Okay, first of all: I apologize. What even is this. I just. Wow. I really, really don't like this all that much but for some reason people on AO3 did and so I needed to make up for my rut that I've been stuck in by putting this on here, as well.

But, seriously. I do not like this. But then... I never like anything I write.

Also: don't yell at me if I got some things wrong. I haven't actually read the novels, and what I have read of them I haven't gotten too far. I've really only watched the anime, despite how much I really want to read the novels. (I haven't had time.

That being said, I don't own anything. Just this crap that sounded like a good idea at the time I wrote it.

i.

Telling Asuna about Sachi was one of the most difficult things that Kazuto had ever done. One on hand, He hadn't thought about Sachi or the guilt and remorse he felt about her death, but he hadn't entirely forgotten either, and so he was drudging up bad memories in the first place, and he didn't particularly feel good about going down that path. On the other hand, he had Asuna. He loved Asuna in a way that he hadn't loved Sachi. Granted, he did still love Sachi once upon a time and it only felt right telling Asuna about something like that.

She was his girlfriend, after all, and opening up to her about these sort of things was what he was supposed to do. So there was no point in shutting her out. She had asked him a simple question, after all, and his reaction had been... well, less than ideal.

Kazuto put his face in his hands - Christ, this was so stupid. She had only asked him if there was anyone else before her, and she didn't mean intimately or anything relatively like that, she only meant if there had been anyone he loved before her. And he had fizzled and said nothing, just got up and walked away. He hadn't been thinking about it until she asked the question and suddenly he was reminded of Sachi and all the pain he had felt after that incident and all he could do was try to run away from it. He couldn't burden Asuna with that, or so his reasoning had been at the time, and so he didn't talk to her for the rest of the night, leaving her horribly confused and upset. And Kazuto hated an upset Asuna, especially if he was at fault.

So, he decided he'd have to tell her.

There would be no easy way to go about it, that much Kazuto had already agonized enough. After all, he had left Asuna confused, concerned and upset, and he realized that he had never brought up Sachi to anyone before. That wouldn't make things any easier, either.

But she'd understand. She was Asuna, after all, and he could tell her everything.

ii.

When he woke up, Asuna was staring at him, eyes pleading with him to at least acknowledge her. She looked a mess, hair in shambles and pajamas - or, really, just some of Kazuto's clothes - wrinkled. She didn't seem to notice or care, though, as it seemed her first priority when she woke up was to make sure her boyfriend was okay due to the bad ending of last night.

He sat up on the edge of the bed before addressing her.

"Hey."

Asuna let out a breath, and suddenly she was angry. "Hey?! You completely ignore me last night and all you can say is-"

She stopped mid-lecture to let out a squeal as he pulled her onto his lap. There was a faint blush on her cheeks when he looked at her, grey meeting hazel.

"I'm sorry about last night, Asuna," he says, and his tone is definitely apologetic from what Asuna can tell.

"It's fine. I'm not mad, I'm just... concerned. I didn't realize asking you that kind of question would grant that kind of reaction."

Her fingers tighten around his thin shirt as she interrupts her own awaiting of his response, "To be fair, I didn't expect you to ignore me, either..."

Kazuto feels even worse at the sound of her second statement, her voice quiet with hints of sadness, and he realizes that his explanation of Sachi just might make him feel worse about Asuna being sad.

"I didn't expect the question. I don't mind it, believe me, it's just..." he trails off and Asuna looks up gently and expectantly, the both of them knowing he's awful at opening up like this after shutting himself out from his family years earlier, "I just thought I'd be over it by now, that's all."

Asuna still bears an expectant look, but her hand rises to stoke his cheek gently, with him leaning into her touch. "You can tell me, Kirito."

She's dropped the honorific, as she does in situations she deems appropriate, which tend to be serious moments like these.

"There was someone before you. I... loved her, you could say," Kazuto starts, leaning more into Asuna's touch, "It has to do with the guild I told you about before... She was a part of that guild..."

Kazuto could barely go on, but he knew he had to tell her at least how he felt about Sachi and how he blamed himself for her death for a long time after it happened.

iii.

By the time the story was finished, Kazuto was practically broken. He really thought he'd be over it by now.

"I thought... I was helping them. That I'd help them until they didn't need me..."

Asuna ended up shushing him, and she was almost expecting wiping away stray tears. She rarely ever saw him like this, so broken down enough to cry, but it did make her feel better about herself, knowing that he could open up enough to cry in front of her and tell her about this other girl.

They ended up lying down, with Asuna putting his head under her chin and wrapping her arms around him. He was probably still upset, and she didn't want to stop comforting him, in case he was still hurting.

"What was her name?"

Asuna had to ask. He probably told her the girl's name, at least in passing, before and she had simply forgotten it or just didn't label it as important. They probably had some bigger fish to fry at the time, anyway.

"Sachi. Her name was Sachi."

Asuna hmed under her breath, playing with a piece of his black hair nonchalantly. "That's actually pretty..."

Kazuto smirked, "Are you jealous?"

Asuna looked offended, and dropped the strand of hair she had previously been twirling, "No! I'm not. Why would you think that?"

And it wasn't a lie. There were pieces of her that were jealous that she was not technically Kazuto's first first love, at least not like how he was her first, but she wasn't jealous. She'd learn to live with it.

"You know, I may have loved her, but I love you in more ways than I loved her."

She smiled, and then suddenly realized that he was probably just trying to charm his way out of her earlier anger... that she had momentarily forgotten due to his charming previous statement. But she wouldn't let him off the hook that easy.

iv.

"Well? Did you think of anything yet?"

Asuna is obviously growing impatient with him, and he can't tell if it's the hormones or just because she's herself, and if it's a mixture of both, Kazuto knows he's in for it, and very soon.

"Nope. Sorry."

A groan escapes her lips, and something tells Kazuto that this won't be good. At all.

"Why is this so difficult?!"

He shrugs, "No idea."

Her glare is piercing, and he's lucky he has a save up his sleeve. "We're trying to find the perfect name. That's why it's so hard."

"Well, it is our first -"

"Hey!" Yui shouts, loud and clear, from across the room, obviously angry. "Mommy! Just because I wasn't born first doesn't mean I'm not your first!"

"Can't beat that logic," Kazuto states, causing Yui to cheer.

"Hey, Kirito..."

He looks to her, almost curious as to what the shift in emotion is. Especially since she dropped the honorific, and he knows that something's suddenly very serious.

Her gaze is gentle and soft, and her eyes seem to radiate the sun, "I was thinking..." she hesitates, but he intertwines his hand with hers, giving her a signal to go on, "What about... Sachi?"

Asuna winces as if expecting a bad reaction, having to comfort him or something, perhaps he'll even go storm off and shut her out like he did the last time she brought Sachi up. But she at least has to try with this.

Instead, his grip simply tightens, and all that leaves his lips is "Why?"

"Because... I like the name," she begins, "And she was important to you. Think of it as... honoring her."

There is something that flashes in Kazuto's eyes, and Asuna suddenly wonders if she shouldn't have brought it up at all. "But... we don't have to. It's only a suggestion."

"Well, I like it!" Yui says, having stayed relatively quiet during the scene before, "Sachi is pretty! Plus, like mommy said, Sachi was someone who was important to you, daddy!"

Kazuto smiles sweetly, and Asuna returns the smile, suddenly feeling very pleased with herself when Kazuto adds "If you really want to, then why not? I think it's a good idea."

"Hey, if the baby's name is Sachi... does that mean I'm getting a little sister?"

"Surprise!" Kazuto says, and Asuna nods and lets out a giggle despite Yui's angry pout and shouts of 'why didn't you tell me sooner?' which are eventually lost among Yui's other screeches of 'who was Sachi?!'

v.

When Sachi is born, everyone seems to warm right up to her. She seems to be always happy, and Yui even comments that she wishes she could play with her all the time, and not just from behind her computer screen. That depresses everyone a little, except for Sachi of course, who doesn't mind that she can't exactly touch her older sister.

It's when Sachi is sleeping and Yui is playing baby monitor that Asuna has to comment on it.

"Everyone seems to love her."

Kazuto kisses her forehead, "Yeah. She's a great honor to the real Sachi."

Asuna decides to not let the piece of her that wants to have at least known Sachi in passing, or caught a glimpse of her, preferably with a smile get to her. It's a shame, yes, but there is something mysterious and charming in not knowing, and that is something she'll learn to know from her daughter.