Author's Note: Why yes, this is indeed slightly based off of my own life, though, I'm really not as bad as this story might make it look. Also, if you're wondering about the characters I used in the story, there's a link in my profile to a few bios I wrote for them.
Disclaimer: I have a copy of Factions at home...but that's about it. Hell, the only character I actually own is Mei--the others belong to my friends and boyfriend.
One Week
A Guild Wars Fanfiction
i. monday
Toph exited his room and exhaled happily. He had just finished a new project and decided it was time to reward himself. He strolled off in the direction of the kitchen, absent-mindedly thinking that he was definitely deserving of a red bean cake at that moment.
Crunch.
The Ranger froze when the raucous sound broke into his thoughts. Blue eyes looked down to see a shiny foil wrapper on the ground. Upon further inspection he recognized the familiar red and blue stripes of a popular chocolate brand.
His eyes quickly glanced around. Not that far away was another wrapper, and just a few feet away from that was another scattered piece of foil, making a wobbling trail.
Toph's analytical mind pushed the sweet cake to the back of his mind and set his thoughts to the strange trail of wrappers ahead of him. A pale blonde eyebrow arched upward when he realized the trail led to Mei's door.
"No, Khan Lei, don't sleep with her! Don't you realize that's Ming Fa's evil twin sister? Oh my Lyssa, she's pregnant!"
That was undoubtedly Mei's voice, the Norn scientist thought to himself. Quietly, he nudged the heavy door open just wide enough for him to take a look inside.
The Pyromancer sat at the foot of her bed wrapped snuggly in a pink terrycloth robe dotted with her favorite animal, a black and white flightless bird of old mythical lore. She was surrounded by several more of the shiny foil wrappers, and a half-empty box of tissues lay within arms reach. In her hands she clutched what seemed to be a scroll, and given the way her eyes were glued to the text, Toph assumed it to be one of the cheesy romance scrolls that she was secretly fond of.
His scientific nature overwhelming his better judgment, Toph stepped inside inconspicuously. "Are you alright?" he asked, more curious than concerned about her odd behavior.
Mei jumped and quickly grabbed a tissue to dab at her bleary eyes. "Gah, Toph, don't you know how to knock?" Before he could roll off a sarcastic reply, the girl's mood seemed to shift instantaneously from angry to inspired. "No, wait, it's a good thing you're here! You can get me more chocolate!"
The Ranger crossed his arms. "And why on Tyria would I want to do that?"
"Because you made me lose my place, you big jerk!" Fire danced in her brown eyes, and it was as she rolled her shoulders back and set them into a fighting position that Toph began getting signals of danger.
He sighed and began trekking back to the kitchen. He should have just stayed in his room, he thought to himself.
ii. tuesday
Areku was feeling particularly energetic as he strolled through the guildhall. He'd just finished a grueling training session, and there were few things that could bring up his mood any further.
A hand suddenly reached out and grabbed him by his shirt, yanking him out of the guildhall and into a private room. The person roughly shoved him against a wall and kissed him brusquely, and Areku didn't have the heart or energy to fight against the action.
The Assassin grinned and snaked his hand forward, grasping a supple hip. There was a loud gasp, succeeded by a loud slap, and Areku opened his eyes to find Mei hurriedly scurrying toward her beloved wand.
"Put down the wand, MeiMei!" Areku blurted out, hoping additional use of her nickname would calm her down. "What's wrong with you?"
Mei's eyes looked frantic as she pointed the tip of her wand dangerously in his direction. "What did you think you were doing, groping me like that?"
Areku frowned. "Well, I thought you were getting into it, so I—"
"You know I can't do that in my…condition! That's just gross!" Her grip on the wand was so tight that her arm began trembling from the tension.
Brown hair flopped in front of his eyes as he looked down, embarrassed by his assumptions. "Oh," he muttered, finding himself at a loss for words.
A choked cry hit the air as the Pyromancer suddenly threw herself at him. "I JUST WANTED TO CUDDLE!" she wailed into his chest, bunching the now wet fabric in her small fists.
Areku sighed as he patted her back. It was going to be a long week.
iii. wednesday
Rayxn kept his lips as tight as he could as he waited in line at the supermarket checkout line. He held his basket as far away from himself as he could without looking conspicuous.
After all, it was in there.
The girl at the cashier gave Rayxn a weary smile and tried to suppress a giggle when she picked up the item. She ran it across the scanner, but no reassuring 'beep' came from the machine.
Rayxn twitched.
The girl made a face at the scanner and mumbled a quick apology for the machine's faultiness. She ran the item over it again, but nothing happened.
Rayxn twitched again.
The girl gave a nervous laugh and quickly tapped the intercom button beside her cash register.
"PRICE CHECK ON TAMPONS AT REGISTER FIVE. PRICE CHECK ON TAMPONS."
The warrior exhaled deeply through his nose. He had never been one for public displays of senseless acts of violence committed against innocent bystanders, but he could make an exception this time.
They could bill him for the broken register later, anyway.
iv. thursday
Acidburn rushed back to his room at the far end of the guildhall, red bean cakes in tow. Life With Fleshy would be on in just a few minutes, and Fleshy was waiting for him. He tore open the door as best he could without compromising his beloved sweets, and almost fainted.
Mei stood in the middle of the room with a delirious smile plastered onto her face, Burning Flame Wand in hand. Small fires sparked across his furniture and Bone Minions ran rampant, trying desperately to quell the flames licking at their dry bones.
"What the hell are you doing in my room?" Acidburn yelled, grabbing a blanket and trying to beat out the fires.
Mei pouted, seemingly unpleased by him putting out her fires. "I'm venting, dummy. I felt like burning stuff."
"WHY DON'T YOU GO BURN SOME RANDOM PEOPLE IN BUKDEK BYWAY INSTEAD OF POOKIE?!"
The brown-haired girl shrugged. "Pookie burns better."
"RrrghRGRHGH…"
Acidburn's ears picked up the sound of the zombie-like growl almost immediately. He found Fleshy cowering under his bed, bony, blade-like paws covering his eye sockets. He coaxed the golem out of his hiding place only to notice a large char mark on his leg.
"You burned Fleshy's femur!"
The Pyromancer twiddled her wand between her fingers. "He's rotting; what does it matter?"
Acidburn gasped and promptly placed his hands protectively over the sides of Fleshy's skull. "You know he's sensitive about that! Just get out already!"
Mei narrowed her eyes at the Necromancer. She stormed off, but not before snatching one of the red bean cakes out of Acidburn's grasp, muttering something about it needing more chocolate.
Acidburn let out a breath dramatically as he dropped into a chair. Fleshy whimpered and nudged the television on, hoping for some solace.
"Dad, that was the coolest thing we ever done!" said the child, looking up to the Flesh Golem on the screen. The golem grunted approvingly in response before the show cut to a commercial break.
Fleshy whined sadly as Acidburn crushed a cake in irritation.
v. friday
"She made me get her chocolate."
"They price checked the tampons over the intercom."
"RrrghGGHrgh."
"Yeah, what Fleshy said!"
"She skipped the sex and went straight to cuddling!"
Glare. Punch. Repeat.
"Dude, shut up."
The four grown men (and one Flesh Golem) sat childishly in a circle in a room they had designated as an "estrogen-free" zone. They talked in hushed whispers, hoping not to rouse Mei from her curled position on the comfortable couch.
"Alright, there has to be a way we can get her out of the hall and out of our hair," Rayxn said, his arms huffing. The other three men nodded in agreement.
Fleshy grumbled something undecipherable, and Acidburn's eyes lit up enthusiastically. "That's a great idea, Fleshy!" The others waited for a translation impatiently, and the Necromancer was happy to oblige them. "Let's shoot her in the head!"
There was an awkward, stoic pause.
"I'll go get my arrows," Toph said, all too ready to grab his quiver and bow.
Areku smacked him upside the head with the blunt side of a dagger. "What are you, stupid? If you kill her, you won't get anymore of those red bean cakes."
"And you won't get anymore sex," the Ranger sneered back, glaring.
Rayxn rolled his eyes. "That's enough." The Warrior mulled over their present conflict. "Why don't we let her go shopping? She likes shopping, doesn't she?"
"Then can we shoot her in the head?" Acidburn piped up, looking hopeful.
Toph smirked. "It'll give me a chance to try out that accuracy rune I picked up the other day."
With clenched fists, Areku found himself trying to keep himself from yelling. "We arenot killing Mei, okay?"
The guild leader grinned. "Fine, then it's settled. Areku, you're taking her shopping."
Balking, the Assassin protested, "I'm not paying for all of her stuff!"
Rayxn seemed unfazed. "We have enough money for it in the treasury, don't we, Toph?" The Ranger nodded.
"And then we'll shoot her in the head!"
vi. saturday
Areku stood in front of Mei's door (which he and the other men named "The Door of Fiery Doom") with Rayxn, Toph, Fleshy, and Acidburn behind him to make sure he couldn't run away. His shoulders tensed as he suddenly drew his hand away from the doorknob as if it were made of molten brass.
"I can't do it, guys!" Areku cried out, his eyes wide with terror. "Don't make me go in there!"
The Assassin tried to force his way past his fellow guild mates but was shoved back by Rayxn's hefty arm. "You are taking her shopping or I'm chopping off your balls. Is that clear?"
Areku gulped, his collar still in the Warrior's firm grip. "Crystal," he replied, shaking himself of Rayxn's grasp. Shaking with nervousness, Areku grabbed the brass knob and turned it open just enough for him to poke his head inside.
"Mei?" he squeaked, hoping that he could hide the rest of his body behind the door and potentially save himself from danger.
There was an irate grumble from behind him, and Areku felt himself abruptly pushed through the doorway by a bony paw. The Assassin stole a quick glance behind him to find Fleshy looking quite smug, and shot the Flesh Golem a glare before turning back to the fiery-tempered (no pun intended) Elementalist before him.
Mei was hopping around her room looking disheveled and wild. Her hair had grown untidy from her frantic bouncing, and her fuzzy pink robe was slipping off of her shoulders. In her hands she clutched the hem of a pair of dark blue jeans and seemed to be furiously shoving herself into the pant legs.
Areku's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Are you okay, MeiMei?"
The look Mei sported on her face in reaction to another presence immediately alerted Areku's senses that shopping was a horrible, horrible idea. The Elementalist's bottom lip trembled as she bit down on it, and Areku braced himself for the wail that would soon follow.
"'Reku," she whimpered pathetically, "I CAN'T FIT INTO MY PANTS!"
And then came the tears. Mei's cheeks burned red as she hiccupped and sobbed, her fingernails digging into the accursed jeans. Mentally, Areku found himself cursing Rayxn, Toph, and Acidburn, and he thought he heard snickering coming from the other side of the door. He grinded his teeth together and settled back to the task at hand.
"Why don't we go shopping?" the Assassin offered, trying to be as casual as possible. "We can get you a new pair of pants."
Mei looked unbearably appalled at the idea. "So you do think I'm fat!"
"What?"
"Why else would you want to get me new pants if you didn't think I was too fat to fit into these ones?"
Areku found himself utterly unable to reply. How was he supposed to respond to that sort of logic? Was there some sort of etiquette for these situations that he was unaware of?
Mei, on the other hand, took his sputtering as a 'yes' and instinctively grabbed her wand. As the flames danced dangerously behind him, Areku made a mental note to kill his other guild members—"shoot them in the head," as Acidburn would put it.
vii. sunday
The guildhall was silent save for cheerful singing, which seemed foreign considering the hellish week's events.
Rayxn, Toph, Acidburn, and Areku met just outside of the kitchen doors and exchanged worried looks. After a few moments, the group decided to peer inside the kitchen despite the possible peril that lurked within.
They found Mei busily working on a batch of her special red bean cakes. But amongst the flying rocks that pounded the dough and the unnatural flames that kissed the cakes into that perfect shade of golden brown, the strangest part of the scene was that Mei had an oddly serene smile on her face—one that had been sadly missed for the past few days.
The Elementalist suddenly realized she had an audience and broke into a wider grin. She dove forward and caught them all in a hug, seemingly too chipper to notice the guys slightly flinching when she came near them.
"Thank you so much for putting up with me this week," she said sincerely. "Sorry if I was a handful—I'll make it up to you, okay?"
The four boys exhaled in relief. Finally, the week of hell was done and over with and they were safe…well, until the next time, at least. They began to disperse, and Acidburn swiped a few red bean cakes for him and Fleshy.
Mei's eyes suddenly flashed red and snapped her wand at his hand, effectively saving the fruits of her labor. "Those aren't for you!" she quipped, glaring at the Necromancer. "Cynn's being visited by Aunt Flo and I figured I'd make her some comfort food."
Fleshy grumbled a loud, whiny sound and Acidburn was almost compelled to do the same. Behind him, the three other men in the room sighed collectively; it seemed they would never be able to escape Mei's mood swings.