This is supposed to be funny. Basically what happens to the pranks after Naruto leaves.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto in any way, but Ryu, Ren, Ria, Yugito and Sora are mine.
Itazura hanshu-Prank Lord
Edit: I tried posting this earlier, and I don't think it worked, but tell me if this story posted itself twice.
Edit two: Grararararaaaaaa! Fanfiction took out my page break! Sorry.
1. Permission
Dear Ria and friends,
I approve of your idea for the Prank Wars, but I have to lay a few ground rules:
No pranking any foreign diplomats. In fact, no pranking anyone foreign, I do not want to deal with the repercussions. Actually, no pranking any diplomats. Or council members, now that I think about it. If you guys do, I'm not going to argue your case in Court.
No pranks that cause any bodily harm to yourselves or others. You guys are paying for hospital bills. Oh, and you guys are paying for repairs if any buildings get damaged.
Don't break any laws. The ANBU captain has enough trouble without having to deal with you.
If too many people start complaining, I'm going to shut you guys down. Try to show some restraint, okay?
If you have any more questions on restrictions, come talk to me.
Uzumaki Naruto, Lord Hokage.
"Oh, my God…" Ryu breathed, looking over my shoulder. "We have Itazura hanshu-sama's signature!"
I shouldered him off. "I get to keep it! It has my name on it!" I snarled, and snapped at the hand that was sneaking over from the other side. "Hey!"
"Calm down, guys!" Ever logical, calm Ren shouted at us, tearing the paper from my iron-tight grip. "We can hang it up in the club house."
"Frame it, too." Yugito breathed, eying the paper hungrily, her fingers slipping a little too close to the dancing flames in front of her.
"And set a high-security system around it." Sora added, flipping his green hair over his shoulder.
"Yesssss." I hissed maniacally, causing the others to back away and groan. "It shall hang on my wall when I become Overlord of the world!"
2. Date?
Yugito, our klepto, pyro, schizo girl was going on a date.
With the enemy's brother.
"Yuu, please." I begged, watching her style her fiery red hair up on the top of her head. "You can't be serious!"
"Of course I'm perfectly serious." She snorted. "We're in the middle of the Prank Wars, remember?"
Oh. Was she planning something?
Ren shot Yugito a worried, calculating look, adjusting Ryu, who was taking up residence on the top of his broad, muscular shoulders. Yugito and I were like sisters to him—of course he'd be worried!
"If that guy does anything to you," Ryu growled, the effect ruined by his nerdy face and the fact that he was slipping off Ren, "I'll go over there and tear him limb from limb! I'll cut him in half, dick up! I'll cut, quarter, and burn him! I'll rip out his fingernails and drive splinters into his toenails! I'll burn him alive! I'll…I'll…let Ren come up with a really smart idea to torture him!"
"Electrocute him?" Ren suggested dryly.
"Yes!" Ryu shouted, giving the spark back to his imagination. "I'll starve him and then eat in front of him! I'll…" That was right about the point where I tuned him out and turned anxiously back to Yugito.
"Yugi, do you need me to follow you? I don't want my future minion's heart damaged just because of some stupid boy."
Yugito gave me a long look, just like she always did when I talked about taking over the world, and sighed loudly. It was strange to me, the thought that even though she was our pyro, schizo, klepto girl, she was probably the most normal of all of us.
I, for one, had delusions about taking over the world. Enough said.
Ryu came from a Clan that was prominently known for its geniuses; they were all small, had horrible eyesight and all were weak, nerdy and smart as ever. Their arrogance rivaled the Hyuuga's and Uchiha's, and they even considered themselves better than some ninja Clans even though they themselves were just civilians. They always held their heads up high, they always made trouble for Itazura Hanshu-sama in council meetings, and they always thought themselves on a need-to-know basis of everything, even classified information. The only people they considered on equal playing ground as them were the Nara's, and even then it was only because the Nara's were all lazy geniuses.
Except for our dear little friend Ryu.
Ryu was nothing like the rest of his family; sure he was small, had horrible eyesight, and looked like a complete nerd, but you should never let that fool you. He's as strong as an ox, and just as tough; probably dumb as one too. He's obsessed with fighting, blood, guts and gore, and only picks up a book when it's about fighting or if it's especially gruesome. Our little guy is not afraid to get down and dirty to get what he wants, literally; he's a lying, cheating idiot, but he knows that he's not as smart as the rest of us; that's what he hangs out with Ren for.
Ren is the exact opposite of Ryu, but somehow they attracted each other like magnets. Maybe it was the fact that Ren was so much taller and scarier looking than Ryu that the smaller boy hooked onto him; maybe it was the fact that Ren is obsessed with small, cute things, I'm not quite sure.
Ren's Clan is pure ninja; his brother can crack open a giant rock with his head and his sisters can snap off a perv's hand in five seconds flat. Not Ren; he's a big softie, and a little bit of a wimp, and he probably couldn't hurt a fly, even though he looks so much like a body-builder who likes picking on little kids. He also has incredible strength, which absolutely terrifies him. Ren is so skittish and jumpy, and so naïve. 'I believe in the goodness in people' Ren will say, looking at you with his big, dough-y eyes. He's not stupid, though. In fact, he's almost a genius; I'd say he's smart enough to be from Ryu's Clan, even though he doesn't have the right attitude.
Sora is our resident runaway; he's actually the son of someone really, really important, but he never likes to talk about it. What we gathered, though, was that Sora had always been unhappy living in his mansion with his servants and scrumptious food; he'd always felt there was something more important in life, something more he could be doing. This feeling intensified strongly when he learned he was in an arranged marriage with some girl he didn't even know. That's about when he ran away. However, what Sora was taught during his time at the mansion hasn't left him; he has enough charisma to thaw out the ice-cold ANBU captain Uchiha Sasuke, which is no easy feat. However, we have learned that this charismatic façade isn't his true face; he is actually a rudely blunt, sarcastic, sadistic little fellow who just loves leaks and pocky.
We don't know much about Yugito—she was an orphan, like me, and she's probably the most normal one among us. You'd think she were a normal girl from her personality; slightly girl, with little hints of darkness under the surface and a shrewd intelligence. Then you meet her pyro, klepto, schizo side; she's practically enticed by fire, anything shiny that you have she will have five minutes later, and sometimes she has hallucinations and acts completely insane. We don't care, though; that's what makes her special. However, other people aren't so accepting; that's why we're so…hesitant to let her go on a date.
"Ria…" Yugito said finally, sounding annoyed. "I'm not going to let some 'stupid boy' get under my skin, okay?"
3. More than we can chew
How did it come to this?
Just an hour ago, we were pranking the Hyuuga compounds, and now…this?
"Sasuke, Neji, you both need to calm down…" Itazura-sama said with a pained expression on his face, trying to placate both the Clan heads.
"It's your fault, somehow!" Neji shouted, so angry the veins in his face bulged, signature doujutsu showing itself.
"How the hell can it be my fault?" Sasuke shouted, ANBU mask cracking in one hand, Sharingan spinning wildly.
"How should I know? You've always been jealous of our Clan's prowess! That is the only explanation!"
It was quite unusual to see the two usually stoic Clan leaders arguing over something so trivial, so I took the moment to enjoy it. That is, until waves of heavy, powerful killer intent flooded the room, overlapped with something bloodthirsty and raw, something malevolent and just pure evil…
"Shut…up…" Itazura-sama growled, eyes red and pupils slitted, causing them to back down in alarm. He took a shaky breath, trying to control the anger coursing through him, before speaking. "Will you two just listen? Ria, come here. I'm sorry I scared you."
I blinked from my fetal position on the floor, tears threatening to overflow from my eyes, and the Clan heads glanced at me in surprise, as though just realizing a small girl was in the room.
"Tell them." He commanded softly, and I immediately obeyed, glad he wasn't so scary anymore.
"Me and my friends…" I silently cursed them for abandoning me to the wrath of the Hokage and two very angry ninja Clan heads. "We started a Prank War with a rival prank group, and we sorta…pranked the Hyuuga compound." I muttered the last part out, hoping they couldn't see my face.
"Then why was there an Uchiha fan spray-painted on the wall?" Neji asked tersely, giving Sasuke a scathing glance.
My mouth opened in shock. Ryu you devious bastard…
4. Results
We were having a very good pranking week.
There was an all-out war between the Hyuuga and the Uchiha Clan, the Aburame's were still cleaning up the mess of sticky bugs after we dumped honey in the hives, the Akimichi's were out for some serious blood after we spray-painted 'fat' all over their walls and took away their food, the deer in the Nara forest were all very pretty with their pink coats and red bows, and for some reason Ichiraku was boycotting noodles. And of course, the classic painting-the-Hokage-monument. Except for Itazura-sama, of course.
Yes, a very, very good week.
Not to mention the enemy's brother was turning into a lunatic. I wonder why…?
The enemy, a team of five, just stared at us like we were insane when we listed what we'd done.
5. Celebrate
Itazura-sama is a legend among legends.
He completed more pranks, caused more trouble, and created more chaos than anyone else in the business combined. He was fearless and brave, not to mention kind and happy. They say he inspired many children to walk down the path he did, including the Third Hokage's grandson and many more prominent figures.
However now he is stuck in some office somewhere, doing what he always dreamed of doing.
We inherit his legacy.
"WOOHOOOOOO!" Ryu shouted from the top of Ren's head, twisting around in wild circles. Ren let him, grinning just as widely in that way he does.
Sora had his rare-but-true grin on his face, staring at us all fondly, while Yugito danced around the room with a flaming baton in her hand.
I stood on the table, cackling loudly. "You'd expect nothing less from the future Overlord of the world!"
"Bring out the BOOZE!" Ryu said, already shimmying off Ren's head.
"Did you see their faces?" I laughed, reminiscing happily at the sight of the enemies faces contorted into shock and even horror.
"Especially when we hit them with that color-bomb!" Yugito grinned, pausing for a second to pat out the cloth that had caught on fire.
"We are AMAZING! The best prankers in the world! Besides Itazura hanshu-sama."
"Amen." Ren said solemnly.
"Amen." The others echoed, just as serious, before bursting into celebration again.
6. Kill me now
"Gaara, those kids will be the death of me. Actually, maybe it would be better if you just killed me now." Naruto moaned, staring moodily at his drink.
Gaara chuckled, though he could understand Naruto's unhappiness. It was impossible for a jinchuuriki to get drunk.
"Sasuke and Neji wouldn't talk to each other for weeks." He moaned, rolling his face on the table. "Gah, it was so troublesome."
"Careful, you're beginning to sound like Shikamaru." The Kazekage warned playfully.
"I don't care. Sure, the Prank Wars sounded like a fun idea, but…" A sigh.
"Now you regret it." Gaara finished for him.
"Yeah." Another sigh. "It was really, really funny though."
His mouth quirked into a small grin, and Gaara down the glass.
Uzumaki Naruto never changed.