We few, we lucky few, we Mary Sue's

Estellio

Rating: Pg

Genre: Humour

Summary: It's always hard being the new recruit, but on a ship full of perfect officers, it's a nightmare. The life and trials of a wannabe Mary Sue. I welcome you to the Starship Enterprise, Mary-Sue population...about 800.

A/N: A friend of mine innocently directed me to a wonderful website called 'encyclopaedia dramatica'. While we were reading I noticed an article on our beloved 'Mary Sue' and forced him to click it. He was completely unaware of my fanfic background and was captivated by all this but didn't understand the convulsions I was sent into by the mere mention of Ensign Mary-Sue, the 16 year old Ensign who falls in love with Captain Kirk and dies in his arms after valiantly saving Enterprise from a near impossible situation with a bobby pin. All of a sudden, I discovered I missed writing, so when this concept came to mind, I felt compelled to return to the fanfiction genre or more specifically, the Mary Sue genre and no genre is more welcoming to Mary Sues than Star Trek the Original Series :)

IOIOIO

The crash made the hairs on the back of Christine's neck rise and it was a physical effort to turn around and face the mess. Thick, viscous, green liquid was edging along the floor towards her slowly from a puddle at the feet of a terrified looking ensign who was splattered with the stuff. Sighing, Christine pulled herself up onto the work bench as the green liquid oozed over where she had been standing.

"Ensign Ryan," She said wearily, "report to detox and then see Doctor McCoy to make sure you haven't done any permanent damage to yourself." The ensign stood there in horror, her hands still out in front of her like claws to grab the smashed container. She looked up at Chapel with wide, frightened eyes.

"A...are you sure? I mean, I can...I could...well...clean this up?" The Ensign stuttered, her voice an octave a two higher than usual.
"Go now!" She snapped, her temper rising. The Ensign flinched and hurried into the detox room, sealing the door behind her. Christine was sure she saw the girls eyes watering and immediately regretted snapping at her, but it was quickly becoming too much to handle. Ensign Ryan had been shipped aboard with a contingent of about 15 wet-behind-the-ear Ensigns fresh out of the Academy. The Science department had gotten 3, engineering 2, command 8 and 1 for medical along with a new yeoman for the Captain. According to McCoy, Ensign Scott had proved a god send. Not only was he competent but knowledgeable, quiet and witty. Leonard was in love, so to speak, and so was Christine in so far as it allowed her more time in the labs. Well, she had been pleased about working more in the labs before Ensign Ryan was assigned to her. Never before had she seen someone so clumsy and unsure of herself. The credentials were there, if they weren't she'd never have been picked for duty on a ship of the line. She had come fourth in her class at the Academy (It's worth mentioning that it was out of eight hundred and seventy two individuals.) She had won the Zephram Cochrane's scholarship to the Academy and had won numerous awards for her scientific achievements all through high school. By all reports she was an innovative, bright and confident. The girl Christine had been exposed to was seriously lacking in common sense. She could have understood it for the first week, maybe, but she had been here for almost three weeks now and showed now sign of settling down and getting to work. She was young, Christine had to admit she was surprised when the girl had walked in looking like she was closer to 16 than 21 but she mainly attributed this to the girls permanently terrified nature and short stature. If she was to honest with herself, Ensign Katie Ryan was the poorest excuse for a Starfleet Officer she had ever seen.

Sighing again, Christine edged her way along the counter to a space by the door where the goo hadn't yet spread and jumped down. Hitting the intercom with a little more force than necessary, she called for a clean-up team to take care of lab 4 before she stepped into the bioscanner to determine whether or not she had to detox. As the red light clicked on the scanner began to hum softly, she felt the energy go out of her. What was she going to do with that Ensign?

IOIOIO

Ensign Charmaine Kashwini bit her lip and threw a look over to Ensign Taylor Stephens. Taylor shrugged, just as unsure of how to react as Charmaine. The young Indian woman resisted the urge to sigh and walked over to the bed, perching lightly on the corner and stroking Katie's back reassuringly.

"I'm sure it wasn't all that bad." She said softly, throwing Taylor another desperate look.

'what am I supposed to do?' he mouthed and threw himself into a large, pink armchair in the corner of the room.

"You didn't see her, Charm. She was so angry, I could tell. She was trying to hide it but I could tell she was. I don't know what happened, one minute I was bringing the container over to the scanner and suddenly it just slipped through my fingers. It was like a I just lost all power in my hands then 'crash!'" A fresh wave of sobs overcame the girl and Taylor threw Charmaine a pleading look of 'make it stop'.

"We all make mistakes, it wasn't your fault." Charmaine said, moving to stroke the girls short, mousy brown hair.

"What about breaking the scanner, was that my fault? How about knocking over all of Mister Spock's specimen trays, I guess that wasn't my fault either. You should have seen the look he gave me. I bet he hates me." Katie wept into her pillow, her hands clenching into white fists around the cloth.

"He's a Vulcan, Katie. He couldn't hate you if he tried." Taylor said reassuringly from the chair in the corner of the room. Katie's sobs only seemed to intensify and Taylor threw his eyes skywards. Ever since she had first arrived on the Enterprise Katie had been becoming steadily more and more depressed. At the Academy she had been outgoing, bubbly, a little slow to catch onto certain jokes maybe but she was happy and above all else...competent. No one had any idea what had struck her since coming aboard Enterprise but it seemed to just go from bad to worse. Charmaine sighed and tucked a stray lock of jet black hair behind her ear, careful of the gold hoops that chased up the outside of the shell. When it appeared Katie wasn't going to stop crying she grabbed her braid and began to worry it in her hands, throwing Taylor a desperate look. Neither of them knew what to do. No matter what they said she just cried harder.

"Well...did you ever think there might be something wrong with you?" Taylor said finally, flinching when Charmaine shot him a look so dark he was sure a light had gone out somewhere on the ship. To their amazement, Katie stopped crying and looked up at him, her pale skin red and swollen from crying and her eyes bloodshot and tired.

"What do you mean, 'wrong with me?'" She asked, snivelling.

"Well...you seem to be dropping things constantly, right? You never did that before, did you?"

"No." Katie sniffed, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her uniform causing Taylor to make a face and look away.

"Well...Maybe you've contracted something?"

"Like what?" Katie snapped suddenly, "the clumsy virus?"

"Well I don't know." Taylor said, getting to his feet and throwing his arms up. "But it seems to me that there could be something muscular wrong with you. You said when you knocked over Mr. Spock's trays that it was like a muscle spasm. Today you said you dropped the container because you lost feeling in your hands. What if there's something medically wrong with you? I mean, you did go down on an away mission to that newly terraformed moon to check on its progress. You and Mr Spock were the only ones down there, what if you caught something? I mean, hey, I'm no doctor, we'd have to ask Darren but maybe that's what's wrong?" He shrugged, sinking back into the chair and looking at Charmaine. Her expression was unreadable and Katie was just staring at him blankly, blinking slowly. "Jeese, I'm just saying maybe you should get checked out." Katie sniffed violently and flopped back onto the pillows.

"I'll think about it." Charmaine bent over her and made a reassuring noise, moving to stroke her hair. "I'm tired, ye better go." Katie said, rolling onto her side in dismissal. Charm got to her feet and ushered Taylor to do the same. He followed her our, albeit reluctantly. As soon as the doors shut behind them, Charm turned on him.

"What the hell was that all about? 'Something WRONG with her?' Did you leave your common sense behind at Starbase?"

"What? Seems to me like it is more than nerves and if it IS just nerves..." A slow smile spread across Taylor's face.

"What? What's that smile for?" Charm asked cautiously, eyeing him up carefully.

"Well...We'll get Darren to check her out, right? And he'll say there really is something wrong? See where I'm going with this?"

"I think so, go on."
"We'll have him prescribe a 'treatment' and then, she'll regain her confidence and things will go back to normal." Taylor beamed with pride at his plan. Charm ignored him, worrying the end of her braid again.

"I don't know, Taylor, I don't like lying to her like this."

"Oh come on, Charm, it's for her own good. What could possibly go wrong?" He laughed. Charm gave him the evil eye again.

"You forget, this is the Starship Enterprise. This ship proves Murphy's Law."

IOIOIO

"Subcommander, there's a ship coming into range." The Romulan's hands danced across his console, his brow furrowing as he pulled up the relevant detail.

"On screen Centurion." Subcommander El'ar ordered, sitting forward in her chair, arms crossed and leaning on her knees.

"It has dropped off scanners again but I got a lock. It was a Federation ship. Most probably constitution class judging from the size." The Centurion frowned at his screen. "It has probably entered the Elstar Nebula which is why it is no longer on scanners, I estimate it will not leave the nebula for another 2.4 hours but judging from speed and trajectory…it is heading right for us." He looked back at the Subcommander who was frowning thoughtfully, running her long nails against her lips. "Sublieutenant Val, go inform the Commander. He is in his ready room." A young woman at the science console leapt to her feet with a crisp salute and scurried off. Normally the new addition to the crew annoyed her but this time, El'ar was too intent on the star map before her which show Centruion Vohk's estimated course for the ship. It passed too close to the planet for coincidence. The Federation's supervisor has arrivied…but a constitution class? That seemed a little heavy handed for a simple scientific recon mission, even if this planet was only one sector away from the Romulan Neutral Zone. "Keep an eye on that ship, Vohk. I have a…feeling, things are about to get very interesting."

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