I count the seconds, watching the clock tick in my mind, the hands
slower than heartbreak ebbing
How long can I hold my breath
before my lungs hurt as bad as the organ pulsing inside me,
keeping me alive, but beating for only me now?
His heart's done beating, or breaking, his lungs done filling and
emptying with air that I also breathe
His mouth's done moving, whether it is trailing kisses
along my neck, my face, my lips
or telling me how much he loves me, whispering midnight reminders of
his heart's chosen purpose for beating
His ears are done hearing voices, my voice, hearing sighs, my sighs,
hearing names, my name, hearing my 'I love yous' choked off by
unshed tears and inconsolable sorrow
No longer will his touch send chills down my
waiting body, his hands holding me and my heart delicately, like I'm
fragile, like if he's not careful
I will break, shattering into pieces too small to be
put back together
No more will I give into anyone with the upward
curve of lips, no one can make me burst into ceaseless laughter at the
mocking and mimicry of my skepticism anymore, I won't lose
myselfin another person, put that much faith in someone, just to watch them
break me again and again
I can only trust
me
Never again will he engulf me, the metaphoric and literal
flames of his love never to
scorch me, burn me, light me
up again
The sky of my heart won't be
painted in colors,
the sun permanently eradicated from it
Even when I sprinkle a handful of the frozen earth into his
grave, the dirt falling like my tears and the
promises broken by his death, I can't accept that he left me,
alone
Without warning
Without goodbye
Pain pools inside me, swirling around my heart, icy, thrashing, stealing the final ounce of warmth from his love from the battered victim
This is really the end then
The
end of the search for the truth
The end of
forever