Lost Love

Disclaimer: Castle and the characters in the show are the property of Andrew Marlowe and ABC. I'm just borrowing them for a while.

Warning: This story is rated M for possible triggers and character death.

Author's Note: Just a little AU one shot set in my Wings of Fury timeline. This one's quite a departure for me so bear with me. I'm using a poem by A.E. Houseman that I used in a previous story but it's one of my favorites and I think it applies here as well. Swordwriter.

Kyra Blaine was having the worst day of a lousy month of a terrible year. Yes, she was Kyra Blaine again dropping that cheating bastard's name after the divorce. She'd been so happy after marrying Greg or rather she thought she was, despite the flutter in her heart and butterflies in her stomach when she saw Richard Castle before her wedding, during the investigation of the murder of one of her bridesmaids.

Richard Castle. Her first real adult love, the man she'd abandoned because of her parent's pressure. The man she hadn't seen in twenty tears. He's been Richard Rogers then. A young just published author. Her father claimed that he couldn't support her and her mother said that he was a bastard with no character. So Kyra had dumped him and fled to London. Oh had her parents been so wrong as had she. It wasn't Richard who had no character; it was her snobbish hypocritical mother who had no character. And herself.

Richard, now back to his birth name of Rogers was a multi-millionaire author and a decorated Marine pilot, having proved his courage and dedication as a young Marine in Iraq and again when he had been recalled just recently. No character my ass, mother. He has a hundred times the character of that phony oh so social scumbag that you were so proud of. So he was rich and from the Ivy League. He wasn't much of a man. Hell, he wasn't a man at all. Just a spoiled overgrown frat boy. He started cheating on me three months after we were married.

Kyra had gotten pregnant earlier this year. She'd been driving to meet some friends for lunch when she'd seen Greg in a sidewalk restaurant passionately kissing his mistress. She'd been so distraught that she run a red light and collided with a delivery truck. She wasn't seriously injured but she miscarried. The arrogant ass that she thought she loved only spent enough time with her to insure that she survived and went right back to his office and his mistress. Kyra filed for divorce a week later. Her divorce was final today.

It seemed that the world was out to get her today. Somehow she had tuned into a station that was playing sad country songs and an old Patsy Cline tune was on. "She's Got You" The old tear-jerker got her to thinking about what she'd lost. At first about Greg of course and about her lost baby.

Then she opened the paper, scanning through it. An article on the society page accompanied by a photograph hit her like a punch to the gut and she dropped the paper as the tears began to flow.

TWO HEROES WED.

All New York is abuzz today with one of the happiest occasions of the year although maybe not so happy for Richard Castle groupies. Or many of the single ladies of New York for that matter. Detective Kate Beckett NYPD was married yesterday to her long rumored love Richard Castle or as he's currently known, Lieutenant Colonel Richard Rogers USMC. Detective Beckett or should I say, Detective Rogers has been decorated for bravery by the NYPD and Colonel Castle wears the Navy Cross, two Silver Stars, the Distinguished Flying Cross and Purple Heart among others.

Richard Castle is the author of the immensely popular Nikki Heat series as well as the Derek Storm series. It is widely known that Kate is Richard's muse and inspiration of Nikki as Jamison Rook is Castle's literary alter-ego. The wedding itself was a glittering if intimate affair limited to family and close friends although Colonel Rogers was in dress uniform and they happy couple exited the chapel under the traditional arch of swords.

Both the wedding and the reception were held in the Hamptons, the reception at the author's Hamptons Estate under extremely tight security. This paper was not able to confirm the rumor that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge attended although it is known that the two couples shared a table and socialized at the Marine Corp's Birthday Ball.

It has been claimed that Kate is the most beautiful woman in the NYPD and there is good argument for that as she used to be a fashion model. She is certainly a beautiful bride.

Kyra cried for nearly ten minutes then picked up the paper and looked at the photograph. Oh they looked so happy. Even in the poor newspaper reproduction she could see the adoration in their faces. She slumped on the couch, thinking back. She could have had that if only she had followed her own heart and not her parent's pressure and her fear. She suddenly thought of a poem that expressed all too well where her heart was at.

The Land of Lost Content

Into my heart an air that kills from far yon country blows. What are those blue remembered hills, what farms what spires are those? That is the land of lost content I see it shining plain. The happy highways where once I went and cannot come again.

Kyra now mourned the loss of her marriage, the loss of her baby and the loss, so long ago of a bright and happy future. She remembered how easy it had been with him. How they had walked, hand in hand through the park on an early autumn day, aware of the soft breeze and gentle warmth of the sun but otherwise lost in each other. How his enthusiasm and eager curiosity enlivened their days. His quirky sense of humor and delight in harmless pranks.

She had loved how his gentle kisses could turn passionate and demanding, the mind blowing sex that would follow. She had reveled in the fact that when they were out, even if prettier girls were around he only had eyes for her. She had been thrilled at the success of his first book and that it was dedicated to her. She knew his loyalty. That if they had married, even as young as they were they would still be together.

She also remembered that terrible day when she destroyed everything, the desolation portrayed on his face when she told him she needed space and was going to London. She had expected begging, pleading and tears but it hadn't happened. He'd simply stood there and watched her walk away.

Weeks later, in London she realized how big a mistake she had made and hoped that he would, even expected him to follow her. He hadn't. She underestimated his strength and his pride. She didn't have the strength of character to return and defy her parents. When she finally came home, he was gone. She never knew where. She had followed his career after he returned to civilian life. But she was never strong enough to try and reconnect even after the disasters of Meredith and Gina.

She had seen pictures of Alexis on several occasions and seen her a couple of times at book signings she'd gone to but stayed in the background. Those memories especially stung after her miscarriage. If she'd only stayed with Rick she might have had a lovely, amazing daughter.

Instead she only had bittersweet memories and a burden of regret, a burden she might never lose. She walked into her study and opened the bottom drawer of her desk, a drawer she had always kept locked. From the drawer she took a photo of a young Richard Castle.

She gently raised the photo to her lips and kissed it. As the tears streamed down her face again she said; "Goodbye my love, my only love."

There was a short notice in the next day's morning paper.

Local artist dies.

Noted local artist and gallery owner Kyra Blaine, 42 was found dead in her condo this morning apparently cause of death was a combination of alcohol and sleeping pills. Speculation