Opening: Yay! KakaIru! (cheers) Oneshot!
Warning: Lemony! Yay! KakaIru and SasuNaru. Bad item title cover up. Lol.
Disclaimer: No I don't own Naruto, thanks for asking. (Cries about the cruel, cruel world)
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Kakashi had been gone on a mission for four months. He was thoroughly tired and after their enemy preformed a weird jutsu on him, something felt off. He was just glad to go home to his Ru-Ru-chan for some good loving. Somehow the thought didn't make him as happy as it probably should have.
"Only another mile and a half until we reach Konoha." One jounin said to Kakashi.
"Right." He said cheerily his eye in a half-moon.
They reached Konoha quickly as they rushed the last half a mile. Kakashi sighed happily as he entered the apartment he shared with Iruka. He walked through the door and was immediately caught in the scent of roses. The silver-haired nin set his stuff down and walked down the hall, to their shared room where he was shown the most eatable and fuckable sight that man has ever been graced with.
Sitting in the middle of a bed of thornless roses was a fully undressed, blushing, and smiling Iruka.
"Welcome home, Kashi-chan." He said in an innocent and (if you ask Kakashi) seductive voice. He was ready to pounce on him when something odd hit him like a ton of bricks…
"Ru-Ru-chan, something's wrong." Kakashi said, worry marred on his face.
"What is it Kashi-chan?" He asked concerned for his lover.
"…!" The jounin mumbled under his breath.
Iruka didn't catch it. "What was that Kashi-chan?"
"Idon'twantsex!" He said quickly.
"One more time?"
"I don't want sex!" He cried.
"NANI?" Iruka hollered loud enough for the whole village to hear.
"Please, don't make me say it again. I feel so…so dirty." Kakashi sobbed and fell to his knees dramatically.
Iruka placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It's okay; maybe you'll be better tomorrow, okay? So don't be sad."
The jounin smiled sadly. "A-Alright." He hugged the chunnin lightly and they crawled into the bed of roses, Kakashi spooning Iruka, and sleeping peacefully. Well, almost peacefully. Kakashi was still worried, but nevertheless, slept a dreamless sleep which, under normal circumstances, would be wet-dreams of his dolphin.
--The next morning—
Iruka awoke to an odd noise he could categorize as pissed off grunt followed by a loud…
"NnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooOOOOOoooooooooooOOOOOO!"
Iruka ran into the bathroom and was faced with a naked Kakashi, in the shower, griping his member and sobbing.
Kakashi noticed his lover entrance and ran to him and clung to the mans bare arm. "Nothing's working Ru-Ru-chan! I've tried everything, thinking of you, touching you, touching me! NOTHING!" He whined.
Realization dawned on Iruka. That's why he woke up with a hard-on. 'Damn Kakashi-hentai'. That's when he made his mental mistake. Kakashi wasn't a pervert anymore. He couldn't be. He couldn't get aroused. "Oh. Fuck." Iruka swore with wide eyes.
You see, contrary to popular belief Iruka can't live with out sex from Kakashi or he spends his day being depressed, which is almost never except the past four month where Kakashi was gone, and Iruka was wreck. But he would never tell Kakashi that or he'd never make it to work. Ever.
"What was that?" Kakashi pulled out of his fit to look at Iruka.
"Nothing." Iruka turned his head to the side.
"You need to get ready, you're meeting team 7 in…" Iruka looked at the clock. "…2 hours?" He looked at Kashi incredulously. "You're up early? Omigawd, there is something wrong with you!" The brown haired chunnin panicked slightly.
"Maa…Maa… Calm down dolphy! I'm gonna get ready anyway, since I'm already showered." He helped Iruka up, along with himself and walked out to get changed.
Iruka watched with wide eyes. No sex. Not late. No sex. No molesting. No sex. No sex. It was a really hard thought to process.
When Iruka finally gathered his bearings Kakashi was about ready to leave when he turned around and gave him a peck on the nose, smiled, and left to give his team premature heart attacks. Once he was gone was when he noticed something that would give anyone who remotely knew Kakashi brain damage.
There on the table in all its orange glory, was none other than Kakashi's FULL set of Icha-Icha books. Not a one out of place, meaning only one thing. Kakashi was bookless. It truly was the end of the world.
--At the bridge—
Kakashi sighed dejectedly at his situation. Life really had a fun time kicking him in the balls while he was down. How uncool.
He was currently basking in the soft morning glow of the sun rise, sitting calmly on the ground, more precisely on the bridge, and staring contently at the stream gently flowing by.
Suddenly he was jolted out of his reverie when the two teammates he definitely did not expect to see came towards him, holding hands. Naruto and Sasuke. Before he was seen, he leapt into a nearby tree to watch the scene unfold.
Sasuke let go of Naruto's hand as they stood 'alone' on the bridge. What happened next made Kakashi's eyes nearly fall out of his head. Sasuke apparently became very bold and slid his hand into Naruto's pants (and most likely his boxers) and squeezed. The blonde shinobi yelped in surprised as his face heated up.
"Sasuke, not here." He hissed, trying to pry the 'not-so-foreign' object from his pants.
"Nobody's here. Dobe." He purred into Naruto's ear. Sasuke started to gently massage Naruto's ass making the blonde moan softly. The younger one turned, with Sasuke's hand still down his pants, and pressed his lips between the juncture of Sasuke's neck and shoulder, kneading the skin and nipping a sensitive area. Sasuke moaned outright.
Kakashi was shocked to say the least. Never once, in all the time he had known them, had they displayed any form of endearment towards each other and now hear they were in all their glory molesting each other like there was no tomorrow. After the initial shock he was faced with a new emotion. Can anyone say 'pissed'? Why was he pissed, you ask? Very simple. Even after this quite hot show, Kakashi was not even one bit aroused. Although being aroused by your students would be very wrong, he still should had some sort of reaction.
But no, fate was being a BITCH today. You hear that fate! You're a bitch! Ha!
As the scene below got more and more heated, Kakashi became more and more irate.
Sasuke's hand went from Naruto's backside to Naruto's…-ahem-…package, which resulted in a deep throaty moan. Naruto, on the other hand, was busy making hickeys under the Uchiha's collar so that they wouldn't be seen by others.
That was when the jounin upturned an evil idea, which he would initiate in…
3…-gasp-…2…-groan-…1…-MOAN-…now…
And Kakashi jumped out of the tree right next to Naruto and Sasuke.
"Ah-HA!" He pointed an accusing finger at the two of them. "Exhibitionists!" He hollered.
"Omigawd! Kakashi! How long were you th-there!" Naruto demanded, completely embarrassed at being caught light this (this, meaning aroused).
Sasuke kept his calm exterior and replied coolly. "Well, if we are exhibitionists, does that make you a voyeur?"
The silver-haired man was at a loss for words. Leave it to the Uchiha to ruin his great discovery. Damn.
"Maa…So, how long has this been going on?" He asked, mildly changing the subject.
"Long enough to make you doubt your skills as a jounin." Sasuke smirked.
'Ooo. Ouch.'
"Who's on top?" Kakashi asked cheerily.
"I am." Sasuke said quite proudly. Naruto, if possible, turned redder.
Kakashi nodded, knowingly. "I figured. Good luck."
"You're not disgusted?" Naruto asked, quite shocked.
"Nope. In fact I have my Ru-Ru-chan." He smiled down at Naruto, while he put two and two together.
"Ru-Ru…chan?...Ru-Ru…Ruka…Iruka….IRUKA!" Naruto shouted.
"Maa... Not so loud. Hai, Iruka, not a problem, right?" He asked.
"R-right." Naruto nodded warily. "Say, where are your books?" He asked innocently.
"I don't need them at the moment." Hurt flashed behind the jounin's eyes.
"WTF?" At that moment something in Naruto's head clicked.
"What the HELL are you doing here so early!" He yelled.
"I'm having a slight 'problem', and this has given me more time than I know what to do with since I use most of it doing something (cough- someone- cough) that normally occupies that time." The jounin explained.
"Aa. Those kinds of problems." Sasuke smirked amusedly at their sensei.
"You don't know what you're talking about…or do you?" Kakashi leered at the Uchiha. Sasuke's face faulted for a brief moment before replying haughtily, more loudly than need be, "I do not have erectile dysfunctions."
He glowered at the boy. Damn him. Naruto looked like he had heart failure. Kakashi unable to 'get it up' was unheard of. The biggest pervert of them all unable to 'put out'. It was…was… "THE APOCALYPSE!" The hyper-active ninja shouted at the top of his lungs running in circle with his arms going windmill skill around and around and around.
Sasuke smiled slightly at his lover's childishness, but the fantasies stopped short when Kakashi smacked a hand over Naruto's mouth effectively silencing him. "Stop shouting 'E.D.' at the top of your lungs, Naruto." He growled.
"Well, what happened?" Naruto asked. "We might be able to help if we knew what was wrong."
"Well, I think some enemy ninja put this jutsu on me." Kakashi said with depression laced in each of his words.
"I've got an idea." Sasuke suddenly said.
Both of the other ninjas looked at him expectantly.
Sasuke fished in his pocket and pulled out a packet of pills.
"What that?" Naruto asked.
"Ninzyte. I got this in the mail for free and I was gonna give it to Kiba. But you need it more." He tossed it to Kakashi.
"It's a natural Nin- stimulant. 30 day trial. If you want more the address is on the back." Sasuke took Naruto's arm and proceeded to drag him away.
"Sasuke, what about practice!" Kakashi called to them.
"I'd say that this is payment. Don't expect to see us for a good week…and a half, Naruto'll need recuperation time." Sasuke smirked smugly to himself.
Kakashi just stood there dumbly before it clicked…'poor Naruto.' . But then again, he was going to do the same thing to Iruka now that he had the magic pill!
"Oh Ru-Ru-chan! I hope you kept that bed of roses!"
OWARI!
Nomi: Wasn't that weird? (grinning)
Mol: Yay! KakaIru! (glomps)
Nomi: I was forced to put this up I swear! And Ninzyte is the ninja version of Enzyte. I think that's how you spell it.
Mol: Lol. Kakashi needed male enhancement. (rolling around)
Sasuke/Naruto: (Going at it like bunnies)
Nomi: I don't think they'll need Ninzyte for a loooong time.
Mol: Agreed
Both: Ja! R&R Please!