Inglourious Pokemon Trainer Basterds
I do not own Pokemon or Quentin Tarantino films
"Ten-HUT! EYES FORWARD!" Seto Kaiba shrieked as a thousand soldiers stood front and center as a young man entered wearing a WWII US army outfit followed by a Pikachu with a cigar in his mouth.
"My name is Lieutenant Ash Raine-Ketchum, and I need me seventy eight soldiers, we're gonna be dropped into Pallet Town dressed as civilians, we're gonna be doing one thing and one thing only: Killin' Team Rocket members." Ash announced in a southern accent before adding "Sound good?"
"YES SIR!" all soldiers responded. "Members of the National Team Rocket Socialist Party have conquered and occupied most of the Indigo and Johto Regions through murder, intimidation, torture and terror. And that's exactly what we're gonna do to them. We will be cruel to Team Rocket, and through our cruelty they'll know what they're dealing with, and through the dismembered, disembodied, disemboweled and disfigured bodies we leave behind us. With our bootheels at the edge of our knives. Now Team Rocket will talk about us. They will be sickened and horrified by us. And they will come to fear us. They must be destroyed. Each and every member under my command owes me over 9,000 scalps! And I want my scalp!" Ash finished, as a bloodthirsty grin formed over Kaiba's face.
Meanwhile….
"A large group of American soldiers have formed a killing squad to eliminate Team Rocket members occupying Pallet Town and the Indigo Region. They call themselves the 'Basterds'" Colonel Oak spoke, as Private Yugi Moto listened with the admiration to become a member of this now infamous war group.
"what kind of soldiers are you?" Butch asked in terror as he stared at the decapitated head of a former Team Rocket commando. "we aren't in the prisoner takin' business. We in the prisoner-*killing* business. And cousin, business is a boomin." Ash spoke, munching on a sauerkraut sandwich.
"Now if you wanna survive, take your little Schweitzer and point out what we wanna know." Ash continued, as Brock and Tristan held a machine gun barrel to Butch's head if he should try anything stupid.
"Yo, Luffy! We gots a Team Rocket asshole who wants to die for his organization! Oblige him." Ash barked, lighting his cigar as Monkey D. Luffy aka 'the Wild Boar' strode toward Butch with a large baseball bat in his hands. Luffy raised it over Butch's head and clubbed it with a sickening crack.
Cassidy screamed in horror as the more feral Pokemon feasted on Butch's corpse. "ok now little lady, you gonna talk to us or are we gonna have to turn you over to Luffy?" Brock asked as Cassidy's eyes widened at the sight of Ash looting the German francs from Butch's corpse.
Later, at the theatre…
"WHO WANTS TO SEND A MESSAGE TO GERMANY?!" a voice on the screen roared as it suddenly switched to Mai Valentine. "*I* have a message for Team Rocket. That you are all going to die." Mai intoned in a thick Romanian accent as fires started billowing. Mai cackled maniacally as thousands of soldiers burst in and gunned down millions of Team Rocket members. "My name is Mai Valentine Dreyfus, and this is the face of Jewish-American vengeance." Mai's disembodied voice echoed as Brock and Kaiba shot repeatedly, Mai's evil laughter rising higher and higher in volume.
In the end…
"I think… this is my masterpiece right here." Ash spoke, as he and Yugi examined the bloodied swastika made on Giovanni's forehead.