Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto… but don't tell him that, he doesn't know yet.
"Aaahh… I feel refreshed and ready to take on anything!" A certain bowl-cut sensei stretched and gazed out his bedroom window to see that the sun was coming up. He flashed his signature smile to no one in particular and threw his covers back over his bed before making his way to the bathroom. First he would brush his teeth, then comb his hair, then take a shower, then do a few hundred morning push-ups, then run laps with his youthful pupil, and- well, you get the point. Maito Gai was going to be very busy.
Gai walked into his bathroom like he did every morning, in the same manner that you probably enter your own bathroom; calmly, relaxed. You would never expect something bad to happen in your own bathroom. Unless your bathroom has samurai assassins in it, waiting for you to go to the toilet before they lunge out and do their wicked deeds. But like most of you, I'm certain, Gai was not afraid of samurais attacking him when he went to the bathroom. The thought did not even cross his mind. However, what he was about to see when he looked in the mirror probably made him wish that had happened instead.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gai cried in agony. For there was a single strand of gray hair among his perfectly smooth black ones. "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!"
But it indeed was "happening". The Springtime of Gai's Youth was over. The Jounin's lower lip trembled, remembering all the good times he had as a young man. Those carefree years, all lost to him. And sooner than he expected them to be! Gai sighed, knowing that now was the time he had to do what he had planned for this sad day. He went into his closet and found what he needed before leaving the house.
"GAI-SENSEI!" Lee seemed to sense his teacher's prescence before he actually saw him. The boy spun around to hug him, but stopped himself. "GAI-Swhoa." He cringed.
"G-Gai-Sensei?" Neji's jaw dropped. "What the?"
"Ho boy…" Tenten sighed.
Gai had come to meet his team, but for some reason decided to walk all the way to their training spot with a walker. "LEE!" He smiled.
"Uh…" Lee twiddled his fingers. "Gai-Sensei? Why are you using a walker? Is there something wrong with your legs?" He looked worried.
"Hahaha! No, there's nothing the matter with my legs!" Gai chuckled. "But I'm afraid I have some… bad news." He ended his words dramatically, and Neji and Tenten rolled their eyes. Lee, on the other hand, looked curious.
"What is this bad news, Sensei?" He asked.
"Well, Lee. There comes a time in everyone's life when the Springtime of Youth must come to an end. This morning I found a gray hair on my handsome, manly head. It is a sign that I must resign myself to the heartbreaking truth and pass the torch down to you three." He ended his speech with a flashy smile, and Lee looked at his sense in awe.
"I will make you proud, Sensei!" He promised, saluting. "I will enjoy my youth to its fullest, and one day grow old with the same grace as you!"
"That's the spirit, Lee!" Gai encouraged him. "I'm afraid I must leave you alone now, to get accustomed to my new way of life. Enjoy your youth! While you can!" So Gai set off, racing to his next destination with the speed of Ninkame.
"He is so noble!" Lee admired. Neji shook his head.
"He's a fool." He corrected Lee. "And this is the most foolish thing he has ever done."
"Yeah!" Agreed Tenten. "Neji's right, Gai-Sensei isn't old at all! We gotta do something!"
"Hn." Neji closed his eyes, a plan forming in his mind.
"B4… B4… C'mon, say B4…"
Gai was sitting next to an elderly woman, playing Bingo.
"B4… or B6, now that I think of it…" Gai tapped his fingers on his table, waiting for the lady up front to pull out the next Bingo Ball.
"I83." She called out, scanning the room with her sharp eyes.
"BINGO!" The woman next to Gai stood up and threw her hands in the air. "WHOO HOO! COME TO GRANNY!"
"Congratulations." Said the announcer lady. "You may collect your prize after the game. Okay everyone, round 5!"
Gai sighed, annoyed that he had lost yet another Bingo game to all of these old women. He took another Bingo card and waited for the game to begin.
"N30."
"N30! I have that!" Gai smiled to himself and laid his counter down.
"O92."
"I have that, too!" Gai squealed. "I'm so good at this!"
"I17."
Gai chucked to himself and put down a counter.
"B65."
Gai elbowed the woman next to him and pointed at his card. "I'm sooo on fire." He bragged. The woman just scowled at him.
"G23."
"Aw, man." Gai looked down, disappointed. The older woman next to him laughed quietly and laid a counter down.
"G7."
"G7! THAT'S MAITO GAI BABY! B-I-N-G-O AND BINGO WAS HIS NAME-O! AW YEAH!" Gai jumped on the table and danced in his victory. Actually, it was the Moonwalk. Then The Robot. Then he did some break dancing. Then he did the Macarena. And in case you just tuned in, Gai was busy making it clear that he was very happy.
Hundreds of angry eyes were glaring furiously as Gai continued to dance. "Go Gai! It's your birthday! We gonna party like it's you're birthday! Go Gai! It's your- um, what are you all looking at me like that for?"
"GET HIM!" Someone in the back screamed.
"Wait a minute- OH GEEZ MY SPINE!" Gai was then pummeled by an angry mob of old ladies, with their purses and their canes and their Bibles and their grandchildren. He was in a lot of pain. You know that feeling you get when you get mauled by a subway train? It felt like that, only with two subway trains and an elephant.
"Oi… maybe Bingo isn't for me." Decided Gai, now in a wheelchair. "Hmm. Maybe I should go feed the pigeons. That sounds safe!" So Gai wheeled himself to the park, with a bag of crumbs in his lap and a smile on his face.
"Here birdies, birdies, birdies!" Gai called, throwing the crumbs around. "Come get your nutrients!"
Birds began to flock around Gai, happily eating the crumbs he provided them. They seemed to like him, and Gai decided he had found his true calling.
Then a huge, I mean HUGE, fat pigeon flew down and began eating the crumbs. Gai smiled at it, and threw some more bread on the ground for it. "Well hello there, pigeon! My, you're just bursting with youth!"
"Dat one dere's names Bubba." Said an old, hobo-esque looking man. "Sum round here say he ain't no good. Eats yur food, den eats ya up like a big ol' bread crumb. Dat dere Bubba, has teh appetite ova… uh… monster." He nodded his dirty head. "Myep."
Gai looked at Bubba again, sweatdropping. The pigeon seemed to be minding his own business, eating bread crumbs and ruffling his feathers.
Then, just as Gai was getting comfortable again, Bubba jumped on the hobo man and began to peck his head furiously. "NOT AGAIN! NOT AGAIN! THE FEATHERS! AURGH!" Screamed the man. Bubba then began to eat him, and Gai's facial expressions where those of fear, shock, disgust, and something I can't really describe. Finally, when all the squawking, crunching, and screaming sounds had died down, Bubba looked up at Gai expectantly.
Gai looked at Bubba.
Bubba looked at Gai.
Gai looked at Bubba.
Bubba turned his head to the side.
Gai, scared out of his wits by now, wheeled away from Bubba, and in his haste crashed into small pond. Bubba stared at Gai for a moment longer before flying away; leaving Gai to lift himself out of the water and collect what was left of his sanity.
"Okay, pull it together man, you can do this, I know you can." Gai had his game face on. "I AM MAITO GAI, THE PRIDEFUL GREEN BEAST OF KONOHA! AND I SHALL OVERCOME THIS WITH-"
"SHUT UP!"
Gai looked down at his hands. "…Fine." He muttered. This looked easy enough. Crocheting. He could make himself a nice scarf, something warm to go over his neck. After all, the elderly were always cold.
"Heeeyy…" A pudgy old woman sitting across from Gai smiled a toothless grin at him. "You're a handsome fellow, aren't you?"
Gai smiled. "Yes, I am." He beamed.
"I wasn't talking to you, sonny." She snapped. "I was talking to my husband! Isn't that right, snuggle-muffin?" She winked at the thin air beside her. "Remember what you used to call me when we was young 'uns?"
Gai sighed and went back to his project.
"I ASKED YOU A QUESTION, DAMMIT!" The old woman screamed. Gai stared at her in surprise.
"Wha…?"
"No, not that." She wore a half-smile. "Guess again, dear."
"Uh…" Gai was utterly confused. "Erm, I called you, 'honey'?" He guessed randomly.
"Mmhmm… among other things." She giggled an old person kind of giggle. "You were such a charmer."
"Why, thank you."
"WHAT DID I TELL YOU, BOY?" She screamed. "STOP INTURRPTING OUR CONVERSATION!"
"I wasn't trying to-" Gai shook his head. "Nevermind."
"WHAT?"
"I said nevermind."
"WHAT?"
"Nevermind."
"WHAT?"
"NEVERMIND!"
"DON'T YELL AT ME SONNY! I'MA GIVE YOUR HIDE A WHIPPIN' IT WON'T FORGET!"
Gai looked down at his scarf and saw that he had subconsciously crocheted a noose. "Oh for the love of…" He muttered. He got up and walked out of the class.
"What a polite young woman." The elderly lady commented.
Gai had given up trying to be an old person on his own. He had checked into a nursing home, and despite their awkward looks he convinced them that he was too elderly to take care of himself. Gai was now retired to sitting on a couch and watching Wheel of Fortune.
"I just love the rock n' roll music." Commented Gai's couch-mate, pointing at the T.V..
"Mmhm." Gai agreed. Then a nurse came by.
"Would you like some prune juice?" She asked politely.
"No thank you." Gai said. "But thanks for offering." The nurse leaned into Gai's face, and smiled sweetly. "Yes?" He asked.
"I'm afraid you don't understand the question." Said the nurse. "Would you like some prune juice, sir?"
"I'm afraid you don't understand the answer." Gai chuckled. "No thank you."
The nurse's eye twitched, and she grabbed Gai by the collar and growled. "Do you think this is some kind of optional service?" She hissed. "This is SPECIAL prune juice, and if you don't drink it then there will be consequences. Do I make myself clear?" Her fingers pushed themselves into his neck, and Gai sweatdropped again.
"Y-yes, ma'am."
"Good!" Her voice went back to cheerful and upbeat. "Would you like some prune juice, sir?"
"Y-yes please."
"Wonderful! I thought you might! Here ya go!" She handed him a glass of prune juice, and waited for him to drink it.
"Uh, thanks." Gai said, taking a sip. The nurse seemed satisfied and walked away. Then he saw Neji, Tenten, and Lee walk in. "Ah! My former students! What a surprise!"
"Gai-Sensei!" Lee's eyes were welling up. "You… you're…"
"Insane." Finished Neji. "Gai-Sensei, enough is enough. A gray hair does not make you old."
Gai laughed again, and shook his head at Neji's ignorance. "Hahaha! Poor, naïve Neji! I am afraid that there is nothing to do for me now, except watch me grow older in my hip, manly way!"
"Oh really? Watch this." Neji walked up to Gai, and yanked the gray hair out. "See?"
Everyone stopped doing what they were doing. People looked up from the T.V.. Two old guys looked away from their checkers game. A war going on in the Wind Country stopped momentarily. People stopped chewing their food. A dog and cat stopped chasing each other. Time stopped as the world looked at Maito Gai.
A baby began to wail, breaking the silence.
"N-Neji…" Gai began to cry. "Oh, Neji! YOU SAVED ME! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!"
"Gai-Sensei… please stop hugging me." Neji gasped, running out of air.
"Oh, sorry." Gai let go of his pupil. "I'm just so happy! I don't know what to do!"
"I can make a suggestion." Said Kakashi, who had just walked in. "You ought to really dye those gray hairs on the back of your head."
Review if you liked it and/or it made you laugh, please! Thanks you in advance!