Disclaimer: I own nothing
Note: Inspired by "Phoenix" by The Jane Austen Argument
"…Oh what have I become...
He says I have the soul of the sun
but I'm yet to ignite it"
-Jane Austen Argument
You didn't want to get up.
…you were sick of being the bad witch...
… you didn't want to see their bright, innocent, young faces today.
They remind you of how you used to be.
In your other life- you were a sun that spun and burnedburnedburned
…Not anymore, no your fire has gone out…
No, that was a long time ago…
Once upon a time, you were bright.
The whole world was free and colorful and full of possibilities and opportunities and life.
You were twenty.
…an English major at the college you always wanted to go to- the one a thousand miles away from your mother...
…and you were in love.
And He was wonderful.
He called you his 'little fire phoenix'- and you had found your Prince Charming.
… he was yours- he saved you over and over again-
…but you didn't live in a fairy tale…
And your Prince got tired of saving you.
…and left.
(with that skinny little blonde swan princess…god, how you hated your sister…)
And your flame went out.
Once upon a time, you were innocent.
…with braces and glasses and braided hair and sweaty palms…
You were always the last one picked in gym class.
…The one that always got hit in the face with the ball, your glasses breaking and mocking laughter following you as you ran away…
You weren't one of the "smart kids".
…or one of those glowing "pretty people."
You were just you.
Just Emma.
You were thirteen.
You did your homework, you talked on the phone, and waited for college to come and save you from your mother.
…but still, you guarded your flame, holding the water and wind at bay…
… and still you burned.
Once upon a time, you were young.
And everything was sandcastlesandsunshine and nap time and sticky hands and Jelly Bellys…
…and you were the center of your mother's world.
You were two.
… Then She came.
….this crying pink blob of skin.
They told you she was your sister.
…and everything changed.
And you weren't Mommy's Little Princess anymore- the good one, the one that got the toys and hugs and kisses
...you were Hope's Big Sister- and…and suddenly you were the one that got time-outs and chores and…and…
…you learned what "jealousy" meant.
It meant… that… that you were the bad one.
…you learned what "anger" meant.
And you burned.
Once upon a time- you got old.
It hit you over the head one day- staring into your bathroom mirror, you found a gray hair.
It was terrifying.
…Mom was right- you were old-
And..and going to die alone with a hundred cats.
You… you were going to be the Crazy Cat Lady!
..like... like Ms. Murphy from down the street from when you were little…
So you decided- what did it matter?
You might as well just give in to your fate.
….you bought Mr. Fluffy the next day.
Because why fight the inevitable?
(your flame went out years ago, along with your dreams and your bachelors degree and your love life)
And so here you were-waking up to a glorious sunrise aboard a silent sea, sunlight pouring in though you porthole window, weaving patterns on your face….
… and yes, you are waking up. Alone.
Again.
..but… but the sun was warm against your face, teasing the ice from you mind and heart.
And you breathe.
In.
Out.
…and you smile.
Strange- you have grown to love the water.
To love being alone on this silent wide, wide sea.
….maybe you didn't need to burn at all…
Maybe… He had been wrong- you didn't need to be a ' little fire phoenix'-
You could be a moon -hung aloft in the night-
…and master the tides of this silent sea.
You always did love the dark.
...and maybe being the bad witch wasn't so bad after all…
You get up.
Mrs. Tutweiller is one of my favorite characters and, like Woody, does not get the attention she deserves. Props to anyone who gets the poems I referenced. Reviewers receive hugs and Jelly Bellys!