It came to me rather suddenly, when I really think about it. I guess the thought had always been at the back of my mind ever since I first laid eyes on him. It wasn't his looks that drew me in at the start. It was his mind, and the pure extent of his knowledge and what he could do with it. I found it fascinating.
If I'm honest though, his looks were a huge plus. Pale alabaster skin, dark raven curls that sprung slightly whenever he shifted his head, high cheekbones that I could cut myself on. And the one thing that sealed my fate; his eyes. I didn't see them properly for a while, with him being head and shoulders taller than me. But when he kneeled in front of me when I was in my chair and looked me deep in the eyes, I couldn't hear him anymore. He was asking me something and talking to me but I was in another place. A place full of sparkling blue waters, the brightest green forests, hazy grey clouds and flecks of a blazing gold sun. I never thought it possible for someone to have so much colour and life in their eyes, but such a cold and brusque attitude.
The realisation wasn't for another 5 years.
I'd spent two of those without him and it broke me. I had a flurry of girlfriends and nearly married one, then he showed his face after two years of being dead and I knew I didn't love the woman I had a ring for.
We were walking down the street, heading back home after a high speed chase on foot through the back alleys of London. I was still full of adrenaline and the feel of it coursing through me sent me to a temporary high.
He'd been quiet and more reserved since he... Came back. Before everything, I felt like I'd got through to him and he had become the person I knew he could. A person that suited colourful, lively eyes. Now it seemed we had almost looped back round to square one, and it would be the same process of making him open up more. He knows it's better for him and he prefers himself like that, he just can't do it on his own.
And I would be there to help him; every hour of every day of every month for all the years to come. I would be there for him. I wanted to be there for him. It hit me like a flash of lightning.
I stopped in my tracks and breathed deeply. He turned around and gave me a quizzical look, ending his mutterings. He walked back to me and stood no more than a foot away. He looked down at me and I was transported to my favourite place in the universe. The lake and the forest and the sky and the sun... My breath hitched and he frowned.
"John?" his deep voice reverberated around my body and I forgot how to breathe. His eyes widened and the black of his pupils expanded so the array of colours was just a ring around an abyss. An abyss I would gladly fall into. He reached for my hand and I let out a small gasp. He held my fingers to the inside of his wrist and I felt the heart he claims not to have beating at a mile a minute underneath my touch. He did the same to my wrist and a genuine smile spread across his face. The smile only I see. I could feel his breath warm and rapid across my cheek. All signs of attraction were there, in both of us. I thought I was dreaming and I would wake up soon. It was all too good. Then he leant down and softly pressed his lips to mine and I knew I wasn't dreaming. Something ignited inside of me and I flung my arms around his neck, kissing him back strongly. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. His tongue ghosted across my lips and I opened them, giving him what he wanted. His tongue pressed against mine for a split second before it was gone and then he pulled away fully, his arms still around me. He smiled again and let go, then walked away from me.
"Come along, John. We have things to do." He reached our door and turned back to wink at me. My mind caught up and just shouted praise for this crazy, abnormal, beautiful man I love. There, I said it; I love him. I let out a sigh before following him.
"Sherlock..."