don't sue me coz I have nothing you want, just my oldie computer and my
sick brain..
Warning : Yaoi, 5+2/2+1,songfic,
angst?, bad Heero, Wufei's POV
Explanation : lyrics in //--//, thinking
in '--', conversation in "--"
===============================================================
-Private Emotion-
By Kai
===============================================================
Crash!
"Shut up! I said shut the Fuck
up!"
There they go again, the same pattern
every night.
That's the familiar voice of Heero...
and I know exactly who's he talking to... no... yelling at; his-roommate.
Seems like I'm the only one around here who gives a shit about this daily
argument. No, let's say that it's only Heero unloading his stress...
Quatre and Trowa avoid it by either leaving for somewhere... or by not
coming home at all...
But for me, recently it became my
new routine to wait for Heero's voice and the sounds of crashing to fade
out. If Duo is lucky, Heero may leave their room without anymore brutal
action...
//Every endless night has a dawning
day,
Every darkest sky, has a shining
ray...//
Beep! Beep!
There's a message alert signal from
our main computer in the living room. I leave the kitchen quickly to get
it... hoping, like every time when mission orders are sent to us, 'please
let it be a solo mission for Heero'.
I click it and...
'Yes! Looks like those mad old men
had granted my unasked wish. Unhesitatingly I run to their locked door,
knocking and yelling loudly to make sure my voice will stop Heero from
whatever damage he's doing to Duo...
"What the Hell is it, Wufei?" His
reply is mixed with frustrated and fury.
"There's mission for you"
"Now?!?"
"Yes, now."
Then I hear a stamp on the floor,
followed by hard footsteps approaching the door. It swings open, showing
the dark Prussian eyes and lips, twisted from deep anger. His body
frame fully blocks my view. He stares at me with his famous death-glare
for a moment. I stare back at him blankly... I cannot sense anything from
these blood-thirsty eyes.
"Out of my way." He says as he walks
directly past me, his arm and shoulder push me aside.
'What a rude manner!'
But I don't think of it as a big
deal as it cannot compare with my concern for what had just happened here,
with Duo...
//And it's shine on you, baby can
you see...
You're the only one, who can shine
for me//
There, Duo's sitting on the floor
beside their wrecked bed, his head resting in his hands...
"Duo, are you alright?"
'No, he's not alright at all.'
As I think this, he raises his head
up to see me, his usual beautiful braid is messed up, like someone had
just snatched it. His usual smiling face has a large red stain, like someone
had just slapped it. His ivory neck hasvisible deep purple bruise,
like someone had just... just squeezed it... and
he's crying...
That was all I could see... he suddenly
turns his back on me and reached for the bathroom, as he tried to avoid
facing me. I grab his wrist lightly, too lightly, as he can easily pull
it back. I'm afraid... he looks so fragile from whatever Heero had done
to him...
"Duo...?"
"Please, Wufei, leave me alone."
"But Duo, you're..."
"Please!"
Then his body is trembling from his
sobs, it feels like his pain is running through my body too... cos I know
that there's nothing in the world that can hurt me more than this. But
all I can do is to back away, and leave him like that.
'Damn you, Heero'
//It's the private emotion, that
fills you tonight
and the silent falls between us,
as a shadow steal the light..//
I heard front door slam shut, it's
too late for me to do what I want to do most- to punch that stupid bastard
down... to beat some conscience into his fucking head. Instead, I punch
the wall, my head and body slide down the shut door of their room. I don't
understand at all- why Heero always does this to him, he's not his toy!
And Duo, why you just let him hurt you like this, why don't you just fight
back or, at least, tell me? You think I can't protect you from him? Duo...
My question undulates like a current
in my brain- I feels resent... but to myself, because I cannot do anything
to make this uneasy situation better. I clutch my hands tight... I don't
realize that my short nails are digging into my palm until the smell of
blood escapes from them. It's the only thing that makes me forget the greater
pain in my mind for even just a moment...
//And whatever you may find it, Wherever
it may lead,
let your private emotion comes
to me..//
'How much time has passed by?' I
wondering to myself, I turn my face to the door but nothing is in my sight
except its flat brown wood. It sends a chill down my spine when I
think about what Duo is doing... there's not even the sound of breathing
beyond that lifeless barrier...
"Duo..."
I call out and pause a little, I
wish to hear just 'Yes, Wufei?' or even 'You bastard! I told you to leave
me alone!'... but only my voice echoes from the dark, cold, narrow passage
way.
"Duo, are you alright?"
I call him again and force myself
to stand up, still no response.
"Duo, I'm going in..."
Slowly I open the door, my eyes want
nothing more than to see Duo safely sleeping on the bed, but there's no
luck such luck, he's nowhere to be found in the bedroom. I walk toward
the bathroom, 'Is he still in there?'
"Duo..." my voice is very light,
it sounds more like a whisper than a call.
As soon as the bathroom's door opened,
hot steam passes out from between the door and its frame, the floor is
flooded with hot water. I notice that there's someone lying in the tub
behind the curtain.
"Duo..."
There's no way he can ignore me unless...
unless... no! Without waiting for an answer, I push the curtain aside
and see his small body, fully dressed, lying helplessly in the tub, hot
water still pouring down from the tap...
//When your soul is tired and your
heart is weak
Do you think of love as a one-way
street?.//
I rush beside him, turn off the water.
My hands are shuddered with fear but I gather all my conscience to slide
them under him to hold him up. I raise one of my hands to brush the messy
chestnut from his face, I swallow my regret hard, my tears are falling
down...
"Duo, what did he do to you, tell
me, please..."
After I took off his clothes gently
and wrapped him in a thick towel, I lay him on -their- bed and pull the
blanket up to his chest. His visible skin is still a shade of dark pink.
Unable to find any words to curse myself, I
shouldn't leave him that long, no
matter how harsh he pushed me away...
"Duo..." I call to him as his eyes
blink open, I hold his hand tight and kiss it to prevent myself from sobbing...
"What about Heero, has he come back
from the mission?" My mouth hung open. I can't believe it, that this is
the first thing he wants to know as soon as he gains consciousness, God,
how deep is his feeling for that Wing pilot who doesn't even know what
he's got...?
//Well, it runs both way, open up
your eyes
can't you see me here?, how can
you deny?..//
"Duo, tell me what happened between
you and him" I tried very hard just to end this sentence without crying.
"I'm asking you something, Wufei!
Has he come back?!" His eyes are staring at me, his voice is cutting through
me, his breath still unstable but looks like all that he wants right now
is an answer from my bleeding lips...
"No, he still hasn't come back."
Then his eyes are crushed with his pain and sorrow. He turns them away
from me... after a few sobs, he manages to speak.
"It's nothing, Wufei, it was my fault.."
"But I see no reason for him to hurt
you... did he work you over?"
"I said, it was my fault, don't ask
anything further, please..." he rolls his body to lay on his side, curling
up in the blanket to cover himself up to his ears. his action speaks louder
than words.
//It's the private emotion, that
fills you tonight
And the silent falls between us,
as a shadow steal the light..//
"Fine, I will not ask anymore questions,
but please let me sit here beside you, I don't want to see you hurt yourself
again."
"..."
I take that as an affirmative answer.
I watch his body rise up and down from his breathing, seconds seems like
an hours, minutes seems like an eternity. I can do nothing but to look
at him, my invisible hands eager to ease his pain, to caress his hair,
to touch his lips, to hug him close and drive his pain away... God, he's
killing me...
//And whatever you may find it, Wherever
it may lead
Let your private emotion comes to
me..//
"Wufei..." I was deep in my though
and imagination when his unexpected voice just come out, my heart almost
skips a beat...
"Yes, Duo..."
"Why are you so concerned about what
was happening to me?" Too bad, I didn't prepared for this question...
"I, Duo... I care about you..." after
all these things has happened, it's not too hard to say it.
