Hello people. This is something I've had on my system for quite some time but whenever I wanted to post it I got scared that it wasn't finished or good enough and decided not to. Today I have worked up the courage to actually post it. Please enjoy and leave a comment if you liked it. No flames pls.
Shepard stared at her console with worry. Maybe not just worry, anticipation, anxiousness, a little bit of happiness but most of all, fear. These were not emotions a daughter was meant to feel when receiving a mail from their father.
She read it again for what must have been the 7th time.
Commander Shepard.
It is my understanding that you will be docked at the Citadel today. I wish to meet up and inspect your progress thus far in your search for Saren.
Master Chief.
It was signed with his signature. 'Master Chief'. He was actually an admiral by this point, a very well respected admiral but everyone just called him Master Chief.
He was the hardest man to please. He was never unfair or cruel, just very difficult to impress. He was also her father and she hadn't seen him or heard from him in over 7 years. She had heard of him, the news never seemed to stop talking about him and his endless train of achievements that built up daily.
Slightly shaken she reached for the ships intercom. She took a calming breath before talking, using her commander voice to convey that this was important. "Everyone, can I have your attention please. We will be entertaining an admiral when we arrive at the Citadel. I need this ship spotless and everyone presentable. I mean it, not a speck of dust."
After making the call she set about cleaning her spotless room. Making sure everything was straight and in order, the fish were fed and the hamster was getting exercise.
She could already imagine him inspect her room, as he did so often when she was younger and he was actually at home. He would comment on the smallest thing.
Seeing a slightly overweight hamster would give him more than enough to say. Most likely something along the lines of: 'You can barely keep your pet in shape, how do you plan on keeping your soldiers in shape?'
It also wouldn't do well to see a dead fish in the tank.
'Why would you waste money on something that you didn't plan on keeping alive?' She could hear the words spoken as if he were already there.
As soon as that was done she began the process of triple checking her armour and making sure it was factory new. As in: newer than the factory that made it.
The armour became the cleanest it had ever been. She then attacked her bed with a vernier and a spirit level.
All in all it took a little less than fifteen minutes to turn her already military-perfect room into something that could only be in found in a catalogue.
Being extra careful not to disturb anything, she left the room and went about inspecting the rest of the ship. The elevator ride was slower than usual and Jane quietly wondered if she could get Tali to speed it up.
Not bothering to second guess herself, she did just that and went straight to the engine room. Tali was speaking to some of the engineers.
"Tali!" Shepard called surging forward with quick steps.
The engineers broke off their conversation, blissfully unaware of Shepard's anxiety.
"Yes, commander?" Tali asked, smiling beneath her helmet.
"I need you to speed up the elevator." Shepard said quickly.
Even with the visor, Shepard saw Tali blink at the order. "Shepard?" She asked as if making sure she had heard right.
"When the admiral gets here, I don't need him complaining about a slow elevator of all things." Shepard explained.
"Shepard, the elevator moves slow to accommodate larger weights, if we speed it up it might not work at all." Tali explained.
Shepard let out a silent curse. "Can you upgrade it just for a day?" Shepard pleaded.
Tali seemed to want to scratch her head. "I might be able to." At this point Tali suddenly noticed the anxiety pouring off of Shepard. "Shepard, uh... are you okay?" She asked a little hesitantly.
Shepard let out a small sigh, feeling tension build up in her shoulders. "I'm fine." She said calmly.
I'M FREAKING OUT! She shouted silently.
She smiled at Tali, though the quarian didn't look too convinced, and left the engine room.
As soon as she got into the garage she began to panic again, there was a pile of weapons on the table. Ashley was going through them as her job description decreed but it was the sheer amount of weapons that made Shepard panic.
She briefly wondered why no-one was helping her. Glancing around the cargo deck, she felt her blood pressure rise. Garrus was buried under the Mako, surrounded by parts and tools. Wrex was nowhere to be seen and the requisitions officer was busy flirting with one of the navigation officers.
Not bothering with the two officers, for now, she rushed to Ashley.
The gunnery Chief looked up as Shepard approached. "Hey skipper, something wrong?" She asked, noticing the anxiety in Shepard's walk.
Shepard thought of a nice way to ask the question, but found that she couldn't think while stressed. "How long is it going to take to finish with all these weapons?"
Ashley, much like Tali, blinked at the question. Unlike Tali, Ashley glanced at the weapons, thinking of an answer. "Probably about 3 or 4 hours."
Shepard did some calculations in her head. They would be arriving on the citadel in just over 2 hours.
She gave a nervous smile to Ashley, which came off more as a grimace. "Let's see if we can cut that time in half." Shepard immediately plopped down and got to work faster than she thought herself possible.
Ashley blinked several times as Shepard took apart, cleaned and reassembled the guns with an efficiency that she never thought existed.
In the end, with Shepard's help, Ashley finished 4 hours of work in just over an hour and fifteen minutes.
When they were done, Shepard looked a mess with grease and gun oil. Ashley simply sat dumfounded and staring at the commander.
Shepard took a few deep breaths then locked eyes with Ashley. The commanders eyes filled with panic as if she only just remembered something.
"Ashley, get up to the top levels, tell everyone to get into dress uniforms and line up when we arrive on the citadel." She said.
Ashley blinked again. Before she could even question if Shepard was mentally okay, the commander jumped up and sprinted to the Mako where Garrus was still putting it back together.
"Garrus, need some help there buddy." Shepard said with a nervous chuckle.
Garrus didn't even reply and Shepard was already diving onto the tools and began putting the Mako back together with the efficiency and accuracy of a factory robot.
Garrus stood up and took a step back, watching the commander run around the transport several times, tightening every single bolt and shining every single spec.
What would have taken him almost an hour, Shepard did in little more than half that amount.
Once done Shepard look a sorry state of oil and sweat. She locked onto Garrus quickly. "Garrus, get a dress uniform on now!" She ordered loudly.
Garrus' widened slightly at the harsh order. He was quick to obey and ran off to complete his mission.
The next fifteen minutes consisted of Shepard running around the ship getting everything spotless and getting everyone into some formal wear.
5 minutes before docking with the citadel Shepard was in her shower getting cleaned up and dressed.
Just as she tied her shoe and cleaned the last of her bathroom, Joker's voice came over the intercom. "We have just docked with the citadel, commander." There was a small pause. "The admiral was waiting for us." He said.
Shepard's eyes went wide and her heart began hammering in her chest. 'He was waiting!' Her mind shouted. How long? Were they late? Is he angry?
'shit shit shit shit shit shit shit' Her mantra continued as she sprinted from the elevator, passed the crew that was lining up and stood right in front of the airlock.
The crew gave her unusual glances but said nothing and stood at attention as she instructed.
Her ground crew took up position behind her and stood at attention as well. Kaidon and Ashley stood at perfect attention. Liara and Tali seemed confused and were trying to mimic them, rather successfully, Shepard noted. Meanwhile Garrus and Wrex held their respective military salutes.
Wrex didn't seem at all concerned or even care the slightest bit but was behaving, Shepard made a mental not to take him out to dinner. Garrus seemed just as confused as the rest of the crew about the commander's anxiety, maybe even a little concerned.
The Normandy docked finally and the last of the crew ran to line up with the rest. The only one who was not lined up was Joker but he was able to get his dress uniform on at least.
Shepard took a deep breath as the airlock opened to reveal two figures, one was impossibly imposingly big and the other seemed to be a regular soldier. The soldier was carrying what looked to be a heavy box of some type, but Shepard's entire focus was on the larger man.
Shepard held her breath, finding it difficult to breath. The larger figure walked forward, slowly, powerfully, his boots resounding in the perfect silence. He was easily 3 feet taller than she was. His face was perfectly neutral and spoke of a long military career. His brown hair had their greying sides and spoke of age but his physique belittled this feature.
The man came to a stop a few feet from Shepard. As soon as he stopped, Shepard snapped to attention, followed by the rest of the crew, in almost perfect synchronisation. Shepard made a note to buy everyone a drink for that.
The admiral did not say anything at first and simply stared at Shepard. His brown eyes bore into her own despite the fact that she did not look at him directly.
Shepard didn't blink or move. This was how he raised her, from what little time he actually did spend with her. She never said: Hello daddy or I love you daddy. Hell she couldn't even remember him ever giving her a hug.
She still remembered watching other children in school, hugging their parents. She had tried it once, he had simply waited for her to finish then walked off without a word. Then she had begun saluting him and that at least managed to get him to nod at her.
After a few moments the admiral finally spoke. "At ease, commander." He said, letting his eyes graze over her crew disinterestedly.
Shepard dropped the salute but kept her back ramrod straight, not daring to give even the slightest bit of casualness.
"This inspection is merely a formality." He continued again, locking onto her. "My report has already been written and delivered."
This time Shepard did blink, her eyes unintentionally rising to meet his own. He caught her eyes and she swore he looked disappointed. She quickly averted her eyes to their previous location.
"You may dismiss your crew and ground team. I do however wish to speak to you." He said then waited for her to do so.
Shepard swallowed thickly and turned to everyone else. They all seemed shocked at the admiral's words, even if they had remained silent. "Everyone is dismissed. Have some shore leave, we leave in 2 days." She said. Her voice was commanding but her voice seemed softer. She needed those two days to recover from this meeting. She knew it. Saren be damned, she would need it.
It took a moment but everyone began shifting away, either back to their stations or past the admiral and onto the citadel.
The admiral looked to the private at his side. "Private, I'll take that off your hands, you are dismissed."
The private silently handed the package to the admiral and saluted before walking off.
"Commander, is there a place where we may speak privately." The admiral asked, keeping the package under his arm.
Shepard didn't dare speak and gave a small nod and led the admiral to her cabin. The walk was spent in perfect silence, with the exception of his heavy footsteps. Shepard felt something inside her sink. Here she was, a commander of a ship, reduced to a little girl at the sight of her father.
Everyone wanted to please their father and Shepard was far from an exception. She had tried, very hard, to please her father. It all started with that one day she saluted him instead of hugging him.
She tried to become a soldier, just like him, she went to basic he said nothing but paid for the tuition. She went to advanced basic, he nodded and paid for the tuition. She became a commando and he awarded her with a medal but never said a single other word on the subject. She became spec-ops and he said nothing, she went to officer's school and that was the last time she spoke to him.
After that she only had one more level to climb and she became an N7 graduate. Now she was a damned war hero and a spectre to boot.
She had the best military record in the entire alliance navy, second only to his own... but none of it was good enough for him. He never told her he was proud of her, never smiled at her accomplishments, never gave her the attention a father was meant to give a daughter.
He never even told her that he loved her.
Now he was here. Talking to her as if she was the greatest disappointment he had ever seen.
By the time the elevator had reached her cabin a tear had escaped her eye and her shoulders had sagged significantly. If he had noticed then he said nothing.
He stepped into her cabin first and glanced around taking in every detail. Jane followed two steps behind.
"I see you finally got that hamster I said I would never buy for you." He said glancing at her hamster as it ran on its wheel, blissfully unaware of the giant man looking down at it.
She felt something tug at her lips. It was hard to believe that he actually remembered that she always wanted a hamster.
"His name is Henry." Jane said softly, knowing full well he had heard her even if he didn't show it.
She watched as his head lifted slightly from her hamster to look at her collection of medals and awards. One for first place in track, another for first in archery, another for first in a high jump, one for the officers academy with highest honours, then one for second place in a math Olympiad.
"I remember that day." He said pointing to her only second place trophy.
'Of course he would remember the only event where I came in second.' Her mind silently lamented.
"You wouldn't stop accusing the winner of cheating." He said.
Shepard took a deep breath to banish the memory from her mind. "Dad, why are you here?" She asked shortly.
Slowly he turned to her but this time she held his gaze, despite angry tears threatening to drop from her eyes. She just wanted him off of her ship so she could grab a drink, get drunk and forget that he ever came here.
"Excuse me?" He asked. It sounded like a warning.
Shepard was feeling a bit too emotional to care about the warning. "You and I haven't spoken in over seven years. I was happy pretending you don't exist and I know you've been doing the same. So why are you here?" She snapped, tears ran down her cheeks unhindered.
His eyes narrowed slightly, he pointed his free hand at her. "Don't take that tone with me, Isabelle." He warned.
"My name is Jane!" She snapped to correct him. It was one of the things she had tried to get his attention. Obviously it was met with mixed results.
He took a step forward forcing her to take step back, and even stumble in the process, but she didn't take her eyes off of him. "Your name is Isabelle Sierra Mendez. It is the name I gave you and it is the name I will address you by!" He snapped with enough authority to make her lower her head and avert her eyes.
Shepard took a few deep breaths to try and control herself.
After a moment he reached into his pocket and handed her a handkerchief. "Wipe your face; you know I hate it when you cry." He said calmly. She accepted the cloth silently and did as he instructed, wiping her tears away.
"As to the reason I am here." He said in a softer tone. Shepard let herself look at him. "Is it really so hard to believe that I just wanted to see my daughter." He asked.
She would have laughed if she hadn't thought he was serious. "Yes it is." She said.
"Well believe it." He said and held out the box in his hands. "Unless I'm mistaken, today is your birthday." He said.
Shepard blinked wondering if she had perhaps misheard. She had honestly forgotten she even had a birthday. When was the last time she had even celebrated the darn thing... she couldn't even remember celebrating it in the first place.
She took the box a little hesitantly, glancing at him every so often, as if waiting for the punch line.
"You forgot didn't you." He said.
"It's hard to remember something you've never celebrated." She muttered.
"Whose fault is that?" He asked with a raised brow.
"Yours." She said outright. "You never bothered to plan anything on the day." She said, making a mental note to put today on her calendar.
"You never said you wanted to do something." He argued neutrally.
"You never asked if I wanted to do something." She shot back feeling the tiniest bits of a smile come to her lips.
"Open your damn present before I take it back and give it to someone else." He said, ending the argument easily.
She resisted the urge to roll her eyes, knowing full well that it would only lead to a long argument if he saw the action, and opened the brown industrial box to find... another box. The second box was covered in military green wrapping paper with golden bow on top.
She raised her eyes to him. "Really? Seven years and this is what you bring me?" The fact that she got anything was a miracle.
He stared on neutrally, showing no emotion whatsoever.
She pulled the present apart and looked inside. Her brow creased as she glanced at him then back into the box. She moved over to her desk and put the box down. She reached inside carefully, pulling out a figurine set. Two small figures stood on the small pedestal, both were easy to recognise.
The larger of the two figures was him, standing at parade, decked out in the old standard N7 armour, formally known as Mjolnir mark IV power armour.
The smaller of the two figures was her, wearing her own N7 armour. She didn't have a helmet and was smiling one of her happiest smiles. Her figurine was leaning casually on the taller while her father's figurine simply stood, all imposing as always. She put it down on her table and simply stared at it.
"I know I've never been a good father, Isabelle." She heard him start talking. She didn't turn to look at him but continued to stare at the small figurines. "It was never my intention to be a bad father. Your mother..." There was a pause. "...she wanted a child, I didn't. I was afraid that I wouldn't be the parent that the child deserved. I was right. You deserved a better father, one that would have been there for you when you needed it. One that would have shown you the care and love you deserved."
Shepard felt more tears come down her eyes. She slowly turned to see her father stand proud and tall despite his words.
"I never knew the first thing about being a father, I still don't." He admitted. "It's too late for me to make amends but I want to let you know: I am extremely proud of you, even if you had amounted to nothing in life I would still have been proud of you."
Shepard stared at him with watery eyes and he simply stared back ready to take whatever she could throw at him.
After a moment she felt a smile come to her face, a sob shook her body. "27 years I waited to hear you say that." She mumbled, holding her breath to stop another sob.
What happened next she was not sure actually happened. He moved forward and wrapped his arms around her. It felt surreal actually, to have her father hug her. He was hard as stone and warm as an idling engine. He smelled of expensive cologne that she would be able to recognise anywhere. His heart was strong, loud and steady. All of it combined that Shepard, for the first time that she could remember, felt like he was trying to show some affection.
She became painfully aware of how much larger he was than her. His forearm was easily as big as her head, just as it had been since she was 4. It was poetic in a way.
One of his hands rose up to gently stroke her hair.
"I'm sorry I took so long, sweetie." He said softly. What little restraints Shepard had left broke along with her heart. Her hands came up to grip his shirt with white knuckles and she began to cry freely into his chest.
Let me know what you thought in the comments, no flames.