Welcome, folkz. This is the true tale of the Legend of Zelda. Where Zelda
is a skank, Malon is a skank, Ruto is...well a skank and Link just wants to
party while Navi spouts out Robinesque catch phrases. But everyone wants
Link to save the world. All this and much more, especially if you know how
to read...shuttup of course I know how to read...bitch
Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, kapishe? (rhymes with quiche)
The young boy-hero, Link lies asleep in his bed. He was up late the last night partying with his slut friend Saria and his drunken rival Mido. Boy was he hung over. His sleep was plagued with dreams, as those of hung over people commonly are. His head will hurt viciously when he wakes up. So much for mixing tequila with Vodka.
ELSEWHERRE (spelled with 2 r's cuz its popular nowadays to do that)
Deku Tree: Navi, where fore art thou, I dun see too good...
Navi: I'm here, Deku Tree!
Deku Tree: EH?? Speak up, Billy
Navi: ....navi......
Deku Tree: OH...ok billy. Anyways you need to go and get the boy of prophecy because I'm tired of him graffitiing me when he's drunk. He also needs to stop banging up the girl Kokiris, theres a population problem as it is.
Navi: I'll do my best, Great, Mighty Deku Tree! (wot a brown noser)
Deku Tree: EH?!
Navi: *sigh * never mind.
So Navi flies through the forest, accidentally rushing through a smoke cloud of the forest weed a random Kokiri was smoking. Getting suddenly very high, Navi runs straight into the fence. She straightens herself up and runs into it again. This goes on for about 20 minutes until a well timed wind accidentally sends Navi through the hole.
Navi: HEEE HEE HEE HEE *gasp * EEEEE
Link: *snore * stoopid pigs *scratch scratch *
Navi: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! *passes out and wakes up again * WOAH HUGE ACID TRIP WOOOOOAH COLORS!!!
Link: *groan * shut up... *throws pillow which smashes Navi into a wall *
Navi: urk...
Link: *sits up, clutching his noggin * ouch...my head...but still *grins * some party last night. Man me and Saria were like-
C. Moogle *makes triumphant return * HEEEEY I'M GONNA MAKE LOUD NOISES UNTIL LINK STOPS TALKING!!! *looks behind him and Link is asleep again * ah...later kidz. *exeunt *
Navi: wooooooah...HEYLINKLOOKLISTENHEYLOOKLISTENLOOK
Link: Owwwww my head...shut up will you
Navi: Ohhhh Link a terrible thing has happened and Hyrule is in danger! The great and evil wizard Ganondorf has...
Link (pouring a huge bowl of cereal and not listening): Uh huh uh huh....
Navi: ...and you must stop his evil or hyrule is doomed!
Link (eats cereal): mmmmmmm
Navi: Whatever...
Link: sooooo...why are you here?
Navi (sigh): just go to the Deku Tree
Link: Is this about the graffiti cuz I didn't do it...
Navi: Just go....
Link: K ^__^
Navi: And don't make that face
Link: Aw gee whiz Navi.
Navi: K lets blast
Link: Whatevah
Navi: Blasting beginnings, Batman-I mean Link!
Link:....douche
So they arrive at the opening
Mido: Dude, what happened last night?
Link: Um well you got no play, if that's what you mean.
Mido: Damn...well you can't pass
Link: Why?
Mido: Cuz I'm bitter. Get a sword and shield......stupid girl stealer
Navi: Rocketing requirements, Link!
Link (not in mood for arguing): *yawns * whatever
Link finds the hole in the wall
Link (reading): Hole of "Z". What the hell?
Navi: Guess you go through it
Link: But what kind of name is that?
Navi: I dunno
Link (grumbling and whining, crawls through hole): Stupid hole of "Z"
Hole of "Z": Heyyy!
Link:O_o uhhhhh
Link runs along and is smashed by the boulder
Navi: Rolling Rocks Link!
Link: Grumble grumble
Link finally reaches the sword
Link: Hooray!!! (gets sword)
Navi: Kinda small, isn't it
Link (defensively): Hey it's a good size, damnit!
Navi: No, not that.....never mind
They go to the shop
Shop owner: Hey, wuzzup bro. Some party last night eh?
Link: heh heh heh-AHEM. Do you sell shields here, old boy?
Shop Owner: WHAT do I look like? A shop owner
Crickets: Chirp chirp chirp
Navi: Corrosive crickets, Link!
Link: Oh shuttup.
Shop Owner: Yah, here have the shield. I don't want it anyways. HUMPH
Link: YAY (Brandishes his USELESS WOODEN SHIELD)
Navi: alright lets blast
Link: Blast? Whatever *exeunt stage left *
BACK at the ranch-er at the entrance to the deku tree
Mido: You suck, I'm gonna go lie down.
Link: Eat, cereal, it helps.
Mido: Whatever...
Link: and don't use my line
Mido: Psh
Link and Navi enter to find.
Deku Tree: Is that you Billy?!
Navi: Uhhh, sure
Deku Tree: Do you have the kid with you?
Navi: Dude, you can see fine
Deku Tree: No, my eyebrows are in the way. Anyways. *boring speech ensues *
Deku Tree: Understand? GAH!!
Link (spray painting I heart Saria's ass on the Deku tree): WHAT?!
Navi: Viscious vandalism, Link!
Deku Tree: WHatever, just break the curse.
Link: *sigh * fiiiiine.
Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, kapishe? (rhymes with quiche)
The young boy-hero, Link lies asleep in his bed. He was up late the last night partying with his slut friend Saria and his drunken rival Mido. Boy was he hung over. His sleep was plagued with dreams, as those of hung over people commonly are. His head will hurt viciously when he wakes up. So much for mixing tequila with Vodka.
ELSEWHERRE (spelled with 2 r's cuz its popular nowadays to do that)
Deku Tree: Navi, where fore art thou, I dun see too good...
Navi: I'm here, Deku Tree!
Deku Tree: EH?? Speak up, Billy
Navi: ....navi......
Deku Tree: OH...ok billy. Anyways you need to go and get the boy of prophecy because I'm tired of him graffitiing me when he's drunk. He also needs to stop banging up the girl Kokiris, theres a population problem as it is.
Navi: I'll do my best, Great, Mighty Deku Tree! (wot a brown noser)
Deku Tree: EH?!
Navi: *sigh * never mind.
So Navi flies through the forest, accidentally rushing through a smoke cloud of the forest weed a random Kokiri was smoking. Getting suddenly very high, Navi runs straight into the fence. She straightens herself up and runs into it again. This goes on for about 20 minutes until a well timed wind accidentally sends Navi through the hole.
Navi: HEEE HEE HEE HEE *gasp * EEEEE
Link: *snore * stoopid pigs *scratch scratch *
Navi: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! *passes out and wakes up again * WOAH HUGE ACID TRIP WOOOOOAH COLORS!!!
Link: *groan * shut up... *throws pillow which smashes Navi into a wall *
Navi: urk...
Link: *sits up, clutching his noggin * ouch...my head...but still *grins * some party last night. Man me and Saria were like-
C. Moogle *makes triumphant return * HEEEEY I'M GONNA MAKE LOUD NOISES UNTIL LINK STOPS TALKING!!! *looks behind him and Link is asleep again * ah...later kidz. *exeunt *
Navi: wooooooah...HEYLINKLOOKLISTENHEYLOOKLISTENLOOK
Link: Owwwww my head...shut up will you
Navi: Ohhhh Link a terrible thing has happened and Hyrule is in danger! The great and evil wizard Ganondorf has...
Link (pouring a huge bowl of cereal and not listening): Uh huh uh huh....
Navi: ...and you must stop his evil or hyrule is doomed!
Link (eats cereal): mmmmmmm
Navi: Whatever...
Link: sooooo...why are you here?
Navi (sigh): just go to the Deku Tree
Link: Is this about the graffiti cuz I didn't do it...
Navi: Just go....
Link: K ^__^
Navi: And don't make that face
Link: Aw gee whiz Navi.
Navi: K lets blast
Link: Whatevah
Navi: Blasting beginnings, Batman-I mean Link!
Link:....douche
So they arrive at the opening
Mido: Dude, what happened last night?
Link: Um well you got no play, if that's what you mean.
Mido: Damn...well you can't pass
Link: Why?
Mido: Cuz I'm bitter. Get a sword and shield......stupid girl stealer
Navi: Rocketing requirements, Link!
Link (not in mood for arguing): *yawns * whatever
Link finds the hole in the wall
Link (reading): Hole of "Z". What the hell?
Navi: Guess you go through it
Link: But what kind of name is that?
Navi: I dunno
Link (grumbling and whining, crawls through hole): Stupid hole of "Z"
Hole of "Z": Heyyy!
Link:O_o uhhhhh
Link runs along and is smashed by the boulder
Navi: Rolling Rocks Link!
Link: Grumble grumble
Link finally reaches the sword
Link: Hooray!!! (gets sword)
Navi: Kinda small, isn't it
Link (defensively): Hey it's a good size, damnit!
Navi: No, not that.....never mind
They go to the shop
Shop owner: Hey, wuzzup bro. Some party last night eh?
Link: heh heh heh-AHEM. Do you sell shields here, old boy?
Shop Owner: WHAT do I look like? A shop owner
Crickets: Chirp chirp chirp
Navi: Corrosive crickets, Link!
Link: Oh shuttup.
Shop Owner: Yah, here have the shield. I don't want it anyways. HUMPH
Link: YAY (Brandishes his USELESS WOODEN SHIELD)
Navi: alright lets blast
Link: Blast? Whatever *exeunt stage left *
BACK at the ranch-er at the entrance to the deku tree
Mido: You suck, I'm gonna go lie down.
Link: Eat, cereal, it helps.
Mido: Whatever...
Link: and don't use my line
Mido: Psh
Link and Navi enter to find.
Deku Tree: Is that you Billy?!
Navi: Uhhh, sure
Deku Tree: Do you have the kid with you?
Navi: Dude, you can see fine
Deku Tree: No, my eyebrows are in the way. Anyways. *boring speech ensues *
Deku Tree: Understand? GAH!!
Link (spray painting I heart Saria's ass on the Deku tree): WHAT?!
Navi: Viscious vandalism, Link!
Deku Tree: WHatever, just break the curse.
Link: *sigh * fiiiiine.