Disclaimer: This is a recreational work. The writers do not make any profit. Darkwing duck and its characters are owned by Disney. This is a work of fiction. People don't really shoot lightning from their penises. If you like, leave a comment. If you hate, leave a comment. if morning wood makes you grumpy, leave a comment.
WARNING: wow, there is lots of gay sex in here. If that's not your kind of thing, you MIGHT want to turn around. Just saying.
Joker With a Short Fuse
By: Snark and Moonie
The normally bustling city of St. Canard lay mostly quiet and sleepy under a watchful moon, as nearly every one of it's inhabitants lay snuggled under their warm covers for the night. This was not yet the case, however, at one point of town. Beaker's Point, to be exact.
Inside the looming lighthouse that resides there, two of St. Canard's most notorious super villains were keeping company. But no evil scheming was going on this night, no, nothing more than a sleep over.
Megavolt stretched and yawned as the ending credits of 'Professor Stan, the Chemistry Man' rolled. Quackerjack, who had been seated on the couch beside him, leaped off the couch and did some stretching of his own.
The rodent watched him with an amused expression for awhile before holding out the remote to the jester, who was wearing a pair of light purple footie pajamas with yellow duckies on them.
"Well, that was..." Megavolt shifted some and yawned again. "...Educational." he finished, before adding "I'm going to bed, you can stay up and watch … cartoons, or something, if you want."
"Pfft! Now now, Megsy, don't act like you didn't enjoy yourself. I could practically see the lil' hearts in your eyes from here. Hehe!" The clown plopped back onto the couch, given a small grin. He began his teasing once more.
"Going to bed already? It's only 3. you're such an old man."
Megavolt huffed. "Yeah, sure. An Old man that was youthful enough to let you have your sleepover."
"Don't be silly, Grandparents do that kind of stuff ALL the time."
"I'm not old, QuackerJack!"
"Are to."
"Am not!"
"Are tooooooo, Sparky!"
"Am no- OOOOOOH, DON'T CALL ME THAT!"
The rodent glared and sparked, not having liked this game at all. The mallard could see this plainly, and giggled. Before the electrical (self proclaimed) genius could fry the duck's tail feathers, QuackerJack grabbed the remote and gave Megavolt a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Heh, I know you're not old Megsy. But you're just so much fun to mess with! Nighty night, I'll go to bed after I watch a little more good ol' toons. They should be playing some Looney Goons."
The other villain's anger disappeared, already forgotten from the jester's distractions. He rubbed his cheek were he was pecked, still a bit of a school boy in his approach on affection. Megavolt huffed as he turned away, but began to smile as he walked off to his bedroom.
"Yeah yeah, don't stay up TOO late. Johnathan needs his rest too, tonight." So off he went, as Quacky snuggled into the couch even more. His bottom wiggling until he felt nice and snug. His eyes lit up with childish glee as he recognized the episode.
It was going to be a long night.
~0~0~0~
"WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"
Megavolt's peaceful sleep was rudely interrupted. The mad rodent sat bolt upright in bed and looked around the room frantically, trying to spot just who or what had awoken him so abruptly. He let out the breath he had been holding and his heart began to slow as his gaze fell upon the digital alarm clock that lived on his night stand beside his bed.
The clock continued to bray it's wake up calls, as Megavolt glared at it dangerously. He saw the clock cower and inch away some as it finally quit it's irritating crowing, when outside of the rodent's deranged mind, it merely sat there as most inanimate objects tend to do, as it's alarm cycle shut off on it's own.
Stretching, Megavolt turned to see if the rude alarm had awoken Quackerjack, only to find he was alone in the bed. He shrugged. It wouldn't be the first time the loony jester had fallen asleep on the couch or had simply gotten up at a ridiculously early hour.
Megs swung his legs over the side of his bed, slipping on his bulb slippers and making his way to his bedroom door. His hand froze half way to the door handle as he noticed a familiar and persistent throbbing his his groin.
Megs glanced down to see his own mini lightning rod peeking out at him from his partially opened robe. Images of the dreams he had had the night before flashed through his mind, and he felt himself blush as he silently reminded himself not to watch Professor Stan before going to bed at night again.
The mad genius sighed, opened the door, and headed toward the bathroom, intending on zapping this problem away. He was about six feet away from the bathroom door when he heard the jingling of bells and a light 'thud' sound, and he spun around, startled.
QuackerJack had been waiting behind the corner for some time ever since he heard the alarm, signaling for sleeping beauty to be woken up from true love's kiss. And gosh darn it, he was going to complete his mission! He had jumped out and yelled. "Good morning Megsy!"
As Megavolt had turned around, he noticed a friend playing peek-a-boo. He giggled. "A VERY good morning I see."
Megavolt blushed and and gave a low growl, his embarrassment in being caught in such a situation evident. Before he could issue a threat, he was startled once more to see and find that the clown jumped right on him. His legs wrapping around the rodent's waist as his arms wrapped around his neck. Almost instinctively, Megavolt brought his hand's the the footie pajama wearing villain's rear for support. He caught himself before they both could tumble to the floor.
Before Megavolt could ask what the heck the crazed duck thought he was doing, QuackerJack interrupted him.
"How about I help ya out! Hehe!"
Megavolt's anger levels were nearing it's boiling point, and only at the last second did he fight the urge to just drop the duck where he stood. Quackerjack was HEAVY, but...
Large hands groped and then squeezed the ample rump they were holding, and the rodent's scowl was replaced my a perverse smirk. Megavolt's member throbbed it's agreement.
"Alright..." replied the electrical rat, the smirk growing wider, his fingers finding their way to the buttons that held the backflap on the jester's PJs in place.
QuackerJack mewed happily, not only grateful for his affections being received, but also equally glad he wasn't dropped. He still had a lingering bruise on his bottom from the last time he had tried it.
As the rodent stumbled with opening up his backflap, the duck made himself "useful". As he squeezed himself tighter to hold him up, feeling the other's member poke him, the clown started licking up the rodent's neck. He was amused to find the taste of butter there, telling him that Megavolt never cleaned himself up after their popcorn fight the night before. This made QuackerJack decide that a good preening would do, and continued. His tongue trailing from the crevice to the end of the electrical rat's neck.
"Mmmm, I never knew you were popcorn flavored. Betcha you're high in calories too!"
The jester's slick tongue was warm and sensual against the rodent's flesh, and a pleasurable shudder ran down his spine, weakening his legs and for a moment the duck in his arms felt ten times heavier than before, and his grip slipped some.
Megavolt gave a half-hearted glare to his lover. "You are NOT helping..." he whined, intending it to be a growl. Megs hoisted up the toy maker in his arms and regained his firm grip, before at long last managing to unbutton the flap, bare fingers searching through the soft downy feathers for the warm and inviting hole he knew was hiding there somewhere.
It didn't take much rooting before his index finger skated over a familiar target, and began pressing firmly on the puckered entrance.
If the ruffling of his rear feathers wasn't enough to set the clown off, a long finger beginning to prod his entrance certainly was. Quackerjack's own slinky began to harden from anticipation. He wiggled a bit, practically dry humping the other as he smiled and waited for the villain to enter.
...But nothing came.
The duck looked at his playmate, a pout playing on his bill.
"Eeeeh, what's up doc?"
"Uhhh... umm.." the electrical villain suddenly seemed quite distracted, as he twisted his head left and right, scanning the room around them for something. "We need... hmmm... we need some... oh!" he seemed to be mumbling to himself, as he half-turned and spotted the bathroom entrance, still about five feet away.
Turning around with such an armload wasn't much of a problem, but walking was a different story all together. Megavolt's back arched, his legs bowing out and turning his walk into more of an awkward waddle, but Quackerjack held on tight and eventually they had made it to the bathroom. It never crossed either of their demented minds to put the duck down for this short, albeit strained and difficult, journey.
Spotting what he had been searching for, Megs shifted the better half of Quackerjack's weight to his right arm, carefully bent down and grabbed the lotion bottle with his left hand, and stood there looking at the bottle blankly, his mind trying to comprehend just how this was going to work.
The mallard looked at the bottle, finally understanding.
"Oooh, that. Heh. You just like being difficult, Megsy."
His "Megsy" wasn't amused, and started to glare as the toymaker bopped him on the nose. All the while he was trying to figure out just how he'd manage it. Looking at the sink, he smirked as he waddled over and just dropped QuackerJack in the sink.
"Ouch! Heeeeey, that wasn't nice."
Megavolt just waved off the pout, as he began squirting the creamy looking lotion into his hand.
"Oh yeah? So wasn't jumping on unsuspecting house owners and causing sexual assault. So I think that makes us even."
With the free hand Megavolt finished undoing his robe. The rodent rubbed his palms together for a moment, warming up his lubricant. He applied it to his lightening rod, his face already relaxing from pleasure.
All the while Quackerjack watched with a perverse hunger. A lusting for the game they were about to play. Once the other villain finished applying, the clown jumped back onto his lover to continue their frontal piggy back ride.
"Noooow are you ready, Freddy?"
Megavolt grunted as the weight returned so suddenly, the muscles in his legs and back screaming in pain for a short while as he once again hoisted up his partner. There was no way he was going to let it be known he just couldn't handle this sort of thing anymore; he'd never hear the end of it if he did.
"...Freddy?" Megavolt asked in alarm. "What does the blender have to do with any of this?" demanded the rodent, crossly. His member throbbed impatiently, letting him know they'd have to discus it later.
Instead of just explaining, QuackerJack helped to shut up the other male with a kiss. The sudden force and the heightening sexual tension caused Megavolt to stumble back. Finally to the point where he slammed his back into the wall. He moaned from the pain and the pleasure as the crazed clown continued his frenching. The rodent could recognize the faint taste of Fruity Crispes that QuackerJack must have had for breakfast.
It was an awkward time for him to realize he hadn't brushed his teeth yet. But seeing as the duck didn't seem to mind, and they were both thinking with DIFFERENT heads, he just told the anal voice in his head to buzz off.
This time it wasn't a finger that found Quackerjack's awaiting entrance, but it didn't waste time prodding like the finger had, either. At this point, both of their bodies were pumped and driven largely by sexual desire, all each really knew was what their bodies wanted, what they needed; each other. (And if either of them knew they were being attempted to be written in a cliché passion fic style in that last sentence, the mood would be completely ruined, so don't let them know.) One quick thrust was all it took for the modest lightning rod to be buried to the hilt.
It was also at this moment when QuackerJack realized how tight his nightwear was. His member feeling constrained to the point he whimpered. And with every thrust and pulse entering him with a rapid fury, it built up a sexual frustration. The duck buried his large teeth into the rodent's shoulder, biting a bit hard as he also bucked and rubbed his covered manhood onto Megavolt's stomach. He could feel his purple pajamas getting wet as his slinky leaked its juices.
The aching in Megavolt's back and legs had been forgotten when lust took over, but the sudden dull pain as his shoulder was bitten caused him to gasp and groan loudly. Even as the pressure and heat in his own groin was building, along with the feel of wet, warm cloth against his bare stomach helping to fuel his lust, a new need arose.
A hand left the duck's bottom to trail up his back, finally reaching the back of the jester's head, where it began to caress and push down lightly. Through his fogged mind, he heard himself whisper "Harder..." and from the very back of that fogged mind, that anal voiced had returned and it was shouting, 'YOU IDIOT! YOU SAID THAT OUT LOUD!' but like before, it went ignored.
QuackerJack didn't need to be told twice. What was created from frustration had easily turned into a new game. He increased his pressure, receiving a louder moan. He moved his menstruations up the rodent's neck. As if playing a game of "let's pretend", he bit into his lover's neck. Very much like a vampire.
This action seemed to give his rump a hard squeeze, making the clown moan into the other's neck.
QuackerJack felt very sticky by this point, and tried to mentally will his penis to just burst through the fabric giving him the wanted freedom. Sadly, the rare logical part of his mind knew even his foot long couldn't do such a thing. Thus it throbbed in almost an ache, as he used the rat's belly for the needed friction. The felt helping to create sparks.
Megavolt knew he wasn't going to last much longer. He was nearing his peak fast. Almost absentmindedly, his hand left the back of Quackerjack's head to move down and wrap around the jester's throbbing member as best he could through the cloth, instead. He began pumping the duckmeat and thrusting into the well-lubricated tailhole with renewed vigor, wanting nothing more at that point than to cross that finishline.
The clown much appreciated the helping hand. His own hands gripping tighter around the other's neck. QuackerJack was getting shocked both front and back.
And boy, did he love it.
The toymaker startled a lower chuckle in between his moans.
"Ring around the rooooosey. A pocket full of poooseys."
Megavolt pumped faster and faster, causing QuackerJack to pause his singing to thrust along with him. Both of their passions meeting in union. Neither of them noticed the electrical rodent's legs shaking violently.
"Aaaaashes. Aaaaashes..."
And as the dam broke inside the rodent's groin, spilling seed and amperage into Quackerjack's body, knees came together, and they all fell down.
The sudden impact and the voltage sent the jester into his climax; his duck sauce erupting far up his belly, leaving him in a sticky mess. QuackerJack's hat jingled as his body shook and shuddered from the experience.
He buried his face back into the other villain's neck, laughing as he panted.
"Heeeey...heh. I was supposed to finish my nursery rhyme. but ya beat me to it. Hehe!"
Megavolt wrapped his arms around Quackerjack's torso and rested his own head on the other villain's shoulder, and they both sat there for awhile, panting and entwined. Finally the rodent sighed and smiled.
"Good morning Quacky..."
The demented toymaker grinned back. With the lightening rod still inside him, QuackerJack shifted to make his legs more comfortable.
"Gooood morning. Feeling better, Mister Grumpy Pants?"
"Mmmhmm. … Hmm? I am NOT grumpy." came the sleepy reply. Megavolt leaned his head back against the bathroom wall, and looked at Quackerjack sitting in his lap, before poking the jester's chest with one finger a few times.
"Aww, you got your pajamas all messy, Quacky. Aheheh." he teased, eyes still half-lidded and smirking.
"I know! My favorite pair, too..."
QuackerJack pouted for a moment, before breaking into an all out laugh.
"Hehehahaha! Heh, good thing I have like ten more that look exactly like it. But still, it was the only one I brought over. Now you lick it and clean it all up, Megster."
Megs studied the duck's face, trying to determine if was being serious or not. But as was usual with the loony toy maker, it was impossible to tell. The rodent had no intentions on spending the rest of his morning licking fabric, but a more enjoyable notion came to mind.
Reaching out with one hand, he grasped the zipper on Quackerjack's apparel and yanked it down, then placed both open palms on the jester's chest and gave a rough shove. Due to their semi-awkward sitting position, this caused Quackerjack to lose his balance, and fall back, nearly hitting his head off the bathroom floor.
Quackerjack looked both hurt and angry at Megavolt's seemingly heartless gesture, but before the whining and berating could begin, the electrical villain was lapping up the spilled juices off of the duck's exposed stomach in long, hungry slurps.
The clown giggled as the other drank up noisily. The rodent's tongue flickered back and forth, tickling his belly. If Megavolt wasn't careful, he would accidentally start a round two of their playtime.
"Now you're the most interesting wash cloth I've ever seen, Megsy! A little shaggy and worn out, but you do your job. Hehe! But at least you're the sexiest rag I've ever had! Scrub scrub, washy washy."
Megs stopped mid-slurp and eyed his friend, unamused. Pushing himself back into a kneeling position, leaving his playmate laying on the floor, still quite sticky with his own spunk. Bowing his back inward, Megavolt pressed with both hands on his lower back until a faint popping noise resounded off the bathroom walls.
"I haven't even had my coffee yet..." he said through a yawn and a stretch.
The mad scientist grabbed a towel from the nearby rack and threw it at Quacky, before closing and tying up his robe.
"So uh... how'd ya sleep?"
The towel had smacked the duck right in the face. He pouted as he took it off and began to clean himself up. QuackerJack was about to complain again, calling the other villain mean, when Megavolt asked his question. His smile returned.
"I haven't."
The rodent raised a brow, not quite understanding. He blamed his low comprehension on the lack of caffeine in his system. And electricity...Huh, maybe he should recharge his battery.
"You haven't what?"
"Been to sleep, silly. Ya see, after the episode of 'Looney Goons', another came on...and another. And another. And then I switched it to 'Heron's Heroes', because I'm personally not much of a fan of 'My Lil' Sea Horses'. And then by that time it was time for 'Good Morning Calisota'. You know I can't miss out on Rick Rickson! Siiiiigh, he has such pretty hair..."
QuackerJack lost himself for a moment, before getting back on track.
"Oh! And then Mister Bananabrain started telling me I should go say hi to all the appliances. Boy, did that take me awhile! Heh. And then I had some cereal and some cocoa moo. Then...Well, heh, your alarm went off. Then we had some fun. And then you asked me how I slept. Theeee eeeeend."
Megavolt stared at him blankly for a few moments as the duck finished wiping himself off.
"You haven't... you never... Quackerjack!" the static-charged villain yelled, his face contorting into a rather angry expression, his arms shooting out to the sides to help express his point he hadn't made yet.
"Don't you REALIZE the negative effects sleep deprivation can HAVE on your BODY and MIND?" he continued his rant, and continued to flail his arms. Quackerjack moaned and rolled his eyes. Here they went again.
"It can cause MADNESS! It can make you DELUSIONAL! You could-" he quit as he saw the look on Quackerjack's face and realization hit him. "Oh. Right. Uh... well, it's... not... OOHH just go to bed already, would ya? I need coffee... and a good charge..."
"Sleep? But...But...But you're up now! We have a whole day of fun ahead of us! Besides, if I go to bed noooooow, I'll only be up all night again."
He noticed the look Megavolt was giving him.
"Oh, fiiiiine. What if I promise to go to sleep earlier tonight? Would that suit ya, mommy? Heh."
Megs opened his mouth to berate the stubborn jester some more, then decided against it and waved him off instead.
"Peh. Do whatcha want, Quacky." he mumbled, before slowly getting to his feet. As his back straightened, a bolt of fresh pain shot up the length of it, and he gasped and winced, covering it up the best he could with another fake yawn. "I'll go make coffee and... hot cocoa, then."
Of all the things the rodent was, smooth and slick were not on his list of good points. So the jester noticed the pain from his lover. And...well, some guilt started to form. Quickly shaking it from his mind, QuackerJack formed a plan.
The clown sprung and latched onto Megavolt's legs, almost causing him to trip.
"No! I mean, heh, nooooo. Ya know what, yaaaaaaawn, I think I do feel OH so tired after all. I think I'll go catch up on my sleepies after all. But your blankets aren't warm enough, and especially now since I can't put my jamies back on. So can ya come to bed with me and keep me warm? Pleeeeease? Pretty pretty please with cherries, banana peppers, and anchovies on top?" He brought out his sad puppy eyes, looking as pathetic as can be.
Megavolt growled at almost falling flat on his face, but it died in his throat as he looked down into those puppydog eyes. Megs rubbed the back of his neck as he thought the proposal over.
"...Yeah? You'll go to bed? Like I told you to?" The bells on Quackerjack's hat jingled as he grinned and shook his head up and down. Megavolt shrugged. "Okay. I guess... tooo, the bedroom, then. Aheh." the rodent was happy to win an argument for a change, even if he really hadn't. His aching back agreed.
"Yay! Ooooo, thank you Megsy-Wegsy!"
QuackerJack jumped up. For a moment, he was about to leap right back into the rodent's arms and get him to carry the clown bridal style into the bedroom. However, even in his sleep deprived state, he knew that would just anger the electrical villain and possibly make him decide to not go back to bed after all. So controlling his impulses, he merely grabbed Megavolt's hand and began to lead them back to the bedroom. The rat followed, amused to see the demented duck's tail feathers wag from happiness.
Once back in bed, and spooning under the covers, Megavolt finally started to relax again. He stroked the mallard's feathers as he went off into dreamland. The rodent was soon to follow.
Love is a peculiar experience. And the people you love even more so. You get angered and frustrated with them, but just as quickly forgive them when they flash you gentle smiles. You worry about them just as much as you laugh with them. Love is gazing. Love is touching. Love is feeling. Love is curled up under the covers in a lover's embrace. Saint Canard's craziest individual's knew this best of all.
And to think, it all began with Professor Stan the Chemistry Man.
The End
A/N:
Snark: Aww, Poor Megs. I feel for him with the back problems. I can't lift up many things without feeling pain. Let alone a whole person.
Moonie: Quacky isn't a whole person. Since when has he ever been all there?
Snark: Oooo, can he vanish like the Cheshire Cat? Be a Quacky with just his grin?
Moonie: I've heard of Quackies without a grin, but a grin without a Quacky is just ridiculous. Actually, now I feel bad for the guy, too; Quackerjack's grin alone must weigh a ton. But he did get good sex out of the deal.
Snark: Yeah yeah. It was good sex...But Megs just DROPPED him into the sink. And then didn't finish cleaning up the duck sauce. That bad evil form.
Moonie: Oh, you know Quacky likes it when Megs gets needlessly rough. Besides, if Megs has to deal with a slipped disc or something, Quacky can deal with a few extra bruises on his butt. Sigh. Theirs is a painful sort of love.
Snark:...Heh. I just tried to picture us in that kind of relationship. As much as I love you, I don't think I would be mean enough to hurt your back OR be able to carry you. GASP! Seeeeeee, we are actually different from them!
Moonie: Oh thank dog. I was hoping we wouldn't have to invite all of our toys and household appliances to the wedding.
Snark: ...Does that mean Ra-ra and Tigger aren't invited? They OH so had their hopes up.
Moonie: Well... okay. But they're not invited to the honeymoon. I don't like an audience.
Snark: Fiiiine. Then YOU'RE paying for their babysitter.
Moonie: Sigh. AGAIN with the babysitter. Don't you think they're old enough to... wait. We got off track again. The story. Right. Aww, look how fluffy.
Snark: Yeah! See, Quacky can be a good boyfriend too sometimes. He cares.
Moonie: I think they both make good boyfriends sometimes... even if it would only seem so in a relationship as eccentric as theirs. Hey! Our A/N is almost a page long so far!
Snark: Does that mean we should wrap up and not continue our sexy talk? Fiiiine. "They came, they saw...they came again and they went to bed. The end." There, finished?
Moonie: Yup! I think that about covers it. Bye-bye peoples, thanks for reading. Oh Snarkiebooo... let's continue our sexy talk elsewhere.
Snark: I hope the sexy talk becomes sexy everything else. RAWR. Tootles folks!