The Breakfast Club - Home pressure
Gobstones - Gold: Escape, Mumford and Sons - I Will Wait for You, (emotion) disgust, (word) spiral
Character Appreciation - Word: Joke
Disney Challenge - Characters - 1 - Write about someone happy with life
Amber's Attic - 22. I want to grow into something none of us have ever seen before.
Showtime - 10. Write about being hopeful for the future
Liza's Loves - Roommate, Homeless
Lyric Alley - 35. What if there was still a little bit of hope?
Sophie's Shelf - Write about someone doing something that they really don't want to do.
Lo's Lowdown - Character 2. Write about someone going to therapy
Make an Easter Basked - Write about someone showing their true colours
Guess the name - Camp Councillors
Guess the Name - Baby: Camp Councillors
Hogwarts assignment 7 - Careers Advice - Write about a protector
Auction - "I love you. I know I'm not supposed to, but I do."
Couple Appreciation - Camp Councillors
The Tale of Two Paths
Remus stared up at the camp's sign and let out a small sigh. He had never considered that he would be returning as a councillor again. One year was hard enough, but his father thought he was slipping off the bandwagon and suggested he return so he could get himself back on track.
Over the few years of his attending, his parents had fought heavily over the matter. His mother didn't see why Remus had to go there, but his father… Lyall Lupin, overly religious and overly homophobic - insisted that Remus needed this help. They had been on the verge of splitting up and Remus didn't want to be the cause of that.
He told his mother that it was his choice to go. If only to keep his parents together, he would push down what his father called his 'unnatural desires' and he would become the son that Lyall wanted. He was somewhat there, but his gaze had lingered on a man in the street for too long - well, according to his father who was convinced it was just the start of him spiralling, Remus was adamant that he hadn't been staring, just lost in thought - and they were taking two steps backwards, Remus was being sent back to the camp to be 'fixed' and he had to do it with a smile otherwise it could be the year his parents finally split up. But he was returning again as a councillor.
He wheeled his suitcase down the dirt path, only pausing to turn and wave goodbye to his parents. He could see the concern in his mother's eyes even from the distance between him and the car where she was standing, watching him. She wasn't good at hiding those emotions, so he pulled his smile wider still, hoping it would help somehow.
She waved back, before mimicking a writing action and Remus nodded once, before turning and walking again, wanting to give the impression that he was eager to get into the camp and fix himself.
But fix implied he was broken, and Remus didn't feel broken. Did he?
...oOo...
It didn't take long to sign in. It was only when all of the youths arrived, that it was a pain. Noise and fighting and some boys too eager to accidentally brush their arms against someone else's because they didn't understand the place and what it meant. But Remus liked that the councillors arrived almost two weeks early. That meant there was a lot of time to train new councillors and a lot of peace and quiet away from judgemental eyes.
"We're putting you in one of the smaller cabins this year," Rabastan said, running his finger down the list briefly. "New councillor - he went to a different camp and we've only heard good things, but he's had a few run ins already."
"But you've only been open an hour?" Remus replied.
Rabastan nodded and sighed. "His father's invested a lot of money here. We've got to keep trying roommates until he's happy," he explained. "He has a private two-person cabin and everything. They are usually for the councillors that have been here the longest."
Remus made a sympathetic face. "My turn then?" he asked.
Rabastan nodded his head. "Cabin twelve, his name is Sirius Black," he said. "Good luck."
"Yeah, I'll need it. With my luck, I'll be stuck in the cabin with him and there goes my nice quiet ten days to catch up on my reading."
Rabastan snorted and Remus heard someone approach. With a quick smile that didn't reach his eyes, he turned towards the staff cabins ready to read his possible roommate for the summer - the roommate from hell, it would seem.
...oOo...
Roommate from hell was right, Remus realised, as he pushed open the door and took in the sight in front of him. The guy doing sit ups on the floor had already removed his top and though it wasn't perfectly defined like the men in the gym, it was a beautiful sight. The shorts he was wearing were tight, but Remus dragged his gaze away quickly. Face. Faces were safer to look at because people didn't get the wrong impression.
The guy stopped moving, his head turning towards Remus and Remus met his eyes. The first thing he realised was that they were the most startling shade of grey he had ever seen. Perfect. Perfect beautiful eyes and an amazing body.
Remus closed his eyes, taking a couple of deep breathes like he had learned to do. He was just thrown of course, having not expected this sight upon entering the room. Anyone could go off-kilter that way, but he was back to normal now, that's what mattered.
He opened his eyes and gave his widest smile. "Hello, you must be Sirius Black, I'm Remus Lupin, your new roommate."
Full lips curved up slowly as Sirius' gaze moved down Remus' body, taking him in. "Yes, you are," he said, before standing and holding out his hand. "I hope you don't mind - I'm a little sweaty."
Remus took his hand and shook it anyway, unable to stop himself from looking at the sheen of sweat on Sirius' body. What was wrong with him - he was usually able to push all of this down yet somehow a few seconds with this stranger and everything was coming back again.
"I don't mind," he replied, cursing himself as the words fell from his lips.
Sirius looked amused. "I've got a bit more to do. I'm not in your way here? I can move somewhere else - it's just here I get the best breeze from the window as I exercise and…"
"No - you go right ahead, I'll work around you," Remus replied, grabbing his suitcase and lifting it into the small cabin. "I don't have that much to do - it's mostly books and stuff."
Remus stacked the books on the shelf next to his bed and Sirius paused, looking over at the books. "You like to read?"
"I love it," Remus said. "It can be relaxing here - sitting by the lake with a book whilst watching the sun rise or set… it makes it all worth it."
"It sounds beautiful. I've never seen the sun rise before and never taken the time to see the sun set properly."
"Oh? Well, I'll make sure you see them before the youths all arrive," Remus insisted. "I'll show you around."
"I can't wait to explore things with you," Sirius said, a husky edge to his voice that had Remus confused. The words were somewhat innocent, whilst at the same time could mean… no. Sirius was a councillor too - they were above such desires. Plus, if his dad ever found out that he had even been tempted for a moment… well, it could destroy his family.
He looked away, drawing his attention back to his suitcase and pulling out the clothes, setting them onto his bed. He wanted to finish unpacking as soon as possible so he could get a book and distract himself.
Clothes made their way into a drawer of the dresser and toiletries were put away. Remus walked back over to the bed, only to realise Sirius had turned over and was doing press-ups.
A brief thought crossed his mind as his eyes moved down Sirius' strong looking shoulders and down to his arse. Another thought not far behind.
First: Remus wondered what it would be like to see Sirius' face as he moved up and down like that.
The second came as Sirius propped himself up on his knees briefly. The sight had Remus wondering how it'd feel to be kneeling behind him, body pressed against body. His lips on Sirius' back as Sirius breathed heavily, making the same sounds that he was making whilst exercising.
He grabbed a book and forced his eyes onto the page, rolling so his back was to Sirius because watching was causing a reaction that he didn't want Sirius to see.
If Sirius saw, he could tell the others and Remus would be asked to leave. No. No-one needed to know that Remus had gotten an erection from watching someone do exercise. Sirius was clearly out to kill him.
...oOo...
Camp tradition had the group going out for a meal on their first night at camp and on the night before the kids arrived. Sirius looked quite lost as everyone bustled around so Remus headed over, a warm smile on his lips and better control over the image of Sirius on his hands and knees.
"Sit with me on the bus," he suggested.
Sirius moved closer, relief in his face. "Thanks. I'm not used to so many people. Is it always this overwhelming?"
"I thought you were at these things before?" Remus asked.
Sirius nodded. "But the amount of people was more gradual so it wasn't so overwhelming. Plus, everyone was split up into small groups."
Remus smiled warmly and Sirius seemed to brighten at the sight. "Come, let's get on the bus. Hopefully the others will follow our lead." Remus led the way, dropping into the seat near the back and Sirius slid in next to him, his thigh pressed against Remus'. Remus glanced at it but tried to pretend it wasn't there. Why was he so aware of it?
"You know, I wasn't looking forward to coming here," Sirius murmured from next to him. "My old camp was a bunch of wankers running the place and the staff were all up themselves, but you seem like the good sort."
"I like to think of myself as a good person," Remus replied.
"I can tell these things. You're… different. Good different. I'm glad I'm sharing with you and not one of the others. They all pissed me off."
"How?"
Sirius shrugged. "By being themselves," he said. "You're much nicer really."
"Thank you," Remus replied. "You seem quite nice yourself."
"And that's important because we're about to spend our whole summer together. When everyone else goes to bed, we'll still have each other until we fall asleep together."
"To—together?" Remus echoed, swallowing hard.
"Yeah. Your bed is close to mine. We'll probably end up talking until one of us falls asleep, or both," Sirius replied, nudging Remus with his shoulder. "Fair warning - I suffer nightmares. I might have to wake you for a cuddle." He winked at Remus who chuckled, hoping it was a joke. Just being near Sirius was already causing a lot of trouble and giving him thoughts that he had fought so hard to push deep down inside. How did someone like Sirius bring it all back to the surface with just a sexy smirk and eyes that seemed to just know?
"Or at least just for someone to talk to until I feel able to settle again," Sirius added softly, his eyes fixed on Remus. Remus met his gaze, finding himself lost in the grey eyes.
He tried to remind himself why he was there. Because he needed to change himself to keep his father happy. He needed to change himself to stop his parents breaking up. He needed to change himself so he could help others that needed to change too.
He forced his gaze away.
"Remus, why are you here?" Sirius asked gently. The side of his hand brushed against Remus' hand before settling on his leg just above his knee. "I don't think you belong here."
"I need to be here," Remus said desperately. "I need to fix myself. You… you don't understand."
"Perhaps I don't," Sirius muttered, lowering his voice, his hand retreating quickly as someone else stepped onto the bus. "It doesn't mean I belong here either. Maybe I'm who I am, and happy with being that person."
Remus wondered what Sirius meant by his words, but more people were getting on the bus now and Remus couldn't ask him without anyone overhearing what was being said.
...oOo...
Remus took the seat at the end of the table, liking being out of the main conversation and Sirius quickly slipped into the next seat. "This place looks fancy," he hissed.
"I know. I don't know which fork to kill myself with," Remus replied in a low whisper. "But you're parents are loaded right? You're used to this so which one would you recommend?"
"Whichever you like. I suggest not bleeding on the tablecloth. They frown upon that in fancy establishments," Sirius replied with a grin.
"What about the floor?"
"That's acceptable. It's why they have a red carpet. It used to be white but so many people killed themselves after being forced to dine here, they decided to just leave the carpet stained with blood." He gestured at the dark red carpet. "This is what happens after a decade."
"So my blood won't even make a difference?" Remus replied with a slight sigh. "It feels pointless now. Perhaps I could maim myself just enough to get sent back to camp?"
"I'll take you back. Tend to your wounds, give you a sponge-bath," Sirius murmured softly, his gaze finding Remus again. "Help you into bed. I think if you're that hurt, I'd have to help you take off your trousers when you get changed… help you shower. I can be very thorough." His gaze drifted down Remus' body before he reached or a fork with long prongs. "May I suggest this one?"
"How thorough?" Remus asked before he could stop himself. Immediately his hand clapped over his mouth. "No. I mean…" he shook his head, flustered. "What are you going to order? What would you like?"
Sirius smirked. "Well, I doubt you're on the menu so I guess I'll have to settle for… maybe a burger? What would you recommend?"
Remus let out a sound that he decided he would deny for the rest of his life. He wasn't supposed to react like that to guys and he forced himself to stare at the menu for a couple of minutes until he felt more controlled. He had learned over the years that self-control was important. People couldn't affect you like this if you didn't let them. He obviously had let his guard down too much and somehow Sirius had slipped through the net.
His father was right sending him here, Remus told himself. Clearly he had been in too much denial and hadn't seen the signs. His father had noticed him slipping and therefore sent him here before he could do something everyone would regret. Something that'd ruin his life, his father's reputation and his mother's marriage.
"I'll have the shepherd's pie followed by chocolate ice-cream," Remus said, forcing his tone into something a little less friendly, a little more formal. He shouldn't encourage this. If he kept Sirius at arms length, Sirius would take the hint. Perhaps they could be friends once Sirius toned it down because there was just something about Sirius Black that made him so likeable and friendly.
Whatever made him and Remus click so quickly was also probably why Remus' guard went down. He was always so careful and controlled, yet Sirius made him forget these things. He struggled to make friends because he had to maintain a distance in case they found out the truth and told someone. His father would be devastated if his attraction - no, previous attraction - to other men came out.
His mother said very little over the fact. She told him a few times to be who he was, but Remus couldn't because of his father. She just watched him sadly, rarely broaching the subject because his father was always there somewhere.
Sirius looked taken aback by the tone. He leaned in closer. "I'm sorry," he murmured softly. "I forgot for a moment under the circumstances that we met. Trust me, I'd never push you too hard."
"I… okay," Remus replied, his eyes not moving from the menu lest he be sucked back into Sirius' web once more. "What are you eating?"
An almost inaudible sigh and Sirius picked up the menu. "Probably the same as you. You've been here before and I want to say I trust your judgement, but we'll see, won't we?"
Remus had nothing to say in return. The meal proceeded in silence and though he felt Sirius' eyes on him, he didn't give him any attention.
No words were shared on the way home, though Sirius returned to his seat next to Remus. When Remus risked looking, Sirius' gaze was fixed longingly out of the window and he found himself considering how Sirius had even ended up there.
And if he didn't want to be there, what was stopping him from leaving?
...oOo...
"Good morning," Sirius said, as Remus rolled over in his bed. "Sleep well?"
Remus let out a slight groan of confirmation. "The sun isn't even up. What are you doing?" He pried his eyes open a crack, finding Sirius doing sit-ups on the floor. Topless.
"You exercise a lot?" Remus commented, his eyes shifting down Sirius' chest, lingering in a way he couldn't allow to happen usually.
Sirius nodded, laying down on the floor and stretching out before continuing. "I don't have much say in my life at home. So I take what I can get. I get to be in control of my body and how it looks. I like having the routine in the mornings it helps me feel awake and alive." He paused briefly. "I was trying to be quiet - I didn't wake you up, did I?"
Remus shook his head. "No. I just didn't take you for someone who got up so early."
"I thought you'd be the early riser type," Sirius retorted. He stood up. "Just some stretches and then a shower. If I'm distracting or I wake you or something, let me know. I can find somewhere else to do this."
Remus' gaze remained on Sirius' revealed body. "No, it's fine," he said. "There's space enough in here."
Sirius smiled. "So… we never got around to talking about this place. What can you tell me?" He reached for a towel, pressing it against his forehead.
"It's not so bad here," Remus replied. "We do a lot of sports which is a pain - I don't mind doing a bit, but I like to read. I like the quiet. It gets too noisy here for my liking."
"Quiet is good sometimes, but not all of the time," Sirius replied. "It's always quiet when you're alone and who likes being alone, right?"
"I do," Remus said, his lips curving into a smile.
"I hate it," Sirius admitted. "I spent most of my time alone. It's why I agreed to have you as a roommate. I thought that your company would be great - preferable to being alone and so far I'm pleased."
"You are?" Remus asked.
Sirius nodded slightly. "You're a puzzle, but it'll be fun putting you together and seeing what the picture looks like," Sirius told him. "You just have this… this aura about you - so warm and… and I feel like I don't have to hide myself around you. Is that strange? We haven't even known each other for a full day yet I feel this comfortable around you. Someone like you must have a lot of friends?"
Remus shook his head. "Not many," he admitted. "But when I met you… okay, I felt that too. Comfortable. Like it would be so easy to… to be your friend."
"I don't have many either," Sirius confessed. "I'd really like to be your friend. But after the summer, I'll lose you again."
"We can stay friends once the summer is over," Remus insisted. "It'd be nice to have someone. Things can be… lonely."
Sirius smiled softly. "Lonely is something I understand. But I promise that whenever you feel lonely, you'll have me to take that feeling away. Whenever and however you need me."
"However? What do you mean?" Remus' arms folded in front of him as he considered the word.
Sirius hesitated for a long moment, the smile fading. "A friend, a confidant, someone to talk to, an agony aunt. Whatever you need."
"That sounds nice. I can be all of those for you too."
"I'd like that," Sirius confirmed, before rising from where he had perched on the edge of his bed. "Okay, stretches to wind down, and then you'll show me where the shower is?"
Remus nodded his head. "I'll get my stuff together," he said, feeling a little more secure about the friendship between him and Sirius. "It's really early. I doubt anyone else will arrive there for at least an hour."
"Good. I like taking long showers."
...oOo...
Remus stood in the small cubicle, feeling the water warming up on his skin. He was never awake before seven in the morning, but Sirius was enthusiastic about everything that morning and Remus gave in and allowed himself to be dragged along for the ride. Sirius' attitude was infectious.
Sirius had begun stripping out in the open so Remus had rushed quickly into his own section. Stepping into the changing area before stepping into the shower. He heard Sirius snort behind him, but ignored it.
It didn't take long for Sirius' water to turn on and he strained to listen for any other sounds coming from the next cubicle.
"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts!"
Remus chuckled as Sirius began to loudly sing.
"I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan. I'm too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party, no way I'm disco dancing." Sirius' singing got louder after Remus' chuckle. "Remus, come on, you know the words."
"Perhaps I'm not feeling so sexy this morning," Remus called back.
"Cause I'm a model, you know what I mean, and I do my little turn on the catwalk," Sirius continued, loudly and completely off key. "Yeah, on the catwalk... " he stopped suddenly. "Wait. Am I allowed to disagree?"
"With what? As long as I can disagree with your singing," Remus laughed.
Sirius burst into laughter. "I can't sing for shit," he said. "But it's not something I can fix and to be honest, as long as I'm happy, what does it hurt. But… I want to disagree. Maybe you don't feel so sexy this morning but you should. You look very sexy."
"I… thank you? You're lying but it's sweet."
"I'm not lying," Sirius said. "I'd tell you exactly why I think that but I'm concerned about upsetting you again. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'll tone it down… well, as much as I can which isn't a whole lot, but still. The last thing I want to do is upset you."
"But… I'm not sexy," Remus murmured, his voice barely audible over the water.
Sirius let out a small laugh. "Okay, but if you get upset, it's your own fault for pushing this. Remus, where do I even start? Those beautiful eyes perhaps? The moment I looked into your eyes I couldn't look away because I have never seen such a beautiful colour before. Your smile is perfect. You were smiling in your sleep and I had to force myself to turn away because I didn't want to be some creepy guy watching you sleep. This morning with your messy hair and you were all dazed and it was sticking up everywhere. Well, I've never seen anything more perfect than that sight - I like waking up to you like that. The cardigans. They suit you and give you this whole… Professor-y look. I never thought that look was something that did it for me, but apparently it is. It's just everything about you, Remus. The way you talk, your kind nature. When you forget yourself and stop worrying, you're adorable."
"I… adorable? Uh… thank you," Remus stuttered, glad that Sirius couldn't see his red face. Things were going well that morning and he didn't want to ask what Sirius meant when he said that Remus' 'professor look' did it for him. Perhaps ignoring the flirting would be the best course of action?
"Now my turn. You should be telling me how sexy I am," Sirius demanded.
Remus finished his shower, stepping out and drying himself. "Are you sure you even need me to? I think your head is large enough as it is."
"A little flattery never hurt anyone," Sirius insisted. "It's no fun telling myself in the mirror every day."
Remus hesitated.
"You know - it's fine to admire another male in a non-sexual way," Sirius pointed out. "Women do it all of the time. Plus when you're at the gym, don't you look at the men and compare yourself to them - considering how much you need to work on, or look at celebrities and think that they are attractive. Hell, I'm completely gay and have no interest in women yet I can still look at them and find them beautiful and pleasing to the eye."
Remus sucked in a breath. Sirius was announcing for the world that he was gay. How could he say those words where anyone could hear?
Remus kept his opinion to himself. If Sirius wasn't there to fix himself too, that wasn't Remus' business. Plus, Sirius was right. People admired each other without it being anything more.
"You're sexy, but you know that," Remus finally said. "Everything about you. Just your mannerisms. You're full of confidence and you take care of yourself and it… it shows." His thoughts drifted to Sirius' body. "You're completely gorgeous. But whilst I say this, it doesn't mean that I… I mean… this place is fixing me, Sirius. It's making me be who the bible tells me I should be. So anything I say should have that taken into consideration."
Sirius' water shut off as Remus was dressing, and finally they were both out of the shower rooms, walking back to their cabin. Sirius' wet hair fell around his shoulders, water dripping from it.
"Your tshirt will get wet," Remus said.
Sirius shrugged. "I'll dry it when I get back. It'll go up in a bun anyhow, so I'm not worried." He gave Remus a soft smile. "You've mentioned more than once about being fixed. In fact, a lot of people here talk about 'being fixed' but you've got something wrong."
"What?" Remus asked.
"Needing fixing implies that you're broken. Maybe what you're trying to fix isn't something that's fractured. Maybe you were made different because that's who you're supposed to be. I think the only thing that needs fixing is your confidence in who you are inside."
"It's not me," Remus replied, as they reached the cabin once more.
"Who says it's not?" Sirius asked. "A bunch of homophobic arseholes throwing the bible at us to prove a point. Did you know back in olden times, people didn't care so much about sexuality? There are more passages in the bible about not judging others, and about acceptance. God made us in his image - he made us how we are. If he didn't want men to fall in love with other men, he wouldn't have made us this way."
"Maybe that's fine for you. I don't want to change you, Sirius. I just need to change myself to be who I need to be."
"Who told you that you need to change?" Sirius walked over to the tiny mirror on the wall and began to brush his hair. "Because it sounds like someone told you that you need to change. Personally I think you should be who you are inside. But I don't want to cause some rift between us so we can agree to disagree and drop this… for now."
"I'd like to drop it," Remus replied quietly. "We have different reasons for being who and how we are."
"I think we have the same reason," Sirius mused, looking at Remus through the mirror. "No-one chooses this themselves, Remus. We're here because someone in our lives has told us that we're unnatural or faulty or as my dear mother likes to say, 'I'm the very image of Satan and that I'm going to end up in hell because of my depraved and perverted behaviour'. All this because I'm attracted to other men." He let out a sigh and Remus couldn't miss the hurt in his eyes. Seconds ago they had agreed to drop it, yet he wanted nothing more than to ask Sirius about what had happened - to know everything.
"I love my mum. That's why… that's why I'm here. If I… don't do this, it could end their marriage. My parents would hate me," Remus explained.
"If they love you in return, they'll accept you for the Remus that's inside," Sirius said softly. "I know that as my friend, I'll accept you whichever version of yourself you show me - even if you choose to hide yourself. And… and I feel like I can say anything to you. It's odd to trust someone so easily, but I trust you. I'll never turn my back on you." A hint of his old smirk returned to his lips. "Unless you ask me to." He winked and Remus laughed softly.
"I know that I have to do this," he replied. "But I'm not going to… to turn my back on you if you don't do what I'm doing. It's nice having a friend who understands me."
The pair met each other's gaze through the mirror briefly before Sirius tied it up in a messy bun. "I usually have pins," he admitted. "But we're not allowed to bring stuff like that."
"They didn't make you cut your hair?" Remus asked, realising that Sirius was giving him an 'out' from the previous conversation. He was both relieved and upset. Upset because he wanted to learn as much as he could - understand how Sirius worked.
"I told them that I was moved by the story and wanted to be more like Samson who never cut his hair," Sirius replied with a grin. "They preach the bible when it suits them so they couldn't argue with me when it came from the same book."
Remus couldn't help but laugh. The camp were quite strict on things that were considered 'feminine'. Soft toys, comfort items and long hair were all forbidden. Mirrors were small, as the camp insisted that all they were needed for was a quick appearance check and for brushing teeth rather than vanity which was for women too.
He turned around, bun in place. "Breakfast time?"
"We'll be the first there," Remus pointed out.
"Good. We get to choose our table for the next few weeks," Sirius replied. "And we get first pick."
...oOo...
Sirius had stiffened up at the word therapy, his eyes widening into a wild and panicked look. Remus had thought he would bolt from the room, but he put a comforting hand on Sirius' shoulder and asked if he was all right.
"I don't… I can't do that again," Sirius whispered.
"It's not that bad… I guess. You sit in a room and talk about your temptation and how you got past it."
"Together?" Sirius asked.
Remus cocked his slightly, frowning. "Is there any other way?"
"Well, they could be doing one on one therapy. I've been there already and that's something I'd never do again," Sirius insisted. "But maybe if you're there with me, I can handle it. No, I know I can. Just… don't leave me alone with any therapist."
"Why did you go to a therapist before?" Remus asked.
"Like I had choice," Sirius muttered. "It was from the place I went to previously. Not something I want to discuss, but they were fucking insane, the things they were telling me were so much like what my mother said - but worse. They had almost convinced me that there was something wrong with me."
"What changed?"
"My father found out the sort of place it was and took me out. I ended up going to church for guidance. The priest there was… was supportive. He said that though there are parts of the bible that dissuade us from same sex relationships, Jesus gave his life so we could live ours and that we should allow ourselves to live the life that God has laid out for us. The thing is - living like this has been hell already and I think I deserve to be happy."
"You won't be alone, I promise you that," Remus murmured softly. "I'll be there with you. You won't go through any of that again - this place… it's not like some of the others." His hand lingered on Sirius' shoulder for a moment. "We don't have to go. We can do this another day."
"No. I'll go in with you," Sirius said, still looking terrified. Remus could see that Sirius was trying to appear brave but he wasn't sure why. Was it because Remus was there, or was he trying to face what was obviously a fear? "Just because… I want to make sure you're not going into a bad session. I need to make sure you're okay in there."
Oh. Remus turned to stare at him. He could tell by Sirius' tone that Sirius actually thought Remus was in some sort of danger. He smiled, removing his hand. "I appreciate that," he replied softly, deciding that it was better for Sirius to realise that it wasn't like where he had been before - and that it was a group offering each other support with a therapist giving advice where needed.
After a moment, Sirius took a deep breath and he led the way into the room.
...oOo...
The day ended with Sirius and Remus sitting by the nearby river. Sirius had reacted to each task with a degree of suspicion and fear and a couple with panic even. He hovered protectively by Remus, though Remus had insisted that he had been doing this for a few years now, and when Remus started putting his name down to assist in certain activities, Sirius would quickly do the same without even glancing at which activity it was.
Remus was feeling responsible for Sirius now. They were friends and roommates and he suspected Sirius had shared more with him than he had shared with others, and Sirius was overwhelmed and the day was taking an emotional toll on him, so once dinner was finished in the hall, he led Sirius away to one of his favourite spots.
The pair sat in silence, watching the still water from the lake and the light of the moon shine on the surface. It was peaceful and it had always put Remus at ease - especially in the first years of arriving. He hoped it did the same to Sirius.
"Why are you here?" he asked softly. "You're happy with who you are and you don't want to change. This is the last place you should be."
"My parents," Sirius replied simply.
"They made you? But you're eighteen?"
Sirius nodded. "They kicked me out of the house when I refused. Technically I'm homeless and the only things I had was a bag and a ticket to get here. At least here I was guaranteed a bed, food, and time to plan what to do next. I know they'll take me back after the summer, but I had no choice."
"They don't sound very accepting."
Sirius laughed. "Understatement, love. They despise what I am. Mother more than Father. He still… he lives in hope because I'm supposed to take over his empire - be the face of the company whilst my younger brother works behind the scenes. So I'm valuable to him. I spend too much time comparing the two lives ahead of me."
"Two lives?" Remus pushed.
"Life one - The Face of the Company, as I've named it in my head," Sirius began. "The face of the company marries a pretty woman from a good family. They have beautiful children and live in a big house. This version of me is always in the media's eye, talking about the company. Interviews, press releases. Something of a celebrity the same way as my father is. Everyone knows Sirius Black and oh is that his wife wearing the latest designer overpriced shit and having tea with Victoria the Spice Girl? This Sirius feels it's his duty to sleep with his wife to at least give her a child. It'd probably be in the marriage contract and oh yes, there's a contract between the families. But once she's pregnant, he'll stop being intimate. It'll be a relief because having to pretend and having to force himself to… do that makes him feel sicker than he had ever imagined. Once he stops, his wife will be distracted by the pregnancy. Then by the child. Then finally she'll want their sex life back, but this Sirius will refuse because the idea of rekindling this is his worst nightmare. Well - the worst was this all happening in the first place. There'll be a massive divide in the bed, Sirius not wanting to even touch her by mistake. So she'll finally start to give up and start having affairs. She'll grow to despise him and Sirius will start going out to bars and picking up men for meaningless anonymous sex - but it won't even be that in his mind because each man he brings to his bed feels more right than the marriage which he became trapped in. But all he can commit to is things that don't last long because he's committed to this life. To a life with this woman, using his face for this company and he can't change who he is anymore."
"What about your other path?" Remus asked, already determined that Sirius wouldn't go down the first one.
"The other Sirius will allow himself to continue to fall in love," Sirius began, his voice softening. "He doesn't have this big company to make him rich, the pretty wife and beautiful children. Nor does he have the big house. He has something better."
"Tell me."
"He has a tiny flat in the centre of London with the man he loves. He wakes up in the morning and sees messy hair on the next pillow and can't help but smile and snuggle closer. There's no divide in that bed… well, unless there's been an argument. There are lots of those, but never to the point where either would give up on what they've had. The sofa is comfortable because Sirius has no filter and puts his foot in his mouth too often and sometimes finds himself there, but the next morning he'll be up, making R… his lover breakfast and bringing it to him, having to wake him up because he's the sort to stay in bed late on weekends. The pair get back under the covers and eat the food from the tray together, argument forgotten if it's over something small, talking about it if it's over something big. This is followed by wonderful morning sex where Sirius and… and his boyfriend, lover, husband even, take their time because there is no need to rush. Their weekend is their own, it's not filled with stupid events and business stuff. It's just about them expressing their love. Maybe they'll go to the park, hand in hand, ignoring those people that don't approve, because they just don't care what these people think. This Sirius is happy and he only cares what his lover feels and thinks."
He took a deep breath, staring out at the water.
"The second path sounds happy, tell me more," Remus murmured. He could see that whilst Sirius was talking, he was lighting up and the stress and panic from the day was fading.
"There is no big house of course. It's the tiny one-bedroom flat. The flat below is owned by an old woman who doesn't realise they're a couple and who asks them to come in and fix things because her son doesn't come over often enough. They have to shout to talk to her because she's deaf. A married couple live upstairs and maybe they're a bit loud in their activities which seem to always happen on the bedroom floor, but Sirius and his…" Sirius searched around for a word, his eyes on the water before drifting up to the moon. "...his Moonpie can't blame them because love is the most amazing thing in the world. This Sirius likes to paint, attempts to learn the guitar. Serenades Moonpie with his terrible singing, but Moonpie loves it because he can hear the emotion and feel the meanings of the song and understand why each word was chosen. Though Sirius doesn't dream of being a rockstar, he'll be that just for Moonpie. He'll sing in the shower too, try and coax Moonpie into duets but Moony isn't a morning person and just likes to be grumpy and tells Sirius to stop singing in his ear and get on with the bloody washing already."
"This Moony sounds like a sensible guy," Remus replied with a laugh.
"He is," Sirius agreed. "He wants to get to work on time. He's a… librarian. No, a teacher. He's not the sort that wants money from a job, just does what he loves - does what makes him happy. Sirius on the other hand, aside from his rockstar-abilities, wants to help people. He becomes a social worker because he's good at spotting the signs of an abusive home. Again, it's not about the money - it's about doing something that matters - something that makes Sirius happy. But a job like that drains him and when he gets home, his Moony is there to wrap him in… in cardigan-clad arms and hold him tightly until Sirius can breath again and let go of the events of the day and he's back to being him and Moony. Maybe one day they leave their flat and get a house. Three bedrooms this time - they've saved a lot of money. They adopt a child because there are so many in the world that have no homes and deserve love. The third bedroom is used for Sirius' art until they adopt again and Sirius plans an attic conversion for his painting. The previous holidays that were to places like Rome and Paris are now little family holidays to Butlins but there isn't a single regret. They grow old in that house. Their children date and marry and have kids of their own. They get a cat."
"Dog," Remus quickly interupted. When Sirius turned his head, he shrugged. "I can't imagine you to be a cat person."
Sirius laughed. "Or dog," he added. "And if our son comes to us and says he's gay, I'll tell him he can love whoever he wants. Because I won't try and change him. If my daughter wants to marry a woman, I won't bat an eyelid. Because I won't be like my parents. I'll love my children no matter what."
"Children," Remus whispered. "I never thought… what if I have a gay son or daughter?"
"Would you try and change them the way your parents are changing you?" Sirius asked.
Remus shook his head quickly, worry lining his face at the very idea.
"And what about the wife that one of your two paths is leading you towards? What if she feels like your father does? What if she wants to disown her son? What if she wants to send her daughter to a camp like this to teach her to love men instead of another woman?"
Remus stared into the water for a long time. "You said two paths," he finally said, unable to imagine his life being the first path where his children were forced to change their sexuality too - having a wife that was also homophobic.
"Yeah, everyone has more than one path," Sirius said. "Path one for you is a lot like my first path, forcing yourself to be with someone you don't love. Imagine kissing a girl and it feeling wrong. Having kids and being miserable. Imagine your children sensing the divide between you and your wife? Being terrified to tell you that they're gay. That they're unhappy. Your son will be sitting where you are, feeling the pain and confusion. Unlike my first path, you'd force yourself to stay faithful in a loveless marriage because you'd honour your vow."
"I've kissed a girl before," Remus confided in a whisper.
"You have?"
Remus nodded, unable to turn his head from the water. "I was confused when I was fifteen so when she pushed me to ask her out, I agreed. That kiss wasn't what I expected. I… I kept it up for a month - by that point I was avoiding her. I cried over it because I knew my father's thoughts on… homosexuality and couldn't make myself like kissing my girlfriend. I wanted to… I wanted it to feel right so I could be what he wanted, but it felt wrong."
"What did you do?" Sirius asked.
"I broke down. Crying, admitting to my parents why I had to break up with her. My mother just hugged me until I stopped crying and had calmed down. By that time, my father had already left the room, found this place and paid for me to come for the rest of the summer. Sirius, I don't want to be like my father."
"You're nothing like him."
"You don't know him," Remus pointed out.
"But I know you," Sirius retorted. "That's all I need to determine that you're nothing like a man that didn't care that his son was hurting, only caring about his son not being what he considered right."
"And my… my second path?" Remus asked softly.
"Well, I'm picturing you becoming a teacher because you've got a good heart, or maybe owning and running your own bookshop," Sirius said. "Path two involves you learning to love yourself. You meet a handsome man who falls in love with you - one that'll take time to get to know you and not rush you whilst you learn to accept yourself. You may not have a lot of money, but you'll have love. You'll have someone who is devoted to you - that doesn't hurt you to be with. Someone who'll do everything they can to make you smile and will hold you tightly when you're sad. Breakfast in bed, adopted children, growing old together. Someone who would never hurt you or make you said. Someone who'll be your family. You'll start off in a little flat with odd neighbours, but everything you end up with - a nice house, children, a dog - you'll have earned yourself in a life you're happy with."
Remus swallowed, his hand inching across the ground to where Sirius' hand was. It was obvious to him that there were a lot of similarities in their stories, almost as though their paths would be together.
As he felt a hand next to his, he began to panic, to change his mind. But before he could do that, Sirius' hand was covering his.
"There's an opening in my life. I think you'd make an excellent Moony," Sirius murmured softly. "Just something for you to think about - you don't need to give me an answer now - or at all, but bear it in mind when you decide what path you're going down. Even if you turn away from your first path and want path two with someone else, I'll understand. We can stay friends. Just know that if you ever want more than that, I would never say no to you."
"I was so sure of myself before. Why have you done this?" Remus asked.
Sirius sighed. "Because one day in the future, you'll regret your life. You can hate me now if it makes you feel better, but I'm not going to leave you - not now that I've finally made a friend. Not now that I finally care about someone."
"You care about me?"
"More than you realise. I… it'd scare you if I said anything more," Sirius murmured. "So for tonight, we'll leave it at that. It's all you need to know. You know… if this was a movie, I'd have kissed you by now."
Remus felt like he couldn't breathe, torn in half by his need to feel Sirius' lips and the years of being taught how to be straight.
"But I'm going to wait," Sirius continued softly. "Neither of us are ready for that. I'm content with your hand in mine."
...oOo...
That night, Remus could only think about the second path that Sirius had talked about for himself, and the one he had talked about for Remus. It was everything he had been told that he shouldn't want, but just sitting there with Sirius, their hands touching, made his heart beat hard and made him struggle to breathe, but in a good way. He had thought about what Sirius' lips would feel like. The feel of Sirius' hands on more than his hand.
But his parents. Could he be so selfish as to put himself above his own mother's happiness?
He rolled over, his eyes falling on Sirius, sleeping as though he had no concerns at all, and before Remus knew it, he was out of his bed, sneaking across the floor.
"Sirius?" he whispered. "Wake up!"
Sirius' eyes opened slowly and he frowned. "Remus?"
"I need to know if it feels right to kiss you," he said. "Please."
Sirius nodded. "I've never…" he said, sitting up. "Sit with me. Just one kiss, Remus. Then you think about what you want because one kiss can be to help you decide, but more than that could hurt us both if… if you chose to go ahead with why you're here in the first place."
"One kiss," Remus murmured softly. He moved closer to Sirius, kneeling on the bed, and leaning closer. Sirius' eyes closed and he leaned forward too, but paused, inches from Remus' lips.
Remus understood why. Sirius was giving Remus the lead in the kiss - he was allowing Remus the chance to kiss him or to back out.
Remus' hand came up, gently cupping Sirius' cheek and Sirius' lips curved up into a smile as he leaned into the touch. Remus didn't stop there, allowing his fingers to trail across Sirius' cheekbone and down his jaw, feeling the stubble under his hand.
Sirius didn't move, allowing Remus to take his time, and Remus did just that, examining Sirius' beautiful features. With each passing second, it felt less and less wrong. It felt like this moment was meant to be - that everything in his life had led to him finding Sirius.
Suddenly he couldn't wait any longer. He leaned in, his eyes fluttering shut and his lips touching Sirius'.
Immediately Sirius' lips pressed more firmly against his and hands came up, winding through his hair. Remus tried to focus on what he was doing, but he couldn't. He cleared his mind, focusing only on the sensations.
The kiss didn't stop. His hands were pulling Sirius closer, pushing Sirius onto the bed. Sirius' fist clenched around the front of Remus' t-shirt, dragging him down with him.
...oOo...
The next day was terrifying. Remus had finally fallen to temptation of another man and he couldn't regret anything about that kiss. But he knew that he had some thinking to do. If he chose this life, he'd be turning his back on his family. But as Sirius had pointed out, Remus would never hold these expectations for his own child, so why should his father control his life?
Didn't he deserve to be happy?
Secret smiles were shared throughout the morning. Though they couldn't touch, couldn't kiss. Couldn't even talk about what had happened, Remus knew that Sirius felt the same about him.
So when a man walked through the camp, Remus was naturally at Sirius' side as Sirius' face lit up at the sight.
"Uncle Alphard!" Sirius exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
"I got the letter you sent," the man said, glancing at Remus curiously for a moment before turning to Sirius. "You're eighteen and they can't make you stay here. Pack your bags."
"What?" Sirius asked.
"Now," Alphard said. "Before they alert your parents and your mother turns up. Go and pack."
Sirius turned and ran, and Remus stared after him for a long moment before chasing him.
He ran into the cabin to find Sirius pulling a suitcase from under his bed.
"You're leaving me?" Remus asked, hurt. "You said all those things… you said you wouldn't… that you'd be here for me, and you're leaving me!"
Sirius froze. "Remus," he murmured. The suitcase dropped to the floor. "Remus. No. No, I wasn't thinking. I sent that letter to my uncle before I even met you and I didn't think… fuck. I can't stay here, but I can't leave you."
Remus stared at him helplessly.
"What do I do?" Sirius muttered, sinking down onto the bed, head in hands.
Remus shifted closer. "I love you. I know I shouldn't, but I do," he whispered. "Please, Sirius. I kissed you last night because I was already falling. You said you were looking for a… Moony. Maybe that could… could I be him?"
"You are him," Sirius insisted, looking back up. "Get your bag ready. You're leaving too."
Remus stared at him. "What?"
Sirius stood up, his eyes flashing as he approached Remus. "I love you too, but right here is where we can choose those paths I talked about. If we leave now, we set ourselves on the second path. My uncle will let you come. If he says no, I'll stay here with you. But I'm not leaving without you. I can't leave you in a place like this. Remus, I promise that I'll keep you safe, give you a home. I'll do everything I can to make you happy. Just… please. I love you."
Remus wanted to argue, to convince Sirius to stay, but more than anything, he wanted to be free of everything he had been told. He wanted to allow himself to be in love with Sirius, to hold his hand and kiss him as they had the night before.
"My… my parents," he whispered.
Sirius walked over, sensing the weakness. "Be selfish. I'm going to be selfish too. I'm going to leave today and you're coming with me. We're going to find a little flat together. We're going to be allowed to be in love and we're going to be happy. Your parents can accept that about us and be a part of your life, or they could turn their backs. But whatever happens, you have me."
"We only met a few days ago."
"And I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you. That's everything I need to know."
"But…"
"Remus."
"Yes. What should I take?"
"Whatever you like," Sirius replied, relieved, grabbing his own suitcase and hauling it onto the bed. "Just a head's up. I'm quite arrogant and tend to sulk when I don't get my own way. "
"I got that impression when we first met," Remus joked weakly, before grabbing his stuff and flinging it into Sirius' case. "Get us out of here before I change my mind and marry some woman who'll make me miserable."
"With pleasure," Sirius said.
...oOo...
"Sirius, I can't take other people," Alphard said, as Sirius left the room with Remus.
"I'm not leaving him," Sirius told his uncle firmly. "I love him. Please."
Alphard's gaze softened and he let out a sigh. "How old are you, boy?"
"Eighteen," Remus offered.
"At least I won't get in trouble for kidnapping," Alphard muttered. "Come along. Let's leave - I've been getting funny looks since I walked in. The only reason they let me in was because I could prove that I was related to your parents."
He turned and strode away and Sirius nodded to Remus to go, before walking at his side. Remus felt sets of eyes on him as he began to walk past the cabins. He could hear whispers and he started feeling sick, his body heating up and panic settling in. He stopped, ready to run back to the cabin.
"We're almost there," Sirius murmured softly from beside him. "Path two, you and me together."
Remus forced himself to take another step and another, his eyes fixed on Sirius' uncle's back. He tried to recall the stories Sirius told him - of what he wanted life to be like and what Remus' future could be like. The stories drowned out the whispers and he felt himself shaking as he walked. From the corner of his eye, he saw Sirius at his side.
"You can do this," Sirius whispered. "You can walk out of here. You can leave. You're eighteen now."
Suddenly Remus realised that these weren't words for him. Sirius was telling himself these things and Remus recalled Sirius' terror at the idea of therapy and the mention of being in the worst conversion camps. He had heard stories about what some were like and without thinking about anything but Sirius' terror at that moment, he reached out with his free hand, grabbing Sirius'.
He needed to be strong for Sirius too, if they were doing this.
Sirius looked shocked but he lifted his head and squeezed Remus' hand as they walked. As they reached the front, Remus watched the leaders of the camp approach Alphard, having words with him.
"They can't stop us from walking out," Remus whispered. "They aren't allowed to physically restrain us. Once we're outside of the gates, we are free."
He pulled at Sirius' hand and the pair began to walk again, passing Alphard and the leaders. Their names were called, but Remus ignored everything except Sirius' hand in his.
Worrying about his parents reaction would come later, as would everything else when it sunk in what he had done. But for the first time in a long time, he actually felt right.
...oOo...
The flat that had been rented in Alphard's name was tiny. He had been looking at two bedrooms but Remus couldn't accept that generosity. He wanted what Sirius had said - somewhere small of their own. Somewhere they could afford without help - once they found work that was. Somewhere that was theirs alone.
It had very little furniture but Remus didn't care about things like that.
He tightened his grip on Sirius' hand as they looked around. "This is perfect."
Sirius' face lit up. "It is, isn't it?" he said. "So… Moony, what now?"
"We need a bed. No, a sofa-bed for now. We need jobs. College. I need to… to call my parents. They'll be worried about me."
"We'll make the call first," Sirius said softly. "I want to call my little brother and let him know that if he needs me, where to find me." He picked up the keys that were on an old table near the door and they walked out of the place, Sirius shutting and locking the door behind them.
A moment later, the next door opened and a man glanced out. "Hey, hi, are you moving in?"
Remus turned, smiling at the man. "Yes," he said. "Remus Lupin."
The man grinned, walking all of the way out of his flat and approaching, reaching a hand out. "James Potter. It's nice to meet you."
"And I'm his boyfriend, Sirius Black," Sirius said quickly, reaching his own hand out to shake James. Once done, he slipped an arm around Remus' waist.
"Nice. I'll assume you're still unpacking, so do you want to come in for some tea?"
"Uh… that'd be nice," Remus said, glancing at Sirius. "We don't actually own a kettle."
James gaped at them. "How is that possible?"
"We escaped from a gay conversion camp yesterday," Sirius explained. "We just have some calls to make to let our families know we're safe and then we can stop in for that tea."
"I have a phone," James offered. "You're welcome to use it."
Sirius nodded his head, looking relieved. "Thanks mate. So, have you lived here long?"
James nodded. "It's not such a bad building. Just avoid Snape… he lives in the flat below yours and trust me, he'll complain about every little noise that everyone makes."
"Any good neighbours?" Remus asked as they walked over to the apartment, heading inside to find one the same as theirs, just furnished.
James gestured to the phone. "Some. Lily lives facing, she's the love of my life though she won't talk to me yet. Peter is cool, he lives a floor up too and then you have Amelia on the top floor. Oh and Albus and Gellert live in the first flat."
"All nice? Accepting?"
"I'd say. Albus and Gellert are about a hundred or something like that and they've been together since their early teens," James explained. "I'll get the kettle on, should I?"
Remus smiled. "I think I'm liking this new life more and more," he murmured, walking to the phone and picking it up.
...oOo...
"Mum, can you put dad on?"
"Remus! The camp called and said you left. We drove up there and couldn't find you. Are you okay?" Remus felt guilty over the prospect of worrying his mother and with that, he felt overly-hot and like he couldn't breathe. His parents were now going to give up on him - he just knew.
"I did leave," Remus replied quietly. "I couldn't lie to myself anymore, mum."
"Remus, of course I—Lyall, wait—"
She was quickly cut off and Remus winced at the sound of his father's voice.
"Where are you?" Lyall demanded.
Remus hesitated. "I'm in a small flat in London," he replied.
"And why did you leave the camp?" Lyall continued angrily.
"Because I'm gay. Because… because that's who I am and it's not something I can change. I tried to change, dad. You know I tried, but... I fell in love. When that happened, I realised that I had two choices. Forget about him and pretend - and spend my life pretending, or to take a chance and be happy and hope that you and mum would forgive me."
"Don't call here again," Lyall replied coldly, the disgust evident in his voice. Remus opened his mouth to answer, but the line went dead.
Arms wrapped around him and Remus turned, trying to take comfort in Sirius' embrace. "You have me and I have you. We're family now, okay?"
The sound of cups hitting the table had Remus draw away from Sirius, worried that James wouldn't like to see them like that. But upon seeing Remus' face, James held his hands up, quickly guessing Remus' concern. "Don't stop on my account. I've got no problems with you guys. You both seem nice, just shitty circumstances and all. But I bet it was worth it since you found each other, right?"
Sirius nodded, turning back to Remus and reaching up, pushing a strand of hair behind his ear. "Every moment was worth it," he murmured. "I love you, Moony."
"I love you too," Remus murmured. "Call your brother."
...oOo...
Remus took the air out of the blow-up-bed so it could be put up in the corner. For the few nights, they had alternated, both so new to things that they didn't know how to approach the other regarding sharing a bed.
He was starting to roll it when he heard a knock at the door. He was about to stand when he heard Sirius leave the tiny kitchen, so decided to continue what he was doing. After all, it was either Alphard checking in on them, or James who had taken to inviting them over several times a day for cups of tea, sometimes inviting other neighbours too.
He could hear voices at the door. Curious, he stood up and walked out of the living room, freezing at the sight of his mother.
"This is the right place," she said, relieved. "I brought all of your stuff."
"Oh," Remus said softly, the spark of hope quickly dying. "Thank you."
"And I've left your father. With you running away, there was no reason to stay there with him anymore," Hope continued. "I had to stay for a few days to go and see someone about a divorce and to arrange the house being sold of course, and I'll have to go back and organise that. Perhaps you can tell me where is a nice place in London to live."
"You left dad?" Remus asked.
Hope smiled softly, dropping her case and holding her arms out to Remus. He quickly rushed over, grabbing her and hugging her tightly. "Of course I did. Why would you ever consider that I'd choose anyone over my son?"
"But… but I thought you'd hate me."
Sirius cleared his throat. "Remus was under the impression that if he refused to go, it could lead to you and your husband splitting up."
"My dear, I thought you went because you were unhappy in yourself. I tried to tell you to do what makes you happy but… I should have pushed harder. None of this would have happened if I wasn't so weak."
"You're right," Remus said. Hope took a shaky breath, clinging to him, but Remus pulled away. "I did this to make you happy and I didn't realise that you'd accept me. You're right that you didn't push, but I should thank you. Because if you had pushed harder, maybe I wouldn't have gone. But if I didn't go, how would I have met Sirius and fallen in love? I don't regret anything because it helped us find each other."
Hope smiled. "I considered asking you to come home, but this is a new smile and I like it very much and your chap is very handsome. I'd like to stick around after I've got the money from the house being sold."
"I'd like that," Remus murmured. "And he's gorgeous."
Hope let go and turned to Sirius. "And you… you take care of my baby," she insisted softly. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Mum," Sirius replied, with a grin. "And you're welcome here any time. We'd offer you a room but it's still a bit small—"
"Sirius, we can share the blow-up bed in the bedroom and my mum could take the sofa for the night. It saves her checking into a hotel," Remus decided. "If you're comfortable with that."
Sirius nodded slowly. "We could do that," he agreed. "Mum, let me help you with that case."
"What about dad?" Remus asked.
"He's set in his ways," Hope replied. "I wish I could tell you different. Maybe in time, he'll realise that he's lost everything because of some narrow-minded view. But right now, you don't need him. You have Sirius, you have me."
"And our neighbour James has been a great friend," Sirius added. "You have a family, Remus. You don't ever have to hide again."
Remus smiled widely. It wasn't just the idea of sharing a bed with Sirius that brought it to his lips - is was that he was finally allowed to be himself - and that he wasn't alone.
11211 words
Thanks to Bex for betaing