A few quick notes:
1) Omi, having been homeschool, would have known about biology and sex. Simply because he's naïve, doesn't mean he's ignorant.
2) My Beta's never seen Xiaolin Showdown, so all mischaracterizations are my own fault and are intentionally done. It is my hope that they are believable, but I welcome any and all criticisms. So please let me know if you find my characters to be unbelievably out of character.
3) This is going to be a Jack/Kimiko fic, with many unusual and unorthodox secondary pairings. And yes, I ship Wuya/Guan weird huh? :D
4) The timeline for this is set somewhere in the primary cast's late teens to early twenties. I will not be portraying any underage characters, as defined by my cultural view as underage (any character under the age of 17), as being sexually active.
5) I do not own Xiaolin Showdown.
It was during a Showdown for the Illuminated Truth - a lantern Shen Gong Wu that can force any person caught in its light to spill their deepest secrets - when Kimiko learned that Master Monk Guan and Wuya used to have a thing.
It was somewhere in between "Alternative uses for the Third-Arm Sash" and "Kept the whole district up for days" that Kimiko had decided three things: 1) Heylin/Xiaolin sex must be kinky as all get out. 2) She needed to invent a device that could selectively scrub out specific thoughts. And 3) Master Monk Guan kinda looked like a squished tomato when he was furious and blushing.
A quick glance at the others told her that everyone, save sweet little innocent Omi, was the same mixture of squicked, horrified and embarrassed as she felt. Jack, particularly disturbed by the Witch's casual "Inventive with the Lotus Twister," had taken to plugging his ears and singing show-tunes, loudly and off key, to drown out the mind-breaking images.
Kimiko couldn't help but giggle at how childish he was. Noticing her attention, Jack took it upon himself to belt out a spectacularly warbling version of The Golden Girls theme song. Complete with waggling eyebrows and crooked grin.
And Heaven help her, it was oddly charming... in that dweeby sort of way.
On the way home, after Guan had won the showdown and departed – probably to go seclude himself for another fifteen-hundred years, or until anyone associated with the eventful showdown was long dead – Kimiko and Raimundo were steadfast trying to draft the concept of Kimiko's thought erasing Shen Gong Wu, with Dojo chiming in a helpful tip here and there, while Clay was busy concocting a G-rated cover-story for Omi.
"Oh," Omi said, blinking owlishly after Clay had finished his completely fantastical cover story of a fictitious battle between Master Monk Guan and Wuya in where they ended up using the Wu in surprising and inventive ways and were so noisy the entire district was kept up by the sounds of "battle."
"Yeah, so you see. It wasn't what it sounded like," Raimundo said from his position near the front of Dojo's back, earning a punch from Kimiko and a groan from both Dojo and Clay at his poor choice of words.
"I see, I am most relieved then. For it had sounded like Master Monk Guan and Wuya had some very disturbing and graphic sexual encounters," the youngest and most naïve of the teens stated.