grabs at him for the remote but Tyson dodges by jumping over the couch to the other side.

"Come on! Clearly you and CSI marathons don't mix. When did you start liking that anyway?" Max moves to counter his escape. A scuffle starts as they dance around the room and Hilary rolls her eyes. Maybe I was mistaken about being too old for that after all.

"Boys…" Hilary sighs. She should be used to this by now. If she hates it so much, why is she always hanging around with us? I mean, there are other bladers out there that are more mature. Like Emily! She's even halfway decent and probably much better company as a girl. They could paint their nails and do their hair…or whatever girls do for fun. Unless Hilary has some other reason she is always with us instead. *cough*Tyson*cough*

Maybe that's HER secret. She does tend to show her emotions the most when the said blader is involved. One second she is all gung-ho supportive and the next she is absolutely hostile. If that isn't love I dunno what is. She hides it very well with that condescending look she is sending the two of them as she tries to avoid getting caught up in the wrestling match they had started. Just kidding, I think it has to be something else.

I would be scared for Tyson if that were true. Maybe she is waiting for him to mature before making a move? She could be waiting quite a while. Patience of a saint if that is the case. I think she is going to develop a complex from all those furrowed brows that he seems to bring out of her before that happens. She might be better off going after Kenny. At least the two of them have things in common (like how annoyed Tyson can get them). That might just be avoiding the real issue there though. And picturing Kenny with anyone is kind of awkward. Except maybe Tyson as well… Does this guy get all the attention? Obviously Max would win that fight anyway. Just look at them, those two are like Siamese twins! Except not connected and not at all alike in appearance. Maybe more like fraternal twins, with different parents.

Anyway…enough about all that. *shudder*

Despite my distraction (and inner musing on Hilary's/Kenny's preferences in love interests *shudder again*), Tyson actually has my mind going. Not that I have a whole secret life going on like the people they have on those TV shows, but have you ever felt like you were two different people? I don't mean like split personalities either. Those are usually unaware of each other's existence, I think. This however, is a fully conscience awareness. Two different people conflicting inside but one showing openly on the outside. The outside one of course being the person that everyone else sees and expects… This is the person that you've always been and nobody can imagine not being who you are. Maybe it was growing up. Maybe it was hormones, or age, or any number of things that could cause such a change.

But somehow there is this other person that also existed in me…the one that I wouldn't show. The secret thoughts that pass through my head but that the people I know would never actually consider to be things that I would say or think. I have always been one to hold my tongue unless it was important to the situation. I support my friends. I look at things carefully and provide the best solutions that I know. I laugh when it is appropriate and scowl when it is not. I show self-confidence and pride, but know when to concede. Over the years I have been pretty consistent with my outer me. I have the same interests, I share the same insights, I go to the same places, and do the same things. I smile at Tyson and Max's antics and Hilary and Kenny's annoyances. And yet somehow…over these years, I feel like I've changed a lot more than they have and in a different way. This person started to developed different feelings and different views on things. It was almost like I had changed in some way that I didn't quite understand or was ready to accept.

So I hid this alteration. Out of fear or guilt or maybe even courtesy, I chose not to let it show. I wanted people to see the old reliable Ray, the one they knew and loved, and not this…different…me that I didn't even understand sometimes myself. Both sides were still equally me but are so unalike that it is almost impossible to believe. I started to wonder if it would ever come out. Could anyone really keep a secret self? And for how long? Eventually something would happen to make you slip up. Right?

"No, listen! I'm serious!" Uh-oh, Tyson is serious. Somebody call reinforcements… "I want you guys to know that you can tell me anything. We are friends over anything else!" I would have been touched by such a remark but it was that moment that I discovered the play button and a picture popped up on the camera's previously blank screen.

"Hey Ray-Ray, miss us yet?" Mariah. A wink and then Lee's back.

"What are you doing Mariah? Talking to yourself again?"

"Say hello to Ray, Lee! I'm making him a special birthday video so he can pretend we're there with him and he won't get lonely." Lee moves and Mariah waves over his shoulder, smiling brightly. Lee turns around with a confused look on his face.

"Where did you get that thing? And why is it glowing?" He gets really close as if looking at something and Mariah swats him away.

"It's recording, you're gonna ruin it! Just say hi!" He huffs and then seems to realize what she'd said.

"Recording?" It sinks in. "Oh…" He suddenly gets stiff and tries to hide a blush as he appears to get camera shy. He waves awkwardly. "Um…hi…Ray?" Then he walks away quickly and there is a loud crash and an "Ow". Everything leaves the view except the wall (or is that the ceiling?).

"Oh Lee, watch where you are going! You messed it up! Now I have to start over again!"

"This is stupid. Why can't we just send a card?!"

"I thought this would be more personal! And I did send a card!" Struggling sounds and a few disgruntled noises and then it goes blank again. I smile a little. Good ol' Lee. The camera itself seemed in good shape for surviving his antics. Ah the wonders of technology…

It had been almost 2 years since I had been home. Travelling with the guys wherever they went had seemed much more exciting. Sure I missed my family, but truthfully, there wasn't much left back home. After being out in the real world, it was, let's face it, boring. And yeah all that family obligation and junk existed but that why Lee and Mariah had returned. At first they had been angry at my departure so they sent me gifts and things from home that might make me nostalgic enough to return. I wouldn't be surprised if seeing Mariah and Lee on film wasn't a ploy to make me miss them more. Beyblade season was over and summer was here so I would have less excuses to use to evade them. But there were more personal reasons why I wanted to avoid returning this time.

"That's it?" It is then that I realize I had captured the attention of everyone else as well. Tyson had voiced another thought of mine and I turn the camera over to see if it's still running. Still not quite sure what I am doing, I close it and look up at Tyson and Max, both of which are looking rather disappointed. At least they had stopped their fighting.

"I'm surprised that got that much," I laugh. "We don't have very many things like this in our little village…"

"Yeah, you don't even have phones," Tyson flops down on the couch and starts flipping channels. "But that was nice of them…" And his interest is lost. Max goes back to trying to gain control of the remote and Hilary goes on complaining about how immature boys are. All that was missing was one of Kai's 'don't put me in that category' glares. And maybe Kenny. He'd left somewhere between the fifth episode of CSI and Tyson's random musings and friendship speech. Funny how one minute Tyson is rambling about being perfect friends and the next he is pushing Max off the couch into the coffee table with a hard thud. Ouch, that had to sting. I wince. He's laughing so I'm sure it's okay though. I wince again as another thud sounds as Tyson is backed into a different piece of furniture, not losing his grip on the object of desire even slightly. Such fortitude, that guy…

"You guys better stop this before you break something!" I was actually grateful to Hilary for tagging along with us. I felt less obligated to babysit Tyson and Max when Kai wasn't around to shut them up with his glares. Although I had taken over that responsibility even in Kai's presence a long time ago. Kai was more like an 'I'll die before I act like I care' kind of person. He pretty much ignored everyone as long as he didn't become a victim of their playfulness, unless he somehow was forced to become the voice of reason when even I was swept up in them. At least Hilary had the decency to give me a little break from having to be the mature one of the group. It gave me more time for inner monologues and pondering my existence. I wonder if that's what Kai does when he's ignoring us. It's so hard to get into his head.

I bet you were probably wondering about Kai too actually. Since I hadn't mentioned him in detail up 'til now. Well he wasn't in the immediate area anyway, he was…around.

Sigh.

I guess it is time to finish my previous musings. I didn't finish on purpose. I have been trying to decide if it is important enough to mention or if saying it out loud would make it more "real". Maybe spitting it out to relieve myself of the pressure of hiding it would be better for my mental health. It is just really hard to accept, especially for me. It actually ties into why I won't go home a bit as well. Dishonor. Humiliation. Shame. Embarrassment. How many ways could I hurt just about everyone who has supported me for the last few years? Lee and Mariah had forgiven me for leaving the first time. Tyson and Kenny had forgiven me for leaving the second time. But who would forgive me if they found out that there was a part of me that still wasn't honest with them? I wasn't honest with myself, even. It was too confusing! I guess I will try to explain.

I started with Lee and Mariah for a reason as well. I had known for a while that I wasn't attracted to girls. Partly because of Mariah. She'd always been like a little sister to me. It was a bit strange when she started making advances at me, but I had never felt anything back or indicated that I had those same impulses. I had always assumed it was because of our friendship and the fact that we had all grown up together. Lee, as my brother. Mariah, my sister. It was not easy to cross a line into a different way of thinking about her. Then, I had met Tyson and the others and it was like she no longer existed. Hmm, no, that's not quite right. Time went by quickly, however, and she was not on my mind as it went.

It wasn't just her though. I never had 'feelings' for anyone but it started to become clear that I thought about guys more often than I did girls. I wasn't ready to admit something like being gay. I just had always had other things that were more important. Like Beyblade. If anything, my love for Beyblade way out trumped any feelings for another person that might be aroused. It had everything I ever wanted and brought up a passion in me that I couldn't get from anything else. So I had to admit that Beyblade was the love of my life. Having that change seemed so…abnormal…to me. I spent a lot of time after some more recent events pondering over what my priorities should be in the future and that is when it all became so confusing. Outside thoughts changed the way my old thoughts seemed to operate. The once proud "I can do anything because I believe in myself" Ray Kon was thrown off by these little uncontrolled impulses whose meaning I had yet to fully interpret. It wasn't until those events that I realized just how much of it was out of my control… I also realized that Beyblade left one part of me empty and there was only one thing that could take up a space like that. I'm getting ahead of myself though. Let me just tell you how it happened.

It was an ordinary spring night. Just like any other night really. We were all lazing around in Tyson's bedroom: Max draped over a chair he'd drug in from another room; Tyson hovering over Kenny, who was downloading data onto Tyson's computer to show us all; Kai standing, leaning on a wall that was the farthest away from them; and me, I was lying face down on the bed, propped up on my elbows waiting for this "new, awesome program" to get started. Okay so maybe I was the only one lazing… Hilary had been there in the beginning of the meeting but it was starting to get late so she had to go home.

Anyway, while Chief was in the middle of trying to educate us on a new Beyblade design, there was a sudden loud banging (maybe more like popping) noise and the power went out. Now I don't know how up to date you are on Tyson's bedroom at night, but it isn't exactly brimming with light displays, especially on a night with no moon. In fac, it was so dark that waving your own hand in front of your face would be hard to see.

"Hey!" Tyson had let out a yelp and I heard shuffling as he moved. He somehow must have tripped over Max because I heard Max cry out and a thump, followed by some groans. Instinctively I had moved to help, grabbing for the bedpost to pull myself up, only what I grabbed hadn't been a bedpost at all. It was something soft…and warm. Instead of letting go, I looked up and my eyes met with those red piercing ones (which actually seem quite bright in this darkness) and I realized it is Kai's arm that I had grabbed instead. The (intense) eye contact (whether increased by the dark or maybe the embarrassment that had suddenly washed over me), made me blush and I felt my whole body start to heat up.

Now, at this point, any reasonable person (fool) who had just grabbed onto Kai in the dark would have the knowledge, mind and reflexes to let go and apologize, but (of course) not me. Me? I'd rather act like a deer caught in a trap and just stare at him as my stomach starts to do this weird flip flopping thing and my heart seems to stop. It wasn't like I had never looked Kai in the eye before because there was something about this particular time that was altered. My whole body reacted, as if a connection was made that was never there before. And it was then that I started to notice that something was different here. Instead of my life flashing before my eyes (like others faced with a near death experience…well not really death but it's Kai, so you know what I mean…), instances of our time spent together flashed through: The first time we met; the first time he praised me; the first time he aided me; the first time he laughed with us; saving him from his past; growing closer as a team; him sleeping next to me during trips; the showers; the gym. He always seemed to be around when you needed him and he always seemed the closest to me. He always knew what to say and when to say it. Nothing was ever wasted for him. I had built up a complete admiration for him and at that moment it all seemed to reveal itself to me at once. The way he…

Reality reintroduced itself and my new found feelings were snapped out of me as Kai had brushed my hand away and went on to help the others. I withdrew in a daze, still feeling a tingling and the heat he had stirred inside me (and the thoughts) as he moved away. I opened my mouth to apologize, finally realizing that time hadn't stopped after all, but just as the words start to rise, the lights popped back on and my attention was drawn to the lamp. After settling into the knowledge of having power again, my eyes shot back to Kai, who had succeeded in the untangling of Max, Tyson, Kenny, and the chair. He had fixed Max's chair and was now making sure that nobody was bleeding. I sat up and tried to catch his eye again but Tyson's grandfather burst through the door, nearly knocking Tyson over once more as he had been reaching for that door to go see what was happening outside it.

"Oh sorry, T-man, I was just checkin' you dogs for trouble. My new toy popped a fuse but it seems okay now. Ya dig?" The man has such a way with words.

"Thanks Gramps, I think you broke my computer." Some more dialogue passed between them as everything was checked for damage, Kai returned to the wall as if he had never interfered, and my chance to apologize was gone. My intimate feelings however, were not. I'd become a bundle of girlish nerves whenever we were together in an enclosed area. I did well not to show it openly but it was torture to be face to face with him for any reason. His mere presence was enough to make me lose my thoughts and intelligence. To him it was as if nothing had happened, which is how it should have been for me too. He never brought it up and he didn't treat me any differently. In actuality I noticed just how much time we really DID spend together. With my new awareness of him it even seemed like it was more often than it had been before. The fact that he hung around me more than the other guys because I was less "rambunctious" didn't help that either. And if that wasn't bad enough already, these dreams started up too…

They all began the same. We were all doing normal things in our usual places, always casual, always with the group. Kai would come over and offer to practice with me or show me something new and I'd follow him like a puppy and then he'd smirk and he'd grab me or I'd grab him and…I won't get expressive but you get the idea. It wasn't kid's stuff that's for sure.

It was the dreams that made almost every normal activity with Kai around almost impossible for me to concentrate on. It was affecting my game and to make it worse, I think Kai noticed. He's Kai, how could he not? I didn't know for sure since he never said anything outright, but he had started directly challenging me. The two could possibly not be related because, well, Kai has Kai motives behind all his actions and challenges weren't a strange thing to come from him. He could have just noticed that my game was off and was trying to help me get it back, but I'm paranoid and self-conscious so of course I think it's him knowing. Those two disruptive things seemed a lot more familiar to me now that I had something I wanted to hide. The old Ray would have never chosen to hide anything, especially a whole other person inside.

Nobody else seemed to notice the inner distress. I had become good at developing a very believable mask for everyone. I could fool myself really. Almost. Not really. I wish.

"Hey Ray, are you excited about camp?" Tyson interrupts my little flashback/brooding. I look away from the camera, which I had been staring at intently. To anyone else it probably had looked like I was still trying to figure it out by silently going over everything I had already learned about it.

"What? Oh yeah, sure," I mumble and start to fiddle with the buttons again, refocusing on that task in hand. I'm determined to figure this thing out if it kills me. If Mariah can do it, so can I! And I should send it back with a video of my own, just to show them that their little game won't work. Of course I'd have to tape it another time…wouldn't want Tyson being involved. Or maybe he should be. Hmm… I could bring it to camp and show them that I am not just avoiding them for play time, but I don't know how well that would go over, with them or with the guys. They might think I was sharing some team secrets or something.

"I'm really happy you guys get to go this year! It's so much fun with friends!" Max. I had mentioned that we were at Max's right? We were spending the summer in America because Max's Mom had heard about this camp here that was supposed to be good for sharpening our Beyblading skills and we had all agreed to go. Well three of us had. Hilary was only here temporarily because the camp was an all-boys camp but she had been allowed a week or so before we left to visit and wish us off. And of course Kenny didn't do well with the outdoors sans his computer so he had adamantly declined the invitation. He and Hilary were actually leaving tomorrow to go back to Japan. Max had gone to this camp in previous years and had been raving about it for weeks. If it hadn't been for my Kai issue, I would have been too. I was more afraid of anyone realizing just how much of an issue it was becoming. I had even had thoughts of quitting Beyblading to collect myself, or at least the team. I wasn't quite sure where I would go since home wasn't a place where I would get much thinking done. I was hoping that this camp would help me refocus more so I wouldn't have to consider that option further… Beyblade was my first love after all. You never forget a first.

"What are you doing with that thing?" I look up and almost drop the camera as Kai sits down next to me, crossing his legs elegantly. That was another issue. I seemed to have become quite a lot more poetic in my thoughts since involving myself with quiet contemplations. This might be something a training camp may not be enough to help with. Anyone know a good therapist?

"Ah, hey Kai, better late than never, eh?" I smile, hoping it doesn't look as awkward as it feels. I feel my face start to heat up and try to think about other things. Oh? When did Hilary leave?

"Hn." He crosses his arms but is still waiting for an answer to his question.

"I'm…"

"He's been fiddling with that thing all day. Lee and Mariah sent it with a home video. It took him 6 hours to figure out how to turn it on." Thanks Tyson. Remind me to take you off the buffet list at my next party… I didn't see you helping at all. Smug jerk… Random resentments towards Tyson had also developed. I'm just a basket case now. Old Ray would hate me. Maybe I should hate me. What have I ever done to myself to make me hate me? I could really use a drink right now… Just kidding! My life should remain PG-13. Or at least 17, since that's how old I am.

"Technology confuses me…" My smile fades as I hide my face in embarrassment. I quickly recompose myself before it looks more suspicious than it already is. "I should have asked Kenny to show me."

"Kenny just went to grab something. He'll be back!" Was I talking to you?

I send Tyson a look, then put the camera aside. I wasn't getting anywhere anyway and now that Kai was here I wouldn't be able to concentrate much past my waning composure. It took a lot of effort to keep this perfect cover intact. I wonder if I could train myself to ignore his presence the way that I ignore Tyson and Max.

Could be a new challenge.

Except my heart stops every time he gets too close. Like now. As he is crossing my personal space to pick up the camera and turn it over in his hands.

Help! Quick! Somebody! Ahh!

I let out the breath I am holding in, slowly, so he won't notice. Luckily he also doesn't seem to notice that my body had stiffened for that brief second that his hand had brushed close to mine. He seemed more interested in my camera than what Max was now rambling in his ear. I'm not too sure what that is about either. Something about a shoe and a squirrel? Or a mailbox? I'm not really listening either… And when did they stop fighting again? Was Kai's entrance an automatic time stopper for everyone?

Kai flicks the camera open and clicks a button and the screen pops up black and then the room in front of him suddenly appears.

"Woah, are you recording?" I ask, a little awed, leaning closer for a better look. My fascination temporarily removes the otherwise noticeable discomfort around the older teen. He tilts his head and then pushes another button but the screen goes blank again. There is no indication that he is even listening or paying attention to me as he is handing it back.

"Did they send a charger?" His response. Not the answer I was looking for but it was an answer at least.

"A what?" I stare at him clueless. He smirks.

"Save the technology for the people who can actually use it, Ray. You're better with books." I don't know whether it's the way he says my name or that smirk that sets me off (it certainly wasn't the insult). But I blush and quickly stand up before he can see it. Why do I like him again? He's not social by any means and when he is it is either condescending or smart-ass know-it-all. I'm still not quite sure where the attraction comes from…

He leans back bored and I watch him from the corner of my eye as I walk towards the hallway.

And what is it about his attitude that makes my heart beat so fast? Maybe I like him because he is a challenge on his own. I love challenges. In those terms, who couldn't love Kai? Oh geez, now I have moved into love to describe this. Another abstract feeling. Attraction is enough. Forget love! I can't be in love with Kai.

"I'm gonna go find Kenny…" I announce. I get a mixture of nods, grunts, okays, and another smirk before I exit. Gotta love the enthusiasm (and that smirk).

"At least I know what to get Ray if I need him to stay occupied for a while," Tyson laughs. I grit my teeth a bit but it is Tyson so I don't hold it against him for long. Fleeting resentment remember? I still hadn't seen him rush to my aide any…

I find Kenny in the kitchen.

"Hey, just the genius I was looking for!"

After listening to some technical talk and discovering that all my fiddling had somehow managed to drain the battery, the camera is cast aside, useless. I guess I have to find one of these 'charger' thingy's Kai mentioned… I still can't get that smirk out of head either and I can't tell whether it's because of the good feelings it instigated or the bad ones. It is rather unusual that I get upset so easily but showing my weaknesses has never been something that I liked to do. Even new Ray had that much going for him. Kai always seemed so sure of himself. It drew me to him the same way that it led me away and I couldn't help that it created so much conflict in me. Maybe camp really was the escape I needed to clear my head of all this mess. Kai had agreed to go but part of me kept thinking (hoping) it was just a formality. He couldn't be cooped up with Tyson for that long without wanting to hurt somebody (could he?). Although, keeping Kai near was a good way to monitor exactly what brought the feelings out and being forced to confront them to work as a team may put me in a position where I have to face it all. Either way, I decided at this moment that by the end of summer I would figure this out and I might just need Kai around to do that.