"Don't Say Goodbye"
Shakespeare's Lemonade
Rating: T
Genre: Romance/ Friendship
Summary: Kensi doesn't want to leave, but she knows she has to and she's excited about a new adventure. And a certain Steve McGarrett might make the transition a little easier.
Pairings: Steve/Kensi
A/N: I saw the picture of Alex O'Loughlin and Daniela Ruah on CBS's website and was inspired to write this story. It should be set sometime after Kensi visits Hawaii. I don't mean that I want Kensi to leave LA for real. That would be tragic. But I thought this would make an interesting story.
If you want to see the picture, check out the behind the scenes photos at cbs (dot) com (slash) shows (slash) Hawaii five 0.
I also want to encourage other writers: we need more Five-0/LA crossovers! I have a feeling after the Kensi episode this fall, there will be a lot more, but let's beat the rush. Come one people. Please?
The title comes from a song by Skillet which I heard while I was coming up with this idea.
"Don't say goodbye
'Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight
'Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I
And although we knew
This time would come for me and you
Don't say anything tonight
If you're gonna say goodbye."
~Skillet
Kensi smiled at her phone, lost in whatever she was reading. Deeks was pretty sure she had a new boyfriend. And even if she didn't, it would be fun to tease her about it anyway.
"What's the smile for?" he asked, sinking into his desk next to Sam.
"She's texting her friend from Hawaii," Sam said.
"Wait, which friend?" Deeks asked. "There were several."
Callen smirked at him. "The tall, dark, and handsome one," he said.
"The former SEAL," Sam said.
Kensi closed her phone and put it away. "His name's Steve," she said. "And he's not a former SEAL; he is a SEAL. He's in town visiting his sister and he wants to have lunch." She stood up and grabbed her jacket. "Later."
As Kensi disappeared, Deeks didn't try to hide the baffled look on his face. He had known she made a lot of good friends while she was working in Hawaii, but the look he had seen on her face wasn't one she used a lot. It was the look she had when a really cute guy asked her out.
Oh, this was not good.
X
Kensi found the small cafe and immediately noticed the tall man sitting at a table outside. He was alone, which she was happy for, but she had thought he might bring his sister. She wasn't about to complain.
"Steve?" she said as she approached.
He looked up and smiled. He set the menu down and stood up to hug her. "Good to see you again, Kensi," he said.
She smiled back at him and they both sat. "How's your sister?" she asked.
"I don't know," Steve replied. "She wasn't exactly excited to see me."
"What? Why not?"
"Things haven't exactly been great between us for the last... nineteen years."
Kensi looked down at her menu without really seeing it. "I'm sorry," she said.
"I didn't expect anything else when I came here," Steve said. "I had other reasons."
Kensi met his eyes again. "I know," she said.
"Have you thought about it?"
Kensi nodded. "I don't know how I'm going to break it to them."
"So you're coming?"
"Yeah. The paperwork is on it's way. Hetty seems to think it's a great idea, but I don't know about the others."
"You mean your partner?"
"Yeah, him. Listen, Steve, you didn't have to come all this way. I think I made up my mind before I even left Hawaii."
Steve shrugged. "I wanted to come. And not just because I want you to come work with us."
Kensi gave Steve a curious look, but he didn't say any more and she didn't ask. She was sure she knew already, though she didn't know if she wanted to go there yet. Steve wasn't the reason she was leaving, but he did make it easier.
They ate their lunch, talked about other things, and enjoyed themselves. It was nice to just relax with someone, and Kensi felt like Steve really understood her, like she would be happy working with him in Hawaii.
When they had finished lunch, Steve suggested going for a walk, but Kensi had another idea. She led Steve down the sidewalk to where a black Dodge Charger was parked.
She gave Steve a smile before opening the passenger door, to reveal Callen sitting there, looking innocent. From the driver's seat, Sam rolled his eyes and got out. Deeks followed from the backseat.
"It was my idea," Deeks said, before Callen or Sam could accuse him.
Kensi shook her head. "Steve McGarrett, meet Special Agents Sam Hanna and G. Callen, and Detective Marty Deeks," she said. "They think they're extremely clever."
Handshakes were exchanged and Kensi didn't even glare at any of them. She knew they would wonder why she wasn't mad, but she didn't want to tell them like this.
Sam suggested that they show Steve their HQ and everyone thought that was a good idea. Kensi knew she was only prolonging the inevitable, but she hoped if Steve could make friends with her team, they might be less likely to hate him when she left.
As they walked through the hallway toward the center of their offices, Steve and Sam were talking behind and Deeks was looking sort of listless. Callen came up next to Kensi and gave her a look that said he knew exactly what was going on.
"You're leaving," he said.
Kensi blinked, but didn't answer.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
Kensi bit her lip and sighed. "The choice was hard enough," she said. "Telling everyone... I guess I've been putting it off."
"Hey, I understand," Callen said, surprising Kensi. "Sometimes you just have to move on."
Kensi nodded. "That's what I was afraid no one would understand."
"I don't know if Deeks will. Or Sam. But you'll never stop being a part of this."
"I know." Kensi nodded. "I suppose it's about time I told everyone."
"Yeah. Just know I'm on your side. And more importantly, Hetty is."
Kensi managed a smile and the two of them rejoined the group. Deeks appeared to notice their furtive conversation and he didn't seem to like it. Kensi reminded herself that he had a good reason to be suspicious.
X
Steve had been given the grand tour, after which everyone met up in OPS. They all knew something was going on with Kensi and she was as ready as she could be to come out with it.
Steve was behind her, Hetty and Callen on either side. She looked into the eyes of all her coworkers, her family, and wondered how she was going to live with herself.
"I suppose you all know that I've been acting weird lately," Kensi said. "Well, when I was in Hawaii, it wasn't just for one job. Governor Denning offered me a position with the state task force, Five-0. He wanted to see how I would work with their team."
Kensi could see the looks of surprise and hurt and confusion in everyone's eyes. Eric looked like he might cry.
"So, yes," Kensi went on. "I decided I should take the job. I know that might not make a lot of sense to all of you, but I feel like this is the right thing to do. I think it's time for me to move on."
Kensi felt Steve's hand on her arm. And she could feel Callen and Hetty's silent encouragement. But she also saw the looks of betrayal in Deeks and Sam's eyes. Sam hid it a little better, but it was still there. She only hoped they would listen to what she had to say next.
"I've spent a long time being everyone but myself," Kensi said. "And since being a part of this team, I've learned that I can't do that anymore. I know there are things about me that most people will probably never know, but I'd like to start getting to know myself at least."
No one said anything. Sam looked a little more understanding. Deeks looked miserable. Eric and Nell just looked sad.
"I'm leaving tomorrow," Kensi said, her voice hitching up. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner, but I was afraid of making everyone mad at me for leaving."
There was a long silence. Everyone seemed to be trying to decide how they felt about this news. Kensi felt horrible for springing it on them so late and feared they wouldn't forgive her.
Finally, Deeks walked over to her. "Is this really what you want?" he asked quietly.
Kensi nodded, finally feeling tears well up behind her eyes. "Yeah," she said.
Deeks only nodded and looked at the floor.
"Hey," Kensi said, rubbing his arm. "I'll visit. And you can come see me whenever you want."
Deeks looked up at her again with the expression of a pleasantly surprised child. "It'll never be the same without you," he said, shrugging.
"But it'll be okay," Kensi said with confidence she wasn't sure she possessed. "Change is good for us."
He nodded again and hugged her. "I don't like long goodbyes," he whispered. "But I will come and see you and you'd better take care of yourself."
"I will," Kensi promised, letting a few tears fall on his shoulder.
"You were the best partner ever," he said. "I mean it. Even with all the teasing, I knew you always had my back."
"It was more than that, Deeks," she said, holding him by the shoulders and looking him in the eye. "I know we gave you a hard time, but you are part of this family. I wouldn't trade a minute of it."
X
The rest of the afternoon, the team spent helping Kensi clean out her desk and saying their goodbyes. A lot of funny stories were told, mostly by Deeks or Callen. Sam was quieter than the rest, but at one point he approached Steve, wearing a serious frown.
Steve had expected some antagonistic feelings from Kensi's team. But he was surprised.
"You seem like a good guy," Sam said. "I suppose it helps that you're a brother, but I want your personal assurance that you'll take care of her."
"I will," Steve said, nodding once. "My team's like a family and she's part of that now."
Sam smirked slightly. "Guess it must be pretty nerve-wracking meeting the in-laws then?"
Steve smiled back. "Not as bad as I thought. I know Kensi was worried about everyone's reaction, so I'm glad it hasn't been to bad."
"She's made an informed decision. As much as we don't like it, I think we all understand. She's had a hard couple of years."
"I can identify."
"Then you better tell her so, because she's more hesitant to show her feelings than most of us."
"I had noticed... We have a lot in common."
Sam nodded and looked back to the group. "I'm sure I'll have to hold their hands for a while, but we'll get over it," he said.
Steve watched the way Sam looked at Deeks and Callen. He knew that look because he wore it quite often. "You feel responsible for them," he said. "And no matter how many people tell you you're not, you won't believe it."
Sam looked back at Steve. "Yeah," he said. "Guess that's some kinda SEAL complex."
"Or just the sort of personality that makes guys become SEALs."
Sam smiled softly and nodded. "Kensi'll be all right. We all will."
X
Leaving the office for the last time, Kensi didn't try to hide her emotions. She let the tears fall silently as she hugged everybody one last time. She made Callen especially promise to come see her because of all of them, he was the only one who might not unless strongly encouraged. She would leave that to Sam.
Finally, with goodbyes said, hugs shared and tears shed, Kensi let Steve drive her back home. Her house was packed up and sold. Most of her things had been shipped to Oahu already. The place echoed and Kensi suddenly hated it and wished she were gone already.
"Steve," she said quietly as they stood in the doorway, looking in at the empty living room.
"Yeah, Kensi?" he replied.
"Will you stay here tonight?" she asked. "I mean, I'm sleeping on an air mattress, but I don't mind sharing."
Steve touched her arm as he moved through the doorway. "Sure," he said. "I've slept in far more uncomfortable places."
He closed the door and moved into the room. Kensi watched him. There was nothing to see, but Steve seemed to gain some insight by looking around the room.
"I think I need a drink, you?" Kensi said, heading toward the kitchen.
"The flight leaves at seven," Steve reminded her. "But yes."
Kensi found herself smiling as she opened to refrigerator. Two beers, some water, and a grapefruit.
"It's okay," she said, bringing the beers back out to the living room. "I only have two."
Steve and Kensi sat on the floor and toasted.
"To your team," Steve said.
Kensi swallowed." First," she said, pointing one finger. "To Hetty," she said. "Who sees behind all our covers to who we really are." Kensi laughed humorlessly. "The only person who really knows me."
They took another drink.
"To Eric and Nell," she said. "The smartest people in the world and the only ones who ever laugh at my jokes."
Another drink.
"To Sam." Kensi's voice got heavier. "The bravest, most selfless man I know. Who loves us all unashamedly."
Another drink and Steve nodded.
"To Callen." Kensi wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Who thinks he has no family, but he's the best brother I ever had."
Kensi took a longer drink this time.
"To Deeks," she said, not bothering that she was crying again. "Who sat right there with me after so many hard cases I can't even remember when he wasn't there." Kensi looked to where her couch used to be.
"The best partner," she whispered. "And Dom..." she was almost inaudible now. "The other best partner."
Steve didn't say anything, but let Kensi wander through her memories uninterrupted. They finished their drinks, turned off the lights, and laid down on the air mattress in the middle of the living room and went to sleep.
X
"You have got to be kidding me." Danny was waving his arms, voice raised as usual, while he watched Steve and Kensi trudging up to the beach with their perp in cuffs.
"It took two of you diving into the ocean to accomplish that?" he asked.
"Couldn't take a chance." Steve shrugged.
"No, you just like getting wet and gross for some reason," Danny argued. "I'm sure she didn't need you to rescue her."
Kensi laughed as she shoved the cuffed man onto the sand. "I don't mind being rescued," she said. "And there are worse things."
"I don't want to know." Danny threw his hands up. Nothing could be worse than jumping into the ocean in his mind.
"No. You don't," Kensi agreed.
Both Steve and Danny noticed the weight of those words, but they had learned not to ask.
"Hey," Chin said, running up to the group. "Coast Guard just picked up his partner." He indicated the man on the ground. "They're bringing him to us."
"Good," Steve said. "Let's get back to HQ."
"Wait a second," Danny said, putting his hand in the middle of Steve's chest to keep him from moving. "You are not riding in my car like that."
"Danno—"
"No. Ride with Wonder Woman, here. You two make quite the pair anyway."
Kensi shrugged. "Fine. I don't mind."
On the way back to 'Iolani Palace, Kensi's phone rang. She was glad she had left it in the car when they went after the perps. She put it on speaker.
"Hello?"
"Kensi? It's Callen."
Kensi looked at Steve before picking up the phone and putting it to her ear.
"Go ahead," she said. There was a long pause and finally Kensi said, "All right. I'll be there."
She hung up and Steve gave her a curious look, with what might have been fear mixed in.
Kensi sighed. "They need me for an undercover op on the Island. Shouldn't take long," she said.
"But?" Steve asked.
"But I won't be able to tell any of you where I am or what I'm doing."
"Okay," Steve said. "You'll call as soon as you can?"
"Yeah. Steve?"
"Huh?"
"I'm coming back," Kensi said. "This is just a favor for a friend."
X
A week later, Steve's phone rang at two AM. He didn't know the number, but he answered anyway.
"Commander McGarrett?" came the vaguely familiar voice. "This is Sam Hanna. Kensi had you listed as he next of kin."
"What?" Steve's voice sounded more like a grunt. "Kensi? Is she...?"
"She's all right," Sam said. "A bullet to the shoulder. She's just coming out of surgery. I knew you would want to be informed immediately."
"Yes..." Steve couldn't think as he got up and pulled his clothes on. "Thank you."
Sam told him where he would find them and said goodbye. Steve drove a little faster than usual and it was a miracle he made it in one piece with how distracted he was. He didn't even think to call Danny.
When he got to the hospital, Sam, Callen, and Deeks were standing in the waiting room. They looked like such a mismatched crew. Probably what people thought of Five-0.
Sam greeted Steve and told him that Kensi was waiting for him, having just woken up. Steve walked toward her room in a daze. This whole thing was like some sort of weird dream and he wasn't sure why.
The thought of Kensi being in danger like she had been in her past job made Steve's stomach turn. How had she become so important to him so quickly?
Kensi was sitting up as Steve came into her room. She looked a little worse for the wear, but not bad.
"Hey," she said, smiling. "Sorry to come back like this."
"Don't be," Steve said, sitting next to her.
Kensi shrugged and then winced. "It would have been worse if Deeks hadn't pushed me out of the way."
"Then remind me to thank him," Steve said with a grin.
Kensi tilted her head curiously.
Steve didn't leave her in suspense. He leaned forward and kissed her. And to his surprise, after a nanosecond of shock, she kissed back.
They only stopped when they heard a chorus of "aww"s from the doorway.
"Finally!" Deeks said. "Every time I talk to her it's always Steve this or Steve that. I honestly thought you guys were already—"
Sam backhanded Deeks in the chest. "Do you ever shut up?" he said. "Just enjoy the moment."
Kensi cleared her throat. "I would be enjoying it a lot more if you all would leave," she said.
"You heard the lady," Callen said, pulling at Sam and Deeks' collars. "Let's give the lovebirds some privacy."
Kensi turned back to Steve and kissed him again. This time, she didn't let the noises from the peanut gallery bother her. She knew they wouldn't leave anyway.
The End
This was kind of an experiment, so I don't know how good it is, but I wanted to get it out there. To start something maybe. I already have an idea for a full length Steve/Kensi story, but it may have to wait a while. Anyway, I'd love to know what everyone thinks about this, good, bad, or indifferent.