All Good Things Come in Time
Synopsis: Follows immediately after the episode "All Good Things." Picard flashes back in time and recalls memories from his past.
Rating: T
Characters: J. Picard, B. Crusher
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to CBS, its parents and affiliates. Just taking the characters out for a jaunt around the galaxy, I warrant they will be returned in the same condition I borrowed them.
"A lot can happen in twenty-five years," she had told him. A lot had happened in twenty-five years, Picard reasoned, tossing in bed. The brief glimpse into a disjointed future had unnerved him. The time displacement, certainly, but also the crew, the people he had come to consider his comrades and friends. Tasha Yar had passed far before her time. Worf and Riker in the future timeline hanging onto bitterness over an ancient rivalry over Troi who had died in years past. But, most of all, his relationship with Beverly. In the future timeline he had traversed, he and Beverly had been married and divorced, although he was not able to determine with his aged and diseased brain and the urgency of the crisis the reasons behind their separation. It was senseless now, Picard understood. The future he had been exposed to would never come to pass, and there was no rational in analyzing the scenario.
"I don't need to analyze it," grumbled Picard to himself hoarsely. He knew if he had been with Beverly and they had split, he had caused whatever problem was so irrevocable they could not correct it to save their relationship. He was the private one. He was the one that avoided relationships like the Terrellian plague. He was the one that had always pushed her away, stayed just far enough away that he would not fall off the cliff. His liability for the death of her husband meant he would never allow himself to become close to her because he did not deserve to have the very widow he created, the very woman he coveted the most.
2348
"You have to slow down. I can't understand you when you've got your hands all in your face and you're sobbing," Jean-Luc says calmly, taking the young woman's trembling hands from swiping at her eyes and steadying them in his own.
"Sorry," sputters the twenty-four year-old medical student, grimacing with her eyes averted to the ground.
"Ah, now that's better," Jean-Luc states positively, straightening on the sofa in his quarters. "I can see and hear you. Now, let's try communicating with words, preferably English."
The captain's teasing lilt is lost on Beverly Crusher, eyes swollen and blood-shot, her cadet uniform uncharacteristically wrinkled.
"What's all this about?" Picard inquires, appraising his friend's new bride carefully. "I've never seen you so unravelled."
Swallowing hard, Beverly struggles to restrain her tears. "Jack…Jack cheated on me."
Face falling, Picard is momentarily speechless. "No. He wouldn't."
Nodding solemnly, Beverly sniffles.
"How could he? When…when did this happen?" Jean-Luc asks quietly.
"Right before the wedding," answers Beverly lowly. "I…I guess he was getting cold feet. I…I knew we were moving too fast. He proposed and we just jumped head first. It…It was too much. I…I don't know." Closing her eyes, Beverly fights to contain the sobs threatening to take over.
Watching his friend practically writhing in emotional pain, Jean-Luc takes her arms and draws her closer. "How did you learn of this?"
"Quinn. I guess Quinn found out from Marla, who's friends with Rebecca, the one he…"Stopping mid sentence, Beverly chokes on her words.
"Ensign Zabinski," Picard sighs, exhaling deeply. "Beverly, I am so sorry. I had no idea."
Grimacing, Beverly inhales sharply, attempting to steady herself. "Jack never talked to you…"
Eyes wide, Picard shakes his head firmly. "No, no."
"Maybe it was too much, too soon," Beverly wonders aloud, running her hands over her eyes to dry them. "It all happened so fast. And we're apart, him on the Stargazer, me at the Academy. We hardly get to spend any time together. Maybe I should have expected this. I don't know. I'm just in shock. I can hardly think."
"No," Jean-Luc replies, shaking his head. "That's no excuse. This life isn't easy, and it's not an ideal situation for building a new relationship. That doesn't excuse his behaviour. I'm surprised and outraged that he would be capable of this."
"He's not the only one responsible," Beverly says softly. "I…I could have done more. We were married only three months ago. We should have been together, built a life together from the start. Maybe I should have quit school and joined him, given him what he really wanted…and needed."
Face tight, Jean-Luc looks as angry as Beverly has ever seen him. "Don't you ever say that. Don't you ever imagine that this was in any measure your fault. Don't doubt that you should be doing anything other than what you're doing. Jack may be my best friend, but I'm none too pleased with him right now. I won't deny saying that you're not just his wife. You're going to be a doctor, and a damn fine one I'd reckon." Smirking, Jean-Luc envelopes Beverly in his arms.
Smiling for the first time in what feels like ions, Beverly lays her head on Jean-Luc's shoulder. "Thank you. I'm grateful to have you as a friend right now," Beverly admits, running her hand along his shoulder.
"Of course," Jean-Luc shrugs. "Come on. Let's go find Jack. The two of you can have a chat."
"I don't want to find Jack," Beverly tells him, her lips curling into a coy smile.
With furrowed brows, Picard inhales sharply. "Beverly..."
"I'm angry, and I'm hurt, and I'm in nine kinds of pain right now," Beverly stammers, gazing directly into Jean-Luc's eyes. "I don't think I can face Jack in this moment. I just...I just want you."
Absorbing the young woman's tormented, heated gaze, Jean-Luc's heart beats profusely against his chest. " Beverly..."
Bridging the small distance between them, Beverly leans in and captures the captain's lips in a deep kiss, her hand resting on his cheek.
For a fleeting moment, Jean-Luc responds earnestly, finally allowing himself to succumb to the feelings he had been repressing for years. Within seconds, his pre-frontal cortex kicks to life and the rational side of him recognizes what is happening and he breaks the embrace.
"Beverly, this isn't...right," Picard sighs, squeezing her hands affectionately.
Averting her eyes to the ground, Beverly struggles to contain her tears.
"This isn't you. I know this isn't you. You know this isn't you," Jean-Luc reasons. " You're hurt. I understand. But, we can't do something we'll both regret."
Hot tears cascading down her red cheeks, Beverly nods slowly. "I'm sorry. I'm just so...I don't even know."
Wrapping an arm around her back, Jean-Luc wishes he had profound words to comfort her. He is ill-equipped to deal with a scorned friend, particularly the one he is madly attracted to. "You are the most incredible woman...person I've ever met. You will get through this. You and Jack will work through this. This is not the end of your life, this is not the end of your marriage. You're resilient, you're strong."
"I'm pregnant," Beverly blurts, watery, wide eyes staring across at her friend in desperation.
Utterly floored, it takes a moment for Jean-Luc to respond. "You're..."
"I'm having a baby," Beverly reiterates, quieter, calmer.
Letting out a long breath, Picard bobs his head. "Alright then. Are you...okay?"
Beverly raises a brow. "Okay?"
Rolling his eyes, Picard's lips twist in mild irritation. He cannot form the proper words." I don't know, Beverly. Are you and this baby healthy?"
Half-smiling, Beverly nods. "Yes. We're fine."
"Have you told Jack?" Picard inquires, although he already knows the answer.
Shaking her head, Beverly grimaces. " No. I just found out two weeks ago and this is the first time I've been on the Stargazer since our honeymoon. I wanted to tell him in person. I was so excited to tell him. Now everything is falling apart."
Glancing at the pained expression plaguing her features, Jean-Luc thinks his heart will break in multiple pieces. "That's not true. You can make this work."
Lips trembling, Beverly begins to sob again. "How?"
"You'll make it work. We'll make it work," he says assuringly, squeezing her hand comfortingly.
Picard had taken the young medical student to have a talk with his friend that night. Picard had served as the glue that patched them together after the initial break, and afterwards the couple had enjoyed a committed relationship. Not, however, until Picard had the opportunity to tell and show Jack precisely how he felt about his friend's infidelity toward Beverly. Their fight that night resulted in a fractured wrist and concussion for Jack and a deviated septum for Picard. His broken nose had healed, but Picard had never fully forgiven Jack for cheating on Beverly.
2354
"He's asleep," Beverly announces, stepping into the living area of the small room she was staying in at Starbase 32.
Pensive, Picard pads across the room and hands Beverly a short glass of synthehol wine. "I've been thinking since the accident that Jack was such a fine officer, and I regret that Wesley isn't going to have him as a model."
Lowering herself onto the sofa, Beverly briefly closes her weary, puffy eyes. "He hardly knew him, and now it's too late."
Picard perches on the sofa, rotating his wine glass in his hand in a pattern. "Well, we'll have to ensure that he has solid role models to aspire to as he matures," Picard offers, uncertain what to say. It had been a long time since he had spent any significant time with his friend's wife, and he does not feel equipped to comfort a grieving a widow.
"Thank you," sighs Beverly audibly, placing the glass on the table in front of them. "For bringing him home, for accompanying me to the morgue. It means a lot to me."
"Of course. It's the least I could do," Picard admits lamely.
Watching the captain's features tighten, Beverly reaches for Jean-Luc's hands, removing his glass and setting it next to hers on the table. "You feel guilty. You have no reason to. I know it was an accident. I know you had a split second to decide how to react. You made the best decision you could given the circumstances."
Averting his eyes to the floor, a tiny self-deprecating smirk creeps into the corner of his lips. "You know, Jack and I had our differences after he...But, he was always one of my closest friends. He was a good man, and a good officer. I didn't intend for this to happen. My decision wasn't based on..."
Touching his cheek, Beverly nods with a small smile. "I know that. You need to remind yourself, because the guilt you carry on your shoulders is a heavier burden than any man can carry. Jean-Luc, please don't beat yourself. Let it go."
Jean-Luc knew Beverly was right, but he also knew he would never be able to forgive himself for allowing Jack Crusher to perish. It was not because he had made the command decision that ended the Lieutenant-Commander's life, but because he had secretly harboured feelings towards the man's wife, and because he had never forgiven Jack for Jack's infidelity toward Beverly. He was afraid that those factors had played into his decision, although he knew that Beverly was the last thing on his mind when he was dealing with the crisis. Still, had his subconscious somehow added her to the equation when he was mentally evaluating his options? Either way, he was livid with himself for robbing Beverly of her husband and Wesley of his father.
Leaning forward, Beverly presses her lips to Jean-Luc's in a hard kiss, one hand grasping his shoulder.
It takes every ounce of strength, every measure of will power for Picard to take her hands and break off, turmoil plaguing his features. Her husband may be deceased, but Beverly Crusher was not an entirely free woman. He had longed for years to have her in his arms, but Jack's passing did not give him the opportunity to take everything he had always wanted. If anything, it only made things worse, only made her that much more unattainable. The guilt that consumed him for contributing to Jack's death would forever prevent him from claiming Jack's widow for his own.
"What's wrong?" Beverly whispers, appraising the tormented look in Jean-Luc's normally confident eyes.
Closing his eyes, Jean-Luc smirks. "You'll be the death of me, Doctor."
Smiling for the first time in over a week, Beverly runs her hand along his thigh. "We've had a week straight out of hell. We just need tonight to not think, not hold back tears, not try to be strong."
"I wish that were possible," Picard swallows hard. "I think we should be grown-ups."
"I think you owe me," Beverly says teasingly, kissing his neck.
Heart physically aching, Jean-Luc is distraught, torn by her actions and words. He is the reason she is alone here, widowed with a five year-old boy who will never know his father. He is the reason she has to pick up and start a brand new life for herself and her young child. He can never repay her.
Leaning back, Beverly surveys the grief splayed across Jean-Luc's face and her face falls. "Jean-Luc, I was joking." Sighing, Beverly envelopes her arms around his torso and lays her head on his shoulder. "Let go of the guilt."
Wrapping his arms around her, Jean-Luc closes his eyes, wishing he could.
He had not discarded his remorse of the loss of Jack Crusher, and had punished himself for seventeen years for what Picard had perceived as his culpability for Jack's death. The day he had presented Jack's body would not be the last time Beverly would open her heart to him and he would resist, never permitting himself to become close to the widow he had been responsible for creating. He did not deserve her.
Part of it was the guilt, part of it was his fear of getting too close, too involved in the relationship. He had never solicited committed relationships, focusing on his career and taking pleasure in his friendships. Within, he was a private man, and sharing his life with another person was not an easy concept to imagine for Picard. But the idea of being married to Beverly had greatly appealed to him, in as much as the idea of divorcing her had repulsed him. What if they had a chance to make it work? In seventeen years, had he washed the stain of his hand in Jack's death away? Had he been a loyal, faithful friend to Beverly? Had he provided a strong, stable influence and guide for Jack's son? Was it enough? Was it time to let go?
Opening her cabin door to find a wide-eyed, determined-looking captain, Beverly's eyes dilate and she pulls her robe closed over her chest. "Captain, is everything alright?"
"A lot has happened in twenty-five years," Jean-Luc begins earnestly.
Inferring the meaning of his words, Beverly relaxes knowing there is no urgent crisis and steps backwards. "I take it your time travel has left you reminiscent?"
Padding forward, the door closes behind Picard. "A few months ago, when we shared the telepathic link from the transmitting devices, we talked about the past and our feelings."
Gazing at Jean-Luc's open expression, Beverly is quite surprised. It is out of character for him to begin a conversation about their personal relationship. "Yes…"
"I told you I had had feelings for you, but that I felt ashamed because you were Jack's wife, and after he died I felt guilty over the accident and like I was betraying him," Jean-Luc begins, inhaling steadily.
Bobbing her head, Beverly wonders what has gotten into Picard. The events of the day must have really impacted him. He is not one to rehash old feelings. "Yes."
"I told you that I didn't have those feelings anymore, and I was grateful for our friendship," continues Picard. "I need you to know, I wasn't entirely truthful."
Brow raised, Beverly steps closer to him.
"I've been attracted to you since we were first introduced. My feelings only grew over time as we came to spend more time together. Once you joined Jack on the Stargazer, I found it hard to just be your friend. I always felt guilty for harbouring these feelings. After Jack died, the remorse I felt manifested in…in wanting to keep as far away as possible. I knew I was liable for taking Jack away from you and Wesley, and I vowed I would never allow myself to become close with you because it would be betraying him. I didn't deserve to find happiness with you when I was the person responsible for causing your heart ache while secretly longing for you. It was entirely wrong."
Surprised and moved, Beverly reaches for Jean-Luc's hands. "Jean-Luc, you were not responsible for Jack's death. I know that, Wesley knows that. You're the only one that can't seem to understand that. You're the commanding officer of the flagship for the Federation. You understand how these situations sometimes play out. It was a tragedy of the worst kind. You took the correct action given the circumstances you faced. And, if you had to do it over again, I would expect you to do the same again."
Swallowing hard, Jean-Luc gazes intently into Beverly's clear blue eyes. "I know. I know that now. It's taken me seventeen years. I'm tired of dragging around this sin."
"Let it go," Beverly instructs him, running her hands along his forearms.
"I lied. I've always been in love with you," smirks Jean-Luc. "The feelings never went away. I just got damn good at repressing them."
"Please don't lie to me again," Beverly chuckles, one hand on his shoulder and the other rubbing his neck.
"I didn't like the future I witnessed," admits Picard quietly. "We were divorced, and that troubled me. I'll probably make a mess of this, but I want desperately for it to work. I want more than anything to be with you."
Grinning, Beverly leans her forehead against his. " I want that, too. But there's something I've been waiting seventeen years for…"
Grinning, Jean-Luc, slips an arm around her waist. "What's that?"
Eyes dilated, Beverly rolls her eyes in exasperation. "Kiss me, already!"
Smirking, Jean-Luck leans in and draws her in for a slow, deliberate kiss, the one that has been decades in the making. After all, all good things come in time.