Was I being selfish, to want Hikaru to be mine and only mine? Not only because he was my twin brother but because I loved him much more than that. Yes I know its wrong but I love him, he's my other half, the one I can't live without yet I was losing him.

I had to push him away or else I would do something I would regret. I already pushed him towards Haruhi, in hope he would fall in love and leave me but that was also my fear. I knew Haruhi only liked Hikaru as a friend and nothing more but I was secretly hoping she would go past that. She knew I loved Hikaru more than a brother but never said anything.

So here I am crying my eyes out in my room while your on a date with her. We haven't talked since that day we got separate rooms. I still remeber the hurt in your eyes when I suggested we each get separate bedrooms but you insisted that our rooms be connected in a way so now there's a door connecting my room to your's but its always locked on my end, you never locked it. You never hid anything from me.

That's how we're different, you're the perfect with your glowing orange hair that matches your sparkling pale skin and those honey gold eyes and my on the other hand dull, dull orange if you can even call it that with pale white skin that I could still stick out in a group of vampires, and the ickiest color of yellow that you could even look at them told long or you would go blind. Yeah its a little over dramatic but who cares. no one not even myself and that says a lot.

I hear your door slam close right as I was about to fall asleep because of all my crying. I hear my doorknob jiggle followed by you walking through even so quietly. That's a first you never go in my room. I close my eyes and soften my breathing. I fell my bed dip as you sit on it. You start stroking my hair let me rephrase that you try to stroke my knotted hair but fail I've given up on my appearance over all no one will give me a second glance not even the fan girls.

We don't do our act anymore I called it off asked Kyoya to switch Haruhi in for me and he accepted after getting the real reason out of me. He's the second person who knows after Haruhi then of course Tamaki because Kyoya can't lie to his boyfriend thats right guess the 'Daddy' and 'Mommy' act wasn't an act. Hunny-sempi and Mori-sempi found out eventually only you haven't. Not even after all the hints the host club as given. I shouldn't be considered a host seeing as I sit in the Host club torturing myself seeing you flirt with Haruhi as you used to do with me. She's completely replaced me.

I feel you lay next to me hugging my back snuggling into it. Oh how you tease me with what I know I can't have. I'm disgusted with myself loving your embrace as much as I do.

"Kaoru, I'm sorry" I hear you whisper in my ear. You repeat it a few more times but your voice changes into sobs. I can't help but to wonder what you mean. My back is wet where you're snuggling your face into, that not right you never cry it's always me doing all the crying.

Never in our life have I seen or heard you cry before tonight.

"Kaoru, I'm sorry for everything. Look what I'm doing to us, I've broken us apart all because I allowed myself to drift farther away from you and closer to Haruhi. You barely talk to me and i do the same I let this happen" I hear you say through your sobs.

I can't it all the guilt from all the pain I've caused you I should be apologizing for being the sick twisted thing that I've become.

"Hikaru stop apologizing its all my fault you don't have to be sorry I know you're happier with Haruhi. Spare me the fake sob story" I say releasing from your embrace and getting up standing by the bed facing my back to you.

"Kaoru what are you talking about?" you ask me "Cut the crap Hikaru you know your life is better without me."

"Kaoru, how can you say that -" I cut you off " Hikaru just admit it you're better off without me in your way as you said you allowed yourself to drift apart you know it was bound to happen eventually you're going to leave me behind go off and marry some girl and all together forget about me" I say holding back the tears I have to be strong

"Kaoru you know i could never forget about you even if i tried I won't dare leave you ever And I'm gay so there is no chance I'll leave you for some girl or boy" you say turning my around.

"You it will happen even if you don't want it to it will" I say facing the floor as I let a tear fall from my eyes followed by another. You crawl over to the side of the bed and stand in front of me lifting my face and wiping my tears gently.

"How, if I'm already in love with someone" More tears fall as you quickly wipe them away you lean against the bed wrapping your arms around my waist hugging me from the back I try to resist but your stronger.

As much as it pains me I had to ask who it was that took him away for me"Who's the lucky guy?" I dare asking not even hoping you'll say my name. I know you won't I mean how could you?

"Well he's perfect in every way imaginable, he's someone who understands me, I love him with all my heart that I would die if I could never be with him, and most of all is that he's you" he said oh so casually loosening your grip "I'm glad you foun- wait what?" I say turning around as you capture my lips.

"I think you heard me right the first time" He says turning around pushing me into the bed kissing me passionately. "I love you, Kaoru. You are the only one for me" you say pulling into another kiss. "I love you too, Hikaru so much it hurts" You crawl onto me kissing me. This was going to be the best night of both our lives.