Orange You Glad They're Not Eggplants?
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers. That goes to Nintendo. The only characters I own are those from the Golden Land, angels from Skyworld including the royal bodyguards, Angel Assembly and archangels along with all the other angels and of course the witch hunters.
Summary: Lucina is frustrated with an insult that Pit threw at her and she suddenly feels self-conscious being around Dark Pit. Lana decides to help her with her new plan that will help her master the Summoning Gate. Despite Cia's warnings about not trying to use the Summoning Gate again, Lana ends up using a basket of oranges to make Lucina's dream come true…and it works at first…until the oranges create an army to destroy the Smashers and cover everyone in citrus juice. Pit is not pleased at the idea that he might have to ask the Eggplant Wizards to deal with the Orange Army.
Pairing: Pit/Lucina, Reyn/Pittoo/Lucina, Pittoo/Lana, Lucina/Lana (friendship), Robin/Shulk, Ganondorf/Palutena, Alvis/Rosalina and implied Ash/Cia and Robincest
Rated: M (for mature)
Genre: Humor, Romance, Friendship and borderline Parody
Warning: Swearing, memes, sexual themes, implied incest, violence and unintentional OOC
I really have to thank my friend Matt for this. I only needed the punny title in order to come up with this ridiculous plot. Enjoy! Also, this was supposed to be two long chapters but I split it into four shorter chapters so I can give myself more time to work on it.
Chapter 1: Oranges are Good For Your Health
Lucina had prided herself in being able to be calm in any given situation. As the princess from the future of despair, she needed to control her emotions so her comrades wouldn't be as down as she was on the inside about the situation. Everything concerning Grima and fighting for the present was in the past now. Her new problems concerned Smash Brothers Mansion. When she originally got an invitation to join and meet the Hero King in person, she was overjoyed even if her father wasn't exactly thrilled that he couldn't get in while his future daughter and best friends were accepted without a problem. Jokes about how Chrom shouldn't have been taking a nap on that day were thrown around, but because Chrom got stay in the mansion, the salt he was feeling lessened.
Lucina enjoyed being at Smash Brothers Mansion. She got to meet her idol Marth even though he's not everything as Tiki or history depicted him as, she made new friends and was able to train and get stronger. There wasn't anything she could complain about seeing as how her mother and younger brother were allowed to stay in Smashopolis and visit them from time to time.
There was one person that was recently ticking her off. It came in the form of the angel captain Pit. You see, Lucina became quick friends with Pit's clone Dark Pit (they did bond over the fact they have similar fighting styles to the person they admired) and the two were pretty much inseparable. Dark Pit's group also consisted of Lucas who wasn't at the mansion originally due to helping out the people of his world and Reyn who wasn't a Smasher period. Reyn was invited by Shulk to help him train, but seeing as how Reyn spent more time hanging out with the dark angel than his best friend for more than fourteen years, Shulk's plan obviously backfired and it annoyed Pit too seeing Dark Pit associate himself with an alien. Together, the four made an odd group in the mansion with Dark Pit's vice captain Arachne and another one of his bodyguard's, Kaguya sometimes showing up to cause some chaos.
Pit was just overprotective of Dark Pit in general. Lucina knew this and she was fine with how he acted as a doting older brother. Lucina felt like she wasn't as protective to Inigo as she should be hence why they tend to have awkward conversations. Pit took it to the extreme one day and took it out on Lucina of all people.
The white angel should have been able to trust Lucina. Out of all of Dark Pit's new friends, Lucina had proved herself to be cool and reliable therefore Pit should have been able to trust her the most. It was why his insults toward her caught her off guard.
"Pittoo, I know you like Lucina and she's a cool girl but...couldn't you have chosen someone who was more...feminine…"
Dark Pit was equally taken off guard. He just assumed Pit was being stupid, but seeing as how Lucina heard that, she had snapped back without thinking of the consequences.
"Excuse me? Is that how you thought of me this entire time?!"
"Hey Luci! Pitstain is just being dumb!" Dark Pit said trying to calm her down. "Why would it matter how you act or how you see yourself? You're still my friend."
Pit wasn't too sure of that. "But...Pittoo...Arachne and Kaguya contradict what you say."
"Huh?"
"You say you don't care about Lucina's appearance, but the girls that you trust the most are the most feminine. Lucina is obviously too masculine for you. That's why you haven't done anything. I mean...she doesn't have...a chest…"
Pit was lucky he didn't lose his head to Lucina's Falchion at that moment. Dark Pit was horrified at what Pit said but he was more terrified at his friend trying to cut off his life support.
"Luci! Please!"
"Say that again, Pit! Say that again!"
"Aieee! Get the sword away from me! It was a joke!...Well sort of...you have no chest! Kaguya has huge knockers and Arachne is Dark Pit's perfect female body type."
"No she isn't! Quit confusing me with you!" The dark angel shouted feeling like his life was coming to an end. "Luci, please!"
For the first time, Lucina really wanted to hurt Pit for those insulting comments. If Marth wasn't walking through the hallway and noticed the fighting that was going on, there might have been some bloody feathers scattered all over the floor.
"Honestly, Pit...keep your mouth shut." Marth spat as he glanced at his future descendant. "And Lucina...I am very disappointed that you let this idiot's taunting get to you. Never take Pit seriously."
"Says Mr. Fancy Pants." Pit snarked as he prepared to leave. "It's just something you should think about Pittoo."
"Don't call me that Pitstain! And there isn't anything to think about when you're just saying the first thing that comes to mind like the idiot you are! Come on Luci!"
Even if Dark Pit had dragged Lucina away so the two could be alone while Pit ascended up the stairs to go to the roof to cool off, Lucina, would start thinking less about her body afterwards. She went from not caring about how she looked to trying her best to be girly and participate in whatever thing the other female Smashers wanted to do in the past. Only Peach seemed to miss that Lucina was forcing herself to hang out with them. It worried them all greatly seeing Lucina attempting to act like something she wasn't all because Pit said something stupid.
Palutena had attempted to get something out of Pit. He refused to speak about the incident. The green haired Goddess was able to figure out what sparked Pit to cause Lucina to change, but the Goddess of Light assumed that Pit would be better than that if Pit was projecting to a certain extent.
There were two outsiders watching the events in the mansion unfold and were in a fierce debate on how to handle the situation. One of them just wanted to ignore the Smashers seeing it was their problem and Dark Pit's life was not in danger. The other wanted to be a good friend to Lucina and get rid of the problem before it escalated into something worse.
"Lana, for the last time...do not try to help Lucina."
"Why not Cia? She's really hurt by what stupid Pit said. She needs encouragement and think body positive!"
Cia had shook her head in disappointment. Pit had said some insensitive things in the past, but she was certain he never said that to Lucina's face before. Cia had an idea what was going on through the brunette's mind but it was best not to voice it. Lana seemed to have missed the point entirely and wanted to interfere with the Smashers again.
"Lana, Pit and Lucina will solve this on their own. They are adults."
"But Dark Pit is being hurt by this!"
"Couples have to go through trials before they can move on with their lives."
"Huh? Pit and Lucina are a thing?! I thought…"
Cia facepalmed at Lana failing to read in between the lines. "Do I have to spell it out to you? From what I have seen, Pit does have a crush on Lucina in some timelines even though that is very rare. This is just one of the timelines where the two have to get through their differences and not upset Dark Pit before anything can get done. If you interfere, you will make it worse."
Lana didn't think that. In fact, she thought that this would be her biggest chance to push Lucina onto Pit. In the past, Lucina had always been the biggest obstacle when trying to win the affection over Dark Pit. This completely ignores that if Lucina failed to win Dark Pit's heart, Reyn was right there to continue where the Ylissean princess left off. Lana wasn't thinking that far ahead therefore she came up with a plan that could allow Lucina to be happy with herself.
"Lana...did you listen to anything I just said?"
"Don't worry Cia! I got this under control!" Lana declared as she took out a huge ring that Cia was all too familiar with.
"No, Lana! Remember what happened the last time when you tried to use the Summoning Gate?!"
"I won't summon any monsters with this! I am going to grab a manual out of the Summoning Gate!"
"Why would you have a manual in there?! Why not carry it with you!"
"Because I have yet to try out spells from that manual."
Cia should have stopped Lana before she let things get worse. Instead, she gave up because Lana was giving her a headache. She would have to hear the white witch hum the Zelda theme as usual before an orange colored manual popped up from the middle of the Summoning Gate. Lana walked over and picked it up. She smiled after skimming through the pages and finding the perfect spell to use on Lucina.
"This is not going to end well…" Cia told herself seeing the look in Lana's eyes. "Was I always this stubborn?"
The birds started chirping insisting that it was time for people to rise and shine. Lucina loathed how the birds would sometimes perch on the window sill and wait for someone to open the window so they can sing their lovely melodies to the Smashers inside. The Smashers who enjoyed the birds singing in the morning included Pit, Dark Pit, the Robin twins, Henry (when he was at the mansion), Sonic and a couple of others who enjoyed nature. Lucina was one of the few who started getting annoyed with the morning birds the longer she stayed in Smash. It meant she couldn't sleep in and that she would have to get up and start training seriously. Compared to other Smashers, the female lord felt like she had to work harder to get the same results as everyone due to her status as being an inferior swordfighter to Marth. The comparison to Lucina was justified because she did mimic many of his abilities and felt that the Hero King earned the right to be the superior person of the two. Now though...with the combination of Pit's insults...she didn't want to battle that much today and continue doing girly things with the other female Smashers.
Maybe I should get my nails done. Lucina thought darkly to herself as she slowly sat up in her bed. Immediately, she noticed there was a huge weight holding her down. The bluenette lazily stared down her navy blue pajamas and noticed something that wasn't there before. Thinking she was still asleep, Lucina rubbed her eyes and slowly got out of bed hoping to not wake up her roommate Robin. The Robin twins were only fully awake after they had their coffee seeing as how they had a bad habit staying up all night reading. Both were grouchy before then as a result and hated it when their roommates made too much noise. As Lucina went to the small bathroom that every Smasher had in their shared room, she would be able to shower to easily wake up.
As she unbuttoned her PJs, she noticed that there were two large lumps that were certainly not there the day before. Now that she was in the mirror, she could see that she wasn't dreaming. Still in denial, she slowly raised her hands to see if they were real and not pillows that someone stuffed into her clothes last night. She gasped feeling soft lumps in her hands.
"...I finally got a growth spurt…" Lucina muttered a little too loud. "I finally got a growth spurt…"
The female lord flinched hearing Robin's yawning behind her.
"What are you going on about?" The female tactician questioned. "If you're not going to use the shower first, then I will."
"Y-Yeah…"
"What are you hiding from me?"
"Nothing Robin…"
"Oh don't start that now Luci. We're both women and we have seen each other naked on multiple occasions. This is no different, so just show me what you're hiding."
Lucina paled realizing that if the female tactician saw her chest, she would freak out…
"N-No...it's okay…"
Robin rolled her eyes seeing Lucina's defiance early in the morning (according to her). She pushed past Lucina originally to turn on the shower head making it seem like she wasn't going to fight the younger Smasher. The female lord did let her guard down thus Robin was able to pull Lucina's arm away at the right moment.
"W-What is this?!"
"Uhh...Robin...calm down…"
"Calm down?! How can I calm down when you were trying to hide this...this...they're not pillows, right?!"
Robin had to cup a feel causing Lucina to let out a nasty cry that probably woke up most of the mansion. Chrom apparently woke up to the sound of his children crying for help and was the first one to rush to his daughter's room.
"LUCINA!"
"FATHER, GET OUT!"
"CHROM! SHE HAS BOOBS NOW!"
"YES, ROBIN AND I WANT YOU TO STOP TOUCHING ME NOW!"
It wouldn't be long now before many of the other Smashers showed up to see what was going on. It was amazing how fast some of the Smashers were hearing the word "boob".
"What is going on now? It is too early for your shouting." Samus told the Fire Emblem trio before she nearly found herself being hit by Chrom who had stumbled over backwards after walking into the ladies room when they were both naked.
"Lucina...she's...matured…" Chrom said almost happily. "I'm so happy for her."
"Of course you can say that Chrom! She's your daughter!" Robin snarled as she had changed her mind in wanting to shower and wanted to leave immediately. "Lucina, why are you still growing? I thought we were the same age!"
"We're...not…" Lucina mumbled as she had buttoned her PJs back up. Her breasts were big enough for everyone to see the rack but that just meant a trip to the mall for bigger pajamas. "Besides...you should be happy for me Robin."
"Together! We were going to be flat together!"
"Robin, please…" Samus began but was cut off by the time the other Smashers have showed up effectively pushing the bounty hunter away from Lucina and Robin.
Everyone had a different reaction when Robin spilled the beans before storming off rather upset about Lucina's chest size in comparison to hers. Most of the male Smashers predictably were either whistling (Captain Falcon for example and earning a death glare from Chrom for the F-Zero racer even thinking of hitting on his daughter now that she looked more feminine) to blushing madly. Link was teased by Marth who joked that he better not fall for his descendant just because she got two giant melons now. Roy couldn't stop drooling, so Ike had to clock him on the head as if the redhead had an off switch hidden behind his fiery hair just so he wouldn't embarrass himself. Ryu did not care and went back to business as usual. Shulk had eyed Rob to see if he would leer at his friend, but the younger tactician twin was too busy laughing at his sister's reaction to care about Lucina so much.
The angel twins had the weirdest reaction that no one paid any real attention too besides probably the two sorcerers who could spy on them from a distance. Dark Pit frowned seeing how Lucina was acting and was upset that it really did take something as a growth spurt to change you mentally. As for Pit, he was chuckling nervously, scratching the back of his head while at it. The angel twins could tell what each other were thinking hence why Pit failed to comment on the situation. The light angel did excuse himself when he caught Lucina giving him an enticing stare.
Besides Robin who had run off, the other female Smashers stood behind the male Smashers and the female Smashers who were congratulating Lucina on her growth spurt that she waited so long for. Samus was probably one of the few Smashers who honestly felt like something fishy was going on and she was going to get to the bottom of this.
"Zelda…"
"What is it Samus?"
"Gather the others who are not distracted and meet me in the dining room. We will talk there."
After watching the Smashers from afar, Lana could safely say her plan was a success. Cia was rather surprised that things have yet to go out of control. Besides Robin being salty, nothing was lost of just giving Lucina bigger breasts. Now Lana was preparing to introduce herself to the group so she can explain to Lucina what happened and get closer to Dark Pit as a result.
"You see Cia? Pit likes it."
"I still feel like you missed the point…" Cia muttered.
"Hey! Lucina just wanted a nice body! I would like a great body like yours! I'm part of you! Why don't I have a chest?"
Cia shrugged her shoulders at that one. You would think as twins they would have the same body type...but despite the forced split...Lana was just a pure, innocent youth while Cia was sexy young lady in contrast.
"Don't know...but I do wonder if you have become like me and are willing to break up Dark Pit's little group for your crush."
Lana wanted to shout that Cia wasn't like her. She just rolled her eyes and continued humming the Zelda tune.
"...And I don't know why you would use fruits to make the spell work. Oranges are just...odd...I would think you would use watermelons."
"I don't want a tragedy like what happened with Mario in Gelato Beach."
Cia recalled a time Mario had to roll a huge watermelon on top of the hill all the way to the bottom. He struggled with that more than dealing with Bowser's minions that it did bring a question of why something as simple sounding as rolling a watermelon down a hill was considered hell but fighting Bowser wasn't.
"If that's what you think...I'll let you think that. Lana, I warn you that your plan is going to fail...somehow."
"Hey! Have faith in me!" Lana shouted as Cia decided to get some shut in. The two usually stay in one of the luxurious hotels away from the other Smashers. It was hard for them to stay there due to not being friends with any of the people from their universe. If they got the okay, they could live without problem. Otherwise, they needed to be careful on staying seeing as how they weren't paying to stay.
Lana's focus was on the spellbook. She was looking at the spell that she had just cast on Lucina. She wanted the same results…
Tonight...I'll try it.
The female Smashers needed to have a moment to themselves after Lucina's sudden growth spurt. It was Samus that wanted everyone to meet in the dining room to have the discussion. Only Zelda, Robin, Rosalina and Viridi attended the meeting seeing as how Peach was congratulating Lucina with Olivia, Palutena was nowhere to be found at the moment and Ms. Fit was doing her normal exercise routine with Mr. Fit. This was enough for Samus especially since she had three Goddesses in front of her to ask about the strange phenomenon going on with the Ylissean princess.
"Just because she has a chest now doesn't mean that she's suddenly superior…" Robin could be heard murmuring to herself with only Zelda patting her on the back awkwardly. "She's a traitor! She said that we were going to stick together no matter what, and then she gets a breast implant without telling me!"
"Robin…I do not honestly think that is the case." Zelda spoke calmly but was interrupted by Rob who happened to be passing by the area.
"Robin, you were always going to be small. Don't come up with some delusions now." The male tactician taunted only getting a snarky comment back.
"So you admit that you'll always have a small dick! I thought you were better than that!"
"Hey, I'm not the one going around and throwing a fit about not getting any bigger. I end up keeping it to myself anyway…"
Zelda was glad she wouldn't have to stop the sibling squabble. Sheik was walking with Rob at the time and also rested his hand on the white haired boy's shoulder.
"Some conversations are best not started when around the children."
"Huh? Children?"
When Rob said that, one of the Villager children ran past him with a basket full of oranges. He groaned realizing it was best to keep his mouth shut so these creepy children didn't get any funny ideas. The one running was K and he gave the usual sinister smile when he looked back at Rob and the others.
"I will be back with more oranges." He said simply. "Do not touch the oranges."
He happily walked out of the kitchen like he didn't just threaten everyone. Samus waited for everyone's attention to turn back to her before she confused.
"Regardless of what you think Robin, something is strange."
"It's not unnatural for a growing girl to suddenly have a growth spurt." Zelda brought up before Samus started believing what the female tactician did.
"I know this...yet I feel like the timing is too convenient. Maybe today was the day her body would mature. However...seeing as how she and Pit had gotten into a fight...would it make sense for me to think Palutena is involved in some shape or form?"
"No. You always have the right to suspect Palutena." Rosalina told her. "If Palutena is not the one causing the problems in the mansion, it is Pit. If it is not either of them it's…" The sandy blond paused as she glanced at the Robin twins. They noticed the weird look she gave them and then glared as a response.
"What's that supposed to mean?!"
Rosalina would never tell them how serious her comment was seeing as how the green haired Goddess would slowly make an entrance into the kitchen. Zelda snarled at her when she saw Palutena head toward the stove.
"No."
Palutena stared back shocked. "What? I wasn't going to cook...much…"
If wasn't just Zelda that told her the Goddess of Light was allowed to cook. The other female Smashers, Rob and Sheik said the same thing. She pouted realizing that she was being rejected before she even turned on the stove.
"Oh come on, everyone! What would be a better way to celebrate Lucina's breast implant by making a delicious meal?"
"Darkness will consume those you cherish dearly should you turn on the stove." Sheik told her in poetically.
"But…"
"Palutena, were you the one who caused Lucina's breasts to expand?" Samus cut in. Instead of speculating about who did it, might as well ask the person who would most likely cause the problem.
"Nope. It's not me this time." Palutena responded in a teasing tone. "What fun would that be if I only did one person?"
"I can imagine Lucina's breasts would blow up a couple hours later knowing how you work your magic." Rosalina could be heard mocking her friend.
"Oh, Rosie...can you come here so I can smack you silly?"
Viridi laughed harder than intended. When Palutena got the smack down even by those who respected her, it was always worth giggling. The green haired Goddess wasn't exactly pleased how going into the kitchen would make her the laughing stock at the moment.
"Anything else Samus?" Palutena questioned while she opened the fridge to look for something fattening.
"Do you have any idea on who else could have potentially used magic?"
"Nope. With how Viridi is laughing, I doubt she could have pulled it off so flawlessly and we all know Rosalina is incapable of being that cruel. Plus, Ashley isn't strong enough to maintain something like that for a couple of minutes."
So at the end of the day...Palutena was not the culprit. She also crossed out any other people who could enlarge Lucina's breasts making Samus conclude that the person who did that was either outside of the mansion, or Lucina honestly had a growth spurt.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to binge on the ice cream, so I can get a reaction out of Pit." Palutena finished with a pleasant smile as she took a large container of ice cream and a spoon and fled the kitchen. She nearly crashed into K who had another basket full of perfect oranges. K was followed by the seven other Villager children...and Kirby who desired to eat a delicious orange.
The female Smashers, Rob and Sheik continued the conversation on what could have possibly happened to Lucina. Meanwhile, Kirby waited for the Villagers to leave the perfect oranges unattended as he attempted to grab one. That was when…
"EEEKKABOKA! I WILL EAT YOU WHOLE!"
Kirby let out a scream at an orange suddenly turning around and screeching into his ears...that Kirby did not have...but was still covering the place where his ears could be with his small hands. The Smashers looked up confused at what Kirby was screaming about before the pink puffball rushed out of the room crying that the oranges were haunted. The perfect orange was very shiny so the Smashers just thought that Kirby got pranked by the Villagers for trying to take the oranges.
The problem was that because everyone was so absorbed into their conversation before talking about something else entirely, they failed to note that the oranges were indeed glowing a dark orange color as if they were rotting...
Once Lana was certain that Cia had fell asleep, she snuck out of the hotel room they shared and went straight to the balcony that was at the other end of the hall. She continued to hold the orange manual in her hands as she made sure no one was around when she opened it again.
"Seeing as how Lucina has a nice C cup from this spell, I'm going to aim higher." Lana told herself with a chuckle as she started to chant the same spell she used on the female lord. "How about a D cup?"
Lana started humming the same tune to herself as an orange circle circled around her. She did her little dance hoping that the magic would work instantly. To her disappointment, her chest was still nonexistent.
"...Well that didn't work. Then how about I just say my chest size will be the same as Cia so we can look more like twins?"
Again that didn't work when she finished. It never occurred to her that she could only maintain the spell on one purpose for a few days before attempting to try it out on someone. Either that or she did not read that the caster should not be using it on herself.
"Why won't this work?" Lana asked as she wondered if she needed to get more oranges. She had hid a whole store of them in the Summoning Gate and only took them out when needed. Annoyed that she wasn't getting the result she wanted, she continued to pump magic into the oranges as she continued dancing until she was tired. Her voice started to become scratchy due to how many times she hummed the theme to herself. "Why won't this work?!"
Lana's eyes burned with determination. She would do this all night until she got a chest the same size as Cia or larger just to brag about her results. The more magic that the oranges absorbed, the more they started glowing a dark orange color and started shaking on its own. Lana would soon fall asleep while attempting to perfect the spell and leave the Summoning Gate out where all the oranges with the magic was in...slowly...they were coming out and growing human limbs in the process...
Me: TBC with 5357 words.
Li: I don't like where this is going.
Me: The oranges are coming alive. Notes!
1. This really isn't the first time Pit has had a crush on Lucina. Piano Man had already implied that Pit and Lucina were dating and they were waiting for a chance to bring Dark Pit into the OT3. Now it's more explicit and Pit would rather insult Lucina than hurt Dark Pit's feelings.
2. Rosalina pretty much sums up how my stories are. If Palutena doesn't start something due to boredom, then Pit's past tends to catch up with him in a story. Otherwise, the Robin twins are the center of an issue. Because this is before Super Smash Galaxy, Shulk is almost never in danger minus a few stories like in Shopping Strip. They do have an importance besides the whole vessel of Grima thing, but it has to do with demon culture.
3. The Gelato Beach mission in Super Mario Sunshine is brought up here because of how a lot of people have difficulties with it. Personally, I never had a problem moving the watermelon down the hill, but apparently it was for everyone else.
4. The orange is pretty much screaming what the blue skull does in Banjo Kazooie when you pick one up.
That's it. Reviews are appreciated. Ja ne!