Vacation

The First Day

No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one. ~Elbert Hubbard

He wants things back how they used to be, but I'm not totally sure that's what I want. I think this is going to be a vacation of him trying to persuade me that I do need him. Right here on the fore of my mind I do need him, yet there digging around at the back are the memories of the pain. You know I'll never hurt you don't you? The eternal chant of Floyd. It doesn't matter how many times he tells me this I actually do know that he will. I know that he can't help it. I think that he can't help it but I also know that there are occasions when his self control has gone and all he sees is a red rage and once he feels that rage I know that there will be nothing I can say or do to stop him. It's like something takes over; something malevolent and that something isn't him anymore. At least this is how I excuse it. He's not well. That's how I reason it. That's why I am here in England with Floyd for a "get away" trip to repair the damage caused when things happened. Things will be good. He has told me. The air is different over here. He has explained. Yet I'm sitting here with a bloodied nose and my back tight against a tree and he is pacing in front of me shouting obscenities and telling me that he's only here because he feels sorry for me. He tells me over and again how I might well be a genius, but I'm lacking in everything else. I don't know what I did wrong this time. We had been walking, getting some of this wonderful English air into our lungs when things turned bad. Yes the air is different over here. I can smell his rage.

'I don't know what I did.' I mutter. I don't want to talk too loudly. I don't want my voice to be another annoyance for him.

'You never fucking do!' He is shouting. He's not worried that his voice could be an annoyance for me.

'You are going to have to tell me.' I'm keeping my eyes on the floor of the small woodland we'd been walking through,

'No, no, I'm not going to have to tell you Spence. You are going to have to learn.' He is still pacing. I can hear his feet kicking at the leaves on the ground.

'I can't learn if you don't tell me what I did wrong.' I still keep my voice down. Maybe it's my voice which is annoying him? The way I am sitting? I push my self up and stand still keeping the tree to my back and using the tree to stop myself from falling. 'You're hurt.' He tells me. I wipe the back of my hand over my face and make myself look at him in the eyes.

'I'll be alright.' I tell him, but maybe that's not the best thing to say. Will he continue his attack now to make sure that I'm not alright? He looks confused as he locks his eyes on mine and watches me with that unblinking stare of his; that unwavering and blank look on his face. 'Maybe we should make our way back now?' I ask him.

We are staying in a small vacation lodge at the edge of a lake. It reminds me a little of Gideon's old place he had but only a little. This place Floyd has managed to get for us to stay in has not so many home comforts as Gideon's place had. It didn't look as though it had been used in years and the lake it stood next to did not make me want to strip off and go for a swim. Actually it didn't have much of a lure at all. It was dark and muddy and cold. That water looked as though it would suck me straight down to the inky depths and never release me. Even the old rowing boat which stood next to the rotting platform there didn't look like it wanted to be on the water. It didn't look like it wanted me to step into it either. It looked somehow alive and evil. The whole place did. The trees along the water's edge hung down low and dipped black branch tips into the murky water. Their roots bulged and seem swollen with dampness as they attempted to claw their way into the water I wanted to avoid.

The building on the outside looks like it would fall down in a good wind. It has a look to it which says "keep out" The walls sag and seem to lean towards that water. The exterior walls are dark and strangely smooth. The windows are small and though they have got glass in them the glass is filthy to the point you can hardly see out of them. This means that when you are inside the building the light has a strange dim greyish glow to it. I had been foolishly hoping for somewhere civilized. Somewhere with night time entertainment maybe. I was definitely expecting more people than just to two of us.

My thoughts come to a sudden stop when his hand reaches out towards me. I find myself flinching back away from him.

'I'm not going to hurt you.' But his voice sounds stilted and wrong; almost like a bad warped recording that's been played far too many times and I suppose in a way that's what it is. How many times have I heard those words whilst I stand or lie on the floor bleeding from where he's hit me with something?

'I know.' I tell him anyway. Again it's a distorted much used couple of words. In actuality I don't know but it seems to be what he wants to hear and so that's what I say. It's a slow walk back. Floyd chatters constantly about the plants and trees and bugs and tells me what animals are to be found in the area.

'Nothing to worry your pretty little head over.' He tells me. 'There's nothing here which can hurt you. Well nothing living anyway.' He has a slight smugness in his voice. He knows I don't like the dark. He knows I would far rather be somewhere with bright lights and noise. I'm a Vegas boy. I'm not built to survive in this environment. I want to tell him. I want to make it clear to him that he might love the forest and woodlands, but I don't and I won't tell him. He will accuse me of moaning again. He grabs at my hand and holds on tightly to me and pulls me closer towards him. 'You will grow to love it as I do.' I can feel his hot breath across my face. As we walk back to the vile place we are going to have to spend the night in he picks things up to show me. He wants me to look at the patterns in the stones. He wants me to admire the way the trees drop their treasure onto the woodland floor for us to inspect, but everything comes into my head in statistics and numbers. Whatever joy he is getting out of this I'm missing. I just can't see whatever it is he is seeing. Then I turn to look at him and his face looks so calm now and beautiful and I realise that I see in Floyd something no one else I know seems to see. Well no one except Prentiss maybe. Did he know what I was thinking? It almost feels as though he is reading my mind sometimes. I feel his hand squeeze mine tighter. 'Well maybe no one else sees my good side Babes.' He says and I give him a small tight smile.

'You have a good side?' and squeeze his hand back.

'Of course some people might interpret my good side as something else.'

'Either that or you keep it very well hidden.' I lick my lips as my mind drifts to some of those good things.

'Or I keep that part of me just for you. I have an image to keep up you know. Nice guy Floyd just isn't something which fits too well with that image.' He picks up a fist sized grey rock and bounces it in his hand. My stomach does an unwanted twist of panic as I walk next to him watching that rock and his fist. Again he seems to sense whatever it is I am thinking. 'It's just a rock Spence. Take it.' And he hands it over to me. 'I'm not going to smash your brains in with it. Not today anyway. I want to go out on that boat.'

I put my hand on the rock and run my fingers over the smooth surface. 'Floyd.' I take a deep breath. 'I'm really not sure that the boat is safe.' I take the rock from his hand and drop it to the woodland floor.

'The boat is perfectly safe. The bottom is dry. No leeks.'

'Then I'm not sure the water is safe.' The building is just about showing between the trees now and I can smell that rotting smell of the water just beyond it.

'No monsters in the water.' He tells me.

'OK Then I'm not sure I'll be safe in that boat on that water with you.' There I've said it now. Prepare for a slapping.

'Did I not tell you that I'd not hurt you? That includes not drowning your scrawny arse in the lake.' His hand is holding on so tightly now that it is beginning to hurt.

'I know what you said Floyd, but you know, sometimes you forget.'

'Sometimes you deserve a slap Spence. Have you considered that?'

Time to keep silent I think. I'm digging myself in a deeper and deeper hole here and if I don't quit now I'll not get out again. There is a small lean-to at the side of the thing I am to call home for the next week and Floyd has parked up a big bike under it. It's not the bike he'd normally use, obviously. That one is still over in The States, but it's the same type and it's black and it sits there lurking as though to leap out and grab any unsuspecting animal or person. This whole place feels as though it will leap out and grab you actually. There is something strange about it all. Almost as though it's not quite here. That probably makes no sense at all, but I have this odd feeling that we are the only people on the planet when we get too close to the building. Like we walk over a barrier into another place. Everything gets darker. The light seems different and the air smells strange; apart from the stench arising from the water there seems to be another smell here. Maybe too fresh? I'm not sure if that's right or not, but it makes the hair stand up on the back of my arms. There is also the peculiarity of the sound. There seems to be nothing. Once in the shadow of the building there is no sound of birds or insects. Nothing you would normal associate with being out side in the woods. It's almost oppressive it's so quiet. All I can hear is Floyd's heavy breaths and my own heart thumping in my chest.

'How did you find out about this place?' I ask as I walk in a tight circle looking around us.

'Tourist brochure.' He's grinning.

'Seriously Floyd. How did you know? Who does it belong to?' That question brings back memories of when we were kids and he took me to all kinds of weird places which no one else seemed to know about.

'A friend told me about it.' He moves off towards the door.

'You don't have any friends.' I am in hot pursuit.

'Acquaintance then. Not so much a friend. Why do you always worry about where I find somewhere?'

Obviously once again he knows what I'm thinking. 'It just seems strange here.' He's opening the door and then turns to look at me.

'Strange? Well maybe a bit odd but it's good isn't it? Something different. We won't be disturbed here.'

I walk towards him and look over his shoulder into the dim room behind him. 'I certainly wouldn't disturb anyone staying here, but Floyd bad things always happen in woodland cabins. I'm not expecting our stay here to remain peaceful.' He grabs my hand and leads me in to the building.

'I'm here. What on earth could go wrong?' And I can tell by the way he is talking, even though I can't see his face, that he is grinning.

-o-o-o-

He's quite right you know. I am grinning. There is something oddly pure about Spence when you consider what a slut he is. He needs me. This amuses me. I need him, which isn't quite as amusing as it's causing me all sorts of problems. Getting him away from his buddies back at the BAU seemed like a good starting point though. He drifts happily from person to person delivering whatever he's asked and he knows I'm watching and waiting. I move away from him and he gathers him self together and goes out whoring. I'm sure that fucker Morgan wouldn't be quite so keen to feel like the big brother protector if he knew what darling Spence got up to in his spare time.

I've brought him over here to England to have fun. I'm not sure that Spencer is going to have fun but I sure as hell plan on having some. This little place is not quite here and not really there either. It lies somewhere in the middle of everything. It's not a bad place, but it's certainly not a happy holiday home. It just is what it is. I know that no hikers or kids on bike or groups of people are going to go wandering by. That's just not going to happen because it's not on the map, so to speak. It's only there, or here, if you know it's there, or here. I've been here before you know. A long time ago. This place is ancient and occasionally it slips sideways and falls out of there and ends up fully here. Spence will know when that happens. All sorts of great things happen when it slips. For now it's sitting in between and Spence is standing looking around himself again. I'll describe it for you. One large room as you enter. The kitchen and lounging area are all in one. The bedroom is up a ladder type thing into a room above this big lounge/kitchen. There is obviously a bathroom. I'd not stay somewhere which didn't have washing facilities. I can tell you that it's a large bathroom too. A huge double tub and shower and going at odds to the rest of the place which is dark and sort of muggy this bathroom is white and tiled and there's enough hot water to last a life time. I plan on having fun in there. It also gives me the chance to remind Spence, who is fiddling with the coffee machine now, to wash. I love a bit of dirt, don't get me wrong. I'd not fuck who I do if I didn't like filth, what I do like though is the smell of soap and the scent of shampoo. When I curl up at night to sleep I want whoever it is I'm holding tight to to smell not of the outside and not even of me, but of soap. On the other hand soap and me don't go too well together, though I do go though phases of washing and keeping clean; in the end it's pointless.

Routines are not easy to break you know. I like to screw my boys with my clothes on. I remove my boots if I have to but I like to be able to make a run for it if needs be. You can never be too careful and stripping off kinda makes me feel vulnerable. Thus! I don't shower too often. I have to feel more than a bit secure in the situation to do such a thing and here…well…I'm just going to say that stripping off isn't going to happen. Not yet anyway.

My fuck partner is walking towards me now with two mugs of coffee in his hands and a worried look on his face. I watch him and lick my lips in anticipation. I'm going to have him later. I'm going to either drag him up that ladder and have him on the bed or I'm going to hammer him against the wall. I've not decided yet.

'Thanks.' I say around my grin as I take the drink from his slightly shaking hands. 'What's wrong?' I blow across the liquid in my white mug.

'What makes you think something's wrong?' He doesn't have a grin on his face.

'You're giving off vibes Spence. I know something is wrong.'

He moves away from me and makes for the couch. Maybe I'll have him on the couch?

'Everything is fine Floyd. You virtually kidnap me from my apartment and drag me to England and bring me to a strange building in the middle of no where and you're grinning. What could possibly be wrong?'

I pull a cheroot out of my pocket and light up with my slim silver lighter. 'You are such an ungrateful bastard you know. I thought it would do you good after everything.'

'I don't understand why you're not under arrest or locked up in an asylum somewhere.' Now he's blowing over his coffee and taking a sip.

'I don't much understand that either, but we are here so let's just make the most of it OK?' I have made sure that the place is stocked up with enough food. More than enough food actually. I do like to cook for Spence and so that's what I'm going to do. 'Read to me whilst I cook.' I indicate the pile of books over in the corner. 'I was going to make one of those Hungarian dishes you like.' I watch him glance over at the stack of paper back novels. 'Pulp fiction. Mostly crap detective stuff. Thought we could pick holes in the plot.' I move over now to the kitchen and with my mug still in my hand and my smoke stuck between my lips I grab at pans and knives and then get the stove warmed up. I glance back at Spencer who has moved his lovely butt over to where the books are and he's picking them up one at a time and looking at the titles.

'A strange choice Floyd.' He tells me and I don't answer I just let him look at what I chose and get on with preparing this food. It's not going to be as good as it would had I had all the right stuff, but it's going to be good enough for my Spence who has sat himself back down again and has a book on his lap.

'Read then.' I tell him and I hear a slight sigh coming from him.

I'm not going to go into every minute detail of how I cooked this mush. I'm not going to tell you about every expression that passed over Spencer's face, but I will tell you that he seemed relaxed and I will tell you that I had one of my rare moments and we laughed. The book was absolute tripe and we verbally tore it apart over and over which was the purpose of the reading. Yup, sometimes even I like to have a bit of fun that doesn't involve hurting someone else. The food? Well we both ate all that was on our plates and then as the night drew in and I got the lamps lit so that Spence wouldn't have to moan at me and spoil the atmosphere I sent him to get washed up. Again I surprised myself. I had earlier on ever intention of joining him in the shower but when the time actually came and the realisation that I'd have to strip to indulge myself fully, or get very soggy, I decided to be a domestic animal and wash the dishes as Spence washed that beautiful smooth skin of his. I'd even provided a fluffy blue and green bathrobe for my boy. I didn't want him to have anything to complain about and so far I seem to have done an OK job of it. Apart from that incident back in the woods where I had to slap him around a bit, but that was totally his doing, not mine. He did leave the bathroom door open so that I could hear him washing. It's a small pleasure and I understand why Hotchner had spent so many hours doing a similar thing. My ultimate intention though is not to watch him dry his body, but to get him sweaty and sticky again. I suppose I like to have a clean canvas before I apply my arts to my boy. As my good mood rises so does the sound of the wind outside. I can hear the trees creaking and groaning and it almost feels as though this place is getting blown right into the water out there which Spence has such an aversion to.

'What was that?'

I turn from the pan I am rinsing and look at Spence standing there with a towel wrapped loosely around his waist. 'What was what?'

'That noise.' He turns from me and looks at the door.

I have to be honest with him. I didn't hear anything worrying. 'What noise?'

He's shaking his head. 'I don't know. It sounded like someone moving around out there.'

Quickly I dry my hands and walk over so I'm standing behind him. 'No one is out there. It's just the wind.'

'No, it was footsteps and someone crying.' He takes a step towards the door.

'And you're going out to investigate in the dark with just a towel wrapped around yourself?'

He stops walking and just stands looking at the door. 'Floyd, I'm telling you there was someone out there.'

Well I know that is not possible. I think I know it's not possible. Unless we slipped back. 'You want me to go and look?'

And now he spins to face me and grabs at the towel which was daring to slip down past his right hip. 'NO!' and the word comes out as a panicked squeak. 'No, don't.'

Which is good because I really didn't fancy going out there now. I have to admit though that something feels odd. Something doesn't feel quite right. 'The wind is all it is Spence. You're just spooking yourself. I'll lock up and secure the shutters and no one can get in.' He's running his fingers through his hair now and I watch with languid amusement as the towel begins to slip again. I do lock up securely. There is a strange tingling travelling down my spine and I don't know if it's because Spencer is standing there dripping with that damned towel teasing me and his eyes too big with panic, or if there really is something wrong going on outside. I'm going to let myself assume it's Spence. I really don't want to spoil this atmosphere by going out there and I really don't think he'll want to stay here while I go look anyway. With the last window covered and bolted and the door locked and the bar placed across he seems to relax slightly and his hands go from messing with his hair back to that towel. 'Go on up.' I tell him and point to the way up to our love nest. 'I'll put the lights out down here.' I watch as he licks his lips and gives a slight nod.

'Don't be long.' He tells me as he walks slowly towards the steps to the area where the large comfortable bed is.

And I'm not long. I watch him first though. I watch as he climbs his way upwards to where I've already put on the lamps. I'm trying my best here. I want him to be happy. I want him to trust me. I want things to be nice. Well for now I do anyway. I might well change my mind once I join him.

-o-o-o-

I know Floyd is doing his best here, but he could have brought me somewhere more civilized. Yes I know we have running water and this bed is amazing…but it would maybe have been one point better had we been in a hotel somewhere. He likes his seclusion. He likes his isolation. People annoy him so easily and I suspect that is why he avoids them when he can, but knowing that there is likely no one else around for miles is a playing with my unease somewhat. The window shutters are still open up here and the window has been pushed open. I stand at the foot of the bed and look at that tiny dirty window which his letting in the cold damp wind and allowing it to whistle and moan. I love Halloween, I truly do, and had I been with a crowd of friends the situation would have felt different and though we are still months away from the end of October it feel hauntingly cold and spooky up here. I can hear Floyd downstairs moving around and I can see out of the corner of my eyes the light dimming down there. I have an impulse to call out to him, but I don't. What I do is sit on the end of the bed and wait. I don't even have the courage to go and close that window. I feel like a fool. I'm a FED and I'm sitting here beginning to shake with the fear of the sound of the wind. My hands are twisting nervously on my lap when Floyd finally appears and just stands looking at me with his head cocked slightly to one side.

'What's wrong?' He asks me and comes and sits next to me on the bed and slides an arm around my shoulders.

'It's just that wind.' And I look over to the window. 'And I really do think I heard something out there.' He stands up and runs a hand over the top of my head.

'I'll close and lock the window. Nothing can get in Babes. I'm here. You're safe.'

And I should know that. But when Floyd gets one of his rages who can I go running to?

'I tell you what.' He says as he pushes the shutters over. 'Tonight I think we should just sleep. You look stressed and tired and to be honest with you Spence I fancy just lying there behind you and holding you close.'

'Oh.' I'm not sure what to make of that.

'Get into bed. I'll get my boots off and join you.'

So I slide under the white sheets and close my eyes and try to imagine that I am somewhere else. Floyd is showing me a side of him I don't see very often. I don't want to lose it. I don't want to spoil it by saying the wrong thing. I can see through my closed lids that the light has dimmed but not gone out completely and then I feel him climb into bed behind me and wrap his arms tightly around me; moving his hands over my skin quickly before they settle still on my chest.

'Just sleep.' His words are hot over the back of my neck. 'Dream.' A tongue moves quickly over my shoulder. 'Ah the gods…Spence you smell so fucking good.' I wriggle back tightly against him and his arms tighten around me. 'Please just sleep, I want to just breathe you in tonight.' His fingernails dig in slightly. 'And who knows, maybe I'll sleep too.'

If he said more I don't know. I fell asleep pretty quickly. I felt content and safe with the world locked out howling around us like banshees. The next thing I know Floyd is saying something in my ear and there is a very faint slither of light peeking around the edges of the shutters. There is also a vile smell and a warm stickiness over my back.

'Don't move Spence. Stay very still.' He is almost whispering.

'What's going on?' I say in a sleepy voice.

'I'm not sure. Just don't move a fucking inch Babes.'

It's blood I can smell and I want to roll over and see what the hell has happened. Am I bleeding? 'Floyd? Who's bleeding?' I want to say more but I think my voice will crack.

'Ah shit. Spence.' A sharp intake of breath. 'I think we have a problem.'

Then I realise that the sound of the wind I can hear includes the sounds of howling dogs and the shouts of people.

a/n: continue or not??? Let me know.