A/N: Remember that time, when Kishi-chan decided to KILL OFF NEJI. FUCK.
I know he died forever ago but I just love Neji so goddamn much. It's why I obsessed over him in my 'theriouth romantic fanfiction guyth im thirteen and I write romanth fanfiction' days. God, what great (but thankfully over) days.
But I mean…why write a serious fanfiction to commemorate Neji? I know he was such a prude in the series BUT I'll bet he was such a party IRL AMIRITE.
Mmk. That's enough talking. Also please nobody get offended as I write this. In truth I actually support the LGBT community in a very serious non-joking way, and I just wrote this little piece of shit for laughs.
Disclaimer: I don't own the series because if I did there would be NO OTHER CHARACTERS OTHER THAN NEJI AND AKAMARU.
Disclaimer Parte Dos: This fanfiction, if you can even call it that, is not guaranteed to be of high quality. What I do guarantee is I smiled wickedly as I typed up every single word of it.
Enjoy.
"It'll be for a day."
"Hell to the fucking no."
"Ooh, sassy Shikamaru." Ino mewled in the corner, for no apparent reason. "Me likey."
Shikamaru actually gawked at Ino, who was now apparently insane, then turned back to the equally insane Neji.
"Do you need another run-through?" Neji asked, utterly serious. "I understand that this is complex."
Shikamaru wanted to punch something.
"No, Neji, it's not fucking complex. You want me to CROSS DRESS-"
"I believe I said temporarily identify yourself as an alternate gender-"
"So you can go to a gay bar."
"Shikamaru," Neji said, his frown deepening. Ino got the feeling some serious shit was about to go down since Neji never smiled, and if anything his frown deepening was sort of akin to watching a guava sag in the hot sun. God it was so hot.
She kinda wanted to meow again.
"Shikamaru," Neji repeated, since evidently Neji was deaf and couldn't hear his own voice. "I really, really don't want to go to the gay bar. Okay? But a mission is a mission-"
"Neji," Shikamaru said, in an equally condescending and falsely calm tone. "You get to choose your missions; remember how Tsunade changed Jonin policy?"
"-is a mission is a mission. And I can't walk into a gay bar without a partner? Like how fucking gay would that be?" Neji waved dismissively, then giggled.
Were Neji's nails filed?
Ino was practically growing a tail and blushing in a very sexual way (how does that work) in the corner. Neji was rolling his eyes as Ino batted her eyelashes at him and moaned for his mango guava-man skin.
Shikamaru did that thing where people pull down their cheeks and the pink part under the eye shows. (A/N: this is how I improved over the last three years guys.)
"Neji, if it's a gay bar, why do I need to dress up? Couldn't we just both walk in as dudes?"
"Noooooooooo SHIKA-CHAN. I need an uke."
"A wat."
"I need a bottom boy."
"I'm not following."
"The wide receiver. The underdog. The whiner. The tax attorney. Yknow."
"No I really don't fucking know."
"LET ME BE THE WIDE RECEIVER NEJEE!" Ino screamed, starting to look a bit like Garfield.
"Shut up, bitch!" Nejee spat. "Shikamaru, just do me a solid. It'll only be for a bit."
Shikamaru's undereye pink bags were still showing. "Kay wait. So we sneak into a gay bar. Then what."
"Then that's it." Nehjee replied peacefully.
"Why is the spelling of your name changing?" the audience asks.
"Exoticness. Right Ino?" Neahjiee smiled to no one in particular, since there was only Shikamaru and a cat left in the room. The live studio audience had also left.
Shikamaru finally let go of his eyes. "So we're just going to a gay bar for the hell of it, basically."
"You know it girl." Neahji33 grinned.
A few moments of silence passed as Shikamaru contemplated the biggest decision ever in his entire life ever.
"Okay." Shikamaru agreed, smiling lightly. "Give me the damn wig."
All was well.
Oh I know you caught that Harry Potter reference, you.
Thanks for taking the time to read this affront to all literature.
Also, for the love of all that is good in this world do not review this if you are actually going to give critique. If you're actually intelligent enough to give serious critique I question why you are reading GAY NEJI FANFICTION in your free time. Go read some Hemingway, intelligent ones!
All comments appreciated, trolls included.
Addition: This may be an inappropriate place to write something of this magnitude, but it's on my mind so I'm going to do this either way. I began writing this fanfiction just for fun, and I was having it. But whilst writing it I found out that Cory Monteith from Glee had passed away. Additionally, Kyle Massey from That's So Raven has cancer. I never knew either of them personally, of course, but I loved both of them on their respective shows and honestly the news hit me quite hard (as I'm sure it hit many of you hard). These two bits of news saddened me to the point it took about five times longer than it should have for me to write this. Not even quite sure how to express the shock I feel. Condolences to both families and fans all alike. :(