Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me and I make no profit from them.
Remember Me
Maura stood next to the autopsy table, extremely distracted by her thoughts. Last night Jane told her she was in love with her and Maura ran, confused.
"Maura, I want to tell you something," Jane said. Maura turned to her best friend.
"Yes, Jane?" she looked into a very intense pair of chocolate colored eyes.
"I'm in love with you, Maura, I have been for some time."
Maura stared back at Jane like she misheard Jane.
"You're, you're in love with me?" Maura stammered. Her heart beat almost erratically in her chest. Jane was in love with her? Suddenly Maura stood and headed for the front door.
"I'm sssorry, Jane, I just can't do this right now." Maura disappeared through the door. Jane hadn't moved, watching in total shock as Maura left. She'd been positive Maura would return her feelings, was as much in love with Jane as Jane was with Maura. Obviously, she was wrong.
Maura ran to her car, confused. She left because she couldn't deal with feelings, felt like the room was closing in on her. This was why she became a medical examiner instead of a regular M.D. or specialist. Live people scared Maura half to death. And now Jane declared her feelings for the Chief M.E. and the doctor ran.
After reviewing what happened the night before Maura sighed. She was convinced she'd screwed up her relationship with her best friend.
Jane heard the alarm clock go off and groaned. She hadn't slept at all that night. After telling Maura how she felt about her and watching Maura flee, Jane was crushed. She convinced herself she'd messed up the best relationship she'd ever had, even though she was apparently wrong about Maura's feelings for her.
Jane sighed again and headed for the shower. She told herself the only thing that would help her get through today would be massive amounts of caffeine and red bull. Jane already knew she'd probably stay away from the morgue-and Maura-unless work absolutely dictated her need to see the blond doctor.
The bullpen was quiet. No new cases had come in and everyone was cleaning up paperwork from the previous cases they'd solved. Jane sat at her desk and alternated between closing old files and getting fresh cups of coffee. She yawned periodically but no one spoke. They were all off in their own worlds.
Then came the call about the stabbing at the prison and Jane and Maura endured an uncomfortable ride to the prison. Jane was all business while they were there, including butting heads with the warden who used to be an old adversary of hers and Korsak's when he was a defense attorney.
In the infirmary Jane received her biggest surprise. Charles Hoyt spoke from behind a curtain and Jane's own personal bogeyman was back in her life. Korsak berated the warden for not keeping Hoyt in a maximum security unit but they could all tell the warden had a soft spot for a convict dying of cancer, even one as evil as Hoyt. Jane couldn't believe her foul luck. She and Maura drove back to Boston that afternoon, silent once again, except this time Jane was fuming over having to see Hoyt.
Jane stomped upstairs to the bullpen while Maura started the young man's autopsy. When she pulled out his intestines she called Jane. It was automatic, she always called Jane when something unusual came up in the autopsy of a homicide case. As she terminated the call, after hearing Jane's abrupt, professional "I'll be right down" Maura thought she'd made a mistake. Maybe she should have called Frost or Korsak. She heard the elevator door open and Maura decided to be as crisp and professional as she could.
"I found something in his intestines, Jane."
"Is it dope?" Jane covered her nose. Some of the body parts, particularly those connected with a person's digestive system gave off a peculiar foul odor when Maura dissected them.
"No, it's teeth," Maura said, surprised. Jane turned and looked at the four teeth Maura pulled out of the blue balloon the victim swallowed before being murdered.
"What the hell?" Jane said. Unconscious of her actions she began to rub her hands. Hoyt had to be involved somehow, she knew it. Jane turned and left the morgue with Maura's promise to find the DNA if she could.
The next two days were spent in a whirlwind of motion. Lt. Cavanaugh questioned Jane's motives toward this case, even accusing her of not working the Graham Randall prison murder case, in favor of finding something on Hoyt. He was sympathetic, Cavanaugh was, but he thought Jane was way off base and obsessed because of her past with Hoyt.
Jane left the precinct that evening for her apartment, forgoing the usual Friday night drinks at The Robber. She wanted to get home, relax, have a couple of beers and see how the Red Sox were playing. It was not lost on Jane that Maura usually accompanied her and it would be Maura she'd be venting her frustrations about Cavanaugh to, but not tonight. Maura was out of the picture.
A little past seven Maura went upstairs, looking for Jane. Although an invitation had not been extended she wanted to see if Jane wanted to go for drinks. Maura wanted to do a little damage control if she could, see if she could repair her friendship with Jane. She wanted Jane in her life.
"She isn't here, Doc," Frost said when Maura exited the elevator. Not wanting to hint to a problem Maura tried to cover. Fortunately she brought a file with her as an excuse.
"Oh, no, Barry, I'm not looking for Jane, I wanted to bring up the lab results on the DNA from the teeth Graham Randall was carrying. It matches the Harris family from the missing persons file Jane is working on."
"Thanks, Doc. I'll leave it on Jane's desk. I'm sure she'll be in tomorrow to continue with the case."
"Thanks, Barry. Good night." Frost waved good night to Dr. Isles and returned to his computer search. He decided not to ask what was wrong between the two women; he and Korsak noticed it earlier in the week but didn't want to intrude on their privacy. Besides when Jane was upset about something it was better to leave it alone unless she brought it up first. Jane could be a bear when upset and even worse if her colleagues tried to interfere and help. He just hoped they got everything straightened out soon. Despite the intensity of the case due to Hoyt's presence Jane was still cranky and agitated when anyone spoke to her.
Maura drove home alone, upset. She knew now how much Jane hated her.
Jane barely got home when her cell phone rang. She recognized Korsak's ring tone. She groaned, hoping another case hadn't come in.
"Yeah, Korsak, what is it?" Jane said. She was still on her feet with her jacket half off and her boots scattered in a corner by the front door.
"I know I try not to pry in your personal life Janie, but what the hell's going on between you and Maura?" he asked. Jane groaned.
"Nothing, Korsak, nothing at all. We're fine, fucking fine," Jane pushed out through gritted teeth. She terminated the call and resisted throwing her cell against the wall.
Two minutes later it rang again but was a different ring tone. If it had been Korsak's again Jane would have been tempted to ignore it.
"Yeah, Ma," she said.
"Jane don't you take that tone of voice with me. What's wrong between you and Maura?"
"Nothing, why did Korsak say something to you?"
"No, why would Vince say anything? I heard a rumor running through the precinct this week. You and Maura haven't been seen together inside the building like normal. What's going on?"
"Nothing, Ma, it's just been a bad week and I'm tired. I don't feel like socializing so I came home instead of going to The Robber."
"That's it? Nothing's going on between you and Maura?"
"No, Ma, it's just a rumor. I'm going to bed now. Love you." Jane ended the call before she accidentally poured out her feelings about Maura and her rejection of Jane.
Jane headed to the bedroom to change clothes but was stopped by a knock at her door. The knock sounded timid and Jane almost didn't hear it. She reversed course and opened the door.
Maura stood there, looking tentatively at Jane. "May I come in?" she asked.
Jane moved back to allow Maura to enter. "I was just going in to change my clothes. If you'd like some wine please help yourself. I think the last bottle you opened is still in the frig."
Maura hesitated then seated herself on the sofa. "No, I'm fine, Jane."
"Okay. I'll be with you in a minute."
Jane went in to change. She was planning on putting on a t-shirt and pair of boy shorts but changed into sweats instead. She didn't want to send any signals Maura wasn't interested in.
"What's on your mind?"
"I've missed my best friend this week."
"I miss mine too, especially since she flew out of here like her hair was on fire the other night."
"You caught me by surprise, Jane. I didn't know what to say."
"So what do we do now? You obviously don't have feelings for me Maura. Can we go back to being friends?"
"You're wrong, Jane. I do have feelings for you. I just never faced them."
"Wait, what? Maura you made me feel like I was dirt under your fingernails, that I wasn't good enough for you."
"I am sorry, Jane. I thought my feelings would never be returned so I never said anything. All of a sudden you're telling me you're in love with me. I didn't know what to do. I was afraid then, and I'm afraid now."
"Afraid of-?"
"What if a relationship between us doesn't work out? I've never been friends with anyone I had a failed relationship with, you know that. We work together, I cherish you like no one else in my life."
"I want more, Maura. I told you that the other evening. I can't go back, I'm sorry."
"So our friendship is done?"
"Yes." Maura stood, hoping Jane might change her mind in the last second. Jane averted her gaze, having turned on the television to watch the game scores. Maura left without looking back, tears falling down her face, sobs threatening to break out.
When she heard the door shut Jane curled up in a ball on her sofa, her own sobs wracking her body.
Since she couldn't sleep that night Maura decided to go into work to finish up some files. She knew she couldn't see Jane outside of work but she wanted to be as close to the detective as possible, even if it only meant being in the same building.
Being a Saturday the precinct was quiet. A lot of officers were on call but didn't have to spend time in their offices since it was the weekend. Maura moved around the morgue mechanically, glad to have something to do even if her heart wasn't in it.
Frost came downstairs at eleven to retrieve the latest lab work on Charles Hoyt. Maura had been able to confirm he was dying of cancer, pancreatic cancer to be precise, stage four. She knew he didn't have long to live as there was no stage five. Frost looked embarrassed to be there.
"Here, Barry, take the file," Maura said.
"Jane's getting ready to leave for the prison, so she wanted to see Hoyt's lab work before going."
"Why is Jane going to the prison?"
"The warden's office called. Hoyt is dying. The prison doctor said he wouldn't last through tonight and I guess Hoyt wants to make a full confession."
"Are you going with her?"
"She wants to go alone."
"No, Barry, she needs someone. I'll go." Frost looked at Maura before speaking.
"Are you sure that's wise, doc?" Frost still didn't know what happened between the two women but knew Maura wasn't invited to go to see Hoyt.
"He's on massive amounts of morphine, Frost. I can help Jane since the cancer has probably metastasized to his brain. I am a doctor, after all."
"Sure, Doc. I'll tell Jane and she'll let you know," Frost said. He took the file and headed back to the elevator.
Ten minutes later Maura heard Jane's distinctive footsteps coming off the elevator. She rose, grabbed her jacket and purse and prepared to follow the detective.
"I'm not sure this is a good idea, Maura, but Frost said you might be able to help."
"Given the massive doses of morphine given to a terminally ill patient in the last hours of life, I may be able to help. I'm not sure how much, but I'd like to go with you, Jane. I don't think you should be alone with him."
Jane didn't meet Maura's eyes but seemed to study the spot on the wall behind Maura's right ear. Her eyes quickly flickered over Maura's face and Jane shrugged.
"Let's go." The two women walked quickly out to Jane's car.
Jane was silent on the drive but the tension level was low. Maura knew Jane was concentrating on what she'd say to Hoyt to get him to open up. Maura also knew Jane was unhappy at having to see the warden again and was likely agitated thinking the warden might limit or block her access once she got to the prison gates.
"Here we go," Jane muttered as they parked and entered. Once again they had to go through security but Jane was efficient and didn't say much. The warden did try to tell Jane she could only have thirty minutes with Hoyt but Jane was forceful in her attitude without being hysterical. The warden led them to Hoyt's guard who accompanied them to the infirmary.
Jane entered, walking immediately over to Hoyt's bedside. He looked completely out of it. Jane whispered his name and Hoyt stirred.
"Jane," he barely managed to whisper back. "Come closer." Jane considered this then moved closer to Hoyt's bedside. She bent down to hear him better.
Suddenly Hoyt reached up in the bed and grabbed Jane, pulling her down on his bed as he towered over her. Hoyt had her by the neck. Jane yelled at the guard to pull him off her but the guard grabbed Maura by the neck instead. "Nah, I think I'll watch."
Both women found themselves with their hands tied in front of them. Maura was told to sit on the other bed; Hoyt still had Jane pinned down on his.
"I knew you'd get my clues. I used Graham Randall as the envelope for my love letter to you, Jane," Hoyt said. Jane wanted to twist her head away but couldn't move. She whimpered. She had a quick flashback to Hoyt pinning her hands down during their previous encounter. Her hands suddenly felt weak even as she tried to grip Hoyt's hand that was wrapped around her neck.
She heard Maura accuse the guard of killing Randall. He laughed it off. Hoyt motioned for the guard to take the taser as the guard exchanged the taser for a scalpel.
"No!" Maura screamed. Jane was frozen. She couldn't think, couldn't move, couldn't come up with a plan of attack to get Hoyt off her. All she could think was that Hoyt was finally going to kill her after her tortured her-and Maura was going to be forced to watch.
Hoyt bent down, grinning. He took the scalpel and swiped at the corner of Jane's neck, forcing a thin red line of blood to appear. Jane heard Maura crying across the room. Her heart clenched, wanting to spare Maura the torture Hoyt was about to put both of them through. She loved Maura and wanted her to go on with her life, if Hoyt was successful in killing her.
Hoyt shifted off Jane and once again exchanged the scalpel for the taser. With a taunting look at Jane he went over to Maura. He felt powerful, as if the cancer had retreated from his body.
He knew of Jane's feelings for Maura, sensed them when the two women were in the infirmary the other day. He remembered when he was held in the Boston PD precinct and Maura interviewed him for her facial action coding system, to determine his responses. He suspected then Jane was in love with Maura and the other day in the infirmary, their closeness, the sexual tension and chemistry between them, how easily they moved with each other even about work related matters, convinced Hoyt he was right. Hoyt's specialty was in killing the wife while the husband watched, torturing both of them while he raped and mutilated the wife, the husband powerless. He considered Jane to be in this situation now as he approached Maura. He was the Surgeon, after all. In the corner of his eye he could see Jane begin to struggle on his bed, trying to get to him.
"Hoyt, don't you touch her, you leave her alone," Jane managed to scream over to him. He looked back at her. The feral look in Jane's eye told Hoyt he was right. Maura Isles was special to Jane. He felt touched he was going to have one more couple to rape, torture and kill before his own death.
"I win, Jane," he said fiercely. Aiming the taser at Maura's neck he pushed the button and she collapsed unseeing but still conscious. He picked up the scalpel and made a larger, more raised mark on Maura's neck. He checked her eyes, noticed she was conscious but unable to respond or fight back in any way. He wanted to laugh. This was fun and way too easy.
Just then he saw Jane struggle to head butt the guard. He fell back and she tasered him. Hoyt put the scalpel out like a weapon and started to slash at Jane but she hit him, using the taser gun like a baseball bat. The scalpel flew out of Hoyt's hand, he and Jane both on the ground trying to reach for it. Jane grabbed it before Hoyt could and pinned him down. Screaming, "I win!" she plunged the scalpel into Hoyt's chest. Korsak and Frost burst through the door and shot the guard twice, killing him instantly.
Jane looked down at Hoyt's lifeless body. Standing up with assistance she buried her head on Korsak's shoulder, shaking as she cried. The bastard was dead. He wasn't going to torture anyone anymore.
Maura. Jane looked around as Frost helped Maura sit up. She was still pretty out of it and Jane could see she was losing a copious amount of blood from the wound on her neck.
Korsak grabbed another scalpel and sliced the twist ties off both Jane's and Maura's hands. He yelled to the warden to get the doctor and an ambulance. Jane went to Maura, grabbing a towel from the shelf and placing it against the wound. Maybe she could help staunch the flow of blood.
It seemed to Jane that it took the ambulance a very long time to get there. She hoped the warden wasn't making the EMT team go through security. She flushed red as she thought of help for Maura being delayed.
The EMTs made their way into the infirmary and rushed over to Maura. A stretcher was pulled in and she was quickly bundled onto it. Jane reached down and took Maura's hand in hers.
"Hang in there, sweetie, you'll be fine," she said. Looking into Maura's eyes Jane could see recognition starting to return.
"Jane," Maura managed to say faintly but that was all. Her eyes started to roll up in her head.
"Ma'am we need to get her out of here. She has an irregular heartbeat," one of the paramedics informed her.
"That's from being tasered," Jane informed him. He nodded then looked at Jane's neck.
"Ma'am I think my partners need to look at your neck also," he said. Jane shook her head.
"No, I'm okay. You take care of Maura, she's our chief medical examiner," Jane said. The stretcher bearing Maura was wheeled away quickly.
"Jane you should go with her. You know you'll want to be by her side and you do need to have your incision checked," Korsak chided her. He looked at the remaining paramedic and jerked his head toward Jane.
"Load her up and take her too," he instructed. Jane sighed.
"All right, let's go," she said and followed the remaining paramedic out the door. She watched them load Maura into the ambulance and she climbed in after her. Sitting off to the side Jane took off her blazer to give the EMT better access to her neck.
"I'm only going to clean this right now. I want a doctor to take a better look at this, Detective. What's your medical history?" he asked Jane. She rattled off her various injuries and childhood illnesses while the other paramedic worked on Maura, never taking her eyes off the doctor.
As they approached the emergency entrance to the hospital Jane asked the paramedic if Maura was going to be all right.
"I hope so," he replied. "She's still not breathing right due to her erratic heartbeat. We don't usually shock someone who's been tasered."
Jane fought tears. She didn't think it was fair for Maura to get pulled into her nastiness with Hoyt. He always went for Jane. Now, with Maura being injured, Jane felt guilty for agreeing to take the medical examiner with her. If Hoyt hadn't been stopped Maura might have been subjected to the same torture Hoyt dished out to Jane. Jane knew she would have been forced to watch. As she watched Maura being offloaded into the hospital she shuddered.
Maura watched the ceiling tiles and overhead lights and realized she was being rolled into a hospital. Her chest hurt because her heart wouldn't settle down. Being tasered must have sent her heart into an arrhythmia. Maura hoped the doctors could settle it down soon. She wanted to have her neck sutured and go home with Jane.
Jane. Maura squeezed her eyes shut. Was Jane in the ambulance with her? If so, was she hurt? Maura didn't think she could stand Jane being hurt again. Jane sacrificed her body to save others and Maura didn't want Jane doing that any longer. After Bobby Marino kidnapped Jane and held her hostage and Jane shot through herself to stop him Maura didn't think she could withstand seeing Jane hurt again. That had taken a lot out of Maura. She sometimes wondered if her reaction to seeing Jane bleeding out on the sidewalk in front of the precinct influenced her decision to run away from Jane when Jane professed her feelings for Maura. Maura thought she felt herself emotionally take a step backward.
Maura was placed on a gurney and a nurse came in to change her into a hospital gown.
"The nurse is setting up a suture tray for your neck and the doctor is ordering tests for your heart. He's paging the cardiac surgeon now. Try to relax, take a deep breath."
"Jane?" Maura said. She felt breathless just saying Jane's name.
"Is that your friend who came with you in the ambulance?" the nurse asked. Maura nodded.
"She's in the next room. Her suturing will be light as the wound doesn't look to be as deep as yours. Shall I send her in to see you?"
"Please," Maura replied, her eyes trying to thank the nurse for her consideration. The nurse smiled briefly and left. Jane entered the room next.
"Maura, are you all right?" Jane stood at the side of the bed, her hands in her pockets. Maura wished she could reach out and grab Jane, kiss her, and let her know how she truly felt about her.
"I'm all right, Jane. Not bad." Maura was winded. Jane looked at her in concern; she saw how breathless Maura was and how she struggled to breath normally.
"God, I wish I'd left you at the precinct, Maura. This is my fault," Jane said. Her voice sounded ragged to Maura and she realized Jane was on the verge of tears.
"No, Jane. If I hadn't been there Hoyt might have finished you off. As it was he was distracted by trying to torture me and you had a chance to fight off the guard. If anything you saved my life."
"Maybe. I still feel bad, Maura. You're not a trained cop or detective, I shouldn't be putting you in harm's way."
"No, Jane, you didn't. I insisted on going. In fact if you told me no or left without me I was prepared to follow you in my car. I would have been there anyway."
"Detective, I need to tend to Dr. Isles here. Please step out," the emergency doctor said as he entered the room. Jane nodded to him and looked down at Maura.
"Please be okay, Maura, I need my best friend. Take good care of her doctor, I can't lose her." Jane left. Maura squeezed her eyes shut.
"Sounds like a wonderful friend to have," the doctor said. He looked down at Maura. "I'm sending you down for some tests. I don't like your heartbeat. I'm going to put a monitor on you before you go for testing. Sometimes the heartbeat gets off track so to speak when a person is tasered and goes through something like this. I'm sure you know, Doctor," the emergency doctor smiled down at Maura. She nodded at him and looked toward the door.
"Don't worry, Doctor, we'll keep them informed." Maura was wheeled out of the room and onto an elevator. For the next several hours she underwent various cardiac tests, had her neck sutured, and was admitted into ICU.
Frost came in first. By this time Maura was extremely exhausted and wanted to sleep but she wanted to see Jane first.
"Hey, Doc, I just wanted to see how you're doing," he said.
"I'm okay, Barry."
"I can't stay long, they're limiting your visitors but I wanted to see you."
"Thanks, Barry, is Jane still here?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact she's torturing the nursing staff as we speak," Frost said then immediately regretted his selection of the word 'torturing.'
"Sorry, Doc," he said, smiling. Maura nodded.
"It's okay. Can you please get Jane for me?'
"Sure, Doc. I hope you feel better soon."
Frost left and Maura's eyes were practically glued to the door, waiting for Jane to come in. Instead Korsak was the next visitor. Maura tried not to let the disappointment show on her face.
"It's okay, Doc, I know you're waiting for Jane. She sent me in next because she's trying to send us all home for the night. She knew we were anxious to see you, see how you are so she told me to come in next. She's planning to be last."
"Good. Thanks, Vince, for coming to the rescue. I couldn't do anything but I could see part of the fight going on. If you hadn't come in when you did the guard would have harmed Jane and then Hoyt might have continued."
"I'm glad, too. I'm glad the monster is dead. Jane won't have to worry about Hoyt ever again. Although I plan on interviewing the prison doctor as to why he thought Hoyt was dying tonight. Hoyt had plenty of strength."
"Too much strength for someone with massive doses of morphine in his system. Maybe the guard lied." Korsak stopped and looked at Maura. He saw the exhaustion in her eyes. It was time for him to leave. He placed his hand on top of hers.
"Good night, Doc. I'll send Jane in." Korsak left.
Jane stepped in. She slowly approached the side of the bed.
"How are you feeling?" she said softly. Maura patted the side of the bed. Jane shook her head.
"No, Maura. You need your rest. I called your parents and left them a message but from what Frost was telling me the media is all over this. Your parents will know either from my message or their morning news tomorrow."
"Jane, please," Maura said and again tapped the side of the bed. Again Jane shook her head no.
"No, Maura please don't make this any harder than it is. I almost lost you tonight through my own stupidity. I know you don't have feelings for me but since I do for you, it was hard to watch Hoyt attack you."
"Jane, I love you."
"What did you say, Maura? Oh, you mean like a friend?"
"No, Jane, I'm in love with you. I have been for some time. I got scared. I almost lost you today, too, for the second time in as many years. I can't stand by and not act on my feelings. I am sorry for the way I treated you before but I was scared at the intensity of my feelings. You know I don't deal well with live people. And the thought of what might happen if the relationship failed scared me most of all."
"What changed your mind, Maura?"
"When Hoyt pinned you down and started carving on your throat. I yelled out at him but he didn't stop. I thought he was going to slit your throat all the way across and you'd bleed out on the floor with my not being able to get any help for you. I knew then I wanted to tell you how I felt."
Jane listened but didn't say anything for awhile.
"Are you sure? After the emotions of today, Maura, you might be vulnerable and say things you might not otherwise."
"I'm sure, Jane. This isn't something that's related to today other than Hoyt coming after you convinced me how much in love with you I really am. I don't want another day to go by without us being together."
Jane looked at Maura tenderly. Bending down she lightly brushed her lips across Maura's. Maura's heart monitor started to beep and Jane laughed.
"I guess if I needed any proof it's right here," she said. Maura smiled. She patted the bed again. Jane sighed.
"Okay, but if you become uncomfortable in the night you need to tell me so I can get out of bed and give you some space. Deal?"
Maura smiled and nodded. Her heart monitor settled down into a regular rhythm. Jane climbed onto the bed with her and pulled Maura into her arms.
"Oh, man, no offense Maura but if one of us had to be here tonight I'm glad it's you and not me."
"Why Jane?"
"Because my mother would be having a cow that I got injured again and then when she saw us together would be constantly reminding us that we still have to give her grandchildren."
Maura smiled as her eyes started to close. That would be a nice topic of conversation to have someday, she thought.
The End
I'm hbCarolyn on twitter.