peace
It's early when Kate wakes up. Her internal clock doesn't really observe holidays.
She turns to Castle, still sprawled out beside her, fast asleep. She can't help but smile. He's adorable when he sleeps, arm flung out beside him, his face half-mashed in his pillow.
She tugs his t-shirt over her head and grabs his robe off the bathroom hook, snuggling into the soft fabric. She leans over to press a soft kiss to his cheek and pads through his office, into the living room.
It's a little easier to take in all the decorations, the tree, the train, in the pale light of morning. It doesn't all scream Christmas quite so loudly, everything softer in the gentle sunlight. And she can tell that he and Alexis put a lot of work into it.
It's still sadness but it's a muted sadness, wistful, like a trace of perfume. She breathes in the gentle fragrance of evergreen and cinnamon, a smile crossing her lips.
A soft noise from the mantel catches her attention, and she turns. Alexis, still in pajamas, is hanging a fourth stocking up. It's smaller than the other three, made of felt, not velvet, and has Kate carefully lettered across the top in puff paint.
"Alexis?"
"Oh!" Alexis almost drops the stocking, whirling around. "Kate. Um - Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas," Kate replies, her throat catching over the words she avoids so carefully. "Is that - "
"I know - Dad said you didn't want presents - " Alexis is babbling, looking nervous. Just like her dad. "I just figured you should at least get a stocking."
"You made it?"
"Yeah. Sorry it's so cruddy-looking. It's just an extra one, and I had some paint -"
"It's - really sweet. Thanks." Kate hasn't had a stocking in thirteen years. This one's perfect.
There's a long moment of silence. Kate curls her fists in the pockets of Castle's robe, trying to think of something to say. It's all too bright, too new, too fresh in the daylight, and the words I'm in love with your father are swirling through her mind but there's no way to say it just yet.
Before she can think of anything, Alexis clears her throat awkwardly. "I, um, I just want to say - I'm sorry."
Kate furrows her brow. "Huh?"
"Because - I know you were my age, when - your mom - and I just - " The girl sucks in a long breath, blinking rapidly against the tears Kate can see forming. "I'm glad you're here. With us. With him."
"Alexis - " Her throat aches, a sudden catch that makes her eyes sting, the sudden overwhelming realization that even after all the problems and the year from hell, this girl is calling her family and it still may not be perfect but it's enough.
Alexis sniffs softly and wipes her eyes, looking a little embarrassed. "Do you want hot chocolate? I was just going to make some."
Kate smiles. "That'd be great. Thanks."
love
Castle shuffles out of his bedroom, rubbing his face, and is about to call Kate? when he sees it: his girlfriend and his daughter, deep in conversation. They're settled on the couch with mugs of what smells like hot chocolate, and he hangs back in the doorway for a few seconds, listening. Alexis is talking about school, bubbling over about her classes and her crazy schedule next semester and her roommate and it's all so domestic that he has to catch his breath.
But of course the floorboards creak under his feet, and they both look up at him with twin expressions of affection, blue eyes and hazel, and Castle chokes down all the things he so desperately wants to say.
He opts for casual. "So that's where my robe went." He huffs in mock-indignation. "Thief."
Kate just shrugs, her eyes dancing, lips turned up in a smile. "You snooze, you lose. Besides, I'm sure your mother has something you can borrow."
Castle shudders. "As appealing as I'm sure I look in leopard print, I'm gonna go with no." He presses a kiss to Alexis' forehead, then Kate's. "So how are my favorite ladies on this Christmas morning? Well, two-thirds of my favorite ladies."
"Merry Christmas, Dad." Alexis winds her arms around his neck. "I didn't make coffee, but there's water boiled if you want hot chocolate."
He tugs her hair lightly as he goes to get some. He keeps stealing glances back at the couch. He can't look away; his eyes are drawn to them, to these two women he loves so much they exert their own gravitational pull on him.
So he joins them on the couch, an adoring satellite, and as Alexis chatters comfortably about school and Kate listens, he simply basks in the glow.
hope
Kate excuses herself quietly after dinner, saying she wants to call her father. Castle just nods as she steps into the bedroom for some privacy. He wants so much; he wants to tell Jim Merry Christmas, to ask how the cabin is, to blurt out stupid things like I love your daughter and She's made me a better person and maybe even dangerous things like I know she'd shoot me if she knew I was asking your permission, but I'm going to ask her to m-
He forces his mind away from that - she's not ready, he knows that, he knows there are about three thousand things that need to happen first, and he won't push her - but he fails, of course he fails, because right now he's actually thinking about where to meet Jim for lunch when he's ready for that conversation. Some quiet little diner, somewhere Kate won't see when Castle shows Jim the ring and promises to love and honor and cherish, for as long as they both shall live.
She's been gone for a while, so he decides to check in, maybe see if she wants a glass of wine.
The bedroom door isn't quite shut, and from inside, he hears her chuckle softly. "You know it's a little too cold for me out there." There's a pause. "Merry Christmas, Dad."
Unable to stop himself, he peers into the bedroom. Kate's sitting on the bed, her legs drawn up under herself. He catches his breath. She looks so soft, her face so gentle and smiling, and if she was beautiful before she's angelic now, curled up, her eyes sparkling with such utter peace.
Jim must have said something that caught her off-guard, because her eyes suddenly go wide, a pink flush spreading over her cheeks. She worries her bottom lips between her teeth, and Castle can't help it, he wants so badly to kiss her. His hand is on the doorknob, and he's about to go in when she speaks again.
"Well, don't rent that tux too soon, Dad." She bites at her thumbnail, her lips curving into a shy smile. "But, uh. Someday. Maybe."
Castle steps away silently and goes back out to the kitchen. His heart is pounding, his hands sweaty, his mind whirling. It's too soon. He isn't going to sneak out to the jewelry store tomorrow, isn't going to rifle through her jewelry box to figure out her ring size. Not yet. Too soon.
But she loves him.
She said Someday.