Disclaimer: Hawaii 5-0 and all of its characters belong to Peter Lenkov and CBS Studio Productions.
So, my little brother was watching Lilo and Stitch today, and this scene seriously just made me laugh hysterically because it reminded me so much of Steve and Danny. If you watch that movie after watching 5-0, you won't even be able to not see it. Lilo is Danny, Stitch is Steve, Nani is Kono, and David is Chin Ho. So, this scene was begging to be written for our little ohana, and I cannot deny the plot bunnies or they get...ornary...
Steve knew that Danny was bored. Not even just a little bit bored; He was one-hundred and ten percent, scream-and-bang-your-head-on-a-desk bored. He also knew that, in Danny's case, idle hands were the Devil's handiwork. Danny was looking at him from across the office as he tapped his pen cap against his pouting lips, and Steve got that twisting knot in the pit of his stomach that he'd come to know as 'Danny Sense'.
He sighed and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, and reguarding his partner cautiously. Danny stared straight back at him, a content smile on his stubble covered face.
"What are you looking at, Danno?" Steve called, his voice echoing off the empty walls of the HQ. Chin and Kono had gone to grab the team lunch half an hour before, leaving them to go over paperwork and entertain themselves until they returned. They had no cases, surprisingly, and it had been a relatively quiet week.
"I'm trying to figure that out myself." Danny teased. Steve shook his head and pushed himself away from his desk before striding into the open area by the Media Table. Danny quickly followed suit, leaning his hip against the table and continuing to stare at Steve.
"What are you, five years old?" Steve mumbled, punching a few keys on the table until a Netflix cue appeared on the television screen.
"That's a gross abuse of power." Danny gestured to the list of movies on the screen.
"Oh, but watching 'Chips' on it wasn't?"
"Estrada is never an abuse of power. That is a learning experience for the job." Danny replied, leaving the 'duh' unspoken, even though it was clearly evident in his tone.
"So we'll watch a cop movie. That can be another 'learning experience'." He hit a button and the screen popped up with movie previews. Danny watched until the opening credits of the movie scrolled across the screen, and then scoffed at Steve as the other man rolled two chairs into the room.
"Steven, I don't think that 'Point Break' really counts as a learning experience."
"It absolutely does!" Steve argued, scowling at Danny. "C'mon, Danno, what would you do if Patrick Swayze sucked you into some bank robbing ring? Hmm? Hmm?"
"I would be by the book, as I always am. I can't say the same for some other people in this room."
"He's undercover, Danny. He can't blow his cover by being 'by the book', Mister Boy Scout." Danny held his hands up in front of him and made a sour face at Steve.
"Woah, woah, woah. I believe that you were the Boy Scout, Steven. I was kicked out of Scouts, thank you very much." He ranted. "And, besides, that has nothing to do with it! The hole premise is that he's a cop. He should do the right thing. He shouldn't be parading around in some president's mask robbing banks. I understand that the lines of common police procedure are a bit blurry to you, Johnny Utah, but I know my place." Steve paused for a long moment, staring at Danny with a strange version of Aneurysm Face.
"Johnny Utah, huh? Would that make you Bodhi?"
"Would that make...were you even listening to me, Steven?! No that would not 'make me Bodhi'. Bodhi was the dude running the show! Oh, good lord, just shut up and watch the movie." He sighed, dropping into his seat and kicking his feet up on the table. Steve hesitated but followed suit eventually, relaxing into his own chair.
They watched the movie in silence for a few moments before Danny reached over and flicked the side of Steve's temple lightly.
"Ow! What the hell was that for?" Steve growled, rubbing at the side of his head. Danny smirked and extended his finger toward Steve's head slowly. "Don't." Danny continued to move closer. "I'm serious, Daniel. Don't touch me." Steve warned.
"I'm not touching you."
"Seriously? That's what we're going with?" Steve shook his head in disbelief, but Danny just continued to learn closer, his finger outstretched. "Cut it out, brah."
"I'm not doing anything, Steven."
"Danno...I'm not kidding, stop it."
"Stop what? I'm just watching the movie. Not a clue what you're talking about." Danny was pointedly staring at the television screen as he continued to get closer, his finger only six inches from the center of Steve's forehead.
"Danny!"
"Steve!" The mocking tone of Danny's voice had Steve's blood pumping.
"Don't touch me!"
"I'm not touching you! It's free air! The joy of living in America is that it's a free country, bitch!" He closed the distance until he was barely a centimeter away from the other man's head.
"If you touch me, I swear to God..."
"Still not touching you." Danny wagged his finger in a circle and that was all it took. Steve sprung from his chair and tackled Danny backwards, chair and all. The men grunted and growled as they rolled across the floor in a tangle of limbs. The rolled over and over until Steve finally managed to straddle Danny's chest, his knees pinning Danny's shoulders and his hands pinning Danny's wrists above his head. "GET OFF ME!"
Steve made a show of hacking up a mouthful of saliva and phelgm before leaning forward and letting the spittle dangle off of his bottom lip. Danny's face went white and he began struggling to get away. His head thrashed from side to side as he let out an indistinct yell.
"Noooooo!" He bellowed, kicking his legs and attempting to get some leverage to push Steve off of him, but failing miserably. Steve had just started to lean closer, the spit dangerously close to Danny's face, when hands closed over his shoulders and pulled him off. Danny popped to his feet, brushing erratically at his shirt as if to check if there was any residual spit.
Kono and Chin were scowling at them, Kono's hand still clutched in Steve's shirt as she wrapped her other hand around the back of Danny's neck. Chin just stood by the table, take out bag in his hand, and shook his head.
"What in the hell is going on with you two?"
"Danny was trying to touch me."
"You tried to spit in my face, and you sat on my chest, you gorilla!" Danny retorted.
"Hey! I gave you plenty of oppourtunity to back off!"
"You started it with all that 'boy scout' talk!"
"I do not care who started it, I'm finishing it!" Kono snapped, shaking both men. "Now, we're going to sit down, have lunch, and watch Patrick Swayze in his surf shorts. But not until you two make up like loving friends!" She tossed them toward each other and crossed her arms over her chest expectantly. Steve kicked at something imaginary on the floor and Danny reached up to smooth his hair angrily. "Now!"
"I'm sorry I tried to spit on you, Danno." Steve grumbled petulantly.
"I'm sorry I flicked you, Steven." Danny replied, rolling his eyes.
"Good, now hug and say you love each other." Their gazes snapped to her with their eyes wide. "You're ohana, man up, and get over it."
"I love you, Danno." Steve grumbled, wrapping his arms around Danny's shoulders.
"Yeah, yeah, I love you too, you big lug. Don't make a big thing of it." Steve couldn't help the grin that spread across his face when he pulled away, and Danny mirrored his face. Steve's smile had always been infectious.
"Okay, now, if there is another problem before I see the end credits rolling, I will kill both of you. Clear?" Danny and Steve nodded as they all took seats at the table, take out boxes in hand.
"Oo, you are watching 'Point Break', mind if I join you?" Came a voice from the doorway. They four of them spun to find Max smiling happily as he crossed the room. He didn't wait for an answer, choosing to just take a seat and grab an egg roll from Danny's hand. The team stared at him a moment before Steve broke the silence with a whisper.
"It's like he has a Keanu radar..."