The Lust Potion by the Insaniacs
Disclaimer: We don't own Remus and Hermione. We own ourselves. And what the hell, throw in Severus, Spike, and Seth!!! (Who we don't own…::SOB::)
It was a lusty night…
The Insaniacs had just kidnapped Remus and Hermione. And a bunch of other people…but we won't get into that…JUST yet…
So anyway! We gave them a lust potion….MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…the Insaniacs had just given them a room…hehehe…
Now, contrary to popular belief, we don't always think about sex…so, before the lust potion kicked in, they were playing chess. Then, once chess got boring, they got lusty…
WITH STRIP POKER!!!! Who won, you might ask? Well, no one…they didn't get that far…they kinda just skipped to the grand finale…
But we won't tell you all the gory details…
Let's just say that a werewolf was very…Very…VERY happy…
Meanwhile, in their own room, Kristine and Spike were having their own "chess"…with Spike being the pawn, and Kristine all too happy in being the queen…She had him right where she wanted him…
In a corner…
Poor pawn…
He can only move forward…
Right to her…
He could capture her…
But not before she could capture him…
So there was much capturing involved…
And tackling…
And handcuffing…
And whipped cream/cherries…
And…wait, what else?
"How about champagne, luv?"
"Nah, too soft…"
"How about my ::BLEEP::, luv?"
"A little TOO hard, but hey, I'm willing…" (Yes, let your minds draw their own conclusions…)
Olivia and Seth, on the other hand, were reenacting scenes from "Can't Hardly Wait"…
(AND NO, we don't own that, so stop wondering! You think we'd be writing fics about our imaginary lust objects if we DID own them???!!!)
Anyway, this scene was the very famous bathroom scene. Yes, the one with:
"What about YOUR shoes?"
"What about them?"
"Do they serve an orthopedic function?"
So THAT was how Argus Filch was very angry when he had to clean the bathroom…
But very happy once he discovered the Kama Sutra book…
Yeaaaaaaaaahhhhh…we won't tell you what he wanted to practice it with…
And YES that was a HUMONGO-hint about it being a 'what' he wanted to practice it with…
Let's just call it "Codename: Mrs. Norris" and let you be scarred for life…
::commencing the snickering::
And this is when we all get together…
Yes, in one room…
Rather kinky, wouldn't you say?
Veronica and Sevvie were, once again, like they always are,
in the Potions room…
"Veronica, pick another room for god's sake!!!"
"But…but…the desk, it's a very famous place!!! Do you know how many ::BLEEPS:: I've had on this very desk??!!" (Sorry, we have to keep this PG-13!!)
"Then get it consecrated or something!!!"
"Will do!! Later…much much later…after my 56th!! This night…"
"Dear lord…all that on the one desk??!!!"
"Uh-huh"
"Yes…HELL YES!!!"
"Shut up, Sevvie."
"Make me."
"Fine."
"And I'll leave you two to…uh…HUH…Spike, do you think we should try that one?"
"I don't think I'm that bendy, luv…"
"Sure you are!"
"WHY ARE YOU WATCHING???!!!" (Whether this is Veronica or Sevvie is up to you…)
"It's better than a book!!"
"Good point…ok, we get to watch you next time…"
"Ok, but I've gotta warn you…it could get messy…fangs and all…"
Crowd from Jerry Springer: JERRY JERRY!!!
Jerry: I'M BLINDED I'M BLINDED!!
"OH SHUT UP!!! WE KNOW YOU'VE SEEN IT ALL!!!!!! EVEN WITH THE GAYS!!!!"
Crowd: WE LOVE LESBIANS!!! WE LOVE LESBIANS!!!
"I'M NOT A LESBIAN!!!"
Crowd: Damn….
The very smutty end
So, what do you think of our story? Oh yes, if you didn't catch on, we don't own Jerry Springer, or the crowd…hehe.
Signed,
Richard M. Nixon
…Wait, that's Monty Python!
Oh yeah! Oops!
Signed,
The Insaniacs…and our moose…
WE WISH YOU A MERRY MWHAHA-ING!…AND MOOSE-PARTYING!!!
"You just can't let the Monty Python thing go, can you?"
"NOPE!"
"Fine, then at least add the llamas…"
"OK THEN, WILL DO!!"
40 Mexican Llamas were unfortunately sacrificed in the making of this fic…on the famous altar known as Veronica and Sevvie's potions desk…very messy…