This is for elini, on subeta, for filling my stocking at Xmastime. sniff THANK YOU!!!! In honor and thanks, I'm doing a story for her of her choice. She wanted it random and crazy.
I don't own Subeta, that belongs to Keith. I only own Shana, Jake, Shane, Corey, Gem, Archaraia, Wary, and Semzo. And King Tipbeard. The rest belong to elini or to their respective owners.
Warning: Randomness, and yaoi abound. Crack-fic. CRAZY AS HECK. Slight cursing and sexual things. MAKES PRACTICALLY NO SENSE AT ALL. You have been warned. CRACK-FIC.
"Talking"
Lyrics
'Thoughts'
'Narrator's talking (near the end)'
~Narra's thought's~
Flash back
&Recite&
EDIT: Decided not to make it chapters. Here's the whole Kebang. Enjoy.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In the land of Citrusionia (also know as The Kingdom of Yummi Citrus Fruits) there lived a beautiful and wonderful rainbow princess named Elini. Elini was kind to all and very very sweet. She had 10 wonderfully beautiful pets, all lovely, smart, brave, or all three.
One day as Elini was out on a daily stroll/ fruit hunt with Cornelius, one of her Kumos, An assassaint appeared!
"Assassin," corrected the assassaint.
No. Assassaint.
"How the hell is an assassin a saint?"
Just go with it or else.
"Or else what?"
Or else I'll make you a fuzzy pink thing that pets give to their minion to slobber on and chew on until they finally throw it away because it had gone all moldy and slimy.
The Assassaint gulped, because it was a male and did not wanted to be a fuzzy pink thing that pets give to their minion to slobber on and chew on until they finally throw it away because it had gone all moldy and slimy. He liked being a Tigrean thank you very much! So he went with it.
"Mwhahaha!!" he chuckled evilly as he practically manhandled her and threw her over his shoulder. Grabbing a grappling gun, he shot it and swung away, chuckling and crackling evilly as he went.
"But there's no trees or other tall formations around for miles," pondered Cornelius.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Now, as I said before, Elini's pets were brave, lovely, or smart or a mixture of the three. One of the brave pets was Anaruu, a Galactic Telenine. He was a note-worthy male, earning some (many) admirers in the femalate division. Unfortunately for them, he was gay. And taken.
"Boo-yah!" cried Anaruu as the admirers mourned when they first heard the shocking (not) news. rohy just sighed and pulled Anaruu away.
But, getting back to the topic (and story), when Cornelius came running in screaming "Elini been taken by an Assassaint!! Elini been taken by an Assassaint!!" he felt like it was his duty to rescue her. Well, actually when he first heard, he felt like it was his duty to put Cornelius into a mental hospital. But then he felt the rescuing the princess. But first, who would want elini to begin with? I mean everybody knew how to freakin share right? She belonged to the people right? Who would honestly deny the citizens of Citrusionia that right?
Only King Tipbeard, that's who.
King Tipbeard was notorious for stealing wonderful princesses and…uh…um…
You really don't want to know.
Honestly.
You don't.
AT ALL.
Really.
Truly.
Honestly.
DON'T. ASK.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Now with that being said it was no prob of finding out who the culprit was.
The question is how on earth do we get there????
King Tipbeard's palace was unseen from prying eyes and only a trusted friend knew about it.
Anaruu knew the only one person who knew.
…And he was sure as hell he wasn't going there, not on his life! Not on his death either! Or the princess's life and death!!
Besides, the ol snake man been dead for years.
And so, Anaruu set off, when rohy stopped him at the entrance of the palace.
"Just to let ya know…I'll always be there for you."
Anaruu was touched.
"I mean, if you die, I'll instantly be there and I'll finally get you. At last."
Niiiice.
Way to ruin a great moment rohy.
"Couldn't say it better myself," muttered Anaruu
"What?" rohy asked, confused.
"Nothing."
And so, our gay hero set off, with the mixed promise to stop the evil King Tipbeard.
Did I mention the King was eighty, very very fat (over 500 lbs.) bald, wrinkly, and had a walrus mustache, not to mention a HUMGOUS pervert.
Yeah.
Well, he was all of those things.
Now you see what Anaruu was so worried about.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Not far he was into the journey when a thief attacked him.
"HIIIIIIII!!" cried the thief. Anaruu looked at it.
"Hi? You're a thief!"
"No I'm not; I'm a Telenine." Anaruu raised an eyebrow. It was true; a female lilac telenine was on him.
"You're a thief," replied Anaruu
"Why?"
"'Cause the first line said that a thief attacked me," retorted Anaruu. The telenine wrinkled her nose.
"Why would I want to be a-"
"COREY!! THE SKIRT'S TOO TIGHT!!" whined an unrecognizable voice. Anaruu couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl. Or both. Out of the bushes came a common Kumos wearing a black leather miniskirt that seem one size small. For some reason, Anaruu couldn't help but stare. The now named lilac telenine, Corey, frowned at the Kumos.
"How? I'm pretty sure that would fit you; you were my sister's size when she could fit into that," commented Corey. The Kumos whined at her, face red with embarrassment.
"But Corey, why do I have to be the-"
"You're a boy!" The two pets turned to look at Anaruu, who was quiet while they were quibbling. Anaruu finally figured it out with the chest area. I mean, who heard of a 9-year-old girl with a 16-year-old girl's bottom??? Only a boy would have that. But when Anaruu blurted that out, they just stared at him.
"…Um…yeeah…I hope I'm a boy," commented the Kumos. Corey snorted.
"Someone has an extra chromosome here and it's not me or Shane!" she sniped. Anaruu narrowed his eyes at her.
"Are you saying that I have Down-"
"GUUUUYS!!!!!!!" whined Shane, the now-named Kumos, and he looked upsetly at them. "Please don't fiiiiiiiiiight."
"Don't worry Shane, we're not," smiled Corey as she put her arm around Anaruu. Anaruu glowered and shrugged the arm off.
"But still; why is the boy in a skirt?" asked a confused Anaruu. Corey and Shane looked at each other and then back to Anaruu.
"Well, we always thought-" started Corey
"-That I was supposed to be a girl-" continued Shane
"-And I, a guy. But-"
"-We also think something went wrong-"
"-And so I'm a girl-"
"-And I'm a boy."
"Plus, When I wear a skirt it's like a football player in a tutu-" started Corey
"-Not very appeasing-" interrupted Shane
"-Yeah, but when Shane wears a skirt, BOOM!" she snapped her fingers. "You got mouths drooling, noses bleeding, and Shane being chased by practically the whole male population," concluded Corey. "That's why Shane, you wear the outfit, not me."
"But I look like a hooker! What if…y-you kno-ow…." Shane stuttered out, blushing. Corey smirked.
"Looks like SOME-ooonee beens thinkin' about their cruuuuu-ussh…" sang Corey. Shane blushed harder.
"I have not!"
"Hey Hey! Him Him! Shane doesn't like his girlfriend. No Way No Way! He thinks Semzo needs a new one. Hey Hey! Him Him! He wants to be his boyfriend!" sang Corey. Shane shrieked started to pound on Corey's back.
"Corey!!! You promised!!!!" Corey smiled sheepishly at Shane.
"Hey relax; he's not here, OW!" she winced. "Um…can you stop?"
Shane complied but you can see that he was still upset.
Now, all this time, Anaruu was watching this. Why?
…He was bored and there was nothing else he could do.
Besides, it funny to watch, like reading crack fiction, or reading the comics, or watching "National Lampoon Christmas Vacation".
But…OH CRUD!!! ELINI!!!!
"ELINI!!!" shouted Anaruu. They looked at him.
"No, Corey & Shane," replied Corey. Shane nodded.
"No, Elini! That's the princess of Citrusionia!!! She's been taken by the evil King Tipbeard!!" Anaruu said to Corey&Shane
"That's terrible!"
"Oh No!" cried Shane.
"Yeah, so…nice meet ya," Anaruu said hurriedly, getting on his Legeica.
"Wait!" he turned to look at the two pets.
"What?" They shuffled around, not meeting his eyes. Shane surprisingly was the one to break the silence.
"Well…the reason we're here…umm…"
"Please hurry it up," Anaruu asked impatiently. Shane blushed a bit.
"u-um…My sister has gone missing and we're trying to find her. Can you help us? Please?" Shane looked up at Anaruu and gave him the puppy eyes.
A warning: Do Not, I repeat, DO NOT, looking directly into Shane's eyes when he is giving the puppy eyes. EVER. Or better yet, don't look at them at all. You cannot resist if you do look into them. You will only be able to agree. NEVER LOOK INTO THE PUPPY EYES.
Unfortunately, Anaruu didn't know that, so he was forced to agree.
"…Fine," he forced out, sighing. "Jump on," Shane and Corey grinned at each other and climbed on.
"This is gonna be great!" shouted Corey.
"Yeah!" Shane agreed excitedly. Anaruu just gave a "meh."
"By the way" started Corey, looking at the back of Anaruu's head.
"Where are we going?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Now we know who our heroes are, let's see what's happening to Elini…
"No!"
"Yes!!"
"Nooooo… please…"
"Moan"
O.O
"Noo…. spare me…"
"Ohohoho…"
O.O…
"I DON'T WANNA PLAY CHESS!!"
"CHECKMATE!!" crowed the old coot.
=.= Curse them….(is holding a napkin to her nose) makin me have a nosebleed…
"I'm tired of this idiotic game," frowned Elini. King Tipbeard gave a dark chuckle (OO uh-oh…I TAKE IT BACK! I DON'T CURSE THEM!!! AT ALL!!) Elini was frightened by the chuckle, but she didn't show it.
"If you're tired of this "idiotic" game, we can do something else…my lovely," he smirked, leering at her and running his eyes over her body.
Oh No! Will this be the end?? Will Elini the wonderful superb rainbow princess be saved from this demonic, evil, cruel, bast-
"Who the hell are you?" asked (more like demanded) the king as he looked up at my words.
OO…uhh…the Narrator?
"Well, "Narrator", shut up," he simply replied.
Make me.
"Evil Girl."
Fat face.
"I want you dead."
Back at you, ugly.
"You will die at my hands."
I'm the Narrator. I control this story.
"…I hate you."
XP
Ignoring the narrator, King Tipbeard returned to what he was doing.
"Now My-huh?" during the argument with the Narrator, Elini escaped.
"Curses!" he shouted, slamming his fists onto the table.
"Tell me were did she go wretch!" he shouted to this Narrator.
…To the eastern maze.
"Of course!" he shouted delightedly. "Anyone would try to escape there!"
You better go and catch her.
Nodding his head upwards, he waddled to the eastern maze.
After waiting till he's out of hearing distance (though he never did have good hearing) the Narrator quickly went to where Elini was REALLY hiding.
In the abandoned northwest wing, under an upturned table, far far far away from the eastern maze.
Shhh…soothed the narrator to a shivering Elini. I gave him the wrong directions.
"Thank you," she said quietly. Then her face got panicked again.
"But what if he looks up at the words?" she panicked. The narrator snorted.
Nah. He's too dang proud and stupid to look up at the words. You're safe. Besides, he called me a wretch! How dare he!! Elini nodded her head. She knew never to anger the narrator if you want to have a happy life. Her people respected the narrators.
It's all right princess, your heroes are coming. Elini sighed with relief. Then frowned and looked upwards.
"Heroes?"
~*~*~*~*~*~
Meanwhile, Anaruu, Corey, and Shane were busy getting up to date with everything.
"…So, your mother and sister are missing, so you're going on a quest to save them?" asked Anaruu questioningly. Shane nodded after he changed his clothes to a simple shirt and brown breeches.
"Yes." Anaruu nodded his head slowly.
"Okay."
"HALT! DO NOT PASS!" cried a low voice. A mysterious figure wearing a brown hooded cloak was in the pass. His blue-furred hand held out.
They halted.
"…Why?" asked Corey to the mysterious figure.
"Because…" the figure started, slowly taking off his hood and his voice changing to a more teenaged tone "…This place is ruled by King Tipbeard and there is no way in Neopia I am not letting a guy, a girl, and a effeminate boy, even anthros, get into his claws."
A male blue lupe was looking at them, amber eyes showing determination.
The heroes gaped.
I gaped.
Oh. Shiate.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Oh Shiate. He guess their/our genders right, even Shane's.
That was the thought running through the heroes and the narrator's thoughts.
Now, How do two subeta pets knew about Neopets?
Easy: The NeoSub war.
What's the NeoSub War you may ask? Well, once Neopets and Subeta went to war with each other, battling against brother and sister, killing many and splitting people apart (and hurting many penguins). They fought in the daytime, at nighttime, and sometimes without stopping for lunch! In the end, no one won, so broken and tired, they went about the own business, making it forbidden for a subeta pet to set foot in Neopia and vice versa.
So it was amazing to see a neopet here, in subeta.
And the heroes expressed this amazement with one sentence:
"WTF?!!" cried Anaruu, Corey and Shane (well, Shane said "what the fudge?! Instead of what Corey and Anaruu said…). The lupe sighed.
"It's a long story," he said.
"Well then, if it's a long story, then can we at least have your name?" asked Corey. The lupe sighed and shuffled around, embarrassed and hesitant for some reason.
"It's-"
"YOU. SHALL. NOT. PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted another cloaked figure springing up from the bushes with dramatic fire behind it. It cause all three except the blue lupe to be scared witless.
"AAAAAAAAAACKHQWGHALTYUGNALEROYAWT!!!!!!!!" was the reply, the heroes clutching at each other. The Lupe sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes.
"Jake, remember when you told me to tell you when you're being an idiot? You're being an idiot Jake," sighed the blue Lupe. The cloaked figure gave a laugh and took of his cloak. A green lupe was smiling sheepishly at the blue one.
"Sorry dude; I almost didn't do it but thought 'wait, Shana told me to scare off any people that come this way' but I guess I need to work on my timing," said the green lupe. The group blinked.
"Wait, so the blue Lupe's name is Shana?" Anaruu asked with bewilderment, the first to unlatch.
"That's sounds almost like Shane; the Kumos," commented Corey happily. Shane waved nervously.
"Hi." Jake and Shana looked at him in amazement.
"Well what an coincidence! How weird! Isn't it weird Shan- isn't that painful?" Shana was banging his head on a tree.
"Why, Why, WHY? How is it that I get a freakin girl's name, but the effeminate, cross-dressing Kumos, gets Shane?? WHY?" shouted Shana.
"You forgot to mention gay too," added Corey. He looked at her in…
In…
Well, it was that look that said, I-can-NOT-believe-you-just-said-that, mixed with It-can-get-WORSE?
Yeah.
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" growled Shana, pulling at his hair in frustration.
"WHY. WHY. IS. MY. LIFE. SO. SUCKY? WHY??" he ground out, pounding his head on the tree again.
"…At least your name isn't Leslie or Dana," Jake tried to help, grinning at his best friend.
Shana just glared at him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn………
A land of monkeys/
Filled with pretty monkeys/
There livvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvved……..
A monkey king!/
One little monkey/
Two little monkey/
Three little four/
Five little monkey/
Six little more more more!!!!!!!
WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The group stared at the narrator (who was off screen) with the "Oo" expression on their faces.
"What was that all about?!" snapped Shana.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeah…I don't know…
"What do you mean you don't know?!"
I was bored.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Shana and Jake agreed to show the trio the way to King Tipbeard's palace. After thanking then and pocketing the map to the place (we sure as hell aren't going NEAR there, they said) and went to the castle.
…Which was FREAKIN' HUGE.
Honestly, it could put Hogwarts to shame.
It was 5 times the size of the biggest castle you can think of.
Yeah.
THAT huge.
I mean, I wish I had a camera, it's like going to Disney World!
Except for the "rescue Elini from the perverted pedophile" thing.
…Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell…
MAYBE not the perverted pedophile part.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Then, as they got up, a horde of Assassaints appeared!!
"Assassins," they corrected.
Assassaints.
"Assassins."
ASSASSAINTS DANGIT.
"Fine, Whatever."
Anyway, the AssassAINTS…
"…"
-Suddenly attacked the group!
"…"
I said, they attacked the group!
"…"
FIGHT ALREADY DANGIT.
"Huh? OH!"
They attacked with-
O.O
Oh god…
"Cover your eyes Shane!! Cover your eyes!!" shrieked Corey, closing her as well.
"MY EARS!! OH GODS MY EARS ARE BLEEDING TO DEATH!!!" cried Anaruu slapping his hands over his ears.
They Assassaints attacked with the carmelldansen dance.
Don't know what the carmelldansen dance is? Look it up on Youtube.
…Really, there's such a thing as a carmelldansen dance
BUT IT STILL WASN'T WHAT I MEANT YOU RETARDS
"Oh. Sorry," they said and FINALLY attacked THE PROPER WAY.
Surprised, The crew quickly fought back, but the assassaints had the upper hand. Soon Anaruu, Corey, and Shane were cornered.
Oh noes, is this the end for our heroes!!!
Oh man, Elini is gonna be p.o'ed when she finds out…
"Shane, I never told you this but…I was the one who ate all of the jellybeans," confessed Corey.
"Corey…I like your nickname better than your real name," confessed Shane.
"Yeah, so do I sometimes."
"Corey?" asked Anaruu.
"Yeah?"
"Even though I just met you…"
"Yeah?"
"…You annoy me. Completely," finished Anaruu.
"THIS IS THE END!" woed Shane.
Suddenly, a mysterious cloaked hooded stranger began attacking!
…The Assassaints.
Not the Trio.
No, I'm not that evil.
But anyways, The Stranger moved gracefully (queue Dance Party from DDR. Really good song. Honest. Dun dun dundunduh dunduh dunduh duh…) And deadly. In seconds, a third of the horde was dead. Blood, guts, heads, cries of pain, woe, and "mommy!" filled the room. In 5 minutes, all were in heaven (or Hades).
"…" the group gaped at the mysterious figure.
"Beware," it simply replied and disappeared.
…
Well that was weird.
"I'll say," commenting Anaruu. And they moved on.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
When they finally got up to the entrance, they realized they had a problem.
A humongous guard was on duty.
Seriously, this guy was at least 30 ft long and 45 ft. wide. And he was all muscle too. I mean his di-
"Thank you narrator, but let's keep it PG shall we?" stated Anaruu crisply, interrupting the narrator.
…Eh heehee.
"Peese HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALT!!!!!!!!" cried the guard, elongating his neck and saying it in an Arnold Schwarzenegger way. Very Arnold Schwarzenegger. The heroes and the pebbles on the road rose up 1 ft in the air when he told them to "Halt!"
"uhh….hi," greeted a wary and O.o Anaruu. "Wh-What's your name?" he asked politely because Elini taught him manners (or was that rohy?)
"Ma nam is GutenBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!!!!!!!!!!!" cried Gutenberg and again they went up 2 ft and Shane fell over.
"That's…" started Anaruu, but he couldn't find the right word to say without lying through his teeth.
"GREAT! I LOVE THAT NAME!" Gutenberg, Anaruu and Shane blinked at Corey, who was beaming at the giant.
"You…do?" he asked in a regular voice, albeit deep. She beamed at him.
"Yep! Say why don't you tell me about yourself…" Behind her back, Corey motioned Shane and Anaruu to go. Quietly and quickly, they left.
"So, what do you like to do?"
"I like ta REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!"
"Uh-huh so what…"
~*~*~*~*~*~
Meanwhile, with King Tipbeard….
"WHERE IS SHE?!!!" he roared, sending little minions scattering across the place. He won them in a poker game with an evil king, which he cheated at. "WHERE IS MY TO-I MEAN MY PRINCESS?!!!!!" he shouted again. And it was here that the narrator entered. Hey ya fatso. "Oh. You," he said in distaste. Yep. Lil ol me "Why don't you lay down and die?" Thanks for the offer but I don't do jerkarses. "I wish you died a long time ago."
I would come back and haunted you then. "WHY YOU LITTLE" Then he stopped. Without me telling him too. "She's in the northwest upper wing!" he crowed, clapping his hands together. No she's not. "Yes she's is!" he giggled delightedly, in a sick, jolly ol way. And race off, (waddling) to find her.
O.O
…
shiate.
~*~*~*~*~
Elini! ELINI!
Elini was gone. O.O It was here where our narrator finally paled. Oh gods. Heroes, come on… …Elini needs you
. ~*~*~*~*~*~
A shriek was heard from the entrance.
'That sounded like-' thought Anaruu
"ELINI!"
Scared of Elini and what would happen to her, Shana and Anaruu ran toward the shriek.
~*~*~*~*~*
King Tipbeard crackled gleefully at the tied up princess that was at the stake.
"Well my dearie, I found you at last!" he chuckled, breaking only to take in gulps of much-needed air (he was that fat).
Elini glared with rage at the King. "Jerk," she spat at him. He smirked.
"Well my dearie, do you know what's going to happen to you?" he questioned, a slow, evil smirk coming on to his face. He didn't wait for Elini to answer before answering.
"I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU!!"
"WHAT?" she shouted in horror."NARRATOR!" she cried at me, pretty pissed.
Hey, I told at the beginning that you didn't want to ask. And that he was evil.
"And after words, I'm going to EAT YOU!!!" he crackled so hard that he fell on to the floor. Elini paled considerably.
'Lord, wherever you are right now,' prayed Elini, looking up into the heavens. 'Please let someone save me. Amen.' Now it was up to God and fate. But I was wondering one thing: Where the HELL is Shane and Anaruu??!!!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Shane and Anaruu were busy in a jam.
How to rescue Elini
"Honestly, I personally thought that somehow through a plot twist that King Tipbeard would die and some magical animal would bring Elini to me and we would go back and live happily ever after," remarked Anaruu.
Shane scowled. "Well THAT'S just GREAT!" he yelled/growled at him and glared. Anaruu was taken aback.
Note: Shane rarely gets angry, but when he does…run. Console him. Let him win. Watch out. Yeah, THAT scary. Unfortunately, Anaruu also didn't know that.
"Don't worry boys, Corey's on the case," came a voice from behind. The two whirled around to see…
"COREY!" cried both of them, filled with relief (and happiness on Shane's part.) C
orey beamed at them. "In the flesh," she replied. Shane was crying tears of joy. "I thought you were stuck with the giant!" Corey shook her head. "Nah, gave him the slip." Anaruu looked thoughtful.
"How?"
At Post Gutenberg was still talking to "Corey" a now pile of rocks with a crude drawing of Corey's face on them. He didn't even notice.
Back with them
"So guys, what's the plan?" she asked eagerly, clapping her heands together.
Silence.
"…You don't have a plan." It was more of a statement of truth than a question.
"Nope."
"Nada."
"We thought you would," replied Anaruu.
"(sigh, males) alright here's the plan…"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
King Tipbeard was chuckling evilly as he prepared the Ceremony of Exhilaration.
"Wait, What?" questioned a confused princess Elini.
'Psst! Elini! Over here!'
She turned her head to see a floating bubble of what looked to be sparkling mist in a huge crystal ball. Copper metal spires circled around the top of the ball, dully crackling with electricity.
"Who are you?" she questioned.
'It's me! The Narrator!!'
"What?!" gasped a shocked princess. "Then…who's…"
'That's the back up,' explained the ex-narrator.
"Oh. By the way what is the Ceremony of Exhilaration?"
'…O.O…Elini…'
"yes?"
'You are a wonderful person. I will miss you greatly.'
"Excuse me?"
"What she is trying to say, m'dear, is that when I say these words, you will be under my complete control. Unfortunately, it calls for the person to be burned at the stake with Zennia fire and a sacrifice," explained the gloating king.
Elini was white as a ghost.
"You mean…" she started, trailing off in horror. King Tipbeard shrugged.
"Well, there WAS a reason why I tied you to a stake, my precious."
Evil!! Viler!!! Pervert!!! Pedo!!! YOU EVIL VILE PERVERTED JERKISH ASSHOLE OF A PEDOPHILE!!! YOU…SMALL PENIS HEAD YOU!!!! The narrator shouted profanities at the king, but it did no good. He just chuckled .
"Luckily, I also found the sacrifice," he chuckled darkly, patting the globe. Elini glared at him.
"You will never get away with this!" she cried, straining against her bounds. The king smirked.
"Watch me."
"Excuse me," interrupted a sultry voice. They all turned (metaphorically for the Narrator) to see…
The sexiest kumos in the world of subeta.
Her round, big, breasts and pert nipples could be seen through her black tight tank top. The black leather miniskirt fit tightly on her swaying hips. The black knee-high stiletto leather boots clutched at her slim legs. A smirk was on her pink lip-glossed lips. One of her beautiful blue eyes was hidden behind her huge oversized bangs.
In short, a straight male walking wet dream.
'Hello hottie,' thought a drooling, nose-bleeding, King Tipbeard.
'Holy…oh my god,' thought the Elini, eyes round.
Whoa…you can see her -Wait…she looks familiar… thought the Narrator.
'I hope this works,' thought Corey, hidden behind a pillar.
'Dear lord…I may be gay but…oh my…' thought Anaruu, trying to hold back a nosebleed.
'Donotthrowupdonotthrowupdonotthrowup…' thought a panicking Shane as he coolly waltzed over to were King Tipbeard was standing.
"Hello sexy…what's your name and profession?" purred King Tipbeard, causing all of them to slightly shudder at the oily tone.
"Shakira, and I'm a pole dancer/singer," huskily replied "Shakira" He raised an eyebrow.
"Really?" "She" smirked and winked.
"Hit it," Two Male Telenine's, one galactic, the other lilac, bare-chested, black pants, jumped out.
Then she started to sing.
(Note: Song is not mine, it belongs to the REAL Shakira
Song: Hips Don't Lie
[Text] Corey.
{Text} Anaruu
Text Shane )
[Ladies up in here tonight
No fighting, no fighting
We got the refugees up in here
No fighting, no fighting]
[Shakira, Shakira]
[I never really knew that she could dance like this]
{She makes a man wants to speak Spanish}
{Como se llama (si), bonita (si), mi casa (si, Shakira Shakira), su casa}
[Shakira, Shakira]
Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body
And I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel it's right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see baby, this is perfection
[Hey Girl, I can see your body moving
And it's driving me crazy
And I didn't have the slightest idea
Until I saw you dancing]
[And when you walk up on the dance floor
Nobody cannot ignore the way you move your body, girl
And everything so unexpected - the way you right and left it
So you can keep on shaking it]
[I never really knew that she could dance like this]
{She makes a man want to speak Spanish}
{Como se llama (si), bonita (si), mi casa (si, Shakira Shakira), su casa}
[Shakira, Shakira]
Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body
And I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie
And I am starting to feel you boy
Come on lets go, real slow
Don't you see baby asi es perfecto
Oh I know I am on tonight my hips don't lie
And I am starting to feel it's right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see baby, this is perfection
Shakira, Shakira
Oh boy, I can see your body moving
Half animal, half man
I don't, don't really know what I'm doing
But you seem to have a plan
My will and self restraint
Have come to fail now, fail now
See, I am doing what I can, but I can't so you know
That's a bit too hard to explain
[Baila en la calle de noche
Baila en la calle de día]
Baila en la calle de noche
Baila en la calle de día
[I never really knew that she could dance like this]
{She makes a man want to speak Spanish}
{Como se llama (si), bonita (si), mi casa (si, Shakira Shakira), su casa}
Shakira, Shakira
Oh baby when you talk like that
You know you got me hypnotized
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body
{[Senorita, feel the conga, let me see you move like you come from Colombia}]
Mira en Barranquilla se baila así, say it!
[Mira en Barranquilla se baila así]
[Yeah
She's so sexy every man's fantasy a refugee like me back with the Fugees from a 3rd world country
I go back like when 'pac carried crates for Humpty Humpty
I need a whole club dizzy]
Why the CIA wanna watch us?
[Colombians and Haitians
I ain't guilty, it's a musical transaction
No more do we snatch ropes
Refugees run the seas 'cause we own our own boats]
I'm on tonight, my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel you boy
Come on let's go, real slow
Baby, like this is perfecto
Oh, you know I am on tonight and my hips don't lie
And I am starting to feel it's right
The attraction, the tension
Baby, like this is perfection
[No fighting]
No fighting
During the song, "Shakira" was moving around, dancing like a belly-dancer. She had all of King Tipbeard's focus. He wouldn't, no, couldn't pull his eyes away from her.
That was the plan.
Elini noticed some movement from the side of her vision. Turning her head she saw…
Anaruu?! And a female version of the lilac telenine?!
"What…" she whispered. Anaruu shushed her as he started to work on her bindings.
"Talk later. Save now," he whidpered back. "Oh and this is Corey."
"Charmed," Corey beamed.
"There. Come on," hissed Anaruu, grabbing elini's hand and they started to run.
"HALT!!" cried King Tipbeard's voice, noticing them and tearing his eyes off of "Shakira".
"MINIONS!! SIEZE THEM!!!!"
"RUN!!!!!!!" shouted Anaruu, and they started to run for their lives.
Something whistled in the air, and suddenly Anaruu felt a stabbing unexplainable pain. Stumbling, he fell.
"ANARUU!!!!!!" cried Corey and Shane simultaneously.
"NO!!!!!!! ANARUU!!!!!!!" screamed Elini.
King Tipbeard guffawed.
Breaking glass.
And something whizzing.
That was the last thing he heard as he closed his eyes.
Then, there was silent darkness.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
'Anaruu…'
~That voice…I know that voice…~
'Anaruu…'
~That's the voice of the person I love...~
'Anaruu.'
~I…what's it doing…~
"ANARUU WAKE THE HELL UP!!!"
"GAHYAH!!!!" shouted Anaruu, snapping his eyes open to see rohy's glaring eyes.
'Hold on…ROHY?!" thought Anaruu, shouting the last word.
"Yeah?" flatly questioned rohy, scowling at him. Something felt off…
"How…what…when…you…how…"
"You died you idiot,"
'The Arrow!!! Of course!!" he felt his chest for the puncture wound but it wasn't there.
"There's….no…wound?" asked a confused Anaruu. Rohy jerked his head over to were Shane and Elini were crowded around.
"SHE saved you life," growled rohy, face twisted up into a snarl. "Damnit! I was THIS close, you hear me THIS CLOSE. Then SHE…"
Anaruu didn't hear the rest of it because he realized who saved him.
The Narrator.
~&~&~&~&~
Flashback
The narrator was herself at the glass. ~come on,~ she thought. ~come on~
"ANARUU!!!"
"NO!!!! ANARUU!!" She watched as he fell, arrow in heart.
~NO!!!!~ her mind screamed and, with all of her strength, she slammed into the glass, finally breaking it. Now free, she whizzed like light over to where he was. Rohy was already there.
'Finally,' he gloated in his mind, arms poised to strike him with the scythe.
…The narrator jumped in front of the arrow, saving Anaruu as he fell.
Corey, rohy, Shane, and Elini looked up at the sentence.
"What?" they exclaimed.
Suddenly, Anaruu's wound magically disappeared, no dried blood or anything.
And the sparkling ball of mist, the Narrator, was on the floor, bleeding a pinkish fluid.
Blood.
Wanted…you…happy ending… that was all she could say before she fainted.
~&~&~&~&~
"Oh…god. Oh my god," whispered.
'She…did that for me?'
rohy glowered at him.
"YES! AND I'M-"
"-going to bring her back," interrupted a low voice and the cool feeling of a Shinigami was around rohy's neck.
The mysterious figure was back.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"You are going to bring back the narrator or else," warned the figure, slightly putting pressure on the reaper's neck. Rohy glared sideways and the unseen face.
"you can't kill me," hissed rohy. "I'm already dead." The figure smirked an unseen smile.
"You're absolutely right; I can't kill you. However," whirling the blade around and moving at lighting fast speed, Anaruu now felt *himself* pinned. He froze, not even daring to breathe. "I can kill him ne?" the voice chuckled lowly.
rohy froze, eyes burning with anger at the cloaked person, shock of how they moved so fast and…fear?
'He's…afraid?' thought Anaruu, still frozen. Rohy then snapped back to life.
". His. Soul. Is. Mine. Bitch," spat rohy, voice filled with icy wrath. Everything seem to go 3 degrees cooler as he clenched his fist tight. The person didn't noticed.
"Ah, I see, possessive much?" you could hear the smirk and amusement in their tone, but it was artificial amusement; sarcasm if you may. "I wonder what will happen if I 'accidentally'-whoops," A small sharp pain on his throat. Anaruu's neck started to bleed. "Silly me."
"DON'T TOUCH HIM!!!" roared rohy, spooking Shane. The figure didn't even wince.
"Listen up; you bring back the girl, and I'll won't make this guy's soul go to the very bottom of hell," hissed the voice, now soft and filled with promise and poison. "You see this?" he held up a rectangular piece of paper; looking like a attack tag, but it was black, with evil looking lines and faintly glowed red. "This, if I put it on his chest and slice his head off, his soul will immediately go into the bellows of hell; with no return trip. Got it off a friend," explained MCF (Mysterious Cloaked Figure).
Rohy seemed like there was a mental battle of will going on inside his mind. Anaruu mentally begged him to just do what the person wanted. Finally, the tigeran's tense shoulders slumped.
"Fine," he said dully, eyes filled with defeat; broken. "You win." Waving his scythe, he pointed it and recited the Reliving.
&O shall this spirit of innocent flesh/Come back to life from darkest death/ To your original form as it may/Spirit, come back to life today&
The now dull white ball glowed, floating up from the ground. Everyone watched with awe as a flash a blinding white light-
-and the ball, the Narrator's body, was gone.
"What the hell?" snarled MCF, slightly digging the Shinigami into Anaruu's neck. "Where the hell is she?!"
" I don't ------- know!!!" snarled back rohy. "The stupid thing was supposed to come back alive."
"Well," said a disgustingly familiar voice. "Looks like I will be need *another* sacrifice," pondered King Tipbeard, who was watching the whole thing. "No matter, I can always just use…you!" The minions shackled Corey, who was caught off guard. She jumped, startled, and started to struggle against them.
"No way!!" she shouted, but she was slowly being dragged toward another glass globe.
"Looks like everything going to plan," crackled King Tipbeard as Elini was captured again and was slowly brought back to the stake.
"Any last words? He asked the two girls.
"Shane!!! Distraction #456.c!!!!!" yelled Corey. King Tipbeard stared in confusion.
"Shane? Who's Shane?"
"HEY EVERYBODY!!!! LOOK UP HERE!!!!" Heads turned to see "Shakira" standing on a giant statue of King Tipbeard.
'Lord, and Semzo, forgive me what I'm about to do,' silently prayed "Shakira" as "she" mumbled some words and lifted up "her" skirt. There was a loud poof…
…And "she" was revealed as a "he".
You see, Shane was wearing any underwear on.
So it was *very* clear that she was actually a male.
With that being said, everything stopped.
Corey was out of the minions clutch.
The minion clutch was drooling.
Elini was O.o-ing
MCF dropped their Shinigami
Anaruu was staring with thrall.
Rohy was gaping openly, a thin pinkish fluid coming out of his nose.
The Narrator…wasn't there.
Shane was hiding behind his hair, blushing uncontroably.
Semzo was blushing, nose-bleeding, drooling and thinking dirty thoughts.
King Tipbeard was aghast.
Swaying slightly, he stumbled.
'Shakira…was…a…BOY?!…oh…' fuzzily thought King Tipbeard. You see, king Tipbeard might try and bed pretty little princesses, but he NEVER. EVER. *EVER* bedded pretty little princes. He was a homophobe.
And he was thinking dirty thoughts about a boy.
That's when Anaruu, the first one to snap out of the shock, grabbed the Shinigami and sliced off King Tipbeard's head.
…Right when the king was a heart attack.
His body fell like a log, and his head bounced like a soccer ball into the distance, where the fire-breathing monster on floor 1 wing Northeast would incarnate it.
The minions vanished with a poof, back to their old master.
The King was dead, for good.
"ELINI!" cried a joyous Anaruu, running to Elini
"ANARUU!!" cried Elini, running to Anaruu.
They met mid-way and banged their heads and hugged.
"Idiots," muttered rohy, rolling his eyes at the happy duo. That was BEFORE he got swept up into the circle of love.
"LET GO OF ME YOU…" yowled rohy, struggling and writhing. They paid no attention to him.
"B-but…I never found mum…and sister…" sniffed Shane, blinking some tears away. Corey patted his shoulder in sympathy.
~*sigh*~
A blinding flash of white light…
And The Narrator appeared in her true form.
Gem, Shane's mother.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"NARRATOR?" cried Elini from where she was hugging.
"MOMMY!!!!!!" shouted Shane as he leapt into my arms, tears in eyes. I chuckled lightly at his antics.
"I missed you!!!" wailed Shane, crying anime style. I sweat-dropped.
"Sorry honey; I was employed to be a full-time narrator. I missed you a lot," I said, remembering how they wouldn't let me see my family. Shane snuffled into my waist.
"At least you're here now," he quietly said. I smiled and crouched eye level to him, ruffling his hair.
"That's the spirit!" I said.
"But wait, where's Shane's sis?" asked Corey in confusion.
"Right here," said MCF and pull the cloak to for us to see…
"AN ASSASSIN!!!!" screamed Elini
"IT'S THE DEATH REAPER!!!!!!" shouted rohy.
"ARCHARIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shrieked Shane, diving off of me and lunging at Archaria to glomp her. She stumbled, but caught him just the same.
"Hey, squirt," she greeted with a lopsided small smile. It was a smile that reached her eyes.
"Mmph, I'll ignore that for now." I laughed at the comment Shane made.
"So…wait…YOU'RE the one who saved us?!" questioned an amazed Anaruu, pointing at her. She gave a half-shrug.
"Yeah, so?"
"ANARUU!!!!!! DON'T TOUCH HER! SHE'S AN/THE ASSASSIN/DEATH REAPER!!!" both screamed Elini and rohy. Archaria raised an eyebrow.
"Apparently my old reputation already got here," she commented dryly. Anaruu looked at Elini and rohy with confusement.
"Umm…yeah…I kinda figure that one out….and I thought *you* were the reaper, not her," replied Anaruu. Rohy shook his head.
"No, I'm a *GRIM* reaper; she *the* *DEATH* reaper. She's a famous assassin known through out here and the underworld. She's the reason why I became reaper, because she put so many people to death," explained rohy.
"Sorry having to cut your throat," apologized Archaria, which is a surprise since she rarely, if ever, apologizes. Anaruu shrugged, waving it off.
"Hey, I would do the same if I knew that a reaper can resurrect and had one in my vicinity and Elini or rohy were dead too," answered Anaruu. Archaria blinked.
"Oh-kay. Whatever," she replied, turning away.
"Well, Shane found us, Anaruu rescued the princess, King Tipbeard is dead…" I started.
"…Semzo is here…" added Semzo.
"…Semzo is here-Wait, SEMZO?!!" I shouted, realized Semzo was there.
"SEMZO?!!!" shouted Corey, Archaria and Shane. Semzo gave a sheepish smile. He was a golden dragarth, with plain breeches and cream shirt on.
"How…long…" I trailed off.
"Since Shane flashed everybody." Shane quickly blushed redder than a rose and hid behind me with a squeak. I slowly nodded my head, not believing it.
"Shane…umm…I…kinda…um…like…uhh….umm….you? a bit? A lot? Oh hell, Shane, I want to go out with you. I love you," confessed Semzo. Shane, if possible turned even redder.
"I…do too. I…I love you Semzo. I want to go out with you too," he confessed softly, coming away from me to walk up and kiss the tip of the dragarth's nose. Semzo blushed and grinned goofily.
"Well…" started Elini, looking at the two lovebirds making gooey eyes at each other. "At least everyone has a happy ending. That made me realize something.
My job.
I have no more job.
"Except the fact that I don't have a job anymore," I groaned, face palming. Elini studied me.
"Can you do magic?"
"Yes."
"Can you do potions?"
"Yes."
"Can you read."
"Learned since I was 3 and lovin' it ever since, m'am, your majesty, princess, lady, Miss." She smiled at me, giggling a bit.
"1st of all, my name is Elini; second of all, I hereby declare you the Royal Master Sorcerer; whoops, I mean Royal *Mistress* *Sorceress," corrected Elini, smiling sheepishly at me. I gaped at her.
"WHAT?! I'M LIVING WITH HER/HIM?!!" cried Archaria and rohy at the same time.
"Thank you oh so much m'am, I mean princess. I mean queen. I mean your majesty, I mea-" She held up a hand. We all went quiet.
"I think-" she looked at Anaruu. "I think it's better we get back. Cornelius must be up the walls with worry about us." Anaruu snapped out of his daze.
"You're right! Ugh, were are we going to find a transportation device big enough to hold all of us?" he moaned.
"HOW BOUT ME YAH," came a humgous voice.
It was Gutenberg!!!
"THAK YOU FOR RESCUEING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I rose about 1 feet in the air.
Corey blinked.
"Guten!!" she cried, flinging herself at him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
So I was made the Official Royal Mistress Sorceress
Corey lived with Archaria, who became the Royal Fighter/Assassin
Elini became Princess of all of Citrusionia.
As for the rest of them…
…That's another story for another day.
And they all lived happily ever after. The End.
…For now.
Hope you enjoyed it! Good bye and Review if you want!! Bye!