A/N: Yes, I know, I know. BUT YAY YURI SO WHO CARES REALLY.

...We be doin' some shady stuff up in here. *Shot for bad joke*

Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda. But I should. It'd be beast, I swear.

o0o

Not Girls

She appears in all her vile glory, magnificent, pouring out of all the shadows of the dusky room to materialize in front of the hero.

The green-clothed one takes a step back, gripping the sheathed blue blade, the Master Sword. "...Who are you?! This is my house." The voice is low, false, and rough with disuse

" Oh, Link..." This voice, emanating from the dark one, is higher, an alto; it drawls maliciously. "I would think you would remember me..." She takes a step forward. "I'm you," she giggles, "Remember?"

The hero draws the sword, eyes angry. "You. Dark Link. I killed you. You're dead."

She smirks. "That was pointless, you know that? I'm standing right here…" She disappears, reappearing behind the blonde; she places her face tauntingly close to the ear in front of her, just brushing the soft skin.

"Get off!" The sword comes around.

The specter hops upon it playfully, eliciting a startled grunt from the holder, then leans forward. "Now, now…don't use that voice with me. You'll lose it before long." She taps the creamy neck lightly.

"I'm not…" Link draws backwards, the words going upwards in pitch, 'till the intruder's is lower. "You're here to fight me, correct?"

"Oh, no." The shadow hops off the weapon. "I'm here to…help."

"…Help?" The warrior lowers the broadsword slightly. "Look, I have to find Ganondorf…I don't have time for this."

"Because he kidnapped Zelda, right?" She clasps her hands behind her.

"Princess Zelda," Link corrects, brushing past the darkness. "And yes. It's my duty."

"Duty? I don't know. You seem to care about her quite a bit."

"Of course. She's the princess." This sounds mechanical, rehearsed.

"Oh, don't worry. I like her too. She's pretty, isn't she?" She snickers, drawing closer.

The hero, who has been packing, whirls around. "No. I don't. She's my friend."

"'Friend'. That's a laugh…but Malon will be jealous…"

"I'm not!" The savior leans forward angrily, chest jutting out revealing ever-so-small—but still very much there—round lumps. "I don't like girls!" She—yes, a woman—is growing defensive; she points her sword in the shadows direction.

"You kissed her. Malon."

"She thought I was a boy," Link murmurs, sword dropping of its own accord. "It's okay. She thought I was male."

"That doesn't change it. You kissed a girl. What happens when she wants to go further, hm?" She runs a finger down the blue-eyed one's spine, which trembles beneath her touch. "What will you do then?"

"Nothing." Link sits down on the small bed. "When I stop being a hero…I won't have to pretend to be a guy anymore…and these feelings will stop."

Her companion laughs, high and piercing. "You think it will stop? Because you'll stop binding your breasts? You think it'll stop?!" She forces her other self down on the bed with a push, falling forwards herself. "It's not going to stop," she whispers, lips tantalizingly close to Link's. "Not now, not ever."

"Get off of me." The blonde scowls from her position on the sheets. She attempts to push her dark side off; the latter pins her arms down.

"No."

"Damn you. Damn you." The blue eyes are desperate and wide.

"You're so cute," the specter hums, then, with a brief "mmph!" from her lighter half, takes the latter's mouth in her own.

When they part, Link shakes her head.

"I hate you, I hate you…I don't like girls."