Author's note:

I think this story needs a bit of explaining simply because I feel a little weird about it. I am primarily a Klaine shipper and I write Klaine primarily as well. However, as many of you who have heard about the spoilers for this couple for season 6 of glee know things are not looking great for the boys. I would even wager to say that the decisions made concerning Klaine have devalued their relationship and what it means.

When I began working on this fic I always intended it to be Klaine. However, things got out of hand and the more I wrote the less I liked the idea of Kurt getting back together with Blaine...but because of my love for one Sebastian Smythe, he was already in the story, and it just worked.

This fic will be told in three parts the ultimately focus on Kurt's life. This is primarily about Kurt which is why we don't actually get to see what is going on with Blaine in this fic. In a way we don't really get a lot of insight on Sebastian aside from when it concerns Kurt.

I am still working on part three of the story, but parts one and two are finished and I will have this fic posted this week.

Lastly, I chose the title because it's one of the songs I listened to while writing this and couldn't come up with anything else. I think it's fitting.

Enjoy. I hope everyone likes it.

Part One: Past

Watching them together was worse than any disappointment that Kurt had ever felt in his life. It was worse, possibly than even when the days that followed Blaine telling him he'd cheated on him. It was all his fault.

"What do you mean you don't want to get married?"

The wedding magazines were spread across the coffee table along with Kurt's wedding idea scrapbook.

Kurt looked away. "Blaine, sweetheart, we're so young and there is so much we haven't experienced yet."

Blaine who had been standing right in front of the table had his hands on his hips. "Kurt," he whispered, "what does that even, you don't want to marry me? I love you. I love you so much…you can't…"

It pained him to see Blaine looking so distraught, but things had just been getting to Kurt. Blaine constantly talking about their wedding and trying to get Kurt to start agreeing to things for the event that Kurt had never thought would happen so soon. Everyone that asked him about the engagement had always gotten the same answer from Kurt, "it's going to be a long engagement. We're planning on finishing school first we may wait even longer." He had thought that Blaine agreed, but clearly that had changed.

"We're okay now," Blaine said, "after months of getting used to being here in New York together we've figured it out."

Kurt stared at him. He was close to tears, Kurt could see how wet his eyes were.

"Yes," Kurt said gently, "but it doesn't mean we have to rush into a wedding."

"We're not rushing," Blaine hastened to say and he rubbed his hands together, "planning our dream wedding should not feel like we are rushing. We are engaged Kurt. You said yes when I asked you to marry me and this is what we want. Isn't it? Isn't it?"

Kurt closed his eyes. He didn't know how this conversation was supposed to go. When he'd talked to Rachel about it on the phone she'd pushed him to talk to Blaine.

"You don't do you?" Blaine asked and he shook his head, "of course you don't because I'm not what you want. Not when everyone at NYADA wants you, or when you are so more concerned with everything else but our wedding."

"Because we're not supposed to be planning it yet," Kurt said softly.

Blaine closed his eyes tightly. "Nothing came out of working with June, Kurt, and I'm doing better in school now. I have – we have the time to work on this unless you don't want to. My dream is you. It's getting married to you and if you don't want that tell me now because then that means we don't want the same thing."

Kurt felt his heart crumble. It had been hard to realize how much he just didn't want to be married, at least not yet, and harder still to realize that he couldn't just let Blaine keep trying to plan their wedding and move their plans along when he wasn't ready for it yet. He wanted to be able to keep doing what he was doing – school, try outs for off-Broadway shows, his band, and still going into the offices of to work with Isabelle. Planning a wedding the way he wanted would take too much time that he just didn't have.

"I want it someday," Kurt said, "but not now. Not six months from now either. Blaine, we were broken up and then we were engaged. I just – we're so young."

Blaine was definitely crying. "Then why did you say yes?"

"As if I could say no? With everyone there, with that amazing romantic proposal."

Blaine had crossed his arms on his chest. "I'll move out, then," he said, "clearly this wasn't going as well as I thought and I think we just – we need a break."

A break had become a break up before long. Blaine had moved into Artie's dorm for a while until he found his own place and then suddenly he was failing out of school and there was nothing Kurt could do to help him because Blaine had just pushed him away and suddenly he was gone. Back to Ohio and to his parents and all Kurt could do was blame himself because he hadn't handled it the way he should have.

"You did what you could," Elliott told him a few days after Blaine left New York City, "he was trying to move on and failing and I don't think taking the number of classes he was taking did him any help."

Kurt nodded. "I just wish he hadn't taken what I said as a break up. I just wanted things to slow down a little."

Elliott threw an arm around Kurt. "Listen, we'll just hang out today and pig out. If things are meant to be they'll work out. I know I said that the two of you were solid and that I was amazed by what you had, but if he can't handle a conversation about postponing the planning of your wedding then maybe you're not meant to be."

Kurt had listened to Elliott. He let his friend comfort him and he'd thrown himself into school and the band and everything that kept him from thinking about Blaine, Blaine who he still loved and who he still yearned for at night.

That's how Dani and Elliott managed to take Kurt out one night after his shift at The Spotlight was over.

"You've been spending your days watching old tv-shows on Netflix and eating pints of ice cream," Dani said, "look, I didn't even react like this when I heard that Santana was back with her ex-girlfriend and didn't bother to break up with me. We're going out if not for you than for me because I need to get laid."

"Me too," Elliott said, "preferably with someone that doesn't have boobs."

They went to Callbacks first but when that got tiring because it reminded Kurt of Blaine too much, Elliott took them to a gay club. The music thrummed around them, and Elliott pulled Kurt straight into the dance floor.

This was the night they ran into Sebastian Smythe.

"You, babe, are looking scrumptious," he said into Kurt's ear, pressing himself against his back.

Kurt giggled and let himself fall back against him. He told himself that it was time he had some fun. Elliott who had been dancing with him, winked and pulled away, going further into the fray of dancing bodies. His hands fell to Kurt's hips, and twisted him around. When Kurt came face to face with him, he stopped dead.

"Sebastian," he said.

"Kurt Hummel," Sebastian said and he smiled, "well isn't this interesting. What would Blaine think."

Kurt pulled away from him. "I wouldn't know," he muttered and headed towards the bar.

Sebastian followed. "Wait up," he said, "what did that mean, Hummel? Where is Blaine? I mean, after that proposal I had to be witness to I would have thought the two of you would be married by now on the way to adopting twins or something."

Kurt laughed. "You pegged Blaine perfectly," he said, "I think that's exactly what he wanted."

"And you didn't," Sebastian said with surprise clear in his voice.

Kurt leaned against the bar, catching attention of the bartender. "Long Island Iced Tea," he said and then looked at Sebastian, "want anything?"

Sebastian shook his head.

"So, you didn't want to marry him," Sebastian prompted.

Kurt didn't know why Sebastian was so interested. Perhaps it was that he thought he had a chance with Blaine if Kurt was out of the picture. It made Kurt sick to think about it.

"Why do you want to know?"

He grabbed his drink and paid the bartender, turning back to Sebastian who was staring at him.

"I just thought you two were in love, so serious that nothing could come between you. Although, I did hear about Blaine's indiscretion but I figured you were past that."

Kurt sighed and he sipped at his drink. "We were," he said and left it at that.

Instead he kept drinking, figuring that Sebastian who hadn't expected to run into in New York would at some point leave, but instead he stood next to Kurt in silence. This was how Elliott and Dani found them.

"You've made some better friends," Sebastian said and Kurt could see him eying up Elliott.

"Right," Kurt said, "Elliott, Dani, this is Sebastian."

After that he ran into Sebastian everywhere. He ran into him at the café where he stopped for biscotti and coffee on his way to the offices, and then on the subway a couple of times, and sometimes even in Central Park. But the place he almost always ran into Sebastian at, was at the multiple gay bars and clubs that Elliott dragged him to claiming that he needed to get out more.

Kurt still thought about Blaine constantly. He didn't tell Elliott, Dani, or even Rachel when he managed to get her on the phone about how he checked Blaine's facebook page at least twice a day or how he sometimes even called Sam to ask how Blaine was.

Then, Rachel called him one afternoon as he was settling down for a night of tv.

"They didn't like it," she said into the phone, "the show's not happening. No one liked it."

She was crying into the phone and Kurt could barely understand what she was saying, but he got the gist. The tv-show she had dropped everything for was not going to air.

"Oh, Rachel, it's going to be alright. It'll work out."

"No it won't," she said, "I've been so stupid."

He heard her start to sob and he knew that it was going to be a long night. She may have been at the other side of the country but he would always be the one that comforted her.

"Rachel, you were amazing on Broadway, and I bet you blew everyone away with the show. Things sometimes. Sometimes they don't work out. They're just not meant to be. Maybe this just means you'll find something even better. Have you talked to your agent?"

She sniffled. "No," she said, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do now."

Kurt wanted to tell her to return to New York, to come back to be his roommate because he missed the days when it had been just the two of them taking on New York just as they'd always dreamed. Her dreams had changed, though, and Kurt hadn't gotten to really voice his opinion about it but he'd known that she was making a mistake when she decided to drop the role of Fanny in "Funny Girl" to chase a role on a tv-show of all things.

"You cry and then you move on," he said, "and decide what you want. Do you want to stay in L.A. and try out for a few other roles? Or do you want to go home to Lima for a bit? Maybe come back to New York?"

He heard her moving. "Maybe Ohio," she said, "I don't know – this was supposed to work out. I was going to be a big star."

"You will be," Kurt said.

Her crying seemed to have calmed down. "How are you?" she asked, "I haven't heard from you in a while."

"I'm okay. I've been thinking I may be ready to date soon."

"Oh, really," She said.

Kurt had been thinking about it for a while. Dani had been trying to nudge him in the direction for a while, though mostly she'd been trying to push him towards Sebastian who she'd liked immediately. Kurt liked to think that it was because Sebastian and Santana were so alike.

"I mean, I'm not over him, but he hasn't tried to contact me and I don't even know what he's doing now. I just – I need to get over him and move on."

Rachel had been upset the moment she heard about their break up and she hated that Kurt had just let Blaine walk out of his life and not helped him when his life was falling apart. Kurt hated himself a little bit too for not trying harder. Not getting married immediately should not have lead to a break up. He had handled it all wrong, but short of flying to Ohio and seeking Blaine out, Kurt didn't know what he was supposed to do.

"You haven't talked to him?"

"No," Kurt said.

"What if you tried? I'm sure Blaine would want to. You have a break soon, right, maybe you could go visit your dad and see Blaine."

He'd thought about it, but with Blaine in Ohio even if they did get back together it would be a long distance relationship again and they'd been through that before and it just hadn't worked.

"I'm going to try dating first," Kurt said, "you know even when we were broken up before I always just knew that we'd get back together and now I just, I don't know and it kills me."

That's how he wound up speed dating. Sebastian came with him because Elliott had to bail. The memories of that night were still a confusing jumble.

Kurt was seated at one of the ten tables that were set up and somehow Sebastian ended up among the ten that would move from one table to the next. It was odd to think about Sebastian wanting to actually date, but Kurt figured that at some point everyone had to start thinking in more serious terms. He just hadn't expected Sebastian to be one of those people.

The first man at his table was in his thirties. He had big broad shoulders and was just taller than Kurt.

"Hi," Kurt said, "I'm Kurt Hummel. What's your name?"

"Justin Cleary," he said and smiled, "I guess um, do you like sports?"

Kurt shook his head and knew at once that this man would never be the one for him. "Not really, but I take it you do."

"Yeah," he said and then, "what are you into?"

"Musicals," Kurt said, "Broadway."

"Oh."

They were both happy when the buzzer that moved them along sounded.

The next man was dressed all in black. "I've just been through a break up," he said, "boyfriend of two years. Caught him cheating on me with a girl. Never date a bi guy."

"Oh," Kurt said and wondered why the man was there at all.

The third was nicer. He shook hands with Kurt and when Kurt mentioned that he went to NYADA the boy smiled.

"That is awesome," he said, "I would have loved attending a drama school like that, but I've no talent to speak of and frankly stages scare me. Are you any good?"

They had a good conversation about Broadway shows and he wrote down his number for Kurt before the buzzer went off. Kurt knew, though, that he probably wouldn't call him.

The fourth almost bored Kurt to tears.

The fifth had a cold and kept sneezing while trying to talk to Kurt about birds.

The sixth was handsome and put together but that was as much as Kurt liked about him. He was pretentious and kept making references to his money all while telling Kurt about how his mother had been pleased when it turned out that he was gay.

Kurt couldn't even remember number seven, and number eight grabbed a hold of Kurt's hand and wouldn't let go of it until the buzzer went off.

The ninth was Sebastian.

"Oh, thank god," Sebastian breathed, "this was the worst idea ever. Have yours been bad? Mine were bad. One of them smelled like vinegar. Vinegar, Kurt."

For the first time that night, Kurt laughed. "So it's not just me," he said.

They both laughed.

"I mean, at least it makes for a good story, though," Kurt said, "Dani and Elliott will love this."

Sebastian nodded. "Can you believe that, though," Sebastian said, "that the only guy I can actually stand here is you. And let me tell you the one on table four, I think I blew him once at a club which might explain why he was trying to play footsie with me."

Kurt was sad when the buzzer went off, but there was only one more guy to go and then it would be over.

"I guess you hit it off with him," the man said, "I'm Charlie."

"Hello, Charlie," Kurt said, "I'm Kurt."

"So," Charlie said, "what do you do?"

Kurt couldn't help but look over to Sebastian who was rolling his eyes at the man across from him.

"He really did make an impact on you, didn't he? You know, I don't think he was really interested in anyone else either."

"We're friends," Kurt said.

Charlie hummed. "Well, friendships make the perfect bases for relationships."

"Yeah, they do," Kurt said but he was thinking about Blaine and not Sebastian because that was exactly what they had been first. He really did miss his best friend.

When they left the place, Sebastian began recounting his night. "They just kept getting worse,"

Kurt nodded.

"Are you okay?" Sebastian asked and came to a stop.

Kurt wasn't sure. He'd been acting like everything was okay for months. He had left Blaine alone and tried to just keep living his life even after Blaine went and flunked and had to move back to Ohio. Then, he'd just let Elliott and Dani take him out. He couldn't deny that he'd had fun, but Blaine had always been there in his mind.

"Is this about Blaine?"

"Yes," Kurt muttered, "I still love him, Sebastian."

He nodded. "Of course you do. This whole moving on thing, it isn't easy. You were engaged, you can't just move on from that."

"I want to," Kurt admitted, "I want to so badly because I know…I know that if I don't that I'll just keep loving him and that I'll run back to Ohio and we'll just fall into this again and I don't know if it'll work. I don't know that we can do this."

Sebastian still hadn't gotten the full story out of Kurt, so he pulled him away from the middle of the sidewalk.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I need a drink."

Kurt let Sebastian take him into the nearest bar, an Irish Pub that was moderately busy. He ordered them beers and took Kurt to one of the booths.

"Alright, talk," Sebastian said.

Kurt told him everything. How he'd been feeling trapped and like he wasn't ready for everything Blaine wanted. He told him about the break that turned into a break up and how for a while Kurt had convinced himself that it was what he wanted, but that loneliness had settled in.

"I live alone," he told Sebastian, "in Bushwick. Sometimes I get so scared when I hear a noise outside. I've watched drug deals go down just a street away."

He drank his beer as he talked and then took another one, downing that too until he was done with four beers at which point Sebastian stopped him.

"Did you eat anything?"

Kurt who was already drunk shook his head. "Also," he said, "you confuse me."

It was the first time he was saying it out loud.

"I confuse you?"

"Yup," Kurt said and giggled, "shouldn't you be trying to get into Blaine's pants?"

Sebastian shook his head and muttered, "I think I like the tighter pants you wear."

"My pants are awesome."

Sebastian laughed and got up. He covered their bill, and he pulled Kurt to his feet. Kurt leaned against him smelling of beer and some cologne that was surprisingly musky.

"Come on," he said, "I think you need to go home."

"Come with me, Bas," Kurt said, "cuddle me. Please…please cuddle with me."

Kurt stopped right outside the bar and looked up at Sebastian.

"Yes?" Sebastian asked.

"Your eyes. They're green. Pretty. Pretty eyes."

Then, he leaned towards Sebastian and kissed him.

Kurt remembered only faintly how it had felt to kiss Sebastian. He did remember that Sebastian had stopped the kiss and then gotten into a cab with Kurt and taken Kurt up to the loft and put him into bed and then told him that he would stay out on the couch. When Kurt woke up the next morning Sebastian had even made Kurt breakfast.

It was that morning after Sebastian left that Kurt hung over and ready to just collapse in bed heard from Rachel again.

"It's been a week," Rachel said, "but I'm back in Ohio and oh my god, Kurt, I ran into Blaine. He's student teaching at Dalton and helping out with The Warblers. It gave me the idea that maybe that's what I've needed to do all along. I've tried being a star. Broadway wasn't what I thought it would be and Hollywood is just…it isn't for me. So I was thinking that I could try and get the glee club going again at McKinley."

Kurt knew the moment that she mentioned it that it would be a bad idea. He was too stuck on the first part of her rant, though. Blaine was still in Ohio. He was working with the Warblers.

"Rachel, you've never been even remotely interested in teaching. What happened now?"

There had to be something more to Rachel thinking that she could just live the life of someone that didn't yearn to be on a stage 24/7.

"I went on a couple of auditions," Rachel said, "didn't get any of them. I tried out for a few plays and musicals and any bit part but my agent couldn't even get me good auditions and then she told me that since I broke my contract with Funny Girl they don't think I'm serious enough. I even called Carmen. She doesn't want to give me a second chance. I think I blew it."

Then, she was crying.

Kurt let her cry. He tried to talk, but he knew she would be too upset to actually listen to him.

"I just feel like everything is falling apart," Rachel said, "and then I came home yesterday and my dads are getting a divorce. They didn't even tell me."

Kurt remembered Leroy and Hiram from the few times he'd visited Rachel's house as well as the fiasco with Rachel and Finn wanting to get married. They had always seemed so put together. Kurt had admired their relationship and had even hoped that he and Blaine would be like them in the future. But if Hiram and Leroy couldn't make it then why would Kurt have expected he and Blaine to make it if they did get married.

"I just – I wish you were here. I miss you so much, Kurt."

He missed Rachel too. It hadn't been until she was gone for a while that Kurt started to miss her. Actually, he missed everyone that had left him in New York on his own. Mercedes was still touring and she'd taken Santana and Brittany with her. Artie was always so busy in film school that Kurt barely got to see him now that their Monday potluck days were over. Kurt even missed Sam and his modeling but even Sam had gone back to Lima ready to figure out what might come next for him. Mostly though, and he didn't really want to admit it, he missed Blaine.

"I'll come visit," he said, "I promised I'd come to see my dad soon and I haven't seen you in months."

He didn't add that he might go to see Blaine too.

"Yes, you should come. Please, Kurt. I need you."

It was Rachel's fault. She was the reason he'd returned to Lima. Somehow she'd even given him hope in their next few phone conversations that if he did go see Blaine that things would go well. So, he planned to leave for a week. Isabelle and Gunther were both alright with him missing work and it was lucky that NYADA had a break coming up. The moment the break was upon him, he was packing and getting on a plane.

Rachel hadn't known, or if she did, she hadn't thought to warn him about Blaine's new boyfriend.

Kurt watched them and his heart shattered, disappointment and anger at himself rising in his body. He felt like his entire world had changed and somehow he was finding out late after everyone else.

Blaine was dating Dave Karofsky. Kurt thought that he was going to be sick. He should have never listened to Rachel.

"Invite him to Scandals," Rachel said when Kurt was considering just not calling Blaine at all.

"Why Scandals?" Kurt asked, remembering vividly the last time he'd been at the only gay bar in Lima.

He had been trying to keep Sebastian from his boyfriend the entire night and watching Blaine just keep drinking anything that the Warbler gave him. It hadn't been a good night. Thinking about Scandals did make him think about Sebastian.

After the night they went speed dating, he'd made himself scarce. Telling Kurt he was busy when he and Elliott asked him to hang out with them, and somehow not showing up like he usually did to the coffee shop. He hadn't even been at the gay club Elliott and Dani and Dani's new girlfriend went to a few nights before Kurt left for Lima.

"Well," Rachel said, "you don't want to invite him to the Lima Bean. That place was like date central for you too. Either of your houses is a bad idea. The only other place is Breadstix and that is way too date-y."

Kurt could admit that she a point, but he was still reluctant to call Blaine. He didn't even know if Blaine would answer if he did call. So, instead Kurt decided to send him a text. He worded it as carefully as he could and then sent it to Elliott and Rachel to make sure that it wasn't too pushy.

The text read: "I happen to be in Lima for the week and I was hoping I could see you, we're still friends after all right? Anyway, I'll be at Scandals on Thursday night, you could come join me for a drink."

Elliott and Rachel approved it, so he sent it. Blaine didn't reply for a few hours.

Then, "I'll see you there. –B"

When Kurt stepped into Scandals, using the fake ID that Elliott had procured him which was much better than the one Sebastian had given him back in high school, he didn't expect to see Blaine sitting at one of the tables with David Karofsky next to him.

He reasoned that David was probably still a regular at Scandals. Maybe he was just saying hello. Even as he approached, Kurt had a feeling that he was wrong.

They didn't act like a couple except for how Kurt was sure that David was holding Blaine's hand under the table and that they were so involved in telling Kurt how they had gotten together that neither noticed his discomfort.

"It happened here," Blaine said, "and I really wasn't ready for anything but David was just such a good friend to me and…well, here we are."

Kurt nodded. "I'll….I'm going to be right back. Bathrooom."

He didn't wait for a response before he was out of his seat and walking through a crowd of older men with a beeline to the bathroom. He had never been to Scandal's bathroom but the one thing that kept going through his mind was wandering how many hook ups Sebastian must have had in those stalls.

Kurt fished out his phone as he opened the door to the men's. He went through his contacts twice before he settled on Sebastian.

Sebastian answered on the first ring.

"If you don't mind me asking, how many times did you hook up with someone in the bathrooms at Scandals?"

Sebastian laughed. "Why? Are you planning on beating my record?"

"Just tell me, how many, Sebastian?"

Kurt moved towards the sinks and the mirror that was just over them. It was greasy and cracked in places with stains that Kurt didn't want to think about.

"None actually. Have you seen that place? I usually took my conquests home."

"Oh," Kurt said.

It had been nice, in a weird way, to think about Sebastian and the shenanigans he must have gotten into while in Ohio. A distraction from what was really bothering him. Blaine had moved on. He had moved on with the guy that had made more than half of his high school years hell.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Kurt looked up at the mirror. He was crying.

"No," Kurt breathed, "I'm not. I'm…oh, Sebastian, I made an awful mistake."

"In a bathroom stall at Scandals?"

Kurt let out a laugh, but it was more sob than laugh. "No, idiot. I thought I could get Blaine back. Damn it, I'm such an idiot. I actually though I'll go and meet him and we'll just fall into it again because he's Blaine and I'm Kurt and it's not like Lima is full of gay guys."

"So you are at Scandals?" Sebastian asked.

Kurt let out a noise of frustration. "Yes! This place just has all kinds of bad memories for me now. You and your meerkat ways trying to steal my boyfriend and now knowing that Blaine and Karofsky met here a few months ago and hit it off and have been together ever since. And tonight, of course tonight, because it wasn't a nightmare already. And how pathetic am I, the first person I think to call is you."

"Me?" Sebastian asked.

"I don't know what I was thinking," Kurt said, "goodbye Sebastian."

He hung up before Sebastian could say anything and then he began to clean himself up, getting rid of the snot clogging up his nose and trying to make his eyes look less puffy and red. Then, before he left the bathroom he texted Rachel.

"If you knew about Blaine and Karofsky and didn't tell me you are dead. Dead."

Author's Note: I'd love to know your thoughts on this. Thank you for reading, the next part will be up soon.