Aki was deep in sleep when he was startled awake. A dip in the bed causing him to stir and feel someone next to him.
"Who?" he moaned out sleepily.
"Shhhh, it is just me," Shima said.
That was weird- Shima never came to his bed, he always went to his. It had been a couple nights, but Aki had been tired and just passing out each night easily. Maybe something was wrong.
"What's wrong?" Aki grumbled out, turning over and nuzzling into his brother's chest.
Shima didn't say anything, just wrapped his arms tighter around him. Aki was used to his brother at times not saying anything, but lately the silence was getting to him.
He was still met with silence.
"Shima?"
A long sigh and Shima's hands started to move on his bare back, rubbing gently, almost putting him back to sleep.
"Why won't you ever kiss me?" Shima finally asked.
A small gasp and Aki felt his eyes snap open. Was this what this was all about? Over the years it was always late night ruts as they went to sleep, never anything more- it couldn't be anything more. He knew this, and he knew Shima knew this.
"You know why."
"Maybe I don't."
Shaking his head on his brother's chest- Aki knew deep down there was a line. A line they each stood on one side of. A line that they needed to stay at. They were already toeing the line with their late night activities, yet Shima now wants to cross it.
"You're letting our brothers get to you."
"They don't seem to care."
"They aren't blood related though."
"Is that why?"
Aki wished he felt shame for what they did, he wished he could even say it was wrong. He couldn't.
His brother was always the one there for him, regardless. His brother has been there since the moment of conception. His brother was his everything.
But he was also his brother.
"We just… can't."
Shima's arms around him tighten and he felt his chest shake. Was he crying? Shifting so he could look up, he was the slow trail of tears down Shima's face.
"Shima?"
The arms around him let go. Hands were pushing him away.
"It was wrong of me to come in here," Shima said, turning to climb off the bed.
"Shima! Wait!" Aki said, grabbing his wrist, pulling him back down.
His brother turned his head away, wouldn't even look at him. This was not the Shima he knew. The Shima he knew was level headed, and more reserved than this.
"I am going back to my bed."
"No, please don't."
Aki did not know what to do. The last thing he wanted was to drift away from his brother. Maybe he needed to cross that line? What harm was it really? He didn't want to do it because Shima only wanted it, no, he wanted it for himself. Many times he had found himself almost crossing that line, grazing his lips in his brother's neck instead- telling himself that was good enough.
Maybe it was not good enough anymore. Maybe he had been lying to himself all this time.
Pulling Shima to him, he let go of his wrist and took his face in his hands. Their breath mingled as he stared into his brother's face. Rubbing his thumb over a trail of tears, Aki kissed at the wet spot on his brother's cheek.
"You don't have too," Shima whispered out.
"I know I don't."
It was a gentle brush of his lips over his brother's. They were standing on the line. They had been standing on it for years, Aki had to stop questioning this. It was not like they would ever marry or have kids.
Brushing his lips over Shima's again, he could feel they were rough, and a little dry. The texture not at all like his own. He liked that. Pressing his mouth gently onto Shima's, he pulled him back with him onto the bed.
Shima easily covered his body as his arms wrapped around him. Their lips firmly pressed together, their bodied flush. Could he go one step more?
Licking at the bottom of Shima's lip, he felt as his mouth opened slightly, their tongues meeting. He could still taste the minty toothpaste they both used as he licked into Shima's mouth.
The more they kissed, the more the line he had drawn seem to disappear. What was the point in even trying to deny what they had both been longing for? Gasping for air as they broke from the kiss, he cradled his head into his brother's neck, breathing him in gently.
"Thank you," Shima said, running his hands through his hair.
He could only nod as his eyes grew heavy. He was once again wrapped in Shima's arms. His brother, his comfort.
"Just… none of this around-"
"-No. This is just for us. Our secret."