Name: Walls

Pairing: Harry/Ron

A/N: A short drabble that grew into a series of drabbles. A bit angsty.

The walls built slowly. It was omitted truths at first, then euphemisms, but before I knew it, I was outright lying to my friends on a daily basis. I remember when I first knew, I mean really knew, that it wasn't Lavender, or Parvati, or Hermione that I wanked off to.

When I first realized that the unnamed face I saw with my closed eyes was Seamus. Or it was Harry. Or even Neville, on one particularly depserate day. I told myself that they would hate me, and I locked it all up inside, tighter than you can imagine.

I laid down a brick.

And when Dean told me I got the attractive girls to the Yule Ball, I told him it was animal magnetism.

And I laid down a brick.

They laughed, but it hurt to lie to my friends.

It starts out so simple, though. Because in order to cover up, you have to swing the other way, right? So when Dean says Lavender's nice, I've got to say she's fit.

That's a brick.

She's irresistable.

That's a brick.

Before long, the walls are so strong saying it out loud to yourself even sounds ridiculous. You stand in front of the mirror, and can't even bring yourself to say the words aloud.

And that's a brick.

And suddenly you can't just wait for Dean to bring up the conversation anymore. So you bring up new girls, from the magazines Seamus keeps under his mattress.

That's a brick.

You bring up new stories about sex.

And that's a brick.

It would almost be funny, were it not so pitiful. Everybody in Gryffindor's convinced I'm the most sex-crazed man in Hogwarts, and they couldn't be more wrong. But I can't dissuade them of that image.

And that's the wall.

Because then they'd know that I love Harry.

And the wall couldn't defend me.

Then they'd know that it's not just in a brotherly way.

And the wall wouldn't protect me.

And then they'd come at me for it. And it doesn't matter that he's said he loves men. It doesn't matter that he's said he's gay. Because the walls don't break, once they're up.

And that's the problem.