The Damsel and the Idiot.
Disclaimer: I do not own Toy Story or any of its characters.
"You had me at hello," Seriously?
"I'm glad you think so, Miss." His voice was just as assiduous as he tipped his hat to the young redhead in infatuating greeting. A strong beam of sunlight carefully reflected off of his strong, hazel eyes holding so much serenity and determination within them it made her senses go completely berserk in mad flurries of humility and distortion. "Always is great to make such a fine impression on a pretty lady like you."
Why now?
"Oh, Sheriff," A shrill, caricature tone replied back harmoniously. Oh, for Tarnation's sake.The woman cupped her cheeks in her hands as if to exaggerate just how much disbelief she was in. Covet streamed through her at the mere sight of the valiant, haughty Sheriff standing proudly before her in that smashing uniform of his. Her blush turned the colour of confetti when he gave her the devilish smirk her dire lust craved for. "You were so brave out there defeating that mean, ol' One-Eyed Bart back there." Her body was attacked by a torrent-load of sensual shivers full of love and attraction. All directed towards her hero.
"Well, it's all in the job, lil' Missy." Hands on his hips, nothing could give the smug look on his face a lickin'. It held his charm and smashing-good looks in place as he used what came to him as second nature to win this young woman over. He thought it was going quite well.
Her cheeks began to reflect her scarlet locks as her senses frolicked. Diverting her longing gaze up the dirt-road street past the saloon and general store where the street began to fold around towards the farmlands of their town, it was almost near impossible to conceal her flushed expression. Utterly and physically down-right unfeasible.
"Oh, how are we ever going to thank you, my dear Sheriff, for all you have done for this town?" Now, this is just ridiculous.Her voice wavered through the air in search for the one thing she needed.
"It's mine to protect, ma'am." He said simply but smugly. "It's in my nature."
"And oh what a wise nature that might be, Sheriff." She drawled compassionately, taking a step towards him. He was aware of her current actions - and her alluring intentions - but still he didn't object to it. It was like some strange force had taken over him completely, wiping him clear of his logic and his common sense.
"You think so?"
"Oh, yes." She said, a smirk growing wide on her face. "I most certainly do." She sought his eyes and felt her heart stutter. It'd been love at first sight for her since the first time they'd met. So fond and charitable that it surprised even her - the toughest, roughest cowgirl of the entire Wild West. Flirtatiously, she reached out and delicately touched his rosy cheek. "So, you're still sure there's nothin' I can do to repay you, my hero?"
"Not unless you see acceptable."
"Oh, but I do." Her words dropped over him liked tender silk, wrapping around his body and heart like sweet velvet tassels and pulling him into a voluptuous trance like no other he'd been in before. His legs were starting to shake from the intensity of the gorgeous sensations coursing through him. It was sort of like how those Disney characters from the overrated novelty films showing around so much where the strong hero has to pour his heart out to the defenceless heroine. Yes - exactly like that - "After all, you've done so much. It's not too much to ask, y'know. That all heroes should be awarded a kiss from their sweetheart."
Oh, God, no!
"Well - if you put it that way-"
She was starting to lean in towards him now as she spoke. "You don't have to speak. Oh, you were so brave," And we've heard this all before. "Especially when you were saving the little green men from the big, mean ol' Doctor Pork-Chop."
"I guess so."
"Shh… Don't speak." And then she was only inches away. So close to pressing her lips against his. He was about to taste the warmth and feel the fragrant spice of her lips for the first time. And a part of him wanted to.
So close…
Until the scene fell apart completely. "Molly!" A knock on the door was heard, completely disregarded by Ms. Davis' immediate entrance. "We're heading down to your grandma's now, love. So gather up the present you made for her and then let's get going."
The blonde ten-year-old frowned. "But I was in the middle of a romantic playtime!"
That sounds odd.The older woman shook her head, retaining the urge to roll her eyes. Not moving from her place at the door, she urged Molly forward. "Come on, sweetheart. You can carry on with your games later."
Throwing out a huge sigh of exasperation, Molly lifted herself to her feet and trudged forward to her dresser where her grandmother's present was perched. She didn't take much notice of the toys she'd left sprawled all across the floor and Ms. Davis could find no energy to engage in yet another argument with her daughter, so mentioned nothing of it.
"Is Andy coming, too?" Molly asked half-heartedly, almost looking for something to hold against her very provocative mother. Unfortunately, nothing could be found on the matter. Pity….
"Of course, honey." Her mother drawled enthusiastically as Molly began to sloppily make her way towards the door. "He never misses out on his chances to visit Grandma Caren."
Yeah, right, the young girl thought bitterly as she left the room. Once the door had shut, the group made sure the adult and child were out of hearing range before sparking to life. Only heavy silence drawled as the redheaded cowgirl gave the shock streaming through her passage into her senses and nerves. She gagged.
There was no sympathy - no sympathy whatsoever - because, by the time she'd barely gathered up enough control to finally meet the faces of those around her, the toys burst out laughing. Due to her lack in experience being a damsel in distress, she was taken aback by their amusement.
"What?" She asked, impatiently, the corners of her lips dropping into a hearted frown when she received no answer above their hollers. "What are you all laughing at?"
No answer. In defeat, she finally turned her head towards Woody and was frankly shocked by his response to the situation. She'd have reckoned he'd at least be speechless, if not mortified, by Molly's imagination. However, in spite of her assumptions, he was doubling over in laughter. "Woody?" He barely even acknowledged her. "That was not funny."
He couldn't have disagreed with her more. She felt fuming with the anger and the abrupt fury that was starting to boil up within her nerves, threatening to topple over and scald her insides completely. He shouldn't be finding this funny, especially given the fact that he no longer had his sweetheart any more. She could've slapped him. It sounded very tempting at the moment.
"Looks like we have one flustered cowgirl here."
Jessie snapped her head towards her left. "Hobble your lip, Hamm!"
Someone in the crowd hooted their hilarity. It only added to Jessie's list of unfavourable emotions. Eventually, probably due to her skewered face, Mr. Potato-Head spoke up: "Geez. Just relax, kid. Before your top blows off."
"My top is not blowing off!"
"Oh, I don't like where this unpredictable scenario is heading!" Jessie turned her head again, this time to her right, to spot a nervous looking Rex cowering with his short arms trying frantically to cup his face. If not for her anger, she would've felt some sorrow for him. That poor, ol' Rex couldn't even touch his face.
She felt a hand touch her shoulder. Startled, she almost leapt out of her boots as she looked behind her to come face to face with the space ranger. "Perhaps you might like some seclusion, Jess?" His offer was genuine enough, but the embarrassment and fury in her emotions were just too overpowering to give into his one, simple request. Shaking his hand off of her, she charged out of their sight hiding behind the other side of Molly's bed.
Silence. And a lot of it. Hamm and Potato-Head exchanged glances, now becoming fatefully reminded of the situation that had just previously occurred. Suddenly, surprising everyone that'd been silenced by Jessie's conflicting exit, they were struck by yet another fit of laughter.
"Boy is she going to be mad at you, Sheriff." The spud proclaimed harmoniously, only to receive a very stern glare from his wife at his side. "She's probably upset because she didn't get to share that special kiss with the hero she's always had her eye on."
Even despite the situation, Woody was containing his laughter. "Very funny, Potato-Head." Actually, it was. Her reaction was absolutely priceless.
"If I recall correctly, you were the one who started laughing first." Hamm stated confidently, proudly standing at the spud's side. "So, before you even think about it, no - we are not apologizing."
"What?" The Sheriff exclaimed, truthfully quite astounded. Buzz positioned himself to his left and handed him a look that told him everything. "Buzz - I am not apologizing."
"She seemed really upset-"
"Forget it!" Woody countered, folding his arms across his chest quite smugly. The Space Ranger had to retain the urge to roll his eyes.
"And the valiant Sheriff saves the day!" Woody shot his look to his left, where he spotted Mrs. Potato Head jabbing her husband in the stomach with a very hard elbow. He sought out Buzz again and rolled his eyes.
"Why do I have to be the one to apologize?" Internally, he knew very well why he had to, but the shock was eating him up inside as well and he suddenly didn't know what to do. Sighing, he picked up the message from Buzz's hard stare. "Fine. But it won't do any good - I'll tell you that."
…
By the time he reached Jessie, his morals of the situation had been altered completely.
"You're embarrassed, aren't you?"
Her heart of seam and stuffing stopping dead in its tracks, her eyes grew wide when she sensed his presence. He was honestly the last person she wanted to see. By the time the unfathomable feeling within her began to topple over its container, her anticipation knew no bounds. "No!" She turned around promptly and sharply. "Of course I'm not!"
"You look it." Yep. He definitely shouldn't have said that, as she now looked like she could hammer him a lickin' right in the face. However, the joy of the moment, no matter how short-lived, just couldn't be overlooked.
"I. Do. Not." Morality was in the air. She could kill him right then and there. And even then half her ire would still be bottled up painfully inside, just waiting to throw itself on its nearest available target. Nevertheless, she knew that she could engage in no such thing, so took the teasing to the next level.
"You know, it's not always so hard being a character that needs to be saved." He stated fondly. "Andy has had Buzz save my backside loads of times."
"I don't need to be saved!"
"Yes, you do." Woody said. He knew he was going to get a lot of stick for this later on, but he just couldn't help himself. Within a few moments, he tossed himself over the line completely. "Just admit it. You are a Damsel in Distress." He should've seen this coming. Surging forward, she reached for him most likely in attempt to batter the living hell out of him. Fortunately, he was able to step away from her wrath just in time. Otherwise, he'd have hit the floor head-first. And that looked like no pleasant journey.
She managed to contain herself just long enough to spit: "I may be a damsel - I may be in distress. But call me that one more time, Woody, and I swear to God I'll rip your head off."
Even in spite of the fact that this sounded like the most appealing idea in the world, Woody thought it best not to take his chances.
Once her temper had started to settle, Woody realized it was now a safer time to step out of his façade. "It's my charm, isn't it?" He asked suggestively, risking a wink in her direction. She only rolled her eyes.
"Woody - " She began, point-blankly. "You're an idiot."
"A very brave one," He added, hands behind his back as he rocked back and forth on his heels. "You said so yourself, remember?"
"Oh, shut up." Now that her wrath had settled into half-hearted exasperation, she appeared no more than playful. She was about to turn, but yet another one of Woody's uncalled for comments made her delay her actions.
"But you are embarrassed, aren't you?" He probed, much to her aggravation. Why wouldn't he just seal his mouth? Before it leads him right into the intersections of trouble. "Or are you just disappointed because you didn't get to kiss your hero?" Turning her head only slightly, she shot him a heated glare that would only ever mean one thing. There! That was what he was looking for!
"No," She replied simply, throwing him an upbeat look. In reality, she wanted to rip out his guts. "If anything, the Sheriff's upset because he didn't get to kiss his damsel."
"There we go, cowgirl." Woody winked again. "That's the spirit."
"I'm so not interested in this conversation." Folding her arms across her chest in an act of superiority, she was forced to half her actions again when Woody tossed a remark that made her insides curl in absolute vexation.
"It's because you're yellow, isn't it?" That should do it. "That you're embarrassed by Molly's playtime?"
A hard sense of wordlessness passed through them as what the Sheriff said sunk in. It passed through Jessie, aggravating her to the desired effect. Throttling her completely, from the inside out, Jessie began to hate the very taste of the feeling. That she had been beaten - by this annoying rag doll. She wasn't going to deal with it.
As it turns out, her determination had its advantages as Woody hadn't expected her to take this much of a leap at all. That was until, completely out of the blue, Jessie crossed the room over towards the Sheriff and pulled him down forcefully by the fold in his bandana. And then she promptly pressed her lips against his before he could object to it any further. Fortunately for him, they were not being watched. When he pieced this together in his mind, the shock overcame him. He couldn't believe it! That she was kissing him. That her plastic lips could be warm but dry; tender but durable; luxurious but yet threatening. It was - it was-
- over before he knew it…
When she pulled herself away, suddenly feeling quite triumphant, she found herself smirking at his loss for words. "Who's yellow now, Sheriff?" Her grin grew sly when his stammer shone through. Returning the wink he'd given her prior to this, feeling she had the upper-hand with her victory all the while, she alluringly said: "It could be said you had me at hello."
And then she left - her optimism and smugness floundering absolutely everywhere while he just stood there like a complete idiot. Baffled, his touched his lips with his fingertips, his mind lost in some deep trance that had washed over him pretty much as soon as the shock had departed.
"You had me at you're an idiot."
A/N And this, people, is what my mind conjures up in the early hours of the morning. Well - a majority of it, anyway. Okay, so I hadn't wanted to mess with you all - again - so I tried to mesh a few of the strings together and came up with this rather absurd ending :/ Hmm…. I might just be thinking too much of the matter, but never mind.
Again, this is for the 'Woody x Jessie challenge' on Evelyn Knight's forum 'TS Fic Challenges. I'd like to thank her again for creating the challenge, because I did have quite a bit of fun with this ^_^
Oh, and apologies for the bland title. It was the only one I could think of that fit :P
~x~FanFicAddict02