We were perfect together; perfect from the moment I met him. He was
charming, adorable, and smart: everything I searched for in an eighteen-
year-old package. He was moody a lot, but not to the point of which it was
unlivable. All things considered, it was quite tolerable. We were
inseparable for months.
Except for the catalyst.
I still loathe him somewhere deep inside my head, still loathe what
happened because of him. There's a part of me that makes me think, lets me
know that I lost the love of my life, my own external perfection to a braid
and a tight ass. We, Heero and I, we had this perfect little bond between
us. We could tell each other everything, share all our secrets. Well most
of them.
And he, that little braided shit, ruined everything.
He told me at the wrong time, in the wrong place, although if there were a
right time and a right place, I would never even be able to conceive of it.
To be specific, I believe it was around midnight, one evening in December.
We were lying on my bed, my parents gone for the evening. Neither of us had
anywhere to be and I had a condom on my bedside table, ripe for the
occasion. I was biting his neck, and fumbling with the buckle on his belt
when he suddenly pushed me away. I stared up at him, dumbfounded. The
darkness outside caught his Prussian blue eyes perfectly, the kind of
perfection that lets you know that no good can come from it except in
shitty cliché movies.
"Mel, I need to tell you something."
I reached my hand forward to brush his bangs out of his eyes. Right before
my fingers touched his forehead he turned away. "You can tell me anything,
babe." And I meant it, right up to that point.
"I'm gay."
Except for that.
"And I'm in love with Duo."
That, too.
I couldn't do anything. I could only stare.
"I didn't do it on purpose or anything. I wasn't trying to lead you on, or
play games with you or shit like that."
Stare.
"I didn't mean for it to work out like this. I mean, I still really care
about you. You're still one of my best friends. I just... I can't do this."
Stare.
"We can still be friends, right?"
STARE.
"Mel, please, please say something."
Does vomiting count as commenting?
I'm just wondering because that's what I did. I threw up all over my
fucking carpet. I threw up on a bit of Heero's pant leg, gagging up all the
spit that had passed from his mouth into mine, and anything I'd eaten in
the last year or so. The nachos I had split with Duo that evening came
bubbling up. The little bit of fluff on Duo's shoulder that I got after I
bit him after he tackled me. The only things that didn't flood out of my
system in that wave of puke were my rage, my anger, my hurt, and my envy.
My boyfriend had fallen for his best friend's cock. I was about to have sex
with a fucking queer. Christ damn.
"Ah! Shit, Mel! Come on." He picked me up, ignoring the fact that I had
just relieved myself of nachos and sweater fuzz on his jeans. My head
lolled against his shoulder, as he carried me to the bathroom. I felt his
biceps, the pulse in his veins throbbing against my back. They had this
beautiful, sexual quality to them that made me wish I threw up more often.
He set me down in front of the toilet, without realizing that I had no more
regurgitated sacrifices to offer to the porcelain god. I gave him a
complimentary gag because I felt sorry for him. Misplaced sympathy is a
nasty habit of mine.
After I regained feeling in my legs, and we had cleaned up most of the
evening that had spilled out onto my floor, I sat down cross-legged on my
bed, staring at him. Every time I looked into his eyes, I wanted to jump on
him and fuck his brains out. Is that so much to ask?
He wrapped me in his arms. I loved that warm affectionate touch of his,
even though it was costing me the better part of my heart to have him so
close to me and know that it would never be any closer. For some reason, at
that instant, I got a flash of Duo, sweating and shirtless, Heero the same,
rubbing their bodies together. I retched again. Heero jerked back quickly.
He was standing there in his boxers while we washed his pants. He'd had
enough vomit for one evening, as had I.
"Listen, Mel... I know this is hard for you, but... I need a favor."
I rolled my eyes, but kept looking at him. Fantastic. A favor for the
girlfriend-leaving homo. Of course, I'm just ever so willing to oblige.
Ass.
"I need you... to pretend you're still my girlfriend."
I was sure I threw up everything. I could feel something else rising in my
throat. That wasn't vomit. It was pure and unadulterated rage, rage at this
little fucker who had just thrown my heart on the ground and held an
aerobics class on it, and who had the nerve to ask me to do the one thing
he didn't want to do with me in the first place. I tried to keep it cool,
knowing rage would only fuck the situation over.
"Why the hell would I do that?" That philosophy didn't work as well as I
thought it would.
He sighed, and sank down onto my bed beside me. Here comes the urge to take
him for my own again. I tried to quash it with some mental images of Brad
Pitt. No guarantees are made. "Because... I mean, I don't know why you
would... but it would mean a lot to me if you did." He looked up at me with
those innocent eyes, eyes that have taken my heart to higher heights and
deeper depths than I ever imagined possible. "You're one of my best
friends, Mel. I need you."
How could I fucking say no?
So, I kept his secret. We went on "dates," which meant, more often than
not, that we went to Duo's place, rotated making dinner and watched old
movies. It also meant that on more than one occasion I would get shit-faced
drunk and run around the tennis courts screaming like a banshee with random
pairs of underwear on my head while Duo and Heero were up in Duo's room,
probably humping. I tried not to think about it.
Slowly, however, I spent less and less time with Heero. He barely noticed.
He and Duo were blissfully happy in their web of lies. I stayed at home,
lying on my bed, eating Zebra Cakes (Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Ho-Hos, Nutty
Bars and Sno-Balls all being too poorly named for my taste at the time)
doing crossword puzzles. That was all, of course, until the day that the
perfect world of Heero and Duo came crashing down around them, thanks to me
and my mouth that shot the ages.
We call this day the Frozen Turkey Day.
My mother brought home a frozen turkey from the grocery store and announced
to me that I was going to help her cook it. I was two seconds from telling
her to fuck off. She came into the room, hands on her hips with her sleeves
rolled up to the elbow. I stared up at her for a brief instant, and then
turned back to my magazine. "Gray-yellow color." Four letters.
"Melody, I need you to help me stuff the turkey."
Ecru.
"Mom, I'm not going to stuff the turkey."
"And why not? I asked you to, didn't I? The least you could do is help me."
"I don't want to stuff the goddamned turkey because it makes me think of my
ex-boyfriend stuffing his monstrous cock into his best friend's ass. So,
fuck off."
I didn't say that. Well... I didn't say the better part of that.
I crossed off one clue on the list. "Fuck off, Mom."
The f-bomb dropped on my mom like the a-bomb in Japan. It was all over for
me.
"Get up, Melody. Right now."
"No. I'm staying here."
"I'm sick of you moping around the house all day. You're going to help me
with this turkey." My mother wrapped her claws around my arm, talons
sinking in deep as she tried to rip me off my bed and to my feet. I feel
like Jesus. I don't know why. I'm pretty sure that Mary never gave Jesus
the shaft to go and bang Martha. Then again, I never was very good at
reading between the Biblical lines.
"Fuck you!" I screamed, hurling my pen into the air. It caught her
shoulder, but didn't delay her pull on me. "Get the hell off of me!!"
"Melody Ann Rayborn. You do not talk to me like that do you understand? I
have tried to be patient with you, I have tried to get you out and about
but you won't do anything. What is wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me? You want to know what the hell is wrong with me?" I
had swallowed my emotions for too long. "Heero Yuy is fucking gay, Mom.
He's using me as his beard so no one finds out that he's banging Duo
Maxwell. When we go over to Duo's place, it means that I eat pasta and get
plastered so that I don't even care that they're having sex. And you were
so dense that you tried to get me to plaster a turkey with bread crumbs, as
though that weren't enough sexual innuendo to make my intestines bleed."
And now, I am fucked.
I'm now wandering the streets aimlessly. My mom has temporarily booted me
from my house. The turkey is laying the sink, utterly forgotten, with the
stuffing expiring beside it. She's probably downed three plus glasses of
wine, anticipating the return of my father. She probably wants to discuss
my profuse profanity first, followed by my psychological state, followed by
my "alcoholism." I wander to the front of Heero's house. Quickly, I scale
the fence and leap to the roof, having no real idea as to what the hell I'm
doing there. I knock on his window gently. He opens it up to let me in, and
I can't help it. I collapse into his arms in a fit of tears. He pulls me in
close to him and leads me to his bed, where I sit down, locked in his
embrace. He smoothes my hair with his hands, and I can feel something
inside me, something building, almost burning. I need him; I want him, want
to touch him, and taste him and to be with him all over again, like nothing
was ever wrong. I pulled away for an instant, and looked up to him. He
stared back into my eyes, and I saw pity. I didn't want to see pity. I
wanted to see the same warmth, the same loving affection I'd seen grace his
eyes when we'd first started dating. I wanted him to look at me with the
look of love, the look that sitcom women dreamed of from their husbands or
prospective lovers. I breathed in deeply, and then stretched up, pressing
his lips to mine. He put his hands against my shoulders, and pushed me
away.
"Mel, listen I--"
"I know, I know. I'm not asking you to be with me, I just need to be kissed
right now." I didn't wait for his response. I kept kissing him, running my
hands over his body and my tongue across his lips. He didn't move, wouldn't
part his lips for me, or put his hands on me, but I didn't give a fuck. I
didn't care about anything but being back there, kissing Heero Yuy, like
I'd wanted to for so long now. Too long I had lied to everyone. Too long I
had felt the tension in Heero's arm as he put it over my shoulder when we
passed friends, and watched Duo's face twitch ever so slightly with
jealousy. Too long had I been a slave to this beautiful boy with no reward
except for alcohol. He was trying to talk to me, but I took his parting
lips as an excuse to put my tongue into his throat. My hands weren't even
taking orders any more, just running wild through his hair and his neck,
under his shirt, around his belt. I reached nirvana for one second, this
moment of utter perfection when I felt what I'd wanted to feel for these
last few months of silence. And then, in an instant, it all came crashing
down.
"Hey, Hee-chan! I hope you're ready because I brought Bawls and Bloody Mary
Mother of Christ! What the fuck is going on?"
I turned around two seconds to late to pull my hands from his pants. Duo
was staring at Heero and me, utterly breathless, his cobalt eyes twinkling
with a mixture of pain and tears. In his hand, he held a six-pack of blue
bottles, his boots poking off the edge of the windowsill. He scowled at me,
then Heero, and then at me again.
"Way to go, you little slut. You couldn't just fucking let me be happy
could you? I haven't done anything to you--"
"Except turn my fucking boyfriend gay! Thanks a lot for the fucking send-
off."
"So, now you're macking on your gay ex? To what point and purpose? I mean,
Jesus Christ, if he's really gay, which I'm starting to doubt--"
"Duo, I'm--"
"Hey, guess who wasn't finished talking, man-slut?" Duo's voice had this
unmistakable viciousness to it, a tone that I had never heard before. Most
people don't get to the point of pissing Duo off. Heero's mouth snapped
shut, and he wiped some of my spit off his face. Bad timing. "If he's
really gay, you're wasting your time, and if he's not then... you know
what? Fuck this. I'm outie. Here." He tossed to six-pack on Heero's bed.
"Extra energy for you two hetero-sluts. Best of luck." He pulled back from
the window and climbed down. As soon as I could poke my head out, he had
disappeared, one of Duo's special magic tricks.
As for Heero, he was filled with an impure, unadulterated rage at best. And
at best, I knew I didn't want to be there. I began to back up slowly,
trying to slip out of his door unnoticed.
"Thanks a lot, Mel. You really fucked this up for me, you know that?"
"Oh, right, like you didn't fuck things up for me. I was about to have sex
with you, and then you fucking tell me you're gay? What the hell is that
Heero?"
He sighed, running one hand through his bangs. Goddamn, he's hot. If I
hadn't fucked this up for him so badly, I'd take him, right here and right
now. I stayed close to the wall. This was my fault. I was so fucked. "Look,
I know that this didn't work out the best of ways for you, and I'm sorry,
okay? But... I mean... you make me happy, as a friend. You tell great jokes
and you make me laugh. But Duo... I mean, Duo just makes me happy, you
know? I know my parents would hate it, but I mean this isn't
experimentation. I'm not just using him for sex or anything like that. I
really do love him." He looked up at me, and for the first time, I thought
I could see a tear running down one cheek. "I'm sorry this worked out
shitty for you, but... I was just so happy to finally be with him, you
know?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I felt like the biggest bitch ever. Even
bigger than that Relena chick, or Lizzie Borden who sliced up her parents.
I felt horrible for taking away his happiness. I nodded back to him. "It'll
be okay," I whispered. I knew I had to pull a little magic of my own, and I
slipped out his bedroom door silently, and left him alone. I knew he would
cry.
I ran through his backyard and hopped the fence. I ran down the street
until I could feel a battery acid burn flowing through my veins. Blood
pounded in my brain and sweat slithered down my forehead as I ran all the
way to Duo's place.
I stopped in front of his door, and knew that this would take some effort.
I'd been here before, and I knew that he would come back home. I just had
to get to his room. I walked around for a little while, until I caught
sight of a ladder, leaning against his neighbor's fence. I climbed up it,
and jumped to Duo's windowsill. The window slid open easily, and I tumbled
into his bedroom with less grace than I had hoped.
Duo was standing in his closet, wearing no shirt, with his back to me, and
his braid hanging down past his ass. "Go away," he muttered. He didn't even
know who I was, hadn't even turned around. He pulled on a T-shirt, and
glanced behind him. "Oh, fuck. What the hell do you want?"
I swallowed hard again. I was trying to catch my breath, but it was caught
in my throat. I stepped closer to him, but I still didn't know what to say.
I knew what I should do. I knew what I could do. Oh, fuck it. I did it.
I kissed him.
I have to say that it was not overly difficult to do, or even conceive of
doing. I'd fantasized about kissing him once or twice after I'd met him,
and never found myself curious as to what Heero found so appealing about
him. The fact that he was gay couldn't stop me. I had a mission. Duo's
hands fought to push me away, but I caught his face in my hands and pulled
him closer. I ran my tongue over his lips, and slid my hair into his bangs
and down his chest, and it wasn't until then that he managed to shove me
away. He was a strong little fellow, and I ended up slamming into his bed
and bouncing back off and hitting the floor. Not the most fun little
escapade either, believe you me, as I landed on the iron of the bed frame.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"You're even!" I exclaimed. He stared at me. "You and Heero. You're even. I
forced him to kiss me, and I forced you to kiss me, so now you're both
even. Go back to square one, that place you were before I fucked it up. Go
back to his house now, and drink your Bawls and be happy, goddammit!
Because I want you two to be happy. Together."
"Mel, it doesn't work that way."
"Why fucking not? He didn't want to kiss me! He felt sorry for me because I
stumbled into his room after my mom got pissed at me. You two are so
amazing together. I wish I could find someone to look at me the way Heero
looks at you, when he knows that no one else will know. I wish that I could
go to bed knowing that the next day, there would be someone there to hold
me in their arms and whisper nothings into my ears, even if they meant
something." I could feel myself crying now, but I didn't stop. "I wish I
could wake up every day and look forward to seeing someone the way you do,
and I don't want you two to break up over something stupid like this. You
guys are perfect for each other. Take it and run with it for Christ's sake!
Don't let me or your parents, or anyone else stand in the way." I got
quiet, and I stared straight into Duo's eyes as I said the final words.
"Run with it."
And so, they did.
That night, the two of them hopped a transport to L3, far away from here.
They set up shop, and built a whole new life, away from here. Neither of
them finished high school, but neither of them had to. They tested their
ways to a degree, and now they run a club called The Mine Shaft Gap,
something of a safe haven for gay and lesbian teens on the colony. I'm
really proud of them. They write me all the time, and I write them back. As
soon as I graduate, I'm going to pack up and live there with them. But that
will be awhile.
My mother and I haven't spoken of the Frozen Turkey Incident in quite some
time. She did temporarily ship me off to an alcoholism clinic, which I
despised and didn't need, but agreed to anyway, because I didn't want to be
at my house. We also haven't eaten turkey in quite awhile. She's figured
out that living here is just my way of biding my time until I can get out
and sing my new diamond song in the world after high school.
And all we can do is be cool with that.
Happy Thanksgiving, kids. Enjoy your turkeys.
charming, adorable, and smart: everything I searched for in an eighteen-
year-old package. He was moody a lot, but not to the point of which it was
unlivable. All things considered, it was quite tolerable. We were
inseparable for months.
Except for the catalyst.
I still loathe him somewhere deep inside my head, still loathe what
happened because of him. There's a part of me that makes me think, lets me
know that I lost the love of my life, my own external perfection to a braid
and a tight ass. We, Heero and I, we had this perfect little bond between
us. We could tell each other everything, share all our secrets. Well most
of them.
And he, that little braided shit, ruined everything.
He told me at the wrong time, in the wrong place, although if there were a
right time and a right place, I would never even be able to conceive of it.
To be specific, I believe it was around midnight, one evening in December.
We were lying on my bed, my parents gone for the evening. Neither of us had
anywhere to be and I had a condom on my bedside table, ripe for the
occasion. I was biting his neck, and fumbling with the buckle on his belt
when he suddenly pushed me away. I stared up at him, dumbfounded. The
darkness outside caught his Prussian blue eyes perfectly, the kind of
perfection that lets you know that no good can come from it except in
shitty cliché movies.
"Mel, I need to tell you something."
I reached my hand forward to brush his bangs out of his eyes. Right before
my fingers touched his forehead he turned away. "You can tell me anything,
babe." And I meant it, right up to that point.
"I'm gay."
Except for that.
"And I'm in love with Duo."
That, too.
I couldn't do anything. I could only stare.
"I didn't do it on purpose or anything. I wasn't trying to lead you on, or
play games with you or shit like that."
Stare.
"I didn't mean for it to work out like this. I mean, I still really care
about you. You're still one of my best friends. I just... I can't do this."
Stare.
"We can still be friends, right?"
STARE.
"Mel, please, please say something."
Does vomiting count as commenting?
I'm just wondering because that's what I did. I threw up all over my
fucking carpet. I threw up on a bit of Heero's pant leg, gagging up all the
spit that had passed from his mouth into mine, and anything I'd eaten in
the last year or so. The nachos I had split with Duo that evening came
bubbling up. The little bit of fluff on Duo's shoulder that I got after I
bit him after he tackled me. The only things that didn't flood out of my
system in that wave of puke were my rage, my anger, my hurt, and my envy.
My boyfriend had fallen for his best friend's cock. I was about to have sex
with a fucking queer. Christ damn.
"Ah! Shit, Mel! Come on." He picked me up, ignoring the fact that I had
just relieved myself of nachos and sweater fuzz on his jeans. My head
lolled against his shoulder, as he carried me to the bathroom. I felt his
biceps, the pulse in his veins throbbing against my back. They had this
beautiful, sexual quality to them that made me wish I threw up more often.
He set me down in front of the toilet, without realizing that I had no more
regurgitated sacrifices to offer to the porcelain god. I gave him a
complimentary gag because I felt sorry for him. Misplaced sympathy is a
nasty habit of mine.
After I regained feeling in my legs, and we had cleaned up most of the
evening that had spilled out onto my floor, I sat down cross-legged on my
bed, staring at him. Every time I looked into his eyes, I wanted to jump on
him and fuck his brains out. Is that so much to ask?
He wrapped me in his arms. I loved that warm affectionate touch of his,
even though it was costing me the better part of my heart to have him so
close to me and know that it would never be any closer. For some reason, at
that instant, I got a flash of Duo, sweating and shirtless, Heero the same,
rubbing their bodies together. I retched again. Heero jerked back quickly.
He was standing there in his boxers while we washed his pants. He'd had
enough vomit for one evening, as had I.
"Listen, Mel... I know this is hard for you, but... I need a favor."
I rolled my eyes, but kept looking at him. Fantastic. A favor for the
girlfriend-leaving homo. Of course, I'm just ever so willing to oblige.
Ass.
"I need you... to pretend you're still my girlfriend."
I was sure I threw up everything. I could feel something else rising in my
throat. That wasn't vomit. It was pure and unadulterated rage, rage at this
little fucker who had just thrown my heart on the ground and held an
aerobics class on it, and who had the nerve to ask me to do the one thing
he didn't want to do with me in the first place. I tried to keep it cool,
knowing rage would only fuck the situation over.
"Why the hell would I do that?" That philosophy didn't work as well as I
thought it would.
He sighed, and sank down onto my bed beside me. Here comes the urge to take
him for my own again. I tried to quash it with some mental images of Brad
Pitt. No guarantees are made. "Because... I mean, I don't know why you
would... but it would mean a lot to me if you did." He looked up at me with
those innocent eyes, eyes that have taken my heart to higher heights and
deeper depths than I ever imagined possible. "You're one of my best
friends, Mel. I need you."
How could I fucking say no?
So, I kept his secret. We went on "dates," which meant, more often than
not, that we went to Duo's place, rotated making dinner and watched old
movies. It also meant that on more than one occasion I would get shit-faced
drunk and run around the tennis courts screaming like a banshee with random
pairs of underwear on my head while Duo and Heero were up in Duo's room,
probably humping. I tried not to think about it.
Slowly, however, I spent less and less time with Heero. He barely noticed.
He and Duo were blissfully happy in their web of lies. I stayed at home,
lying on my bed, eating Zebra Cakes (Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Ho-Hos, Nutty
Bars and Sno-Balls all being too poorly named for my taste at the time)
doing crossword puzzles. That was all, of course, until the day that the
perfect world of Heero and Duo came crashing down around them, thanks to me
and my mouth that shot the ages.
We call this day the Frozen Turkey Day.
My mother brought home a frozen turkey from the grocery store and announced
to me that I was going to help her cook it. I was two seconds from telling
her to fuck off. She came into the room, hands on her hips with her sleeves
rolled up to the elbow. I stared up at her for a brief instant, and then
turned back to my magazine. "Gray-yellow color." Four letters.
"Melody, I need you to help me stuff the turkey."
Ecru.
"Mom, I'm not going to stuff the turkey."
"And why not? I asked you to, didn't I? The least you could do is help me."
"I don't want to stuff the goddamned turkey because it makes me think of my
ex-boyfriend stuffing his monstrous cock into his best friend's ass. So,
fuck off."
I didn't say that. Well... I didn't say the better part of that.
I crossed off one clue on the list. "Fuck off, Mom."
The f-bomb dropped on my mom like the a-bomb in Japan. It was all over for
me.
"Get up, Melody. Right now."
"No. I'm staying here."
"I'm sick of you moping around the house all day. You're going to help me
with this turkey." My mother wrapped her claws around my arm, talons
sinking in deep as she tried to rip me off my bed and to my feet. I feel
like Jesus. I don't know why. I'm pretty sure that Mary never gave Jesus
the shaft to go and bang Martha. Then again, I never was very good at
reading between the Biblical lines.
"Fuck you!" I screamed, hurling my pen into the air. It caught her
shoulder, but didn't delay her pull on me. "Get the hell off of me!!"
"Melody Ann Rayborn. You do not talk to me like that do you understand? I
have tried to be patient with you, I have tried to get you out and about
but you won't do anything. What is wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me? You want to know what the hell is wrong with me?" I
had swallowed my emotions for too long. "Heero Yuy is fucking gay, Mom.
He's using me as his beard so no one finds out that he's banging Duo
Maxwell. When we go over to Duo's place, it means that I eat pasta and get
plastered so that I don't even care that they're having sex. And you were
so dense that you tried to get me to plaster a turkey with bread crumbs, as
though that weren't enough sexual innuendo to make my intestines bleed."
And now, I am fucked.
I'm now wandering the streets aimlessly. My mom has temporarily booted me
from my house. The turkey is laying the sink, utterly forgotten, with the
stuffing expiring beside it. She's probably downed three plus glasses of
wine, anticipating the return of my father. She probably wants to discuss
my profuse profanity first, followed by my psychological state, followed by
my "alcoholism." I wander to the front of Heero's house. Quickly, I scale
the fence and leap to the roof, having no real idea as to what the hell I'm
doing there. I knock on his window gently. He opens it up to let me in, and
I can't help it. I collapse into his arms in a fit of tears. He pulls me in
close to him and leads me to his bed, where I sit down, locked in his
embrace. He smoothes my hair with his hands, and I can feel something
inside me, something building, almost burning. I need him; I want him, want
to touch him, and taste him and to be with him all over again, like nothing
was ever wrong. I pulled away for an instant, and looked up to him. He
stared back into my eyes, and I saw pity. I didn't want to see pity. I
wanted to see the same warmth, the same loving affection I'd seen grace his
eyes when we'd first started dating. I wanted him to look at me with the
look of love, the look that sitcom women dreamed of from their husbands or
prospective lovers. I breathed in deeply, and then stretched up, pressing
his lips to mine. He put his hands against my shoulders, and pushed me
away.
"Mel, listen I--"
"I know, I know. I'm not asking you to be with me, I just need to be kissed
right now." I didn't wait for his response. I kept kissing him, running my
hands over his body and my tongue across his lips. He didn't move, wouldn't
part his lips for me, or put his hands on me, but I didn't give a fuck. I
didn't care about anything but being back there, kissing Heero Yuy, like
I'd wanted to for so long now. Too long I had lied to everyone. Too long I
had felt the tension in Heero's arm as he put it over my shoulder when we
passed friends, and watched Duo's face twitch ever so slightly with
jealousy. Too long had I been a slave to this beautiful boy with no reward
except for alcohol. He was trying to talk to me, but I took his parting
lips as an excuse to put my tongue into his throat. My hands weren't even
taking orders any more, just running wild through his hair and his neck,
under his shirt, around his belt. I reached nirvana for one second, this
moment of utter perfection when I felt what I'd wanted to feel for these
last few months of silence. And then, in an instant, it all came crashing
down.
"Hey, Hee-chan! I hope you're ready because I brought Bawls and Bloody Mary
Mother of Christ! What the fuck is going on?"
I turned around two seconds to late to pull my hands from his pants. Duo
was staring at Heero and me, utterly breathless, his cobalt eyes twinkling
with a mixture of pain and tears. In his hand, he held a six-pack of blue
bottles, his boots poking off the edge of the windowsill. He scowled at me,
then Heero, and then at me again.
"Way to go, you little slut. You couldn't just fucking let me be happy
could you? I haven't done anything to you--"
"Except turn my fucking boyfriend gay! Thanks a lot for the fucking send-
off."
"So, now you're macking on your gay ex? To what point and purpose? I mean,
Jesus Christ, if he's really gay, which I'm starting to doubt--"
"Duo, I'm--"
"Hey, guess who wasn't finished talking, man-slut?" Duo's voice had this
unmistakable viciousness to it, a tone that I had never heard before. Most
people don't get to the point of pissing Duo off. Heero's mouth snapped
shut, and he wiped some of my spit off his face. Bad timing. "If he's
really gay, you're wasting your time, and if he's not then... you know
what? Fuck this. I'm outie. Here." He tossed to six-pack on Heero's bed.
"Extra energy for you two hetero-sluts. Best of luck." He pulled back from
the window and climbed down. As soon as I could poke my head out, he had
disappeared, one of Duo's special magic tricks.
As for Heero, he was filled with an impure, unadulterated rage at best. And
at best, I knew I didn't want to be there. I began to back up slowly,
trying to slip out of his door unnoticed.
"Thanks a lot, Mel. You really fucked this up for me, you know that?"
"Oh, right, like you didn't fuck things up for me. I was about to have sex
with you, and then you fucking tell me you're gay? What the hell is that
Heero?"
He sighed, running one hand through his bangs. Goddamn, he's hot. If I
hadn't fucked this up for him so badly, I'd take him, right here and right
now. I stayed close to the wall. This was my fault. I was so fucked. "Look,
I know that this didn't work out the best of ways for you, and I'm sorry,
okay? But... I mean... you make me happy, as a friend. You tell great jokes
and you make me laugh. But Duo... I mean, Duo just makes me happy, you
know? I know my parents would hate it, but I mean this isn't
experimentation. I'm not just using him for sex or anything like that. I
really do love him." He looked up at me, and for the first time, I thought
I could see a tear running down one cheek. "I'm sorry this worked out
shitty for you, but... I was just so happy to finally be with him, you
know?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I felt like the biggest bitch ever. Even
bigger than that Relena chick, or Lizzie Borden who sliced up her parents.
I felt horrible for taking away his happiness. I nodded back to him. "It'll
be okay," I whispered. I knew I had to pull a little magic of my own, and I
slipped out his bedroom door silently, and left him alone. I knew he would
cry.
I ran through his backyard and hopped the fence. I ran down the street
until I could feel a battery acid burn flowing through my veins. Blood
pounded in my brain and sweat slithered down my forehead as I ran all the
way to Duo's place.
I stopped in front of his door, and knew that this would take some effort.
I'd been here before, and I knew that he would come back home. I just had
to get to his room. I walked around for a little while, until I caught
sight of a ladder, leaning against his neighbor's fence. I climbed up it,
and jumped to Duo's windowsill. The window slid open easily, and I tumbled
into his bedroom with less grace than I had hoped.
Duo was standing in his closet, wearing no shirt, with his back to me, and
his braid hanging down past his ass. "Go away," he muttered. He didn't even
know who I was, hadn't even turned around. He pulled on a T-shirt, and
glanced behind him. "Oh, fuck. What the hell do you want?"
I swallowed hard again. I was trying to catch my breath, but it was caught
in my throat. I stepped closer to him, but I still didn't know what to say.
I knew what I should do. I knew what I could do. Oh, fuck it. I did it.
I kissed him.
I have to say that it was not overly difficult to do, or even conceive of
doing. I'd fantasized about kissing him once or twice after I'd met him,
and never found myself curious as to what Heero found so appealing about
him. The fact that he was gay couldn't stop me. I had a mission. Duo's
hands fought to push me away, but I caught his face in my hands and pulled
him closer. I ran my tongue over his lips, and slid my hair into his bangs
and down his chest, and it wasn't until then that he managed to shove me
away. He was a strong little fellow, and I ended up slamming into his bed
and bouncing back off and hitting the floor. Not the most fun little
escapade either, believe you me, as I landed on the iron of the bed frame.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"You're even!" I exclaimed. He stared at me. "You and Heero. You're even. I
forced him to kiss me, and I forced you to kiss me, so now you're both
even. Go back to square one, that place you were before I fucked it up. Go
back to his house now, and drink your Bawls and be happy, goddammit!
Because I want you two to be happy. Together."
"Mel, it doesn't work that way."
"Why fucking not? He didn't want to kiss me! He felt sorry for me because I
stumbled into his room after my mom got pissed at me. You two are so
amazing together. I wish I could find someone to look at me the way Heero
looks at you, when he knows that no one else will know. I wish that I could
go to bed knowing that the next day, there would be someone there to hold
me in their arms and whisper nothings into my ears, even if they meant
something." I could feel myself crying now, but I didn't stop. "I wish I
could wake up every day and look forward to seeing someone the way you do,
and I don't want you two to break up over something stupid like this. You
guys are perfect for each other. Take it and run with it for Christ's sake!
Don't let me or your parents, or anyone else stand in the way." I got
quiet, and I stared straight into Duo's eyes as I said the final words.
"Run with it."
And so, they did.
That night, the two of them hopped a transport to L3, far away from here.
They set up shop, and built a whole new life, away from here. Neither of
them finished high school, but neither of them had to. They tested their
ways to a degree, and now they run a club called The Mine Shaft Gap,
something of a safe haven for gay and lesbian teens on the colony. I'm
really proud of them. They write me all the time, and I write them back. As
soon as I graduate, I'm going to pack up and live there with them. But that
will be awhile.
My mother and I haven't spoken of the Frozen Turkey Incident in quite some
time. She did temporarily ship me off to an alcoholism clinic, which I
despised and didn't need, but agreed to anyway, because I didn't want to be
at my house. We also haven't eaten turkey in quite awhile. She's figured
out that living here is just my way of biding my time until I can get out
and sing my new diamond song in the world after high school.
And all we can do is be cool with that.
Happy Thanksgiving, kids. Enjoy your turkeys.