Here Right Now
written by aeyta
// debut
Today is my birthday.
Nobody knows, nobody wonders either. Nobody wonders what happened at Fuko's birthday party. Nobody wonders and nobody thinks about it.
Six months ago it was Yanagi's birthday and you're still talking about it. Recca, Kaoru, Ganko, Domon, even Mikagami. They all talka bout it like it was yesterday, they flutter around talking about how wonderful it is.
And here I am, alone.
On my birthday. And nobody cares.
Not that it matters, I've crossed my birthday off my list along time ago. I hate my birthday. This is the day I hate the most.
My mother was never home, she always left something on my desk when she got home late but she was always gone.
And what she left wasn't a big surprise. It was always something she would have gotten for my brother. She never cared about me. She only cared about my brother.
When I was young, I dreamed I was a princess. I loved the color green, but I always wanted a pretty, soft, green princessy dress. It sounds strange, it really does, but I did.
I've always wanted to be a beautiful princess, I always wanted a handsome prince, and I always wanted to be talked about all the time.
I wanted attention. I craved attention, I craved love.
Yet, no matter how much I hoped or hinted to my mother when she *was* around, she still got me fighting gloves. Boy type shirts, more gloves, headbands.
Stuff my brother would like. My brother was my elder by six years, he loved fighting and he always made money too. When he moved to America, my mother altogether pretty much stopped buying me stuff for my birthday.
It's like she forgot. My brother always reminded her.
In time, I lost my small dreams and put my birthday gifts to use. I fought, I was an agressive, angry, little girl. But who could blame me?
It made my mind wander on other things.
I almost forgot my life.
And then you, Yanagi, you entered my life.
You don't know how much I hate you. How much I abhor you. How much I wish you'd die!
You stole the one sure thing I had, and you have everything I want.
You're pretty, kind, smart, and everybody loves you. Everybody.
Recca, Kaoru, Domon, even Mikagami. And Ganko, at first she thought of me as her mother. Then she met you.
You're perfect.
And Recca loves you so much, and he became your ninja without a blink.
Every day I wonder why? Why do they all go to you? Why do they all love you so much? Why don't they notice me? If I was dead, no one would even remember after a week.
I would be a memory from along time ago, and then I would be forgotten.
And I thought that I had Recca for sure, Yanagi. I thought I had him for sure, I thought that one day he'd become my ninja, my prince.
Today is my birthday.
And I am alone.
I am not pretty, I am not kind, I am not perfect.
But that's who I am.
Today is my birthday, and I am alone.
People mock ones who are loners, one who separate themselves from society.
You people may not notice yet, but I am slowly distancing myself.
By the time I'm gone, it won't matter because I'll be so far away.
I am not lonely, I choose to be alone.
Today is my birthday, and by the time you notice that I don't have a birthday, I'll probably be dead.
Or gone.
Either way works.
Yanagi, I envy you.
/// fin
notes: woohoo.
written by aeyta
// debut
Today is my birthday.
Nobody knows, nobody wonders either. Nobody wonders what happened at Fuko's birthday party. Nobody wonders and nobody thinks about it.
Six months ago it was Yanagi's birthday and you're still talking about it. Recca, Kaoru, Ganko, Domon, even Mikagami. They all talka bout it like it was yesterday, they flutter around talking about how wonderful it is.
And here I am, alone.
On my birthday. And nobody cares.
Not that it matters, I've crossed my birthday off my list along time ago. I hate my birthday. This is the day I hate the most.
My mother was never home, she always left something on my desk when she got home late but she was always gone.
And what she left wasn't a big surprise. It was always something she would have gotten for my brother. She never cared about me. She only cared about my brother.
When I was young, I dreamed I was a princess. I loved the color green, but I always wanted a pretty, soft, green princessy dress. It sounds strange, it really does, but I did.
I've always wanted to be a beautiful princess, I always wanted a handsome prince, and I always wanted to be talked about all the time.
I wanted attention. I craved attention, I craved love.
Yet, no matter how much I hoped or hinted to my mother when she *was* around, she still got me fighting gloves. Boy type shirts, more gloves, headbands.
Stuff my brother would like. My brother was my elder by six years, he loved fighting and he always made money too. When he moved to America, my mother altogether pretty much stopped buying me stuff for my birthday.
It's like she forgot. My brother always reminded her.
In time, I lost my small dreams and put my birthday gifts to use. I fought, I was an agressive, angry, little girl. But who could blame me?
It made my mind wander on other things.
I almost forgot my life.
And then you, Yanagi, you entered my life.
You don't know how much I hate you. How much I abhor you. How much I wish you'd die!
You stole the one sure thing I had, and you have everything I want.
You're pretty, kind, smart, and everybody loves you. Everybody.
Recca, Kaoru, Domon, even Mikagami. And Ganko, at first she thought of me as her mother. Then she met you.
You're perfect.
And Recca loves you so much, and he became your ninja without a blink.
Every day I wonder why? Why do they all go to you? Why do they all love you so much? Why don't they notice me? If I was dead, no one would even remember after a week.
I would be a memory from along time ago, and then I would be forgotten.
And I thought that I had Recca for sure, Yanagi. I thought I had him for sure, I thought that one day he'd become my ninja, my prince.
Today is my birthday.
And I am alone.
I am not pretty, I am not kind, I am not perfect.
But that's who I am.
Today is my birthday, and I am alone.
People mock ones who are loners, one who separate themselves from society.
You people may not notice yet, but I am slowly distancing myself.
By the time I'm gone, it won't matter because I'll be so far away.
I am not lonely, I choose to be alone.
Today is my birthday, and by the time you notice that I don't have a birthday, I'll probably be dead.
Or gone.
Either way works.
Yanagi, I envy you.
/// fin
notes: woohoo.