Summary: This is a oneshot written from Duo's POV. How he read Peter Pan when he was a little kid and what influences it had on his life. Sad, immotional and bittersweet.
Might end up being the first in a series of oneshots made from different POVs all called Neverland. The characters won't all be from Gundam wing, though.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam wing, or Peter Pan for that matter. Would I be posting this here if I did!
Never Never Land
Years ago I happened upon an old book of an even older story which was written centuries before the first space colony was built. The book didn't have a cover or even a first page, so I don't know what its name was, but it was about a group of children meeting a boy who never grew up. His name was Peter I think, and he lived in this really great place called Neverland.
I loved Neverland. I wanted to be Peter.
From the day I read that story, some small part of me kept searching, kept hoping that one day I would find my Never Never Land. The hurt, lonely and scared child inside of me wanted so desperately to go to a place where he could forever remain young, carefree, pure and so innocent. A place in which he could forever remain a child and fly and fly and never worry about diseases that take your brother away from you or soldiers who blow up your only home and family. A place in which he wouldn't always be cold, hungry, scared and hurting. A place in which he wouldn't have to be heartless, fight, kill and grow up too fast and too soon, so other kids would be able to taste their pathetic yet only imitation of Neverland.
From that day on, even though some part of me searched and longed for that perfect place, the rest, the jaded grown up part, knew it was all a dream. A dream that whispers promises of sweet nothingness to drag you along, then leave you empty and desperate for things that never could be. Yet that same grown up part hoped that maybe, just maybe someday there really would exist a Neverland. I promised myself that I would do anything to make that dream a beautiful reality, even if I had to give away everything I had. My childhood, my happiness, my life and even my soul.
Then I met other kids who were doing the same as me. And even if they hadn't heard of Neverland, they were longing for it in that deepest most secret place of their hearts. Everyone does. They, like me, had already lost their innocence or were about to lose it soon anyway.
Heero's innocence died in a mistake caused by his own hands and only left an injured small dog behind. He never made any mistakes again. He became a diamond. Cold, hard and yet perfect.
God knows what happened to Trowa's. Probably lost years ago, the same time as his name and identity. When he was named "No-Name".
Wufei's was sacrificed in the way of justice alongside this mysterious Nataku or maybe his colony, who knows? He never strayed from the path of justice, afraid it would make the sacrifices in vain.
Quatre had still kept his innocence when I first met him. He was so sunny and bright and magical. It felt like he could light up the night or melt away tons and tons of ice with just a smile. But then his innocence got blown up with his father and the colony he called home. After that Quatre still could melt tons and tons of ice, but now they would all turn into oceans of tears.
And mine? Mine was blown up in Maxwell's church then wasted away little by little beside Solo on the streets.
Then I let my hair grow, like I was growing up and like I couldn't go back to being that little happy kid, I couldn't cut my hair either. So I let my hair remember for me, every twist of braid a sign for a year passing by and taking another loved one with it.
And I kept pretending that I was happy, hopeful and alive. I played my part so well, yet I wish I was even better, good enough to fool myself. I kept shinigami in the deepest darkest corner of my mind, behind the strongest of locks, but couldn't lose the key. Because I knew sooner or later I had to set it free.
Now I'm hiding behind this mask of innocence and this big foolish green on my face, while struggling with death and hatred and doing my best not to fall head first into the abyss that used to be my soul.
And yet every time I sit in Deathscythe I look at the far away horizon as the sun goes down and the stars come out, and I wish with all my heart that I could go and turn after "second star to the right and straight on till morning."
I'm still yearning for my Never Never Land. It's like there is a fire burning in my throat, I'm seeing this lake and yet I know it's just a mirage.
And I'm still mourning inside for my innocence and hope that when he got lost, he joined the lost boys in Neverland. But even if he didn't find that place, maybe everything's OK.
Maybe my innocence is dripping with melted ice cream on the dress of that little girl sitting under that tree with her mother. The little girl with long chestnut colored hair that look so like mine.
Maybe Heero's, Trowa's, Quatre's and Wufei's innocence are playing on a merry-go-round or sliding down a slide or splashing in mud, squealing with happiness or even sitting on the beach, building castles out of sand. Castles that if destroyed by angry waves, could be built again and again, more magnificent than before.
The sand in our own castles has been glued together with tears and blood, because were our castles to crumble, we have no sands left to rebuild.
Maybe we can never find the Neverland, but together we will bring it right here. Someday we will turn earth into the biggest, most beautiful Never Never Land.
AN: Any requests for a one shot from someone else's POV? Preferably not from GW, not yet anyway. However I can only write it if I actually know that character.