The Hunger Games were finally over for Clove and I, though something bigger was beginning. Whispers of the Capitol wanting to murder us filled the air, and I knew that the rumors were probably true. Homophobes made up most of the population of the Districts, though there were people in the Capitol that loved Clove and I together. They saw us as star-crossed lovers, and the fact that it was a lesbian relationship made it more "interesting" and "exciting." I saw it as nothing to brag about. It was like Peeta and Katniss—they loved each other. They were willing to die for each other. If they had won the Games, they would be together like Clove and I were.
In two days, we were to arrive in District One, beginning our Victory Tour. I already knew that most people in District One were not at all pleased with Clove for killing Marvel, though all of the Districts except for Five and Two would hate us for winning. You would think that people would learn that this stuff happens every year and that there is nothing to get upset over. It is fine to mourn the death of your child, friend, or family member, but to hate the Victor—or in our case, Victors—for it was unreasonable. We barely even killed the people that we are going to be blamed for.
A hand squeezed my own, and I looked over to see Clove staring straight ahead. Her hands were trembling, and I knew that the nervousness was too much for her to bear. I hated seeing her like this, but there was no way to change her feelings at the moment. Both of us were going to have to face the families of those that are dead. We probably are to blame. After all, we are only alive because everyone else died.
"Are they really going to kill us?" Clove asked, taking in a shaky breath.
"I'm not sure. I don't think so, though, since it might start something. Most of those in the Capitol love a good show, and our show only starts now. Our being together only adds onto the drama, and that is just what the Capitol wants. Snow wouldn't risk upsetting the citizens of the Capitol. They would hate him too much," I replied. What I said did not make sense to me, but it seemed to calm her down a bit. Her hands stopped trembling as much, and she rested her head on my shoulder.
"I want to go to sleep," she stated.
"Okay. I'll be out here when you wake up."
She often woke up screaming, having nightmares about everything that happened. It was a strange thing to see, especially because she was from District Two. Perhaps the fact that I came out alive with her made her less…apathetic. Maybe I changed her; gave her real emotions and feelings. Whenever she woke up, she would crawl into my bed and try to fall back asleep. When she fell asleep during the day—despite the warnings of our mentors—she would make me promise to sit outside so that she could come out here if she had a bad dream.
After we had gotten off of the hovercraft, and had our wounds and such treated to, were told that we would both be travelling in one train. That way it would make more sense. Both of our mentors and escorts travelled with us on one train, though not all of them got along. Our mentors started out hating each other, and mine threw a vase at Clove's. However, after my escort got pissed off and gave a little too much to drink to our mentors, they became "great friends."
An hour after Clove had gone for her nap, I heard one sharp scream. I barged into her room, finding her sitting upright in her bed, the blanket tossed carelessly on the floor. She held her head in her hands, and I heard faint sobbing sounds emitting from her. Her body shook slightly, her shoulders bouncing up and down from crying. I walked over to her briskly and held her tightly in my arms, not wanting to let her go. A few minutes later, our mentors and escorts were running into her room to see what had happened.
"Are you two okay?" Clove's escort, Helena, asked. Clove nodded, still sobbing into my shoulder. "If you're okay, then…you two look so adorable together!"
"What the hell are you talking about? It's disgusting. Clove doesn't need that girl; she's going to ruin her. Everyone's going to hate you, Clove!" Lelliam, Clove's mentor, shouted at her. Helena punched him gently on the shoulder, which was her way of telling him to "shut the hell up." The four of them walked out of the room, a sigh escaping Lelliam's lips as he left. He shot one look at us when he was almost out of the room, and I looked away quickly. I was never able to stand his gaze.
Clove's crying slowly stopped, and she looked up at me. "How are you so strong about this? Why are you able to get a good night's sleep and not care about what happened?" she asked me.
"I'm not sure," I lied.
The thing was…I was not strong in the slightest. I was even weaker than she was. Each night since the Games, I would cry myself to sleep. If I woke up in the middle of the night, I'd smother my face with a pillow to muffle my screams so that they were unheard. She was so much stronger than I was in so many ways. However, I knew that if I told her that, she would be devastated. Then she would not have anyone to go to. She probably would not even like me anymore.
Because she'd know that I'm not as strong as she thinks I am.