Was going to submit this to the "Why I Love D2Brigade" contest, but I was busy and couldn't finish by the deadline. Might submit another time. Hope you like!

It's no simple task to get supplies to a semi-top-secret abandoned headquarters in the middle of the nowhere, even it if is over thirty feet tall. However this did not occur to the internet reviewer, part-time cartoon, certified snark, and brigade leader Professor Otaku until he dragged himself to the kitchen one morning after a long night of work only to realize that the coffee supply had depleted.

"Oh Merf." He grumbled. His voice subtly echoed through the desolate halls since the rest of the floor. The rest of the Brigaders were probably three floors above him, cranking out reviews for the site.

There was nothing more Prof could do then put away his depressingly empty mug back in its cabinet and head back upstairs to write another review. As he made his way down the hall, he glazed at all of the anime posters that were tacked to the walls. When the Brigade members first moved in to D2HQ, some of them (mostly the girls. And Ark at one point.) complained that the blank walls seemed to make the whole building too "bleh". Prof had told them to suck it up since this was the only nearby abandoned top-secret over thirty-foot tall headquarters in the middle of the nowhere they could afford. The members solved this problem by just slapping a bunch of colorful posters of their favorite animes everywhere they could.

While he was waiting for the elevator between the Haruhi Suzumiya and Chobits posters to come, he stared at the Buso Renkin poster on the other wall. He walked over to it and rubbed his hand against it, hoping that its high-octane awesomeness would rub off on him.

DING

The elevator doors opened themselves to reveal that it wasn't empty. Its inhabitant was curled up on the corner of the floor, his blonde hair all in his face so Prof couldn't be sure whether he was conscious or not. What he could see was that his black jacket open wide that his bare and possibly oiled chest could be seen.

"Uh, Ark?" Prof asked, his eyes unable to stop blinking.

The mess in the elevator sat upright at the voice. He tried reach for the railing so he could pull himself to his feet, but since he was obviously very drunk he fell down again. He laughed to himself and blew the hair out of his face, revealing a sliver of his unusual green and blue eyes.

"Nope." He said.

Prof raised an eyebrow at him. "Um… Ark's clone?"

"I have a name, y'know."

Prof felt the need to make a sarcastic comeback, but frankly it he was too tired and decaffeinated to converse with the drunken and shirtless clone of his colleague at this time of day. He just walked in the elevator and pushed the button to his floor like it was an ordinary day. Well, in a sense this wasn't much different from any of his recent days.

"Hey," clone-Ark (Prof still hadn't bothered to remember this one's name) slurred, "ya ever wonder why you're here?" Prof simply ignored him and turned away. "Nah, I'm all serious. As a copy of a pre-existin' human bean, ya wonder these things, y'know? Like, why doya do reviews n stuff? Why do you think ya got fans? C'mon, you had to have thought about it."

Prof became dead set on not answering him. There was no need to, since it was then that the elevator made the sound that it had reached his floor. That was fast.

DING

As he walked out, clone-Ark cried "Hey, sersly! You should think about it! Meanin' a life! Why do you do what you do! Why do the fans like you! All that jazz!"

And with that he collapsed to the floor once again as the doors closed.

Before Prof knocked on the door to Ark's room (a door between the Clannad and Ghost Hound posters, a fair combination) he couldn't help but stop to listen to the sound of overly-dramatic music and a high pitched girl yelling in Japanese coming from it.

"Don't give up, Sailor Moon!" Ark's voice yelled from inside. "I know everyone you love just died, but stop making out with your boyfriend's corpse and kick some ass!"

Prof found this to be the perfect time to interrupt them. He lightly knocked on the door. "Ark?"

"Yeah, seriously!" Hitch's voice came this time. "If that were me in that mini-skirt-"

Prof headbanged the door. "ARK!"

The dramatic music immediately silenced. "H-Huh? What?" Ark called back.

"I told you to deal with your clones!" Prof yelled, irritated by his new headache.

"Oh man, did one of them get drunk again? I swear to God, can't I make one decent clone of myself without it either going into a drunken stupor questioning its own existence and going on and on about the meaning of life?"

"I don't care. Just get it out of the elevator. And make them put a shirt on for Christ's sake."

"And why do they always turn out gay? Granted I have nothing against it but it's not like I program them to be like that! What the hell?"

"Well, just because someone doesn't wear a shirt and keeps his chest doesn't necessarily mean they're gay." Hitch replied. "Kamina from Gurren Laggan never wears a shirt."

"Yeah, but those stupid werewolves from Twilight never wear shirts either." Said Ark. "If that doesn't imply anything, I don't know what does."

"They do both keep suffciently oiled chests." Prof rubbed his temples at this conversation. It was a waste of time for all involved.

"Besides, Kamina's not gay." said Ark's voice. "Sure he never wears a shirt and hangs around young boys and says things to them like 'Your drill will pierce through the heavens' and there was that one deleted scene from the hotsprings episode when he asked that kid to put his finger in his butt while he was naked but that totally doesn't mean he's gay."

"But the werewolf guy still goes after that one whiney chick. Maybe it's a physiological thing. Maybe they're all gay and don't even know it."

"Posh! Kamina's manly! I'm manly! I do manly things in a manly way like drinking raw manly eggs while lifting manly weights or something along those manly lines!"

"I Repeat: Do not care." Prof said. When Twilight is brought up in D2HQ, the conversation must end. "Just get your clone out of the elevator or wherever else any of them may reside drunk and shirtless now and then work on a stinkin anime review."

"Don't worry about it!" Ark called. "I'll just throw him down in the ol' Alligator Pit later and everything will be solved."

Prof stopped for a moment to allow that sentence to sink in. "Uh, we have an Alligator Pit?"

"Yeah, I got off of this nice asthmatic waiter down in Chicago."

"Um, okay." Prof just decided to leave it at that and walk away. As soon as he was a good distance away from the door he could hear the Sailor Moon audio coming from Ark's room once again.

Just as he passed by Kagami's room, his brain was racked with a loud SCREEEEEEEEECH from behind her door. It sounded Pyramid Head was rooming there something. This noise hadn't damaged Prof's mind in any way so he still had the good sense to run the hell away from there, but he had become curious. What could she be doing in there? He tossed a mental coin and decided to check it out. Who knows, maybe he could add it to his ongoing imaginary list of Weird Yet Awesomely Crazy Things I've Seen The Brigade Do and Can Possibly Use for Blackmail Later. When he knocked on her door, he could hear her groan.

"Do not disturb! I'm busy! Go away!" she called.

"Are you working on an AMV?" Prof asked.

"Yeah! Sure! Course I am! Just come back later!"

Just as he pressed his ear to the door, he heard what sounded like a drill and then a cat moaning in pain made its way out of her room. This was when he decided to get the hell out of there. He'll worry about it later.

On his way back to his room to write another review (a strain without his coffee) he couldn't help but have a sign on Rabbit's door catch his eye.

LOST: ACCENT

DESCRIPTION: BRITISH. MORE DO YOU NEED?

IF FOUND PLEASE REPORT TO: THIS VERY ROOM.

THANK YOU AND HAVE A GOOD DAY

Beside her closed door there was a stack of manga that she had already read or reviewed. From what he could see it was the kind of he may or may not have heard of, but he wouldn't mind picking up anyway.

"Prof?" a timid voice emerged behind the door. "You're not trying to take my manga without asking, are you?"

"No, of course not Rabbit." He tried to shove the book down his shirt just in case she came out of her room.

"It's not nice to lie to me, Prof. I'll get all sad if you do."

Prof let out a sigh and dropped the book back onto the stack.

"Thank you, Prof."

He merely grumbled something under his breath as he walked away. With his mind focused on putting together his current rant of the day, he failed to notice the large package placed in the middle of the hall. Until he tripped over it. All he could think of as his face hit the floor was that he was only one annoyance away from going into rage mode. He pushed himself off the ground, grunting, and turned around to inspect the package. It was pink, which wasn't a good sign for him. But it was still all good. No worries. No potential signs for danger or annoyance. He almost held it in, until he saw the title. "Super Kawaii Love-Love Magical Catgirl Moe-chan!". It was addressed to him, meaning by his personal law he made for reasons that escaped him, he was obligated to review it. The anger and frustration that came out of his mouth soon after didn't exactly come out in words so much as unidentifiable sounds like

"(swear words)!"

The package was then given what Prof saw fit, a good kick square down the hall.

"Um, is it safe to say I should approach with caution?"

After screaming, Prof's anger had mostly subsided into heavy breathing out of his nose. As he turned to see the girl behind him, holding a full cup of coffee in front of her JO shirt, he momentarily felt the urge to pounce on her and fight primitively to the death for that mug, but her green eyes filled with both worry and cautious concern had stopped him. Besides, the coffee would spill if he pounced on her. DUH! Before he could let himself open his mouth and explain the situation, he knew that he had to choose his words with care so to put it such a mature way that the sophisticated JO could sympathize and understand his situation.

"Someone sent me Super Kawaii Love-Love Magical Catgirl Moe-chan! so I have to review it and I don't wanna cause it's all girly n stuff and Ark's shirtless clone won't get out of the elevator and Kagami might be killing something right now and Rabbit won't let me steal her manga and all I want is some coffee PROF NEEDS HIS COFFEE NOW!"

Smooth.

"Don't think about it." Said JO. "Just do the review and get it over with. Besides, you love complaining about bad stuff."

"You're caffeinated body can't understand my situation. You see, the core of entertainment is inspiration, the core of that is perseverance, after that there's exertion, and the core of that one is of course coffee. Therefore the step-by-step process for my creative process has collapsed."

DING

"GET OFF OF ME YOU PERVE!" They could only assume that was Vixen.

"No really, why do ya do what ya do whatcha do?" the still drunken clone-Ark said, his arm hanging limply around Vixen's shoulders. Before he could finish, Vixen elbowed him in the stomach, causing him to collapse once again, and stomped out of the elevator. Prof and JO could see her eyes were flitting around the room like they were on fire and her ears were pinned back. She looked as though she was ready to bite the next unfortunate lad who was in five feet of her.

"(swear words)!"

Vixen's shriek attracted the rest of the Brigade to flock out of their rooms. Hitch walked out the door and made his way toward Vix.

"Okay Vix, what seems to be the troubWOAH-"before he could finish that sentence he tripped over the Super Kawaii Love-Love Magical Catgirl Moe-chan! box that had landed directly in front of Ark's door. As he fell, Hitch was able to determine that by the trajectory of the angle by which he was falling, there was a chance he would be able to fall on top of Vixen's developed bosom. This was science. He should know. He had a lab coat. As his hope rose, as his hand began to reach out, as his eyes and smile begining to grow larger, his face merely inches away from a bundle of softness, Vixen tossed him out the conveniently close window (or inconveniently depending on how you look at it). The others would have checked to see if he was okay, but Vixen's twitchy tail and the steam out her nose like an angered bull told them to stay away.

"Uh, should someone help him?" JO asked.

"Well, I can still hear him screaming so he's got a long while before he hits the ground."

"Yeah, but won't he, like, die?"

Ark shrugged. "Iono. I'm no scientist."

"…But you're wearing a lab coat."

Ark pinched at his collar. "Oh yeah."

"Hey, that reminds me. We got any 4-ply trashbags?" Kagami asked, looking inconvenienced as she appeared to be cleaning a sharp metal object with her red shirt.

"THEY MADE IT!" Vixen shrieked, "SOMEONE, A HUMAN BEING, CREATED IT! IT'S NOT AN ANIME YET BUT F*CK SOME PERVES OUT THERE STILL F*CKING MADE IT!"

JO took one cautious step toward Vixen. "Um… what?"

Before JO could be Vixen's next victim, Rabbit walked up to Vixen and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, what's wrong my little fox?" she asked in her timid American-accented voice, "Did another mean hentai take another blow to your psyche?"

Vixen's eyes immediately softened as she grabbed Rabbit's hand. Ark and Prof leaned in and began to turn red. "Sort of. Oh, it's awful! Someone made a game or visual novel or something where you play as a guy who tries to get as many girls as he can pregnant!" Her eyes immediately became fierce again. "AND IF I EVER FIND THOSE GODDAMED BASTARDS WHO WROTE THIS SH*T I WILL SHOVE THEIR BALLS INTO A BLENDER! SEE WHAT YOU CAN GET OFF TO THEN YOU SICK PERVES!" Even after she said that, Ark and Prof were still beginning to get turned on. She was holding to Rabbit's hand even tighter, so there were still some possibilities. JO and Kagami rolled their eyes at the stupidity, both of the boys and the synopsis of the game.

"But sweetie," said Rabbit, "you review stuff like that all the time."

"Yeah, but, I mean- I just-UGH! It just made me think 'what the hell am I doing? Why am I making myself watch this?'"

"Oh man, did you have a conversation with one of my clones?" Ark asked, folding his arms and shaking his head.

"Well, yeah, but that's not the point! Why should people watch us?"

"Cause we review anime." Said Kagami.

"Lots of people on the internet review anime. What makes us any different?"

Just then, Malakye, the lovable mad scientist of the group, walked in. He probably hadn't heard Vixen's outburst so far, but already he was nervously moving around the room like something was trying to kill him.

"Mal, back away." Ark warned, outstretching his arm. "It took a lot of money to pay for the surgery we got you the last time Vixen killed you, so just stay out of the way of the beast's rage and you shall be free."

"Sure, that's great." Mal said under his breath, still looking around the room.

"Just give me one good reason why we put ourselves through this every day!" Vixen yelled to everyone. "Just one!"

"Well, for the fans I guess." Prof answered.

"Hey, are you alright?" Kagami asked Mal. "I mean, I know you're wearing a mask and stuff but you look… kinda wound up."

"Me? Aw, no I'm great! I'm all peachy keen and a basket of newborn cat-girls!"

Kagami and Ark raised an eyebrow, but convinced themselves that they shouldn't ask.

"Yeah, but why do the fans like us?" Vixen asked Prof. "I mean, there are other anime and manga reviewers out there on the internet. What makes them come to us? Why are we so special? Why do they like us?"

Prof was going to try to the best of his wisdom to answer that, but then Malakye yelled

"Hey, has anyone seen Tsubake?"

And everyone's head immediately turned to face him. All of their eyes had become just as fierce as Vixen's.

"What?" Mal asked innocently.

To be continued...